Why I think all girls need to be on meds...

[TheHarlequin]

Ok... I am perplexed. Seriously. I am in my mid 30s and I still don't understand women. They say one thing and then do another without apparent remorse or consideration for the other person. Bordering on lying to your face rather then simply be honest.

 

I have run into a short string of women who have decided to say one thing to me then do another. Rather then simply be honest at the start, so I have decided to take then opportunity to look into this.

 

I have come up with 3 distinct possibilities;

 

1. They simply have no intestinal fortitude to look one in the face and tell the truth. They think by feeding said person a line which they have no intentions of doing, then turn around walk away and never follow up it's apparently 'ok'. Let me be clear to all women reading this; if you are NOT interested in making plans or seeing the guy again JUST SAY SO. We are not going to jump off a bridge, trust me. Any half reasonable guy will be 'ok, thanks anyways' and move on. No drama, no BS. Lets be honest sweety, you are one of a few HUNDRED girls we will see tonight. If you are not into us then SAY SO and stop feeding us your lines so we can try to meet someone that is indeed interested. I have better things to do, as I think all guys do, then wasting my time and my eve flirting with you when you already know you are not into me. You are not the only girl I could be talking to, trust me.

 

2. All women on some level are bi-polar. When they meet you and say they will call or they make plans to go out at the time they mean it. By the next day however, for whatever reason, their brain over analyzes the situation or/and freak themselves out due to past baggage, drama, whatnot and then decided it would be best to blow you off or they simply have lost the apparent interested they showed you all the previous night. Within a span of 12 hrs of course. Yea... Time for some meds or therapy I think.

 

3. I wouldn't be fair if I didn't look at myself. Now I am far from perfect, I'll be the first to admit that. But I am educated, have a few bucks, witty, can hold a convo about many topics, have a high sex drive and stable (more or less ). I have my flaws of course, as everyone does, but I do not think they overrule my positive side. One could say its my approach. I am not forward enough.. or I am too forward.. or I do not play the game the 'right' way.. Well you know.. I am TIRED OF GAMES. I want to meet someone that if she has a interest in me she simple has the 'balls', in the proverbial not literal sense, to follow though if she makes plans on some level.

 

I do not think this is asking for a whole lot. Really. Apparently though it is. Women cry about wanting to met a 'nice guy' and don't want 'games' yet they really don't want that. They more times then not (I lost count how many times I have seen this with my own eyes) will go for the bad boy who's going to treat them like dirt rather then the stable guy who will treat them well. They will kick the decent guys to the curb for the 'edgy' guys then 3 months later whine about how unhappy they are and wonder why.

 

Here's a little story to prove my point, my ex-Melinda who some of you know while we lived together for over a year I treated her as best I could. Gave her respect, supported her, loved her. On a good day I got 50% of that outpouring back. After we broke up due to her burning me I treated her like dirt. Told her 'the only thing you are good for to me is to ****, otherwise leave me alone'. What did she do, kept calling me and wanted to come over for months after. So treated her good, I get treated poorly, I treat her poorly she can't get enough of me?!

 

Granted Melinda needs some SERIOUS therapy due to her past baggage (which is what in the end destroyed our relationship) but even with that said SOMEONE explain that to me in a world that it makes sense..

 

Granted I am not Mr. smooth player. I don't try to use all the best lines, nor do I play the games. And that probably is the issue. I NEED to play games, play harder to get, not be so honest and upfront and do all the things that in the end the girls may say they don't want but apparently really do. Frankly stop being a decent, nice guy. Too nice it seems.

 

Perhaps I should become that total jackass melinda brought out in me after we broke up and be like that to all women. Perhaps my luck with change then if her reaction is any indication.

 

In closing, while yes these past few situations have been annoying to me, enough so to post this, this isn't a 'woe with me' blog. Not the point nor my style. I am simply trying to vent and perhaps understand what I clearly need to do different. No more and no less.

[kirottu]

Go gay. Problem solved.

[Gfted1]

Man, Im glad Im so sexy the women just come to me. I kid, Im married and am so far out of practice I probably couldnt pick up a girl in a whorehouse with a fistfull of 100 dollar bills.

 

And yes, theyre all crazy.

Edited March 17, 2009 by Gfted1

[Rostere]

Here's a little story to prove my point, my ex-Melinda who some of you know while we lived together for over a year I treated her as best I could. Gave her respect, supported her, loved her. On a good day I got 50% of that outpouring back. After we broke up due to her burning me I treated her like dirt. Told her 'the only thing you are good for to me is to ****, otherwise leave me alone'. What did she do, kept calling me and wanted to come over for months after. So treated her good, I get treated poorly, I treat her poorly she can't get enough of me?!

