The Patriarchy (no girls allowed!)

[Blarghagh]

Chuck Norris is still alive? I saw him in an Expendables movie recently and he seems to disagree.

[PK htiw klaw eriF]

The true Patriarch has been revealed.

 

 

Ron Swanson.

[TrashMan]

Or maybe... MANLY MAN.

Manly Man - In this day and age of political correctness (read: pussies), masculinity is a confusing and dangerous issue. Heterosexual men and boys of today find themselves in need of a role model who isn't a ****, and that role model is the male chauvinist whom male chauvinist pigs wish they were: Manly Man. Manly Man once took on Chuck Norris and Maddox in a fight and won by staring at them until they turned gay and made out with each other, this distraction allowing Manly to punch them into orbit, where they still are to this day.

[JadedWolf]

 

Bruce Lee would rip Chuck Norris apart at the atomic level just by looking at him.

 

FINAL FACT:

Bruce Lee is dead.

Chuck Norris isn't.

 

 

 

You know what they say. Only the good die young...

 

[Chilloutman]

Women got her uses but they are evil. Its like fire, you have to know how to handle it.

 

[Nonek]

And now gentlemen, please be upstanding for the Patriarchy's first Public Service Announcement:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sehy5EgR_pk

[Amentep]

[Nonek]

Good afternoon erect and prominent members of the Patriarchy.

 

Today in our efforts to shape and oppress the world we present our list of approved digital entertainment, games that break from the norm of men being slaughtered as inhuman and worthless, their only purpose to defend the impregnated brood mares of the Matriarchy and the status quo of civilisation. Here we will seek to identify games that give men choice, give us agency and interactivity, and move away from our traditional role as disposable breeders and sacrificial offerings, who offer nothing to society.

 

We will seek to have differing roles for the protagonist, that do not fit in with those the matriarchy wants us to inhabit. Instead of husband, slave, soldier or prisoner, we will have bachelor, freedom fighter, rebel and escapee. Roles that accept and celebrate our intrinsic value, and are not dependent on our fitting in to the niche the Matriarchys civilisation has crafted for us. We will celebrate freedom, agency and choice, rather than repressive linear paths.

 

Now many of you will recommend such fare as Fallout: New Vegas, an ode to reactivity, personal choice and interactivity. Or the Witcher where one has many choices and many consequences, that are realistically implemented and yet somewhat surprising. Or Alpha Protocol, wherein we can be and do almost anything, and approach the game in so many recognised ways. No we condemn all of these for their rampant misandry, their cliche approach to situations and their narratives that are not innovative or original in any way, shape or form.

 

(Disclaimer: And we've never played any of them, and are basing our opinions wholly upon what others biased against these games have said.)

 

So gentlemen and...gentlemen, we present our approved list of Patriarchal video game entertainment:

 

Diablo 3: A true roller coaster ride full of choice and consequence, interactivity and reactivity, that offers a unique narrative and path on every playthrough. A multilayered and staggeringly deep ode to player agency, that derides fun and satisfaction, in its aim to make weepy manchildren get emotional and blubber like they're five year olds, and occassionally snigger at juvenile squeeing humour.

 

(Disclaimer: We haven't played Diablo 3 either, and the above description is utterly without basis, but we have recently bought a lovely summer home that was formerly owned by a large development house, and felt that backs must be satisfactorily scratched.)

 

Yours relaxing by the pool in utter luxury, being massaged by a nubile porn star and fed the finest of vittles.

 

Nonek.

[TrashMan]

http://sd.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/i/keep-calm-and-oppress-women.png

 

 

Edited September 19, 2014 by TrashMan

[Monte Carlo]

Ha ha ha that image is getting Facebooked to all my favourite feministas.

[Walsingham]

Real men don't need a sign on the door to deter women.

 

The solution is 'cricket', you fools.

[ManifestedISO]

Well look who woke up and had manly tea enough to remember the existence of his lessers. 

 

Edit: Just funning, sort of. Do miss some profiles. How is the back. 

Edited September 20, 2014 by ManifestedISO

[Nonek]

Gentlemen, congratulations on your stellar performance in "counting" the votes in operation MacDuff (otherwise known as suppress the Jacobites,) once again the Patriarchy moves and the world changes according to our wishes. Muahahahaha.

[PK htiw klaw eriF]

While I admire your zeal Nonek, you are still scheduled to be punished tomorrow for your transgressions. I would spend the day reflecting upon sins, and steeling thyself for the trials to come.

[Walsingham]

Well look who woke up and had manly tea enough to remember the existence of his lessers. 

 

Edit: Just funning, sort of. Do miss some profiles. How is the back. 

 

Just recently my back is fine unless I sit down for more than twenty minutes. Consequently my lower legs - never shabby - are like wellingtons full of pool balls. Because I stand almost all day.

