Lexx Posted June 25, 2017 Posted June 25, 2017 (edited) I am still completely wasted from yesterday night. Hitting the bed at 0330... I am getting slightly too old for this, I feel. Met a nice girl. Talked the whole evening. And drank. And drank some more. And stuff. She lives in Hamburg, I am not. Ultimate sadness ensured. You know, I've been a kind of social autist half my life (since I moved to another town for the first time and lost all friends), and usually I have a very high aversion rate to even leave the house for a party. Even more so when I'm alone or getting all sorts of depressions. But once I did it, and get back home, I feel very extatic.. up until about a day later when I get back into my old schlog, forget how I've felt the day before, and return to my social autism until something is forcing me out again. A little bit annoying, really. in short Yeah that sums it up quite well. Usually I try to be as effective as (for me) possible to get my work done, and anything else is just a distraction to it. For example, I don't get often drunk not because I don't like it to be drunk, but because I know I won't get any work done the next day. :> All my depressions are directly related to me not getting the crap done that I want to. Now that makes me wonder if I shouldn't take some classes about how to increase effectivity. That's such a german cliche. Edited June 25, 2017 by Lexx "only when you no-life you can exist forever, because what does not live cannot die."
Gorgon Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Weird day. Boss comes in and does 'everyone get windows update and reboot after'. 20 mins later. 'Everybody close down your machines we will let you know'. Then 'shut down your phones'. Then 'go home'. It was all very haxor. Ransomware attack had hit Maersk AP who apparently share certain systems with us. Na na na na na na ... greg358 from Darksouls 3 PVP is a CHEATER. That is all.
Raithe Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Handling all sorts of things, plowing through the list, ticking things off, waiting to hear back from other people, pause, have that blink moment and suddenly realise... 2 "Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."
Calax Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Interview tomorrow for heading back to midwest. 3 Victor of the 5 year fan fic competition! Kevin Butler will awesome your face off.
LadyCrimson Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Identity crisis in progress: I don't know how many ppl here recall this, but I'm what they term a transracial adoptee - a S. Korean adopted by white parents, who grew up in an extremely white social environment. I've always had some ... identity? ... issues regarding this. It's not at all uncommon a thing. If for some reason you want to know more about that aspect, you can sift through the Donaldson Institute's 2009 report on the issue. https://www.adoptioninstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/2009_11_BeyondCultureCamp.pdf Or for a briefer insight into the topic, there's the NY Times article that uses the Korean adoptee perspective. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/09/us/09adopt.html Anyway, I apparently fit a lot of reaction time-tables as other adoptees and after a lifetime of ignoring and being convinced my racial background/heritage had no relevance to my life, I now find myself wanting to dive into it more. It's almost as if I suddenly feel like I have no idea who I am and a lot of old stuff is bubbling to the surface. I'm becoming rather emotional about it. For many in my shoes this seems to mean a journey to their birth country and/or trying to find birth parents. The latter is not available to me since I was a foundling orphan with no parental records at all. The former is something I've never seriously considered because I feel I would be psychologically unstable re: trying to visit S. Korea when I have a Korean face but no Korean background (language, culture, whatever). Every time I opened my mouth, it would be obvious. I would have to say "I don't understand" a million-jillion times (eg, a taxi driver immediately speaking Korean/assuming I'd understand) and feel oddly unworthy every time I had to say it, if that makes any sense. Or, what if I ended up not wanting to go back to the US and suddenly finding myself hostile to my own white-adoption background (which would be a no better situation/result). Or perhaps it'd all be great and I'd be rid of this "identity crisis" and have the best peace of mind I've ever had, by finally being able to meld all these..things...into a whole. It's scary not knowing what my reaction might be, and I'm not sure how brave I am/will be, in the end. Also, depending on what my actions may be over time, how will my (white) husband react. I doubt he's ever thought about going to Korea (or anywhere in Asia) in his life. Would he go with? Would I want him to go with and if not, would he be ok with that? Sigh. But I think I'm going to start with learning Korean. So if I do ever work up the nerve to go to the land of my birth, I can at least have that one big insecurity/stressor be gone. This is going to take a while.... 5 “Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts
Rosbjerg Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 My cousin is adopted and originally South Korean as well - she's now in her 40s going through a similar delayed response, a sort of late 'rebellion' stage. As she explains, she never really took the time to rebel in her teens, because she felt grateful for having been taken in and 'wanted' - now, having established a life for herself, she beginning to feel the need to act out and redefine, to shape her identity. Perhaps it's not as race defined, but rather a consequence of adoption in and on itself, with race simply being an easy identifier for the person in question. That said, nothing wrong with learning a new language and experiencing cultural roots - that seems like a constructive identity crisis Fortune favors the bald.
