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Should've named her 'Badger' as she attacks everything in sight. Gotta somehow teach her to settle down a bit. As soon as I lay down on the couch she jumps over and attacks both my hands and my feet in a friendly manner, but it still hurts a lot. She has too much energy but that is a good thing. She is healing up. I encountered two more kittens in the park with eye infection. Gave them some Doxycyline. Buy the look of things, their eyes will most likely heal up.

His immortal words: “I’m pretty sure, I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure if you die, the cancer dies at the same time. That’s not a loss. That’s a draw.”

I've found these in my folder.

Serial Experiments Lain (1998). This mixed look of mild confusion, skepticism, discomfort, and maybe exhaustion was basically me the whole time... ...because I'm not sure I get it and I don't really understand what's going on yet. However... ...I'm trusting what this other lady said, because the show does seem...interesting? I'm not a hundred percent sure. It's only 13 episodes long. First episode was very slow and understated but also surreal and off-putting (intentionally). The art and animation is neat...and weird. A show trying to have scenes like the ones in this show (blending "normal reality" and surrealism) would look cheap and awful in anything but animation. Meanwhile, I'm the opposite - without the movie, the show would be sitting at more like a 6, but the movie was like...a 4/10 at best and dragged the overall rating down to a 5.5 for me, . Alright, Rose of Versailles time. Man, this dad is already making me think a little too much of Eriko's uncle... Low-key a little terrifying. Yeah, this intro with its visuals and the mention roses and stuff is giving me some flashbacks to Utena. "All were blissfully unaware that in 20 years, the French Revolution would take place." Whoa, spoiler alert, narrator lady! Man, one thing I really wish anime would never, ever do again is half-draw lips. Full lips? Fine by me. Just a line? Also cool. This half-there crap? Always looks just terrible to me. If you think any character's face (male, female, animal, monster, it does not matter) looks better like this... ...vs just a simple and solid line (and there are more options than this but this is as simple and quick as you can get)... ...then you're completely out of your danged mind as far as I'm concerned, . Okay, back to Lady Asuka. Oh, her father just threw her down a flight of stairs for expressing her own opinion - Eriko's uncle clone confirmed. Except that unlike Eriko, the framing of this show so far doesn't seem to suggest her father is really supposed to be a villain...but maybe that's because her father won't be around long enough for it to matter? And we're already having dumb pride fights in the first episode between Lady Asuka and the other guy. Fighting for pride has to be one of my least favorite conventions in any character - can't help but instantly read the character in question as a dimwit. Slappo. Uh, wait, why is Lady Asuka being charged with treason? Are duels really treason-worthy, especially if they don't even end up with anyone getting killed or even crippled? Whatever. "If you say not to wear it, rebellious Asuka will surely do the opposite?!" Yeah, I don't know, I probably woulda thought you were dumb enough to fall for that...LMAO, he absolutely decked her right in the face...AND AGAIN! ...And again. I guess that's what she needed to work out her problems. Uh, yeah, I don't know, this isn't terrible by any means, but it's probably not for me, .

Great news, I have just got my second Pfizer jab....yaaaaaaaaaay Its the beginning to finally being able to get my life back to " normal ". I can at least go to bars, restaurants and customers with less anxiety

You nailed it... 70's Klingon (the ones on the left and back) 80's Klingon. Notice the change in hairstyle!

I appreciate how there's a multitude of different ways to approach most situations, that's always been the hallmark of a good RPG in my view.

Summons and Mind Control (charm/dominate which is basically like getting a summon while taking away an enemy) are very impactful - especially if your ressources are basically endless and you can recast that stuff over and over again. Summons/controlled enemies take heat away from you, help control the battlefield and also can deal damage. I have no brilliant idea how I would change them in order to make them more balanced. In this case I think there's a fine line between "feels too good" and "feels boring/useless".