 

This is so typical. I've been through this myself and I've also talked to other people times about this "phenomenon". Apparently women also have similar stories about men who behave this way! I think the problem is really that people in general don't show their appreciation when they should. It's not really something to break up over but rather something to discuss together.

[crakkie]

I do not think this is asking for a whole lot. Really. Apparently though it is. Women cry about wanting to met a 'nice guy' and don't want 'games' yet they really don't want that. They more times then not (I lost count how many times I have seen this with my own eyes) will go for the bad boy who's going to treat them like dirt rather then the stable guy who will treat them well. They will kick the decent guys to the curb for the 'edgy' guys then 3 months later whine about how unhappy they are and wonder why.

 

It sounds like you were boring her. That's generally what the "nice guy finish last, they only want jerks" sentiment implies. She found you boring and didn't have the intestinal fortitude to tell you this because she was an immature, game-playing waste of your time. She wanted you(r johnson) back intermittently afterward to improve her self-esteem, of which she has little. You imply that you acquiesced. Bad move, but such is life. It's the crappy relationships that you (by which I mean I) remember best, especially the ones that I made crappy or help to become crappy.

 

I don't try to use all the best lines, nor do I play the games. And that probably is the issue. I NEED to play games, play harder to get, not be so honest and upfront and do all the things that in the end the girls may say they don't want but apparently really do. Frankly stop being a decent, nice guy. Too nice it seems.

 

You just need to be a better judge of character. Don't hang on to relationships out of pity or compassion. I don't mean act like a jerk, just act with more self-interest. Women don't want servants.

[Walsingham]

You must have missed the recent thread on this.

 

However, on reflection I think I can offer a more advanced analysis.

 

Most people, women included, lack wisdom. They don't know what they want, and even when they do it only lasts a short while. I could go further and speculate about women having strategic goal states rather than operational objectives like men. It makes us mesh very poorly when we try to collaborate. Men don't worry about where to be tomorrow, but do know what they want to do this afternoon. Women don't know what to do this afternoon, but know where they want to be tomorrow.*

 

One might form the opinion from this that all is well. The two sexes compliment each other. The woman can plan the strategy and the man can execute the plan. This can work well, and does on occasions. The most obvious reason it does not is when the strategic goals of the two sides are dissonant, as they almost invariably are. Man does not like society's basic strategic goals based on women (Theslug, 2009), and since he has no real strategic goals beyond quickly and successfully vanquishing short term problems, compromise is almost impossible.

 

For emphasis, compromise at the strategic level is impossible, and since operations stem from strategy you can't really expect anything to happen lower down.

 

Why, then, do people get along in relationships at all if they are not enlightened superbeings?

 

1. They don't realise they will never agree, and are too stupid and persistent to quit

2. They realise they won't ever agree and cave in

3. They realise they won't ever agree and begin consciously or subconsciously machiavellian manipulating their partner

 

Option 1 is obvious, and I think we've all been there. I quite enjoy those relationships, but can't any more because I know what to look for.

 

Option 2 is your classic supine bargaining 'nice guy' position. In all bargaining scenarios it leads to the tough guy getting precisely what they ask for. Unfortunately, thanks to the aforementioned lack of wisdom, this is rarely what they need to be happy. The nice guy is resentful. The tough guy gets tougher. But because the tough guys isn't being forced to think by the 'nice' guy they ask for all kinds of nonsense.

 

Option 3 is the only really tenable scenario, in my opinion. One side assumes dominance by arranging matters so there are either horrendously exciting distractions, or they send all kinds of bizarre and entertainingly mixed messages, or (the Dark Side option) they undermine the self0identity of their opponent. I mean partner.

 

This analysis is of course wrong, because I've yet to maintain any relationship for longer than three years. The closest recipe I have for success is a flat stomach, good jokes, and a total lack of parrots.

 

 

 

 

 

 

* I of course exclude all female forum members from this, since they are uniformly genius, and have great legs.

[Meshugger]

Oh, i recognize these situations. When i was younger and single, and very interested in casual sex, i would get none, silch, nada. Maybe i was too nice, desperate or both, but nothing worked. As soon as i entered my current relationship, things changed. Suddenly, i had no interest in picking up women. I would rather get very drunk, behave like an ass and have a good time with my friends, and if a woman showed the slightest of interest, they would get none of it.

