One got away

[Walsingham]

There's been a lot of talk in the daily blog about 'ones that got away'. Those romantic flings we now regret and miss every day.

 

However, as you may have noticed I spent yesterday receiving a barrage of texts from one of mine. And after the intensified regret and general increase in temperature, I suddenly realised something. The correspondence got to a big enough level where I started seeing, and remembering more than the obvious pleasant features. Submerged habits and character traits which more than destroyed the positive, like a stone in a slipper.

 

Long story short: don't regret the ones that got away. They didn't get away. It didn't work. You moved on. And for bloody good reasons, if you trouble to think about it.

 

At least that's how I feel. Thought I'd bring it into the open so maybe we can all cheer the **** up.

[Hell Kitty]

They didn't get away. It didn't work.

 

These things aren't mutually exclusive. If you trouble to think about it maybe one of those bloody good reasons is that you did something wrong causing them to leave, or vice versa. It's important to recognise why the relationship didn't work if you want to find success in future relationships.

 

It's like when people with failed marriages complain that marriage doesn't work. The institution is nothing without the couple in it, and it's one or both of those people that fail. Blaming the very idea of marriage just shows that you are unable or unwilling to accept what actually went wrong.

[Nepenthe]

That kind of assumes that the termination of the original relationship was at least a mutual decision, and not a case of you living the best time of your life and the other part just deciding that somebody else fits their image of a perfect mate a bit better.

 

Also what Hell Kitty said. A successful relationship is one that teaches you something. An unsuccessful one doesn't.

Edited February 4, 2011 by Nepenthe

[Nightshape]

There's been a lot of talk in the daily blog about 'ones that got away'. Those romantic flings we now regret and miss every day.

 

However, as you may have noticed I spent yesterday receiving a barrage of texts from one of mine. And after the intensified regret and general increase in temperature, I suddenly realised something. The correspondence got to a big enough level where I started seeing, and remembering more than the obvious pleasant features. Submerged habits and character traits which more than destroyed the positive, like a stone in a slipper.

 

Long story short: don't regret the ones that got away. They didn't get away. It didn't work. You moved on. And for bloody good reasons, if you trouble to think about it.

 

At least that's how I feel. Thought I'd bring it into the open so maybe we can all cheer the **** up.

 

Sorry dude, but in my case, it wasn't like that.

 

I blame myself for who I was, I wish I was me now - then. In which case, she wouldn't have got away.

 

But for the most part I like your sentiment.

[Orogun01]

There's been a lot of talk in the daily blog about 'ones that got away'. Those romantic flings we now regret and miss every day.

 

However, as you may have noticed I spent yesterday receiving a barrage of texts from one of mine. And after the intensified regret and general increase in temperature, I suddenly realised something. The correspondence got to a big enough level where I started seeing, and remembering more than the obvious pleasant features. Submerged habits and character traits which more than destroyed the positive, like a stone in a slipper.

 

Long story short: don't regret the ones that got away. They didn't get away. It didn't work. You moved on. And for bloody good reasons, if you trouble to think about it.

 

At least that's how I feel. Thought I'd bring it into the open so maybe we can all cheer the **** up.

So you go ahead and skip the whole reunion? Maybe you are just getting cold feet and are afraid to screw it up for a second time.

[Malcador]

Man, I need more dramatic events in my life.

[Gfted1]

I dont think Ive had "one get away" in my adult life but I did have an epic fail in high school. There was this one girl I lusted after for three years and finally during my senior year I got her. She was stunningly beautiful. We were all set to go to a Halloween keg party when she went and got in trouble with her parents and couldnt go, so she sent her fat friend along to escort me. This is where my tale turns tragic. A heroic amount of drinking led to me sleeping with the fatty, who immediately reported back to the hottie. Hottie dumps me. I am sad.

[Volourn]

OP is wrong.

[Monte Carlo]

My life was nothing but a succession of one-night stands with desirable women before marrying an even more beautiful one. She's also loaded. I have no regrets.

 

So sorry, I'm struggling to empathise with Wals on this one. But I hope, whatever it is, it all works out for y'all.

[Monte Carlo]

I dont think Ive had "one get away" in my adult life but I did have an epic fail in high school. There was this one girl I lusted after for three years and finally during my senior year I got her. She was stunningly beautiful. We were all set to go to a Halloween keg party when she went and got in trouble with her parents and couldnt go, so she sent her fat friend along to escort me. This is where my tale turns tragic. A heroic amount of drinking led to me sleeping with the fatty, who immediately reported back to the hottie. Hottie dumps me. I am sad.

