Depression

[Humodour]

So I just realised I'm depressed.

 

For about a month or more now I've just been finding it harder and harder to smile, laugh, find joy in things. I've become increasingly cynical, apathetic, and lonely, and my sleep patterns are getting more and more ****ed up. I also no longer see myself as having direction in life, and I'm starting just not give a damn what the hell happens. Food doesn't really taste good anymore and the only time I really feel anything is when I'm drunk. It's also not a good sign when you start empathising with anecdotes of suicides. I'm also increasingly picking fights with people over trivial things that aren't even worth it, and then feeling somewhat at fault afterwards because I dislike confrontation (normally I'd just fire off a quip, smile knowingly, and move on).

 

I'm not really any more unmotivated than usual, though, which is odd. Nor would I consider myself 'sad' as such.

 

I hope it's just loneliness. I've pretty much been entirely isolated for a year now - no job, a very basic enrollment in study, living by myself. I am going back to uni this year which I really really hope alleviates things a bit. O-week (orientation) is in 4 days. It's getting painful counting down the days. I'll be living on campus among 250 other people in my residential hall alone, and eat catered meals with about 1,000 other residents. Maybe the sheer volume of people will cheer me up. It felt horrible leaving my previous residential hall and all my friends at my old uni at the end of 2007 only to be alone in another town with nothing to do.

 

I don't know why I'm pouring my heart out on here. It just feels a bit cathartic I guess. I'll regret it tomorrow.

[Morgoth]

God I'm glad I've the worst behind me... Don't give up buddy, just get to a neurologist and things will get fixed, even though it takes some time.

[Rosbjerg]

I think it's something everyone has to experience and go through - So far I haven't met anyone (good friends) who didn't tell me that they've felt like that at least one time in their life and quite few had gone through it more than once..

 

I went through a similar phase about 3 years ago and today I'm glad I did - it gave my a new depth (insight wise) to life.

 

Although I couldn't tell you how to get through it - except to ride the storm and have someone close to you at hand who knows how you feel - to catch the dangerous personality trends before they get a grip.

[Hurlshort]

Sorry to hear that Krezack. As the others said, you are young, this too shall pass.

 

Are you exercising at all?

[Kaftan Barlast]

It sounds to me like you just need some change in your life, get a new sense of direction, take up contact with friends you might have neglected. Starting up new on campus sounds great, and get a social hobby.

[theslug]

I feel ya Krez I've been depressed for little over 3 years from now. I won't go into the specifics but I definitely know what your going through and it sucks. At least for me I have work and school so that gives me structure and time away from myself but even with that stuff I feel empty inside. I can still laugh and smile and sometimes, very infrequently, I can get giddy with excitement and almost actual happiness even though I know it's fake while other times, very infrequently, I get lonely and begin to question my life and what not. But for the vast majority of my days I'm basically zombie slug, the cold, calculating, emotionaless studying accountant.

 

The exposure and amount of depression you feel is probably largely based on your mentality and emotional characteristics. If you're naturally friendly by nature and all that good stuff I have no doubt that you'll make new friends and live life how you used to. But for someone like me, who is inherently anxious and intensely shy it's probably going to require meds and not being such a vag. The only advice I can provide is try and make your life as simple as possible. Get structure, a hobby, and new friends. Thinking is your enemy here, keep yourself busy and you won't have to.

[Hurlshort]

I wonder if sluggo meant veg instead of vag? Works either way, I suppose.

[taks]

I feel ya Krez I've been depressed for little over 3 years from now.

if i could travel into the future, i doubt i'd be depressed.

 

taks

[taks]

Thinking is your enemy here, keep yourself busy and you won't have to.

indeed, my anxiety issues started with boredom at the office, and i was searching the web. though i was under immense stress, the fact that i had nothing to do but ponder the stress brought the anxiety on, not really the stress itself. it is nearly gone (the stress and the anxiety) but not quite. the physical ramifications are really the bugger of it all.

 

taks

[Enoch]

I feel ya Krez I've been depressed for little over 3 years from now.

if i could travel into the future, i doubt i'd be depressed.

That's because you haven't seen the future.

Edited February 11, 2009 by Enoch

[Kelverin]

I have always felt the key to dealing with depression or "bad thoughts" is to get out of your own head, go volunteer somewhere and put others needs ahead of your own. There are plenty less fortunate than yourself, when helping those less fortunate you will be amazed how insignificant your own problems really are.

