Important Stretch Goal: Production Beard

Perhaps some of you who have been around for awhile will remember this man, Mr. Matt MacLean. He was systems lead on Alpha Protocol and did some work on Fallout: New Vegas before taking a much-deserved design lead role on the forthcoming South Park game, a role he is well-suited to.

 

Mr. Matt MacLean was well known around these parts for his luxurious Alpha Protocol Production Beard. What is a Production Beard, you ask? Why, it's a Beard, grown during Production of a game such as this one. The Beard owner must abstain from shaving from the time of the game's announcement, until the day it ships, in order to have a certified Production Beard. Such Beards are imbued with mysterious power and good luck, and are crucial to the successful completion of a project.

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The reason for this topic is obvious: Project Eternity must have its very own Production Beard. But who shall bear the burden of such a crucial mission?

 

It is my belief that, when grafted to the sturdy bones of the Kickstarter drive, the answer will present itself to us. We shall let the fans, the fundraisers, decide. But why just have one? There is such potential in this team for Beards. Clearly, our scheme shall be additive in nature, and not only that, it shall display the diversity of human facial styles. What do I mean? Consider this proposal:

 

$1.6 million: At the reaching of this goal, Josh "JE" Sawyer will adopt an official Production Beard in the traditional "bushy" style. All other hair choices are his to make, except this one.

 

$1.8 million: Adam Brenneke adopts the dynamic and beguiling "soul patch".

 

$2.0 million: Chris Avellone adopts the dashing "musketeer".

 

$2.2 million: Tim Cain, who has traditionally worn a beard, shall remain clean-shaven for the entirety of the project.

 

$2.4 million: Feargus Urquhart will do the unthinkable and attempt what no one has ever attempted - the mythical "John Waters".

 

Won't you join me in imploring our noble beneficiaries to do what is right and necessary for their project and for us, the consumer? Join with me, and we will make a bunch of men look very strange, for an indeterminate period of time.

Edited September 18, 2012 by Pop

But I do not want Tim to shave

It is a necessary sacrifice, I can assure you.

It's a neat idea, but I seriously doubt that this will raise pledges substantially.

 

I would be more afraid that the team would be entitled as "dumbasses" for pulling such a pr stunt.

Sign the idea.

Edited September 18, 2012 by LordCrash

Love it. Alpha Protocol may be tied for my favorite Obsidian game, and that beard is tied for my favorite beard of all time. I'd like to see a return to that magic.

With the fulfillment of the $1.6 million goal, we should find someone to hold onto Josh's shaving equipment for him. He won't be needing it for awhile.

They could also bring in Matt McLean and his beard in a sort of mascot role.

 

But yeah... Feargus in that moustache would blow my mind.

This would be an awesome stretch goal, as a proud beard wearer myself I fully support this!

What about production bathing? One team member should not bathe the entire period the game gets made, so that he would not wash the luck away. This will also guarantee that the project will not get delayed or that it will even be released earlier.

Edited September 19, 2012 by l3loodangel

Why don't they just have one of the women pledge to grow a production beard? :u We could get updates on that.

 

... It'd be less scraggly, that's for sure. n_~

Let's also add production homelessness to the mix.

 

I mean, since they'll already have beards and stop bathing...

Chris Avellone with the musketeer beard would be the best thing ever.

I don't know if everyone is understanding the gravity of this mission.

I don't know if everyone is understanding the gravity of this mission.

 

My vote goes for homelessness, because nothing says that you are devoted to a project when you are eating out of trash can for it!

I'm for this.

Go forth and spread the gospel, Alvin Nelson

Can we get a stretch goal for Alvin to let his hair grow?

I am in favor of the bearded lady.

Mods please pin this thread to the top of the forum, it's very important

Alvin speaks all the truths (and so does pop)

I assumed that production bears were a given in any professional development house

 

they feed on the weaker developers, leaving the strong to make better games and grow longer beards

I would be down for growing my hair out again. I failed on Alpha Protocol (sorry Josh Sawyer) so I would be willing to make it up to him, haha.

Alvin will be our hero. May your beard shed light upon the path to success!

Edited September 19, 2012 by Gurkog

Only if those who pledge enough may come visit Obsidian studios to touch the beards.