"Snake Plissken" would also have been acceptable.

alchemy is always a safe backup choice, because anyone can make use of healing potions and getting extra healing out of them is really handy. extra duration is nice on the other stuff, but it's not exactly world-changing the way high-level arcana can be; i don't go all-in on alchemy normally unless i have someone that i really want to take advantage of poisons or drugs (really sucks to run out of drugs in the middle of a fight). edit: for folks coming in from poe1, time is very different in deadfire. one drug with long duration could last many fights in poe1. in deadfire even with long duration, you might be hard-pressed to get more than two. it's been long enough that i don't quite remember athletics' effectiveness in poe1 anymore, but 1 or 2 points in athletics broadly is great simply because without it you don't get Second Wind at all. You get maximum return for those first two points, since having everyone with a near-instant once/encounter minor healing potion is pretty nice for easing your progress. there is one DLC armor in SSS that gives you increasing returns for investing in athletics (-1% recovery bonus per point). something to possibly consider. if you have trouble juggling potions, investing in athletics can be better than alchemy, even though alchemy might have better overall outcomes at mid-higher investment than athletics. i love explosives. they are great. they reward you for heavy investment. not quite the exponential way like arcana, but still a blast (pun intended). Notably, Cinder Bombs are relatively easy to make (you can buy the ingredients in Nekataka and you make them in batches) and have the special effect that they automatically interrupt everyone when it first blows up (e.g. no attack roll, so even at 1% chance to hit you still interrupt them). So they are always useful, and getting increased damage and blinding duration from its aftereffects can make any fight bend in your favor real fast. The really high-level bombs can cause some serious mayhem in your favor, too (lightning, implosion, and frost). The lowly fiery bombs (i forgot the english name i'm only playing in german now ) also really need the help of dedicated investment to keep up with enemy AR in mid-high game, and also reward you with lots of damage. you can even use it to heal! by the time i get to BoW i have tons of spirit stuff and i'm churning out the healing bombs and they are great on backup characters to supplement heals if i get hit with a lot of burst damage. easier to replenish than healing scrolls. only "problem" is in boss fights it gets real easy for me to dump my inventory too quickly and it takes me a while to replenish. due to action economy issues, i would recommend bombs only on martial classes and defensive/buff-oriented casters. offensive casters and debuffers will be too busy doing anything else to use bombs.

Following on of me finding utterly random stuff on the internet that catches my attention....

Just some items that crossed my mind while building my base. *Glass like material from insect wings iridescent insect glass door and windows gothic rose insect window skylight roof *Paper like Material = From a paper birch tree bark maybe where you can carve this material. It spawns like the sap clump. sprig shoji screen doors paper boat for carrying grass and sticks across the pond without relying on the zipline *architectural beams = stick beams, clay beams, clay arches, pebble arches, mushroom arches *autumn leaf = oak tree seems to be carrying them, dunno why this is not a thing yet. autumn leaf walls, floors, doors, and roof *Floor Doors *More Lighting Options bigger chandeliers, up lighting, strip lighting. *Pantry/fridge = made from mint maybe, preserves bug meat longer, frozen smoothies upgades duration. *bar tables with storage, and bar chairs *venus flytrap trap = attracts gnats for passive gnat meat farm *water features= fountain, aquarium(grows moss outside pond, shrimp pet.) *musical furniture= web harp, acorn cello *decorative ground cover

So I sacrificed Kana to the blood pool in POE1. And in POE2, I wanted to TELL his sister what I did to him, before sacrificing her on the altar. The problem is that once you tell Maia that you dissolved Kana into a grotesque pool of living blood, she leaves. Is there no way to let Maia KNOW what happened to Kana AND sacrifice her to Skaen? I was also wondering how many siblings Kana and Maia has in total. If there is a POE3, can I finish the job? Or would they have to make POE4+5 too or something? I mean, maybe this is a bit psychopathic I don't know. But I thought it would be kinda funny, in a dark humor kinda way, to sacrifice Kana's entire sibling flock to Skaen.

for active skills: a couple skills i highly recommend just maxing out if you plan on using them at all (arcana, explosives). but most of them can be fine with just medium, shared investing, even the ones i just suggested as candidates for maxing out. definitely don't go with many skills with smaller investment. especially on higher difficulties, you need some scaling to make abilities usable in fights. the only exception is pickpocketing, which--even if you are big pickpocketer and have the berath's blessing--you're better off with just a few points and then putting the rest in stealth.