 

Although you are now my hero du jour and I would happily buy you a beer. The anecdote was worth the error.

[Enoch]

I can see both sides here.

 

Sometimes, people blame themselves too much. Walsy has a solid point that some aspects of compatibility or non-compatibility between two people don't become evident immediately, and the emergence of some non-compatibilities can be crushing disappointments if the initial impressions were very positive. That crushing disappointment is sometimes irrational, when the underlying non-compatibility is something that was always unlikely to change or remain submerged for long.

 

But, sometimes, people blame themselves too little, too. There's a whole industry out there built around consoling the lovelorn, recycling shopworn lines like "he wasn't 'The One.'" But decisions and actions do have consequences, and there is a staggering population of people who can be remarkably oblivious to how their decisions and actions can screw up otherwise promising relationships. Sometimes, that submerged non-compatibility is you being a jackass.

[Hurlshort]

Gfted won the internet with his story.

 

Sometimes I reminisce about girls I could have done a bit more to hook up with, but it is more a daydream thing than any regrets. I'm quite content with the one I ended up with, and it was easy. From the start we were both into each other, there were no games played. It was a serious relationship and even when we fought, the idea of throwing in the towel was never a serious consideration.

 

I had another serious relationship in High School and my first year of college, but I am the one who ended it. I wonder if she considers me the one that got away?

[Guard Dog]

The only one who got away who I ever miss was my wife. At least how we were in the beginning. In the year or two leading up to the divorce it was just terrible. I don't know if it was a flaw in either or both of us that caused it to fail like Enoch said. We were undergoing a really hard time financially and bad times tend to bring out the worst in people. At the end we were like two scorpions in a jar, fighting to the very death, but only because we were in the jar. If I could have it back like it was in the beginning I'd take it, hell I'd give up anything for that.

 

I think thats the reason I will not even consider marriage again and tend to break off relationships that get too close to that. No matter how compatable you think you are with someone you are only one good crisis away from hell on earth.

 

Ok I'm rambling a bit, I think Wals was right, the ones that got away did so for a reason.

[Krookie]

the one that got away for me got away and then got it on with my best friend.

 

Now i am in college and have random-crazy-college hook ups everywhere I can.

 

 

Feels good, man.

[BicycleOfDeath]

My ex-wife and I got divorced. Granted it's the only relationship that either of us have ever cheated in. She's the only woman I ever hit. We were married for five years. The relationship had extremely high points as well and extremely low points (record lows for the both of us). We separated twice. We moved out of state for a change and hopefully work things out. It worked, for a bit. We talked about it over the last year and a half of our relationship and realized that we were just really great friends/vent friends that were trying to force something that just wouldn't work. Hence why both of us cheated and the emotional rollercoaster. An outsider may not agree, but we both gave it our all. Our heart and soul, 100%, including the darkest sides of each.

 

We ended up getting divorced two years ago. She's still the best friend I've ever had. That relationship was also the craziest. Neither of us really hated each other. We just weren't getting what we wanted out of it and tried to make it something it wasn't. We tell people about our relationship and they ask "Why are you two even still talking?! That's horrible? How could you hit her? How could you two cheat on each other?!"

 

The funny part is, we both agree that the most memorable parts of our relationship were our experience with spicy food (when we first moved to Texas) followed by cunnilingus and the time I chased her in the bathroom with a knife cause I got sick of her nagging about something. I just grabbed it form the drawer, she ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I instantly set it back in the drawer and read the final book in "The War of the Spider Queen." She also threw a lamp at me before hand. Neither of us can remember what the truck we were fighting about.

 

Kind of on par with 'the one that got away.' We both treat our significant other's like gold (well, and crap in that relationships case). The point being, she's now very happily remarried and I couldn't be happier for her. Me on the other hand, my standards are so ridiculously high and my values are so niched that I can't seem to find anyone worth keeping. The scenario always ends up the same: I either get cheated on or dumped because of my lack of consumption of alcohol. Now with me working on the railroad, I don't know one girl that's going to want to put up with my work schedule and actually stay together. It's a problem because I'm a very dedicated one woman man.

