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The funny things thread


LadyCrimson

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10, 14 and 18 are fantastic ideas. Well, except driving on the left, that's just silly.

Edited by JFSOCC

Remember: Argue the point, not the person. Remain polite and constructive. Friendly forums have friendly debate. There's no shame in being wrong. If you don't have something to add, don't post for the sake of it. And don't be afraid to post thoughts you are uncertain about, that's what discussion is for.
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Pet threads, everyone has them. I love imagining Gods, Monsters, Factions and Weapons.

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If driving on the left is right, then which side of the road are you on...?

I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot! ~ Ro-Man

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Wait, England doesn't use the metric system, does it?

 

Hmmm. Yes and no. All road-signs use miles and pubs use pints. Shops have to use metric because of some Euro-diktat. I learnt both at school, I'm in my mid-forties.

 

I have no idea how far a kilometre is, nor do I want to. And I am exactly six feet tall.

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The queen is an evil piece of crap who believes in torture, murder,  and enslaving other nations. She is a symbol of one of the worst tyrranical nations this world has ever seen. It's bad enough that technically she still 'rules' my country. That title of 'Queen of England' is a blight for all decent, honourable, and good human beings.

DWARVES IN PROJECT ETERNITY = VOLOURN HAS PLEDGED $250.

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I have no idea how far a kilometre is, nor do I want to. And I am exactly six feet tall.

Six feet is 1.83 meters, so a kilometre is 546.45 Monte Carlos.

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I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot! ~ Ro-Man

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I got my mind wrapped around Imperial and Metric by figuring out what the sizes actually meant for various roleplaying starships.... :shifty:

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"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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The queen is an evil piece of crap who believes in torture, murder,  and enslaving other nations. She is a symbol of one of the worst tyrranical nations this world has ever seen. It's bad enough that technically she still 'rules' my country. That title of 'Queen of England' is a blight for all decent, honourable, and good human beings.

 

Princess Diana?

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The queen is an evil piece of crap who believes in torture, murder,  and enslaving other nations. She is a symbol of one of the worst tyrranical nations this world has ever seen. It's bad enough that technically she still 'rules' my country. That title of 'Queen of England' is a blight for all decent, honourable, and good human beings.

 

Aw. You're cute when you get angry. Peasant.

"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeiW_bWZ2Is

 

A beefeater giving a talk about the Tower of London. I like it for two reasons.

 

1) It's very funny

 

2) This is precisely the style and tone of most Army training I had. Thought you might be interested.

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"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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Great video. On a similar note, reminds me of my tour of the Joint Security Area of the Korean DMZ.

 

Unfortunately this guy wasn't my guide for my tour, but it was still fascinating nonetheless:

 

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Quote
“Political philosophers have often pointed out that in wartime, the citizen, the male citizen at least, loses one of his most basic rights, his right to life; and this has been true ever since the French Revolution and the invention of conscription, now an almost universally accepted principle. But these same philosophers have rarely noted that the citizen in question simultaneously loses another right, one just as basic and perhaps even more vital for his conception of himself as a civilized human being: the right not to kill.”
 
-Jonathan Littell <<Les Bienveillantes>>
Quote

"The chancellor, the late chancellor, was only partly correct. He was obsolete. But so is the State, the entity he worshipped. Any state, entity, or ideology becomes obsolete when it stockpiles the wrong weapons: when it captures territories, but not minds; when it enslaves millions, but convinces nobody. When it is naked, yet puts on armor and calls it faith, while in the Eyes of God it has no faith at all. Any state, any entity, any ideology that fails to recognize the worth, the dignity, the rights of Man...that state is obsolete."

-Rod Serling

 

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LOL. "My freedom house is bigger than your freedom house"

"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeiW_bWZ2Is

 

A beefeater giving a talk about the Tower of London. I like it for two reasons.

 

1) It's very funny

 

2) This is precisely the style and tone of most Army training I had. Thought you might be interested.

 

You're wrong, it's not very funny.