 

Lo and behold, bizarro-world ahoy! Despite my best intentions to shove them away by showing no interest, behaving badly or both, women suddenly started to ask my phonenumber, and those who already got it(i still don't know how some of them got it), started to send me SMSs, where they wanted hook up for a beer, movie or "just having a talk at their apartment". Do i need to remind you, that i reminded them that i wasn't single? Didn't sure stop them, did it? One time, i even got the whisper "I...want...to.f***...your.brains...right.now" at the bar, despite i already just shared her the information that i wasn't single in a not-so-nice-way.

 

Women, really strange creatures indeed. But i do have a hunch that the women posting at this board share very little, or any characteristics at all with the ones that i mentioned.

Edited March 17, 2009 by Meshugger

[Hiro Protagonist]

Man, Im glad Im so sexy the women just come to me. I kid, Im married and am so far out of practice I probably couldnt pick up a girl in a whorehouse with a fistfull of 100 dollar bills.

 

And yes, theyre all crazy.

 

I know the feeling. Been living with my girlfriend for over a year now and the things she said, she would do, etc and then changed her mind countless times is incredible. When we started going out, my girlfriend suggested that I should to do the 'man stuff' like wash both cars, handyman stuff (fix the toilet, do the flyscreens, etc) and she said she would do the 'woman stuff' (washing, ironing, etc). That changed very quickly, I can assure you. I think this picture sums it up perfectly.

 

[Killian Kalthorne]

Money is the root of all evil. Time equals money. Women take money and time.

 

Money + Time = Women.

 

Women are evil.

 

[Tigranes]

I'm talking to one of my female friends right now.

 

About DNA mutations!

[LadyCrimson]

Most people, women included, lack wisdom.

Yup. It has nothing to do with which sex...we're all farked up somehow, someway. It's a matter of whether you find someone who is farked up in a way that compliments you. Or something. Haha.

 

Seriously...when I hear stuff like this, my thought is "you aren't meeting the right women/men for you." Either because of where/how you meet them, or because, just like women, men can have unconscious patterns of being attracted to personality types that isn't what they really want/is good for a LTR...and all that other pscyho-babble stuff.

[Gorth]

Sometimes it is a matter of perspective (being a guy)

 

Life explained:

 

[julianw]

You might want to start looking at women with less baggage or just get a dog.

[Azure79]

I tried Meshugger's strategy once! Didn't work for me .

 

I guess I'm not handsome enough. Maybe they could sense that I didn't really have a girlfriend and I was trying to trick them. Women and their intuition.

 

I think women feel better if a guy already has a girl. Shows that some other girl has deemed the guy worthy of her attention so he can't be all bad. So they try to steal them away.

 

Sneaky ladies.

[Walsingham]

Another way to look at it is to treat it like you're the British and the women are the Natives. Neither of you understand the other. To begin with they will be overawed, but as soon as they stop thinking you're a god you're in trouble. You must pursue two strategies. Your essential areas, like gaming, beer, and your friends must be defended in the usual way you are good at, with forthrightness and honesty. And gatling guns...

 

But if you really want to win you're going to have to take the fight to the enemy, and we're talking sending people up river Colonel Kurtz style. These moves have to be just as veiled in confusion, indecision, and rage as the enemy's. A zen-like chaotic whirlwind of mood swings, tangential parries, and destablising strikes. Burst into tears, buy a hamster, burn a cheese sandwich and then throw a plate across the room.

 

Then let me know if it works.

[Kor Qel Droma]

I want to contribute something to this thread, but don't feel I should, since my girlfriend often says that she feels that 'I'm just not that into her'. I guess it's a problem that I don't want to spend every minute I have with her since, you know, I have a job and stuff and that I make her feel like being with her is a hassle to which I've always wanted to reply "none of these four children are mine, dear".

Edited March 18, 2009 by Kor Qel Droma

[Meshugger]

I tried Meshugger's strategy once! Didn't work for me .

 

I guess I'm not handsome enough. Maybe they could sense that I didn't really have a girlfriend and I was trying to trick them. Women and their intuition.

 

I think women feel better if a guy already has a girl. Shows that some other girl has deemed the guy worthy of her attention so he can't be all bad. So they try to steal them away.

 

Sneaky ladies.

 

No false disinterest, mistah!

 

Genuine disinterest is the only thing working, as far as i can tell.