[Orogun01]

My ex-wife and I got divorced. Granted it's the only relationship that either of us have ever cheated in. She's the only woman I ever hit. We were married for five years. The relationship had extremely high points as well and extremely low points (record lows for the both of us). We separated twice. We moved out of state for a change and hopefully work things out. It worked, for a bit. We talked about it over the last year and a half of our relationship and realized that we were just really great friends/vent friends that were trying to force something that just wouldn't work. Hence why both of us cheated and the emotional rollercoaster. An outsider may not agree, but we both gave it our all. Our heart and soul, 100%, including the darkest sides of each.

 

We ended up getting divorced two years ago. She's still the best friend I've ever had. That relationship was also the craziest. Neither of us really hated each other. We just weren't getting what we wanted out of it and tried to make it something it wasn't. We tell people about our relationship and they ask "Why are you two even still talking?! That's horrible? How could you hit her? How could you two cheat on each other?!"

 

The funny part is, we both agree that the most memorable parts of our relationship were our experience with spicy food (when we first moved to Texas) followed by cunnilingus and the time I chased her in the bathroom with a knife cause I got sick of her nagging about something. I just grabbed it form the drawer, she ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I instantly set it back in the drawer and read the final book in "The War of the Spider Queen." She also threw a lamp at me before hand. Neither of us can remember what the truck we were fighting about.

 

Kind of on par with 'the one that got away.' We both treat our significant other's like gold (well, and crap in that relationships case). The point being, she's now very happily remarried and I couldn't be happier for her. Me on the other hand, my standards are so ridiculously high and my values are so niched that I can't seem to find anyone worth keeping. The scenario always ends up the same: I either get cheated on or dumped because of my lack of consumption of alcohol. Now with me working on the railroad, I don't know one girl that's going to want to put up with my work schedule and actually stay together. It's a problem because I'm a very dedicated one woman man.

I envy you.

[Walsingham]

ROFL at some of these stories. It's cool that the thread didn't just wither on the vine.

 

I'm also going to have to start carrying Enoch around in an attache case, explaining my gibberish for me. It's almost as if I might make sense sometimes!

 

I suppose my key point, after reading Enoch's version of my OP, might be that one has to learn. But that doesn't mean that if you did again, having learned your lesson, that everything would be fine.

[BicycleOfDeath]

My ex-wife and I got divorced. ..... [Edited to prevent Wall of Text] ... It's a problem because I'm a very dedicated one woman man.

I envy you.

 

I don't know if that's sarcasm or sincerity so I will say this. It's quite nice knowing someone for exactly who you are and has experienced every bit of, including to how your emotions and thought processes work. Autumn (my ex-wife), is actually kind of like an Atheist's version of a guardian angel/therapist. I can tell her absolutely everything and I don't need to explain anything cause she all ready knows how I'm perceiving the situation. She's also brutally honest with me. In fact, today, she was talking with me and how my elitism gets in the way of my relationships but also she stood my ground with me in my current situation w/ my ex-g/f's infidelity. Though, she didn't really offer advice, she has a way of talking with me, specifically, in a way that I answer my own questions. She just helps me get there in a very honest fashion. She's not afraid to call me out on anything which is a huge plus.

 

The only detail of my relationship with her now that I dislike is the fact that her husband is afraid of us hanging out. He believes that we'll rekindle our lost fire. (Bwah ha ha ha! We're not attracted to each other in that way at all. We're even grossed out by sexual comments towards each other, it's ridiculous). She's a person I'd love to just sit down with for a couple hours over some hot beverages at a coffee shop and just bull****. Though, in respect of her, her happiness, and her relationship, I will not press the issue. He treats her very well and in that aspect, he deserves his paranoias to be respected.

 

All though, Autumn tries to push my buttons sometimes. For those of you that don't know, I stand very hard on my convictions of being drug/alcohol free and obstaining from promiscuity. She tries to break my will-power on the promiscuity part. I think she's convinced it'll aid me in diminishing my elitism (which is a problem in my relationships). The current 'breaker' is I'm going to a metal show in the Twin Cities with this girl that's a pretty fitting match for me. She's taken and I don't press any issues with ladies that are in relationships. We also spending the night at her friend's house there (who has a huge, for the lack of a better work, crush on me). Her friend is also dating someone, but girl one's, Jess, boyfriend isn't coming. I made sure it was cool with him that her and I go.

 

Autumn's like, "Joe, you should be the mayonaise in a Jess & Ife (the girl's house we're staying at, She's Swedish/Nigerian) sandwhich." But for moral and health reasons, threesomes are not anything that I have an appetite or fantasy for. Which Autumn doesn't get because of her arguement "Joe, you wouldn't have a problem with taking human life or hitting your wife. But you won't bone two hot bitches at once. Duh! Dudes fantasy!"