 

It's hysterical! :D

Civilization, in fact, grows more and more maudlin and hysterical; especially under democracy it tends to degenerate into a mere combat of crazes; the whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary. - H.L. Mencken

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You're wrong, it's not very funny.

 

It's hysterical! :D

 

 

LOL I actually fell for your misdirect here.

"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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To steer away from too much royalty swipes and politics..

 

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You don't drive very well, I see. :p

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Why has elegance found so little following? Elegance has the disadvantage that hard work is needed to achieve it and a good education to appreciate it. - Edsger Wybe Dijkstra

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To steer away from too much royalty swipes and politics..

 

 

You don't drive very well, I see. :p

 

 

I didn't say American politics..  :shifty:

"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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To steer away from too much royalty swipes and politics..

 

ErrorRecovery_zpsf74dd120.jpg

 

But i want both goddammit! Where's the safe mode with that option? :(

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"Some men see things as they are and say why?"
"I dream things that never were and say why not?"
- George Bernard Shaw

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"The amount of energy necessary to refute bull**** is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."

- Some guy 

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i have to admit, if you're going to have everyone shooting off guns, free healthcare makes even more sense. ;p

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"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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To steer away from too much royalty swipes and politics..

 

*snip*

 

Appropriate for a Subject, but not for a Citizen.  :cat:

http://cbrrescue.org/

 

Go afield with a good attitude, with respect for the wildlife you hunt and for the forests and fields in which you walk. Immerse yourself in the outdoors experience. It will cleanse your soul and make you a better person.----Fred Bear

 

http://michigansaf.org/

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Louis CK selling his standup show

 

 

Well.  Hello. This is Louis CK.

Before I start wasting your time let me just get to the point which is that my latest standup special louis ck oh my god is available on my website, along with a bonus extra long version, for the usual 5 dollars.
 
 
For more details and I have your time horribly wasted, read on...
Hi. So.  it has been a while since I last wrote to you.
A lot has changed since my last email to you.  Firstly, you'll be glad to know, I lost seven pounds!   I know!   And all it took was absolutely no dedication or commitment to losing any weight.  And it paid off.
Now that I knocked that out of the park, I'm setting my sites on more goals.  Such as "none of my habits changing in any particular way".  I think if I really buckle down, I can make that happen.
All of this is part of my new approach to life.  I call it "believing in myself".  Sounds weird, huh?   Well it's really very simple. I believe that I exist.  And that I'm going to pretty much keep existing and being the pretty much same guy, with the same qualities and skills ive always ha or lacked, especially when averaged over time, no matter what happens.
For instance.  I BELIEVE that I'll alway be a little but late for most things.  I BELIEVE that if my work habits were 4% worse, I'd be homeless right now.  I BELIEVE that I am often sleepy.   See?   It works!
 
 
I'm writing to you today to let you know that "Louis CK Oh My God" which is my latest standup special, which aired on HBO in the spring and won an Emmy for best writing of a variety special. (I'm not trying to brag.  I'm just trying to get you to buy the thing. By bragging.)
 
 
"Louis CK Oh My God" is available on my site for 5 dollars, for that, you are entitled to the following:
1. You can download the special, as it aired on HBO "drm free" all over the world as many as 3 times.
2. Or you can stream it 2 times.
3.  You can download an audio version of the special.
4. You can download or stream a longer version of the special.  This is basically a rough cut with more jokes in it.
All that for 5 dollars.  I mean, it's only a lot if you like my comedy.  If you don't like me or my jokes, then it's just a 5 dollar nightmare.
The video of this special is only available on my site.  So if you want To own your own version, this is the only way to have it. The extended version had only ever been seen here.  So ... That too.
As always I'd like to urge you not to steal or share this video so that I can continue to offer stuff on my site in this friendly and cheap way without losing my ass in the process.  I don't want to lose my ass.  I have a great, great ass.
So that's mostly it.  Please go to louisck.net to buy oh my god and for more information.  Oh, also, we now accept Paypal, amazon payments and Dwolla.
Okay. That's it.  Please enjoy your life.  And please be always curious about other people.
Your friend,
Louis ck

Free games updated 3/4/21

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