Gorgon Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Yeah bonus points for learning Korean however things pan out. Na na na na na na ... greg358 from Darksouls 3 PVP is a CHEATER. That is all.
Gorgon Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Also no work today because of hackers. I feel like a kid who has been told be can stay home because of snow/heat. Na na na na na na ... greg358 from Darksouls 3 PVP is a CHEATER. That is all.
Malcador Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Good luck with that, LC. Of course you will never truly be Korean unless you can master Brood War. Another day with everyone freaking out at work. Not even sure if there is a problem or just people flipping out. I miss days when 90% of them work from home. Why has elegance found so little following? Elegance has the disadvantage that hard work is needed to achieve it and a good education to appreciate it. - Edsger Wybe Dijkstra
Gromnir Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Yeah bonus points for learning Korean however things pan out. based on our trips to south korea, am suspecting lc would benefit more from practicing social drinking skills than trying to learn the language. as a teetotaler, our ability to interact professional and social with folks in south korea is significant hampered. HA! Good Fun! "If there be time to expose through discussion the falsehood and fallacies, to avert the evil by the processes of education, the remedy to be applied is more speech, not enforced silence."Justice Louis Brandeis, Concurring, Whitney v. California, 274 U.S. 357 (1927) "Im indifferent to almost any murder as long as it doesn't affect me or mine."--Gfted1 (September 30, 2019)
Gorgon Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Well, it's still good cardio for your brain. Na na na na na na ... greg358 from Darksouls 3 PVP is a CHEATER. That is all.
LadyCrimson Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 (edited) based on our trips to south korea, am suspecting lc would benefit more from practicing social drinking skills than trying to learn the language. as a teetotaler, our ability to interact professional and social with folks in south korea is significant hampered. LOL - yeah, I know that can be a thing. I very rarely drink myself as well. I just don't like alcohol at all (taste or effect), never have. I don't like tea either, but at least that I could drink for politeness. My cousin is adopted and originally South Korean as well - she's now in her 40s going through a similar delayed response, a sort of late 'rebellion' stage. As she explains, she never really took the time to rebel in her teens, because she felt grateful for having been taken in and 'wanted' - now, having established a life for herself, she beginning to feel the need to act out and redefine, to shape her identity. Perhaps it's not as race defined, but rather a consequence of adoption in and on itself, with race simply being an easy identifier for the person in question. That said, nothing wrong with learning a new language and experiencing cultural roots - that seems like a constructive identity crisis I definitely rebelled a ton when I was in my teens, heh. For myself I think it has more to do with social discomfort that leads to far more self-isolation than even my introversion might account for. When I was a kid looking for P/T work and calling people for interviews I'd then show up and almost every single one would say something along the lines of "Oh, I didn't realize you were Asian, you have zero accent over the phone" and I would think to myself "what does that have to do with anything." There's tons of that sort of thing, in both directions - you know ppl mean nothing by it but it's such a disconnect since I don't view myself as Asian and such comments take me aback at times...then I look in the mirror and go "oh yeah". I never became comfortable with that aspect, if that makes any sense. I've never "wanted to be white" in terms of my skin, there's nothing like that for me - I like my face - but it gives me a feeling like I don't (socially) belong to anything. Saying I'm Korean on a government form (where they're trying to get demographic statistics) feels like a lie, even tho technically it isn't. It's hard to explain. But saying I'm white would also be a lie. Hence identity crisis. Altho, crisis isn't really the right term. It's just ... trying to figure out why I feel such disconnects in the first place and what might help to make such have less impact on my mental state of being. I mean, do all my likes and dislikes etc = the sum total of my (emotional) identity? Or is there something more. What/why is racial culture important to identity for so many people. I don't know. Maybe I can find out. Edited June 28, 2017 by LadyCrimson “Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts
Gfted1 Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Do you think researching your genealogy would be of interest to you? Maybe using Ancestry or similar services? "I'm your biggest fan, Ill follow you until you love me, Papa"
LadyCrimson Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 (edited) Do you think researching your genealogy would be of interest to you? Maybe using Ancestry or similar services? If you mean family tree type of stuff, that's not possible, since there are literally zero records of my natural birth parents. My birthday is not even my real birthday, it's an age-estimate by the adoption agency. (edit: not knowing my real age is also something that irrationally troubles me, at times, off and on ) My adoptive grandfather traced his family line many years ago, but it has no meaning to me at all. I have, however, idly considered DNA tests just out of curiosity if I'm even "full-blooded" Korean. For all I know, I'm quarter or half Japanese, as well, or something. Edited June 28, 2017 by LadyCrimson 1 “Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts
Rosbjerg Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 I mean, do all my likes and dislikes etc = the sum total of my (emotional) identity? Or is there something more. What/why is racial culture important to identity for so many people. I don't know. Maybe I can find out. That would be the crux of it I think - being confronted by a majority that assumes characteristics on your part, based on your semblance to a minority, be it religion, race or nationality, that you yourself do not share or even considered an identity marker. Other people imposing identity traits, based on superficial markers - might easily creates dissonance, if you don't easily fit into 'norms'.' Like having a dialect etc. in short, we have a tendency to try and become what people assume/expect of us, sometimes despite what we actually want. Or rather that's kinda what me and my cousin arrived at, after many a bottle of wine Fortune favors the bald.