 

El Oh El

[Orogun01]

My ex-wife and I got divorced. ..... [Edited to prevent Wall of Text] ... It's a problem because I'm a very dedicated one woman man.

I envy you.

 

I don't know if that's sarcasm or sincerity...

I was being sincere.

Those are the stories worth telling and remembering, the ones that might not mean much now but as time grows they turn to gold.

Not everyone has those.

 

Well I guess that the time has come for my sob story

There was this girl; gorgeous woman, whose affections actually took me by surprise. I was a very sour person at the time and wore a permanent scowl on my face, her first reaction to me was to do this (stuck her tongue out) which became my response to her across the classroom which continued as if we were two kids. After having talked to her for a while and to my delight discovered that she wasn't the person I though, I decided to ask her out. The whole fandango continued for almost a month before we finally decided to acknowledge what was going on. I went out with this girl with 2+ years with no sign of our relationship deteriorating (even thought there were some low points, mostly due to my fault) until I had to make the choice of coming to the United States or staying with her (she would't come ) It was a really hard choice but in the end it came to my inability to stand or live in Cuba.

I'm really grateful to her for quite literally saving me from myself and the fact that she is still in there haunts me. Maybe one day I will decide to look her up and see if she has changed her mind. :nostalgic:

Edited February 4, 2011 by Orogun01

[Gfted1]

How long have you been in the states?

[Orogun01]

How long have you been in the states?

5 years

[BicycleOfDeath]

@Orogun01: It's a shame when a person has to make a direct choice that conflicts with two highly regarded interests. For one, she aided you out of a mindset that's difficult to evolve out of. But then again, to keep from relapsing, your move makes sense. You may not want it, or even need it, but you certain do have my sympathy for having to make that choice. You also have my respect for having the perspective you have on it.

[Orogun01]

@Orogun01: It's a shame when a person has to make a direct choice that conflicts with two highly regarded interests. For one, she aided you out of a mindset that's difficult to evolve out of. But then again, to keep from relapsing, your move makes sense. You may not want it, or even need it, but you certain do have my sympathy for having to make that choice. You also have my respect for having the perspective you have on it.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

 

This probably the first time I have spoken about it since I left, it feels kind of nice to unburden a bit.

[Hurlshort]

Thanks for sharing, Orogun.

 

Joe, it kind of sounds like you might be looking for the right girl in the wrong places. I'm not saying you need to go to church or anything to find a girl who is on the straight and narrow, but most of the nice girls I know don't go to Metal concerts

 

Of course, I met my wife, who is very straight arrow, while I was serving drinks at a frat party and she was fairly tipsy. So what do I know :D

[BicycleOfDeath]

Well the problem with me is that a lot of my values and interests conflict with each other. I'm heavy on moral values but I'm an atheist. I don't drink or do drugs, but at metal shows that usually all you. Or, you see Straight Edgers (the 'title of the 'straight arrow' subculture that I follow but don't really 'claim it) that are flat out rude, militant and disrespectful. Where as my elitism is entirely a personal confliction. Also, the 'straight edge' girls are usually only into it until they're 21 or just because some dude she likes is. I can't stand not being in control of my actions at all times (I'm sure others would appreciate that, too, if they found out what a violent drunk I am).

 

But I also think it's a bi-product of being a child of Wisconsin where getting completely wasted is an acceptable daily thing. With everything I've been through to get to this point I know I've 'risen above' it and that's where the elitism comes in. When I go out to bars with friends and just see the fact that they literally need to get wasted to have a good time just pisses me off. I've known girls that have had sex and regretted it, or even raped ... and just pass it off as they were drunk. This is a common mentality here and it's difficult to find what I'm looking for. Granted I could move to the east or west coast where things are a little less severe (not that it doesn't happen, but trust me, it's more intense here. Look up statistics of Wisconsin's drinking habits...). BUT, the town I live is a fantastic central hub for bike riding. Great country roads for riding my fixed gear road bike. A few dozen skateparks are within a two hour drive in any direction. The record store I shop at is located in my hometown.

 

It seems as if the only thing I can't find here is a decent, compatible woman ... or a friend to hang out with. After many nights of making gaming night plans and being ditched for the bars with no notice, it gets frustrating.

 

So, anyone have any suggestions on things I could try to meat someone who will eventually be the one that got away? Keep in mind, I work for the Railroad and am away from home 85% of the time in changing locations and hours that switch often.