majestic

That's great, really. I mean, like totally. I deal with deadlines at work, with prioritizing workloads, deciding what gets done and what doesn't, what's denied, what's put in the backlog, and so on, and so forth. Hoonding has it right. Not doing that for "fun" at home. Just like I'm never going to finish Opus Magnum in spite of having completist OCD. Well, maybe once I'm retired.

I can live with action timers, but everything else just makes my brain hurt trying to come up with the best way to cram as much into the game as possible. So, yeah, no. Thanks, but no thanks. Keep your nasty timers. I'll go do every sidequest in Amn and then go looking for Imoen. Bye!

Don't ask me how that makes sense in light of my usual tastes. I really doesn't.

Family outing. Free beer and shots. Not so great mood with work and private stuff. Equates drunk. Very. Probability of regret tomorrow: high. For now? Feeling pretty good.

's basically the only recommendation of yours that I actually liked, yes. Hell, even @Bartimaeus didn't hate it. edit: though in order to remain totally contrarian to @Gorth 's taste in anime I might have to re-evaluate liking Girls' Last Tour. Can't have that, what's the world coming to?

GTA 1 and 2 were fun games when played over LAN. Tried 3 once. For 10 minutes. I just can't into open world games unless they tick some very specific boxes (hello CP 2077).

Weren't you supposed to play SOMA a while back? :p

If D4 seasons count as replaying, then: D4, every season. If not, then not a whole lot, unless I really enjoy the game on multiple levels. The only somewhat recent title to have managed was Cyberpunk 2077. I find the gameplay really engaging (shooting mooks in the legs so they fall over and headshotting them on the ground never gets old), and I find myself just cruising through the city at times. Plus, well, I enjoy the setting and the storyline. Better than The Witcher 3 in every which way, to be sure, even if I'm in a minority here. There are three games that I replayed a lot when I was a lot younger and had much more spare time: Wing Commander (the first one), Day of the Tentacle and Monkey Island. Make of that what you will.

So, like, when wasn't anything Kai Lentit said not too true. :p

It is also hard if you have to analyze people actively, instead of intuitively knowing body language and the subtleties of verbal communication. That takes a lot of effort, really, and it will only get harder with age. You really should examine yourself and answer these questions: is ist actually hard to make the effort to attend social gatherings, is it actually exhausting to be there, or is it really just exhausting to agonize over what has happened and what you have missed? From that answer, you can begin to deduce a number of things. You aren't very likely to be able to solve the first two just by accepting yourself. That much I can tell you from experience. If it is just the latter, then you really need to follow the advice I gave her a long time ago: feel a little more, think a little less. :) I'll give you two models to work with here. Or maybe three, depending on your point of view. First is going all nerd-metaphysical and quoting Stargate: If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago. Second is what she would do, assuming for a moment that she would care enough. She'd say something like: Look for someone if you want someone. Don't look for nobody just so you can congratulate yourself when you find them, doofus. :P and then proceed to bat you over the head with a mallet and kick you when you're down, because you're combining a foregone conclusion with the idea that someone can do all the emotional work for you. Reality doesn't smell of sunshine dust, dear. Third, well, the more explicit telling: if you already expect to find no one, then you will not. However, you're not going to find anyone that will make putting in the effort not feel like putting in the effort. You can find someone who makes you feel that it is worth putting in the effort, yes? That is not the same as finding someone who makes it easy to put in the effort. If that is actually the block, then you need to identify and remove it - and that is also something you really need to put your back into. Because, in the end, at the moment you simply don't have anyone to hit you over the head with a mallet, or else someone who is patient enough to tell you what you already know, for like, the seventh time. I realize half of that makes no sense without context. I'm sorry. But not really. :P It's been a wild three days now.

Pool of Radiance: Ruins of Myth Drannor hat the best bug ever. You uninstalled the game, which was very likely because it was pretty bad, and it would kill your entire Windows installation with it. For the sake of reproducing the fun of the original, perhaps it would be good to include that particular nasty as well. :p

The first thing you probably need to understand is that we were both broken and damaged at that point in our lives. Now, unless that applies to you too, you probably should not be envious of a connection that was both incredibly loving and nurturing as well as destructive and cruel. I know I said she could be mercurial, but I wasn't above testing our bond either, at times (it is so easy to guilt trip people when you know what strings to pull and which buttons to press). You'd also need the patience of an angel. You know, like me, but that's because I'm awesome. :p That said, one thing you need to keep in mind is that you cannot force connections. You can also very safely ignore self-help comments like love yourself, otherwise you cannot love. That is utterly poitnless drivel, one can love someone else to the point of sacrificial self-abandonment while thoroughly hating oneself. I am living proof of that, therefore simple logic dictates that it cannot be true. What is true, though, is that self-hate makes it hard to accept love, and being loved the way you are. At worst, it makes you interesting for people with a savior complex who see you as their project to fix. Now, it's not impossible for that to lead to lasting, stable and deep connections, it is a potential minefield to navigate and can end badly if you're not very careful. The other thing is, well, you do have time, and if you are not unhappy and do not feel any psychological strain, then there's no need to change things, and no need to let society dictate how you should live your life. I'm saying that because I know that culturally, that is still much worse in the Balkans than it is in the western world. I know a couple of people through my wife who actually had their parents set them up with someone to marry and have children with just to fulfill societal and cultural expectations. Honestly? Don't do that. That's terrible. It can work, but more often than not it just leads to affairs and a divorce with kids being hurt, or being miserable all the time for the sake of the children. If you think having a relationship just to try how it is to have one is unfair, imagine how keeping up appearances for decades might be. Lastly, if you find that you consistently have problems reading people, then you might want to really look for help. There's nothing wrong with getting a psych-eval. I had one forced on me at the age of six. It did not actually do much good in terms of finding a diagnosis (well, but it did prevent the school system from lumping me in with the other retards and downies, zing, now if you can't take that statement and get all offended, then kindly go f*ck yourself - not talking to @Sarex here), but we have come a long way since the late 80ies. You're not guaranteed to find someone else with over two years worth of time to work through your issues, locked into a constant intellectual and emotional back and forth.

It was worth it. So much so that I, with some confidence, can say: without that connection, I would likely not have made as much of my life as I did. It was a transformative experience, the value of which I cannot properly convey in public. Aaaaaaaand a lot of her way with words and English rubbed off on me. It is visible in the posts, but only if you know the contrast to how and what I wrote about before, none of which is still around. All the forums dying was the main reason we switched to using an instant messenger in the first place.

Feeling a lot better now. I've realized that I was wrong about so many things, and letting go of 20 year old rage, guilt and resentments is pretty freeing. I'm not okay by any means, and it'll take me a long, long time to properly process ripping the band-aid off of ages old emotional and very deep wounds, but at least it looks like they can begin to heal. Properly, this time. Turns out this wasn't the giant mistake I thought it was, but like so many things, a blessing in disguise. And to make sure everyone realizes that I'm still me: also turns out that I significantly overestimated the timeframe. 91% of the million words we've exchanged were in two years, and the rest in a handful of larger spurts over less than three months of the third year. So that's basically a shorter novel's worth every month, not every other month. In Gen Z terms: basically the entire length of all the Harry Potter novels combined, written in 27 months - in both of our spare time. Not like you could chat on your phone back then. You had to sit on these things called computers and see if the other person was actually sitting at theirs too. I know, I know, that's wild. Old people things. Except we were young back then, and the internet was a better place. :yes: So, minor correction on the productivity and time invested. I also suffer from the detrimental effects of insomnia so bad that I barely slept in three days, but that'll go away eventually. :p

Yeah, hopefully everything will work out. Fingers crossed.