Reminds me I haven't turned my camera on on calls ever. So my coworkers haven't seen me in 18 months

In the past two months, I've spent a lot of hours coming up with a concept and variations of it for a project at work. Countless meetings and time spent writing documentation, messaging back and forth with the entire team. Hours upon hours of work. Yesterday we presented the options and costs to the management. For a while it was really touch and go, and then... we went all out, argued with all we had and then... management cancelled it.

Thank you Thank you Thank you I love this picture

Steins;Gate 9-11: I love how Hiyajo is smart enough to all but figure out what is going on. Damn it, can’t Okarin understand that it is already too late? And… I’m stupid to not have noticed before what always happens after the mysterious people appear. Well, it’s the second time only.

A former Dark Souls buddy got my handle wrong for the longest time, so yeah, I don't care if Cat or Coat xD

You mentioned problem with money @SirMirrorcoat . The best way to get money early, if I'm not mistaken, is to board merchant ships (lvl5 ones at your level, usually around port Maje and north to Neketaka). You get more loot when boarding instead of sinking them. At lvl10-12 you can take on lvl11 captains, which will drops lots of fine+ gear that sells for exponentially more than the lower quality counterparts. I'm lvl15 atm in my triple crown run, and I went out to take on a bunch of ships and that "one raid" alone got me like 70k gold of loot. Also, someone correct me if I'm wrong, targeting ANY ship at sea. Seemingly have NO reputation penalty with that faction at all. So I think the flags you can use for the different factions, is simply to have a tool to not have that faction attack you at sea. Maybe the logic is that there's no witnesses left alive to tell the tale. So basically. If you need money. Board every ship you see out there. Pirating is lucrative. Just remember to SAVE THE GAME in safe distance when approaching a ship, so you don't accidentally take on a high level ship you can't beat. EDIT: Also. I've read your name wrong all this time. I've read it as Sir Mirror Cat. So from now, if it's ok with you. I will call you cat

I think that the Dragon Pendant and Cloak of the Theocrat are the only unique items that you can only find by searching loot sites on the world map. You can also find other items like the Trollhide Belt, but those items are also available from stores, pick pocketing and dropped loot from kills. Cloak of the Theocrat is a great early game item if you can find it, since it gives +1 to INT and RES. It is attainable by saving before searching and reloading (ad infinitum) if you have the patience for this. You can also get the spyglass from these sites, although that's not unique, since you can buy one in Neketaka.

Oh, that looks promising, thanks a million. I'll see what I can do with it on the weekend!

In terms of at least character design/stylization, it's like halfway through that very late 90s, early 2000s mass re-stylization that was happening around that time that I generally think makes everything from around that period look like garbage, but it's like...just before the critical point where it would actually bother me, which makes sense because it's 1998 instead of...you know, 2002 or something. Probably helps a lot that it's in some pretty quality HD. Anyways, through one episode so far, and I'm pretty sure I can jive with it. Another one of those cases where I'm glad the show doesn't look quite like the posters, because I think the posters look stylistically much worse than the actual show does (a la Sakura). Not, uh, not the kind of poster I'd ideally want to provide the first look at a show, personally, . No kidding. Keep it simple, stupids. That must be why she pains me so right off the bat, . It'll never be as obnoxious and hateable as a more modern shonen show, of course, just because the entire style of the show may as well occur in a completely different medium compared to something modern, but still. To me, it basically felt like the equivalent of...Rebuild of Evangelion 2.0, where it's super fast-paced and lacks the stuff that made the original show enjoyable in any way, it's SORT OF re-telling the same story but also adding some new things that mostly don't work and are just kind of annoying, and really, it just felt like an insult to my intelligence after having suffered through the original show. I would have preferred to not have seen it and that is about as bad of a way to cap off a series as you can get, .