 

Besides that, it smells of weird people in here.

[TrashMan]

Back problems?

 

Yes, we men face those..because of our vastly superior body build and upper body strength, our poor backs are under greater stress.

 

Yes, women have those airbags they call breasts. But we have bulging, rippling, dense muscle!

[Walsingham]

Back problems?

 

Yes, we men face those..because of our vastly superior body build and upper body strength, our poor backs are under greater stress.

 

Yes, women have those airbags they call breasts. But we have bulging, rippling, dense muscle!

 

Yes, between lifting my bed-ridden dying mom, and bergens full of, well, pointless crap... my back went in about 2009.

Edited September 21, 2014 by Walsingham

[Longknife]

Yes, women have those airbags they call breasts.

 

 

Not gonna lie, those are pretty awesome.

[TrashMan]

Muscles are the most awesome thing EVER!

 

 

But...boobs ain't bad.

Close second!

And they exist to please the Patriarchy!

 

ALL HAIL THE PATRIARCHY!

Edited September 22, 2014 by TrashMan

[Nonek]

Gentleman.

 

It has come to our attention that we are not doing enough to offend people. All over the world there are minorities, creeds, races and religions that we are mot actively targeting to offend and dehumanise. Zoroastrians have for instance been overlooked since Severance: Blade of Darkness, and there are many more whose outrage and offense we should be harvesting. We are being lazy and inefficient at the moment. It is time we put our hearts, minds, talents and evil patriarchal shadow network to use in demeaning and demonising more of the forgotten and overlooked aspects of this world.

 

Now I can hear you cry out: Nonek, some people are just not being offended by slavery, racism, sexism or any real world subjects we have placed into games as part of our nefarious plot to warp precious, innocent young minds. I understand this, and I understand that some players know how to keep reality and a simulated world apart, indeed it is a basic function of the human brain. We must try harder to offend. It does not matter that there has been morally offensive material in fantasy since the dawn of time, whether Hercules slaying his family, Medea slaying hers or Oedipus lying with his own mother and slaying his father.

 

We can do better, we know much more of the world now and we can use that to maximise our attack on everybody who is not of the patriarchy. Gentleman I have a dream, that the products we are making (through our evil manipulations of poor weak minded developers) can make somebody, somewhere in the world uncomfortable and offended at all times of the day. Gentleman together I believe we can do this, we can offend a whole world and everyone on it, from Arctic to Antarctic.

 

And when we have done this, when we have conquered Earth then let us step forth into the heavens, cast off the surly mantles of our mother and offend all of the Milky Way. This is my dream.

 

Yours offensively.

 

Nonek.

[Orogun01]

Gentleman.

 

It has come to our attention that we are not doing enough to offend people. All over the world there are minorities, creeds, races and religions that we are mot actively targeting to offend and dehumanise. Zoroastrians have for instance been overlooked since Severance: Blade of Darkness, and there are many more whose outrage and offense we should be harvesting. We are being lazy and inefficient at the moment. It is time we put our hearts, minds, talents and evil patriarchal shadow network to use in demeaning and demonising more of the forgotten and overlooked aspects of this world.

 

Now I can hear you cry out: Nonek, some people are just not being offended by slavery, racism, sexism or any real world subjects we have placed into games as part of our nefarious plot to warp precious, innocent young minds. I understand this, and I understand that some players know how to keep reality and a simulated world apart, indeed it is a basic function of the human brain. We must try harder to offend. It does not matter that there has been morally offensive material in fantasy since the dawn of time, whether Hercules slaying his family, Medea slaying hers or Oedipus lying with his own mother and slaying his father.

 

We can do better, we know much more of the world now and we can use that to maximise our attack on everybody who is not of the patriarchy. Gentleman I have a dream, that the products we are making (through our evil manipulations of poor weak minded developers) can make somebody, somewhere in the world uncomfortable and offended at all times of the day. Gentleman together I believe we can do this, we can offend a whole world and everyone on it, from Arctic to Antarctic.

 

And when we have done this, when we have conquered Earth then let us step forth into the heavens, cast off the surly mantles of our mother and offend all of the Milky Way. This is my dream.

 

Yours offensively.

 

Nonek.

Laconia sends its regards and says: "TL;DR"

[Gorth]

The most manly of men...

 

[Walsingham]

So this is just about offending people?

 

If your idea of manliness is making irritating noises behind a veil of anonymity, then I'm afraid I have to tell you that women aren't causing your issues with manliness.

[Raithe]

I'm kind of surprised we haven't had Bruce bringing up #heforshe and Emma Watson's UN speech....   or did I miss that buried somewhere?

[Malcador]

I'm kind of surprised we haven't had Bruce bringing up #heforshe and Emma Watson's UN speech....   or did I miss that buried somewhere?

He brought her pitch up in the gaming drama thread.