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The Funny Things Thread

funny things thread

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#61
Raithe

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It's time the capitalist cows made a return...

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

GERMAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat only once a month, and milk themselves.

BRITISH CAPITALISM: You have two cows. Both are mad.

CANADIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. Come to think of it, they look more like a pair of moose - in fact, yes they are. One speaks French, one speaks English. One fights to create a new country, the other won't let it. They both play ice hockey rather well.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CAPITALISM: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge an outrageous fee to others for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest and detain without trial the journalist who reported the number of cows.

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

 


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#62
Nonek

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Reading the newspapers this morning over breakfast with Mrs Nonek, the usual sad tale of a cultural treasure destroyed by ISIS and I must admit I had a heavy heart at such relentless ignorance and barbarity, so far removed from what Islam teaches. My beloved wife seems quite contemplative, seeing her quizzical expression I ask what seems to be the matter, she replies, "Don't you think Shia Sunni sounds like a porn star name?"

 

I must admit I found this hilarious, cheered me up to no end. Not sure whether it will be funny to anyone else, but one tries or is trying, not quite sure which.


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#63
Raithe

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11892072_10153242069239585_7737582878099


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#64
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#65
Raithe

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#66
Raithe

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#67
ShadySands

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#68
Raithe

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#69
Raithe

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I'd be tempted to throw this in the weird and interesting thread, but the snark level makes it amusing to me.

 

10259897_426183197532685_185077870550472


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#70
Fighter

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Bw4_LEes_CQAA_zu1.jpg


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#71
Raithe

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Maybe because it's nearly 2am as I start to crash out, but I find this strangely appealing and amusing...

 

Post Modern Gibberish Essay Generator



#72
Raithe

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#73
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#74
Raithe

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#75
ShadySands

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#76
Namutree

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https://youtu.be/let-4RxEvS8


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#77
Raithe

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#78
Tsuga C

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More like "My ancestors didn't travel 4000 miles to see a nation of promise, opportunity, and liberty overrun by a horde of non-white, non-Christian, statist-minded Third World barbarians hell bent on turning the USA into the same general sort of cesspool from whence the Third Worlders came." And, no, this isn't at all "funny", but neither was your disingenuous post.

#79
Hurlshot

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1333549389480_2058945.png

 

crying-indian1.jpg


Edited by Hurlshot, 31 August 2015 - 12:58 PM.

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#80
Raithe

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