democrats don't vote... or such was the ordinary case until the last Presidential election. one reason why arnold schwarznegger won the office o' governor in a recall election is 'cause democrats didn't vote then either. in the past, democrats rare came out to vote unless a candidate somehow did the unthinkable and inspired hope. am thinking the gop needs be a bit concerned. all their shenanigans with voting restrictions and past gerrymandering is gonna be for naught in national elections if democrats come out and vote, 'cause math says there is more democrats than republicans. elder's "un-california" policies, which a few years ago woulda' been sounding all kinda fringe even for a gop candidate, were all kinda trumpy. not fringe. in california, democrats did what they almost never do: they voted. the reason why they voted is 'cause the polarization embraced by the nation has a significant % o' people genuine afraid what will happen to them if the other guys win. counter-intuitive, but trump is good for democrats. trump candidates and trump and trump politics has people frightened enough to vote. no longer need a democrat candidate who inspires hope. trumpy candidates inspire enough fear to convince democrats to vote. ... california is also one o' those states which mails ballots to pretty much every age-appropriate individual with a valid driver's license. ca might be misleading, but georgia during the last presidential election saw historic kinda turnout and that were after stacy abrahms successful championed near universal managed mail-in ballots sent to folks with a valid driver's license. democrats in washington dc maybe need be a bit more strategic and focused with their voting rights efforts. trump candidates is gonna encourage democrats who typical do not bother to vote to exercise the franchise. even so, is human nature to be lazy. the more hurdles there is to voting, the less likely young people in particular will do so. am knowing democrats wanna enshrine a laundry list o' voting rights to endure for perpetuity, but am thinking if you get legislation passed which would guarantee universal mail-in registration/ballots, that would be an enormous win and coupled with trumpy candidates who has democrats afraid the next senator or President is gonna be a pro-insurrectionist and anti-vaxxer is enough motivation to convince democrats to use their mail-in options. HA! Good Fun!

I think the Dragon Pendant is indeed the only equippable item with enchantments that's random loot. Never thought about it - but now I tried to remember some other such items but couldn't come up with anything.

Pig-bunny? Can I have one?

Clannad 2 Moar girls, the best friend gets his ass kicked again, and we find out why the protagonist hates his dad. I'm not gripped, but I'm not despising it. The dad is pretty ****ty, but he's far from the worst anime dad as Gendo sweeps the competition, Ging is the worst who isn't actively malicious, and as dark horse

Mhm... Ocarina of Time, yeah, I can see how that would be scary when you're really young. OOT was one of these magical experiences for me. Like, I don't know, watching Sailor Moon. Except for a certain season we should really leave unmentioned in the future. That was a bad idea. HOURS. I randomly had the idea after thinking about whether or not there'll ever be an anime that I would hate but you would like. I'm not sure something like that would exist. The inverse is obviously true, and there was born the idea to make a Venn diagram out of it. I had Utena next to Kill la Kill for a while, but then deleted it because it looked like you were about to change your rating based on KP's postings. Well, and because a what was it, 5.5 isn't really all that resounding. It doesn't really fit into the bleed through because it's still in the "majestic likes this" circle even if it is just barely and only because of the movie. Only the anime before the ending? Yes, probably. It's an unclear case, way too much of an anomaly to be real evidence. Somewhere in between the tentacle porn and the ecchi stuff, because there wasn't enough space to add "useless action things" or "incoherent messes" and all that. But KP's answer is awesome, so I'll go with that one.

Checked it in-game. The enchantment does affect the retaliation damages, BUT it does not show on the item description. The combat logs show it works correctly though. Anyway, thank you for pointing it because I spotted that I had forgotten lowering the damages of the purifying flame upgrade.

Over here our TVs kinda transitioned from centimetres to inches around the time plasma supplanted CRTs. Which might be a little backwards but it at least unified the TV world with the monitor world (which has used inches for as long as I remember).

How The Wheel of Time Adapts a Sprawling Epic Fantasy - Den of Geek

Encased is a very good RPG and a fascinating world to explore. It is probably the best rpg I have played this year.

We refer to them in inches as the model numbers are usually named in inches.

Remember the one eyed kitten? I ended up adopting her. She got stiches 7 days ago. Gotta get them removed this friday. I named her 'Boss' because...Metal Gear!

