Humodour Posted February 11, 2009 Share Posted February 11, 2009 So I just realised I'm depressed. For about a month or more now I've just been finding it harder and harder to smile, laugh, find joy in things. I've become increasingly cynical, apathetic, and lonely, and my sleep patterns are getting more and more ****ed up. I also no longer see myself as having direction in life, and I'm starting just not give a damn what the hell happens. Food doesn't really taste good anymore and the only time I really feel anything is when I'm drunk. It's also not a good sign when you start empathising with anecdotes of suicides. I'm also increasingly picking fights with people over trivial things that aren't even worth it, and then feeling somewhat at fault afterwards because I dislike confrontation (normally I'd just fire off a quip, smile knowingly, and move on). I'm not really any more unmotivated than usual, though, which is odd. Nor would I consider myself 'sad' as such. I hope it's just loneliness. I've pretty much been entirely isolated for a year now - no job, a very basic enrollment in study, living by myself. I am going back to uni this year which I really really hope alleviates things a bit. O-week (orientation) is in 4 days. It's getting painful counting down the days. I'll be living on campus among 250 other people in my residential hall alone, and eat catered meals with about 1,000 other residents. Maybe the sheer volume of people will cheer me up. It felt horrible leaving my previous residential hall and all my friends at my old uni at the end of 2007 only to be alone in another town with nothing to do. I don't know why I'm pouring my heart out on here. It just feels a bit cathartic I guess. I'll regret it tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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