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Zero Punctuation - Yahtzee reviews


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Unskippable death-sequences? Right control-stick NOT handling the camera? Oh dear....

it's not quite as bad as it sounds. Yes the sequences are not skippable and there is an achievement for getting 100 deaths (Valkyries folly). but all in all the game felt fun to me.

 

of course I'm the guy that likes dynasty warriors so take it as you will.

 

My biggest gripe about the game is the odd slapped together ancient norse gods as cybernetic beings thing. According to them the Norse people could become gods by being a Cyborg. As it is they are the equivalent of shoe polish when it comes to a fight (dying left and right.)

 

the camera isn't controllable except by hitting the left bumper (iirc, been playing gta IV again) to recenter it behind you but usually the action is easily seeable and if somthing is off camera your character can still hit the thing if you point at it.

Biggest problem is selective targeting, when Yahtzee said that the exploding guys were a problem he wasn't kidding... imagine a horde of ugly little screwballs coming at you and buried in the horde are three guys who explode and either turn everything around them into ice or light everything on fire, and then you can only target the 30 guys to the left or right of said bombs and not hit the bombs until they are within melee range.

 

 

and the boss fights are COMPLETLY designed for ranged combat (which screws over one of the classes that was designed as Melee only (sure you can still use guns but they don't do near as much damage as the other classes do))

Victor of the 5 year fan fic competition!

 

Kevin Butler will awesome your face off.

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Everyone knew too human would be rubbish, its been painfully obvious since the first trailers appeared.

 

 

Why do unskipable sequences still exist, and why are they so prevalent. It is the cardinal sin of game design.

There is a universial law that says that all game desginers must have their heads up their asses one fifth of all time.

 

 

My favorite is when you have an unskippable cutscene right before a boss battle or similarly difficult passage, resulting in you having to watch the bloody thing every one of the 125 times you die. Its almost as good as when you die/fail in GTA4 and you have to spend 10min driving and running just to be able to get back to that difficult place where you always die/fail.

DISCLAIMER: Do not take what I write seriously unless it is clearly and in no uncertain terms, declared by me to be meant in a serious and non-humoristic manner. If there is no clear indication, asume the post is written in jest. This notification is meant very seriously and its purpouse is to avoid misunderstandings and the consequences thereof. Furthermore; I can not be held accountable for anything I write on these forums since the idea of taking serious responsability for my unserious actions, is an oxymoron in itself.

 

Important: as the following sentence contains many naughty words I warn you not to read it under any circumstances; botty, knickers, wee, erogenous zone, psychiatrist, clitoris, stockings, bosom, poetry reading, dentist, fellatio and the department of agriculture.

 

"I suppose outright stupidity and complete lack of taste could also be considered points of view. "

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Why do unskipable sequences still exist, and why are they so prevalent. It is the cardinal sin of game design.

i agree. Assassin's Creed is an excellent example: state of the art graphics, cutting edge design, yadda yadda, but nobody thought to include 'press A to skip' to avoid all the endlessly tedious dialogue?

 

in fact, 'cardinal sins of game design' deserves its own thread so i can b1tch about this some more.

dumber than a bag of hammers

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

is that the short or long answer?

Victor of the 5 year fan fic competition!

 

Kevin Butler will awesome your face off.

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So, simply underwhelming was it? What a suprise.

"Some men see things as they are and say why?"
"I dream things that never were and say why not?"
- George Bernard Shaw

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"The amount of energy necessary to refute bull**** is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."

- Some guy 

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  • 2 weeks later...

"Some men see things as they are and say why?"
"I dream things that never were and say why not?"
- George Bernard Shaw

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"The amount of energy necessary to refute bull**** is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."

- Some guy 

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That was just down right unnecessary. Real sick joke you got there. Hope your proud of yourself.

There was a time when I questioned the ability for the schizoid to ever experience genuine happiness, at the very least for a prolonged segment of time. I am no closer to finding the answer, however, it has become apparent that contentment is certainly a realizable goal. I find these results to be adequate, if not pleasing. Unfortunately, connection is another subject entirely. When one has sufficiently examined the mind and their emotional constructs, connection can be easily imitated. More data must be gleaned and further collated before a sufficient judgment can be reached.

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I SO wanted to like Mercenaries 2. It looked like it was straight up my alley. GTA sandbox type game, but all about blowing **** up! I tried the demo and it has to be one of the buggiest games I've played. :)

 

Textures freak out and the game super crashes requiring me to reboot the computer. Freaking shame.

 

I was about ready to rush off and pick this up when it came out. I slapped myself though and said 'NO! Don't do it man! Wait for the demo.'. Best decision I've made in a long time.

Edited by GreasyDogMeat
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I SO wanted to like Mercenaries 2. It looked like it was straight up my alley. GTA sandbox type game, but all about blowing **** up! I tried the demo and it has to be one of the buggiest games I've played. >_<

 

Textures freak out and the game super crashes requiring me to reboot the computer. Freaking shame.

 

I was about ready to rush off and pick this up when it came out. I slapped myself though and said 'NO! Don't do it man! Wait for the demo.'. Best decision I've made in a long time.

I'm definitely getting it when it hits the bargain bins though (for sweet, sweet co-op violence). Which I am surprised it hasn't already. Still MORE than full price in Sweden!

Swedes, go to: Spel2, for the latest game reviews in swedish!

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EssTeeAaaElKaaEAar: Clear Sky seems to suffer the same problems of it's predecessor; Bugs.

"Some men see things as they are and say why?"
"I dream things that never were and say why not?"
- George Bernard Shaw

"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

"The amount of energy necessary to refute bull**** is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it."

- Some guy 

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Funny review.

 

And yes, Clear Sky is much worse on my computer at least. Fairly frequent crashing, and things generally screwing up. Also, it appears that there is a large shadow around my character (a large circle) which is dark as hell, and it being light outside it. This "dark cloud" follows me wherever I go. No idea what's causing it, but it made me give up on the game for now. Hopefully it'll continue to get patches, so it will work well someday. Twas a lot of fun otherwise, even though it went in a direction which I'm not crazy about.

Listen to my home-made recordings (some original songs, some not): http://www.youtube.c...low=grid&view=0

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He liked it more than I thought he would. A pretty positive review, really. Surprising.

Notice how I can belittle your beliefs without calling you names. It's a useful skill to have particularly where you aren't allowed to call people names. It's a mistake to get too drawn in/worked up. I mean it's not life or death, it's just two guys posting their thoughts on a message board. If it were personal or face to face all the usual restraints would be in place, and we would never have reached this place in the first place. Try to remember that.
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I stopped playing Clear Sky when I got to the first enemy base and found a good dozen or so enemies all clumped together in a courtyard. They detected me and could shoot me from any distance, whereas my guns hit an invisible wall a good 30 feet in front of the enemies (as in, you could actually see the bullets spark as though they hit an actual solid surface). It made strategically taking on the enemies without taking massive amounts of damage basically impossible. Cover was no good at all unless you were at a distance at which you could be easily flanked anyway.

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