I usually do it this way, as the skills are beneficial for not only battles, but also scripted encounters. 1) Mechanics, almost always , my MC focuses on mechanics, (alongside Berath's Blessings for +2 stats) so I acquire the good equipment early on. Namely, in Nekataka you can steal some nice stuff very early on 2) Stealth - this goes hand in hand with mechanics, is useful for rogue types, as well as scripted encounters. Usually, my "mechanics' character will open stuff, then the stealth character will loot it 3) Athletics - give this to at least one person, does not have to be the tank even. Useful all around for scripted events , and certain equipment benefits 4) Alchemy / Arcana, - Honestly, i rarely use scrolls, potions, or drugs, but they are very good. For example, scroll of maelstrom lets you win almost any encounter. Scroll of avenging storm is equally fun. I would experiment with these and find which you like. Arcana is the safer choice because drug crash time is really annoying (albeit potions do not have this side effect) 5) I never use explosives, and there are few scripted encounters that require it, to the best of my knowledge. Some players like them. In terms of skills and equipment, find the ones you like and max them. Do check the wikis , because at a certain point, skill boosts max out or become negligible for items such as the Cladu -whatever large shield that uses Athletics.

New Warhamster Total War trailer https://youtu.be/033FWxL22A0

yeah, i don't know how much you played poe1 if at all, but one major change is that you definitely need a little bit of offense because otherwise fights can go on for literally forever. At least in PoE1, health/endurance means that all fights have to eventually end (and was pretty much the only way I triple-crowned solo with my paladin in many fights). there are a few bosses here and there that can be extremely annoying if the fight goes on enough that their AI script starts looping (Neriscyrlas's casting of Llengrath's Safeguard for example).

My waist continues to shrink bit by bit, even tho the scale keeps saying I've hardly lost any weight. So weird. I can fit into some very old pants/shorts again. In another month or two maybe I'll fit into those zippered-leg snow/ski pants I wore that were a little loose when i was 13 (mid-20's they were slightly snug). Yes, that's right, I kept snowpants for 40 years. Only wore them a few times. Waste not!

The game UI is a esoteric way to look at the world

Pretty much every story that it might be useful to have an empath (and where I guess they don't need Troi to be traumatized somehow) sidelines her. Even a story like "Disaster" that should have given her a chance to shine makes her look bad.

I am always impressed by gamers who are more than willing to play games knowing their are guaranteed bugs.....I cant do that, I would find it very annoying which is why I have my " 3 month " wait till I play any game rule " I cant imagine starting a game and then bugs cause me to not be able to complete it

Aaand it seems I lost a rather long reply because locking a thread just makes the forum software eat it. Anyway. RE: Horizon Zero Dawn. I thought the "main" plot point being predictable was intentional (anyone on this forum would figure it out within 30min of starting the game, I'm sure), where the game eventually ends up going was not something I was able to predict until at least a few major story missions in. I don't mind the walking simulator missions quite as much, though some were overlong exposition dumps and should probably have been spread out over more missions. Certainly prefer it over that very long one where they shoehorned some enemies in that shouldn't have been able to be there at all (that was kinda jarring). To me HZD's world feels more akin to S.T.A.L.K.E.R. rather than a "modern" open world game, and I think I personally prefer that approach over the "crammed with stuff"-design we tend to get nowadays. As to what I'm playing, still mostly, Final Fantasy XIV trying to get all jobs to max level before the expansion hits. I've also been back to building in Conan Exiles, it seems the server software has become a bit more stable, not sure if that's related to the big patches recently or the improvements brought by the Debian upgrade and potentially a newer Wine version but I had a server running for over a week without it going Out of Memory. (bets on how long it'll take before I have to eat those words are open ) Still haven't made it back to my Siptah-game, keep getting distracted by...ooooooh, good building spot!