[Llyranor]

Yeah, man, go see a neurologist!

[Gfted1]

I wont pretent to "feel your pain", or understand clinical depression for that matter, but I wish you luck.

[Gorgon]

My mother has clinical depression, basically it means you don't get better without medication, it's not just a phase. With popper medication you can be symptom free though, so don't put off getting help.

[Theseus]

I have always felt the key to dealing with depression or "bad thoughts" is to get out of your own head, go volunteer somewhere and put others needs ahead of your own. There are plenty less fortunate than yourself, when helping those less fortunate you will be amazed how insignificant your own problems really are.

This is a great solution seriously. Finding a cause higher then oneself helps one also by making a social net, and creating meaning which helps ones self esteem TREMENDOUSLY, finding meaning will give a person loads of confidence. If a person is all alone this is the time to totally redefine yourself himself too man! Read the books one always wanted, start that new diet and exercise. being in a gym around other people is always nice. Or cyber cafe where onecan play tournaments against others, whatever is clever.

 

Also everything can be stripped from you but your own consciousness. So try to always find the purpose to why you are doing what your doing. Smell the roses. Say hi to passerby's.

 

The harder one has it, the more beautiful that person may turn out. through suffering comes wisdom.

[Nick_i_am]

I stoles ur happies.

[Tigranes]

"man is an animal suspended in webs of significance he himself has spun."

 

Make some more.

[WILL THE ALMIGHTY]

Go sky diving.

[Calax]

So I just realised I'm depressed.

 

For about a month or more now I've just been finding it harder and harder to smile, laugh, find joy in things. I've become increasingly cynical, apathetic, and lonely, and my sleep patterns are getting more and more ****ed up. I also no longer see myself as having direction in life, and I'm starting just not give a damn what the hell happens. Food doesn't really taste good anymore and the only time I really feel anything is when I'm drunk. It's also not a good sign when you start empathising with anecdotes of suicides. I'm also increasingly picking fights with people over trivial things that aren't even worth it, and then feeling somewhat at fault afterwards because I dislike confrontation (normally I'd just fire off a quip, smile knowingly, and move on).

 

I'm not really any more unmotivated than usual, though, which is odd. Nor would I consider myself 'sad' as such.

 

I hope it's just loneliness. I've pretty much been entirely isolated for a year now - no job, a very basic enrollment in study, living by myself. I am going back to uni this year which I really really hope alleviates things a bit. O-week (orientation) is in 4 days. It's getting painful counting down the days. I'll be living on campus among 250 other people in my residential hall alone, and eat catered meals with about 1,000 other residents. Maybe the sheer volume of people will cheer me up. It felt horrible leaving my previous residential hall and all my friends at my old uni at the end of 2007 only to be alone in another town with nothing to do.

 

I don't know why I'm pouring my heart out on here. It just feels a bit cathartic I guess. I'll regret it tomorrow.

... I'm going to speak as the resident faux expert about suicidal tendencies and depression in general here, but it sounds like you're not clinically depressed necessarily, but rather your on edge because you're going back to a situation that you are worried won't be the same. I don't know what to call it but you've got anxiety about returning to University, and it's probably aggravated by the fact that you don't have anyone to lean on or tell you that it'll all be OK. I'm not saying you're weak or anything, just that you're going through a rough period because you're changing your current life and shifting a little out of your comfort zone. It might be the other way around with the loneliness being the primary cause and the fact that you're going back to school generating more stress in you that's setting you on edge, probably the snappiness and other quick to temper behaviors will died down after the school semester (trimester? Quarter!?) begins and you start getting back into the swing of student life. I would suggest if the problem persists after you've gotten back into school (and hopefully made some friends) you try to hit up a psychologist or psychiatrist so that they can root through your feelings and find exactly what is causing this and help you overcome it (if it's because of an external problem like loneliness) or give you drugs to treat it (if it's because your neurology backfired and you're clinically depressed).

 

Honestly some of what you're saying rang true for me back when I started the semester. Fear at being the older guy in the class, added to the fact that I didn't know if I would be able to change my study habits (which had been abysmal for most of my school career), and that my only friends IRL, always KNEW that they were right in any "questionable" territory (politics, and values.. they're diametrically opposed to my political and value systems) and only really would socialize with me via World of Warcraft anymore. Alot of that went away when two things happened, One school started and my fears at being the old guy (relatively here) were put to rest when one of the students in each of my classes had 3 kids and a degree in another subject, and Two the drugs that I'm being shifted two kicked in and my mind started working rather than me having to literally force myself to do stuff, I just did it. Now I've got enough motivation and the right mindset to actually make school work for me...