[Blarghagh]

Similarily to another thread, I am going to agree with the part that a lot of women need to stop playing mind games. I have had far too many experiences where women expect certain behavior because somehow (I suspect pop culture is to blame) they feel like there are rules. Some of them are mentally checking things off lists even if they don't realize. I've known girls who would string guys along but not commit to anything until they had asked them out in a particular way with specific words! That's crazy!

 

However, I must also protest the generalization that all women are as described in this thread. I've known plenty of women who aren't like this. Yet for some reason, THOSE are the ones most quickly written off as "crazy". Well, to quote Mark Olivier Everett, "I love crazy women".

[Rosbjerg]

You know Rhomal, blaiming the girls won't really get you far, other people aren't as stupid as we like to think and if you start talking to someone with the underlying expectation that they are gonna dissapoint you - they often will.

 

When I was in Highschool I often wondered why girls/boys would choose whom they did. I often discussed it with friends of both sexes and with the nerds and jocks to see if I could find some heads and tails in it.

 

Now this is going to blatantly superficial, so read on with that in mind!

 

Girls look for security - the female social standing is a complex one, much more than the males hiearchy! When it comes to sex and replication the girls can basically always find someone willing, so their needs are geared more towards a person that will enhance their social standing and give them security. With this in mind it's important that we realize that being too willing to adapt (or submissive) and too nice, often causes people to take advantage of us - or at the very least think we are harmless (good for getting friends, not so good for getting girlfriends). Now the girl won't pick you, if you seem "weak", so you need to be more independent and not afraid to take control of the situation.

 

The same goes for social standing. Girls will be more attracted to a guy if all her girlfriends are also attracted to him - this I can say with certainty, I've seen it happen alot of times. Now they can still be attracted to a guy without the consent of friends, but they will be more attracted if the group is. So if you want to get with a girl, charm the pants (not literally) of her friends first - it's always a good start to show that you aren't afraid to be the center of attention - and therefore socially important (again taking control of the situation).

 

Basically be an Alpha Male, without being a jerk at the same time, and you win big time!

 

When it comes to the relationship fase I find that girls get really wierd in certain phases. She will demand that you give her more attention, but scorn you if you do, she will demand that you be more romantic and impulsive only to want you to tone it down again immediatly after. This, for a guy - is horrible - as we are solution oriented, if there's a problem, we want to fix it, if something needs to change, we'll change etc etc.

 

The problem here is actually that she wants you to do all these things, but doesn't want to be the one who tells you to do it. She tries to take control, only to regret doing it and then blame you for not getting it in the first place. This phase is tricky, because she wants you to take some more control, but it can't be too obvious that you are doing it to please her (and get some peace). It's also important not taking complete control, because otherwise it's going to be a very stagnant relationship and she'll leave you for that. The dynamic "turf-war" is a very important part of keeping a relationship fresh.

 

That's my 2 cents anyway..

[Tigranes]

To paraphrase Ros:

 

Women are screwed up and make you do crazy things.

[Walsingham]

That's good as far as it goes, Ros. But you miss a vital step. You can change as much as you like, you can arm yourself with a multiplicity of situation solutions, from chocolate to handcufs... and for 99% of women it'll just make them annoyed. What women want changes the instant it is observed ...like quantum!

 

We may be onto something! Does anyone here understand quantum physics?

[Meshugger]

That's good as far as it goes, Ros. But you miss a vital step. You can change as much as you like, you can arm yourself with a multiplicity of situation solutions, from chocolate to handcufs... and for 99% of women it'll just make them annoyed. What women want changes the instant it is observed ...like quantum!

 

We may be onto something! Does anyone here understand quantum physics?

 

Not really, especially since the scientists working in this field are still conducting battles on which model that would actually work, you know, kinda like women.

[Walsingham]

A photon or electron has neither a location nor a traceable trajectory between the point where it is emitted and the point where it is detected. The points where such a particle may be detected are not where one would expect them to be based on everyday experience. With a small probability, the detection point can even be on the other side of a solid barrier. Probability turns out to be a highly salient factor in all interactions on this scale. The trajectory of any atomic scale object is "squishy" in the sense that any measurement that makes an object's position more precise reduces the precision with which we can observe its velocity, and vice-versa.

 

From Wikipedia. Now if that isn't women, I don't know what is.

[Llyranor]

Don't go after married women.

[Pope]

Yes, they're all crazy from a man's perspective. The trick is to look at it from their perspective. Once you have a clear image of the typical woman's life, you'll start understanding their actions a lot more.

 

There's such a thing as female rationality. It's not rational at all, but it can be understood.

Edited March 18, 2009 by Pope