Completed Solasta: Crown of the Magister. Solasta is a party-based RPG with four protagonists, closer to a dungeon-crawler or a tactical RPG, than other cRPGs. There are several NPCs who can temporarily (for one or two battles) join the party in combat. There are several classes, weapons, backgrounds and manners of speech. Backgrounds provide unique quests (1 per background) during the game. Most of the time the party uses auto-dialogue according to their personality tags, but there are dialogue options as well, which may affect the story. The main story is mostly linear (there are few choices), with new objectives appearing after completing the previous ones. There are several side quests. Combat is usually unavoidable (the game cannot be completed without it), but it is not possible to attack neutral or friendly NPCs without announcing your intention first (there is one exception, where the boss turned hostile after the party looted the room). In the situations when it is possible to use diplomacy, the XP reward is roughly equal to the one gained by killing the boss. The combat is turn-based with adjustable difficulty, from damage dealt to spell requirements to random encounters. There are also separate settings for AI. Maps are fully 3D and vertical movement is meaningful. The reputation system affects only the items available for purchase, but not the story. The crafting system is easy to understand and crafted equipment and consumables provide advantage without being balance-breaking. The graphics and sound are adequate, they fit the setting and do not distract from combat. The style is consistent and animations are expressive. GUI is comfortable to use, but relies mostly on the mouse and there are too few hotkeys. The controls are responsive and rebindable, 5-button mice are supported. Tutorials are easy to understand and helpful, but some important features are not mentioned, such as Identifying magical items. The number of save files is limited to 50 and they are located in AppData (why would a hidden folder) and names for custom characters cannot be repeated. I have encountered several small graphical glitches (animations not playing when speeded up; wrong portrait shown after combat), several small audio bugs (VA and subtitles did not match) and one softlock (during a late-game main quest, “The Mind of the Master”). Optimisation is lacking - frames per second dropped in areas with water, GPU temperature was high during gameplay. Completed Boyfriend Dungeon. Boyfriend Dungeon is a rogue-lite/dating-sim. There are 2 dungeons, 4 bosses, several equipment pieces. The MC's name and appearance are customizable, level progression is completely automatic and linear (higher level = more HP and higher damage). Difficulty depends on the PC's level, because nothing scales and it is easy to out-level everything. There are no penalties for defeat in dungeons, XP and loot acquired are kept. The controls are responsive and rebindable, 5-button mice are supported. The game uses 1 auto-save. There are 7 weapons that are unlocked as the story progresses. It is impossible to alienate or antagonise them, they love the MC no matter what and always available to use after acquiring them. Dialogue choices are rather limited, but often reflected in following dialogues. The main story itself relies heavily on the MC's passivity and lack of attention, while the main antagonist is extremely obvious and ridiculously incompetent. There is no in-game journal or log. In general, clearing 1 floor of a dungeon is enough to trigger next event. I have not encountered any significant bugs. Recommended on sale, because the game technically achieves what it states on the store page - there are weapons who are possible to date, randomly-generated dungeons offer action-based combat, despite both aspects being shallow. Replayed Mass Effect. Mass Effect is an action-RPG/cover-based third-person shooter. There are several classes, companions and weapon types. The game supports auto-/manual and quick saves. The character is customizable (class, equipment, appearance, background, first name). It runs on Windows 10. 2 DLC are available for free from the publisher's site*. The controls are rebindable, 4-button mice supported (the fifth button is not recognised). Some in-game bonuses (i.e. +10% to shields or weapon proficiencies) are locked behind in-game achievements (not Steam achievements). The dialogue system is lacking - the answer shown can be very different from the spoken line; sometimes the player can choose only the tone, but not the meaning. The vehicle, the Mako, has very unusual physics and controls. Replayed Dark Souls: Remastered. Still feels reasonably challenging and engaging. Also, unlike the Prepare to Die Edition, it is very comfortable to play with keyboard and mouse. Not sure, if I should repost my reviews here, but why not. Currently playing Black Legend. It is a tactical game with RPG elements. Good controls, combat, graphics, story, optimisation.

I played Hard West a few years ago. It's a decent enough game if you can get past the technical issues and quality of life, or lack there of, issues. I think this was the developers' first game. They followed this up with Phantom Doctrine, which was a much smoother experience.