ShadySands Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 Well, the whole "you don't sound (race/ethnicity)" thing is pretty messed up. 1 Free games updated 3/4/21
algroth Posted June 28, 2017 Posted June 28, 2017 (edited) Some pics from our shoot today... Edited June 28, 2017 by algroth 7 My Twitch channel: https://www.twitch.tv/alephg Currently playing: Roadwarden
Tale Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Ramen and the Opera. I was going to a fathom events showing of The Metropolitan Opera's Macbeth and hit up a Ramen place over in that area I really enjoy. Great night. I just need to find a good showing of Hamlet now. "Show me a man who "plays fair" and I'll show you a very talented cheater."
Calax Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Interview went okay. But literally a minute before the interview my Iowa boss texted me "Hey, opening a spot for somebody at your level if ya want it!" so... yeah... Victor of the 5 year fan fic competition! Kevin Butler will awesome your face off.
Malcador Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Project Manager is basically acting like Hudson in Aliens. Going to give me vicarious stroke. Why has elegance found so little following? Elegance has the disadvantage that hard work is needed to achieve it and a good education to appreciate it. - Edsger Wybe Dijkstra
Raithe Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Did the trundle into the university to handle some of the basic admin, then query the course leaders about prep work before the September term starts. Got a few more details about the optional units and what they entail, then got given the advice that a lot of people on the course do some form of website creation as part of their year long project/research thesis but that those who do never get good marks or win any of the awards. Was told the best approach is to pick three optional units on an Easy / Medium / Hard approach. Pick one unit you know you can handle in your sleep, one that's a bit of a reach and one that's interesting but you'll have to work your ass off. And to make sure they'll all have some relevance to whatever I pick and that I should focus on one of four areas : Data - Analysis and Presentation, Security, Connectivity - Networking / Internet, and Augmented Reality / Virtual Reality. I'll have to sit down and put some thought into this. Also, how best to do the "creepy mature student" : "Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."
ShadySands Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) Got an official offer from one of the other companies that was interested in me. I was hoping they were just blowing smoke so I wouldn't have to really consider jumping ship so soon after taking my current job. My commute would increase slightly but my pay would also increase quite a bit. Dunno, what to do at the moment since my current company has promised me a raise in the next couple of months but I highly doubt it'd even be close to the other company's offer. As problems go this is probably a good one to have but I can't help but feel guilty about the whole thing. Edited June 29, 2017 by ShadySands 1 Free games updated 3/4/21
teknoman2 Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 (edited) one thing i never understood how it works are the interviews. most of what the applicant says are lies and the HR guy knows it but still he expects from the applicant to say them. are they looking for the kind of applicant that can keep the best straight face while saying those lies? Edited June 29, 2017 by teknoman2 The words freedom and liberty, are diminishing the true meaning of the abstract concept they try to explain. The true nature of freedom is such, that the human mind is unable to comprehend it, so we make a cage and name it freedom in order to give a tangible meaning to what we dont understand, just as our ancestors made gods like Thor or Zeus to explain thunder. -Teknoman2- What? You thought it was a quote from some well known wise guy from the past? Stupidity leads to willful ignorance - willful ignorance leads to hope - hope leads to sex - and that is how a new generation of fools is born! We are hardcore role players... When we go to bed with a girl, we roll a D20 to see if we hit the target and a D6 to see how much penetration damage we did. Modern democracy is: the sheep voting for which dog will be the shepherd's right hand.
Bartimaeus Posted June 29, 2017 Posted June 29, 2017 Got an official offer from one of the other companies that was interested in me. I was hoping they were just blowing smoke so I wouldn't have to really consider jumping ship so soon after taking my current job. My commute would increase slightly but my pay would also increase quite a bit. Dunno, what to do at the moment since my current company has promised me a raise in the next couple of months but I highly doubt it'd even be close to the other company's offer. As problems go this is probably a good one to have but I can't help but feel guilty about the whole thing. Most places - not all, but most - won't hesitate for very long to get rid of you if they felt it was the best move. Business is business, right? Quote How I have existed fills me with horror. For I have failed in everything - spelling, arithmetic, riding, tennis, golf; dancing, singing, acting; wife, mistress, whore, friend. Even cooking. And I do not excuse myself with the usual escape of 'not trying'. I tried with all my heart. In my dreams, I am not crippled. In my dreams, I dance.
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