 

Boy I went WAYYY of track at the end there, this is about you not me. Anyway, Just something I want you to understand, Getting help doesn't make you anything less of a human being. If you start to enter a "death spiral" quickly find yourself a mental health professional and get talking to them. Usually they can root out the problem/make you confront what's putting you on edge pretty fast and get you fixed up (assuming that you don't have a persistent condition like Bipolar or clinical Depression)

[Meshugger]

Sounds like you're suffering from Campus-fever. I have many friends with the same kinds of symptoms: Sleep deprivation, motivational problems, you name it. They will dissappear when:

 

1) ...you start doing research at the University and have to meet/talk with people everyday.

2) ...you have finished your degree and have started at your first job, where you have to meet/talk to people and actively have to participate in meetings.

3) ...you participate in student activities, clubs, and whatnot. You usually have to talk/meet all the time.

 

Noticed a pattern? Daily routines and constant interaction. Worked great for my friends.

 

Personally, i am to carefree about almost anything that happens to me personally, which i think that made that i never sunk into Campus-fever. Makes me girlfriend almost insane though when i seem to be having little to no troubles in life.

 

- "What do you want to do with your life?"

- "I dunno, i go with the wind. It is usually exciting when you have no idea about what will happen next"

 

- "Aren't you worried about your carreer?"

- "I dunno, i get the cash, don't i?"

 

- "What about your dreams?"

- "Hum, i got a work, and if i save money, i usually achieve them"

 

- "What?"

- "You know, travel somewhere, see my favourite bands, meet new people."

- "Aaaaargh!"

Edited February 12, 2009 by Meshugger

[taks]

They will dissappear when:

 

1) ...<snip>

2) ...<snip>

3) ...<snip>

1), 2), 3), and 4) drinking heavily. that's what i did. not the best for grades, but certainly was a lot of fun. of course, i was in a fraternity in a small school (5000 students) that was dominated by fraternities.

 

taks

[Checkpoint]

- "What do you want to do with your life?"

- "I dunno, i go with the wind. It is usually exciting when you have no idea about what will happen next"

 

- "Aren't you worried about your carreer?"

- "I dunno, i get the cash, don't i?"

 

- "What about your dreams?"

- "Hum, i got a work, and if i save money, i usually achieve them"

 

- "What?"

- "You know, travel somewhere, see my favourite bands, meet new people."

- "Aaaaargh!"

I hate that shtick with girls. They just can't leave you alone because somehow you become the centre of their universe and unless you achieve what they want they feel that you somehow impede their own happiness.

 

Oh well, didn't want to go off on a bitter tangent. Krezack, I know what you feel like. I get scared of my inability to motivate myself to do much of ANYTHING, but I'll start sessions with a psychiatrist about ADHD soon. If I get a diagnosis and help, I suspect that will comfort me a bit and I'd feel that I'd get some control back, because I think once you start feeling like you're no longer in control you get anxious, and as a direct consequence of that, depressed.

 

I do, however, have this vague memory of reading that you already know you have ADHD, so maybe that stuff already is your field of expertise. In any case, I hope you get back on track soon.

[Walsingham]

I feel ya Krez I've been depressed for little over 3 years from now.

if i could travel into the future, i doubt i'd be depressed.

That's because you haven't seen the future.

 

I'm officially daring you to use that exact assessment in a departmental brief.

 

Depression due to an enviornmental factor isn't pathological. Or, to put it another way, if stuff sucks, expect to feel bad.

 

Personally, I found sleep is the single best point for intervention. It sounds mad, but before going to sleep try to think about nice things for a bit. Rather than mulling over bad things, burns trauma, ex girlfriends etc. It can be anything, really, from a glass of cool water to a beachball, to the concept of charity.

 

On topic, I had an argument this week with the editor a leading criminal journal, suggesting they should run a pullout section on kittens.

[Dark_Raven]

Take a few steps back and figure out what is causing your depression. Figure out a solution to the problem. See a doctor if you must. Do avoid self destructive activities, drugs and alcohol. They may make you feel better in the short term, but all it does is cause more harm in the end.

[SteveThaiBinh]

I'd recommend going and seeing your doctor (ideally a doctor who has known you for some time), and here's a reputable health advice site to take a look at for information: NHS Direct