I've been in a pretty dark place the past few days. The morning after Sunny's vet visit I woke up and just knew something was wrong. She never slept in the bed with me. She was allowed but preferred Tommy's orthopedic doggie bed in the living room by the bay window. That was where I found her. She passed away in her sleep. She was my best friend. I'll never forget her. I'm having a really hard time with this one. I know the realities of dogs and she has had health problems all her life. She was an adult when my ex-wife Stephanie and I found her snooping around the campground in Sugarloaf Key down in Florida. We were on our honeymoon. We were supposed to go scuba diving that day. But that morning Sunny befriended Tommy and we fed her. She was so skinny and desperately friendly. We took her to a local vet and had blood work, shots and exam. She was dehydrated and malnourished but otherwise in decent health. He thought she was around four years old but could have been as old as six. An hour later she had a bath, flea treatment, a collar, a name tag, and a whole new life. That was 2014. I never told you guys how my second marriage ended. I'll sum it up in one word: badly. My first marriage was like a bonfire. My fist wife... God I loved her. I would have done anything, said anything, paid any price to get past our problems. But like a bonfire as hot was it was it burned out slowly until there was just nothing left. I haven't spoken to my fist wife in thirteen years. She remarried a little while back. I truly hope she found the happiness she never did with me. But with Stephanie things were different. It felt more real. Not a bonfire but a hearthfire. Warm and sustainable and enduring. So I thought. It didn't burn out. A giant bucket of water was dumped on it. I woke up one morning thinking life was great. By sunset I knew it wasn't and never was. I cut off almost all contact with her. She tried to reach out to me so many times. In the weeks before the divorce I was polite but cold and curt to her. Since then I've said nothing at all and never responded when she tried to reach out to me. She has tried. as late as a year and a half ago. I have always been one to compartmentalize grief. I stack it all in a little room in my mind. Then lock the door and seal it off. Sometimes I anesthetized myself with bourbon to keep this little legion of sorrows from escaping their locked rooms. I told myself to focus all my energies on the positive things in life. My job. My business when I had one. My dogs always. I have none of those things now and I feel lost. Friday night in a moment of extreme weakness I sent Stephanie an e-mail telling her about Sunny. I rationalized it by telling myself Sunny was her dog too for a time and she deserved to know. But, I know I was just looking for someone to talk to. Someone who would understand. That was probably the worst thing I would have done. Five minutes later I never wanted to un-send an e-mail so much in my life. She has not responded which is, undoubtedly, for the best. With Sunny's passing all the little griefs and sorrows have broken out of their little rooms and I'm finding I can't deal with them all at once. I am missing Sunny, Tommy, Bela, Stephanie (not the real person, the person I thought she was), the business I didn't want to sell, even the job I disliked but it gave me something to focus on. I am having trouble falling asleep. Then I have trouble staying asleep. But I also have trouble staying awake. I'm a grown man. I should be DOING something not sitting here in an empty house crying about what can't be changed. The script is written. The ink is dry. But I don't know WHAT to do. Nothing feels right. I have been sorely tempted to just kill the brain cells where all this negativity is stored with whiskey. But I know that would be the wrong thing to do. I finally admitted to myself two years ago that my self control when it comes to booze is not all it could be (to put it mildly) and swore off of it shortly after. My vet's office invited me to a "pet loss support group" that meets there semi-regularly. I don't think that's for me. I don't think speaking to a therapist is something I'd want to do either. I know what's bothering me. And there is nothing anyone can do about it. I wish I could just switch off all emotions. I wish I had the mental discipline not to dwell on how life might have been different. Or the mistakes I've made. The sun came up this morning. It will come up again tomorrow no matter what. The world will keep turning no matter what I end up doing so all a man can do is turn with it. There is a great old quote from Eupridies I've always liked: "This is courage in a man: to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends.” I've found my courage in the past, I'll find it again. This got kind of long and rambling I guess. I almost deleted it twice. I'm sorry I'm letting my inner demons loose here like this but it was a little cathartic to write it all out. And I really don't have anyone else to talk to right now. Hurlshot, Gfted1, LC, I love you guys but more than that I have always been a little envious of your happy marriages and happy families. You guys are all very lucky.