The stupidest rpg companions.

[StupidSeal]

A list on some of the most stupidest rpg companions in terms of being dumb (actually stupid) and being stupid as in making no sense why they are even around or implemented in game. 

1. Rhin from Torment Tides of Numenera. 

Rhin is literally a child. A wasted space of a character. She's a stupid addition in my opinion as her spot and development could have been used instead for a more interesting character (anything other than a child which she is).    

2. Wilson the Bear. 

Why is Wilson the bear stupid? It's because he's a bear. Come on, this is cool but seriously makes no sense. It's not a weird Seal vs Bear thing either. Logically speaking a bear companion doesn't make any sense. A short video I found for those who don't know Wilson. 

3. Goto from KOTOR 

You can't dismiss or kill him, you're stuck with him. Like a bad smell. He's a third robot which we didn't need as in KOTOR 2 there are already 2 droids in the game HK and T3-M4. I would have preferred an alien or a more ''out there'' companion than him. I and others find him annoying because there was no option to get rid of him if you did not want him. 

4. Pallegina 

I admit it. I'm not a fan of Pallegina from Pillars of Eternity. I just don't like her too much. 

5. Literally all the companions in Lionheart legacy of the Crusader. 

Seriously the AI in these companions is terrible. You can look up stories of these companions just running off into battle and getting themselves killed. There's no way to manage them either. They were stupidly implemented in my opinion. The game itself was broken and not fully completed so maybe the companions were impacted by that? 

6. Minsc 

It's no secret that I hate Minsc. The ranger fits in the stupid-dumb criteria above. He's unbearably loud and fricking obnoxious. A link to a thread of mine called: I don't like Minsc. Visit that thread for an actual rant on Minsc. 

7. Preston Garvey from Fallout.

Oh how I hate Preston. He is just awful. He's super annoying and has a large section of people who hate him. I want to break his legs. One thing I want to point out is there is a Youtube video with 600K views called ''why I HATE Preston Garvey''. One of the first things which pops up when you search him up. It really sums him up. 

8.  Disciple a.k.a Mical

The Disciple is so annoying. I hate how he was implemented and he's really underwhelming. Mical/Disciple is a little worm and I always make sure to play the game with the kill Disciple Mod installed. Which by the way is linked here. Download and install it. A must have.  

9. Ammon Jerro

I cannot stand Ammon Jerro one bit. If there was one rpg companion I could instantly flush down the toilet it would be this bald headed loser. He's such an idiot. I'm going to file him under the ''Stupid/Dumb/Fool/I HATE YOU SO MUCH section. Phew. Can you tell I think he's an egg? PLUS HE IS BALD. I laugh at his male pattern baldness. 

10.  Does Tails from the Sonic games count? 

11. Kai Leng 

Another pathetic worm. Kai Leng ruined the Mass Effect series for me and this is not an exaggeration.  

12. Kaidan Alenko

I would honestly pay + shell out my money to do horrible things to Kaidan. 

13. Sheva - resident evil 

She is a straight up idiot and it says a lot about her that she's last on a list of horrible rpg companions. 

Edited September 28, 2020 by StupidSeal

[melkathi]

Kaidan Alenko is a Bioware trope. Kaidan, Alistair, Atton*... all variations of the Carth Onasi pretty boy people wanted to have digital, pretend relationships with and that turned Bioware rpgs from heavily formulaic rpg romps into heavily formulaic dating sims with rpg features.

 

 

* fully recognising that KotoR2 was Obsidian, not Bioware, but forced to follow the Bioware roadmap

Edited September 28, 2020 by melkathi

[Skazz]

41 minutes ago, melkathi said:

Kaidan Alenko is a Bioware trope. Kaidan, Alistair, Atton*... all variations of the Carth Onasi pretty boy people wanted to have digital, pretend relationships with and that turned Bioware rpgs

How is Atton like Carth, again?

[melkathi]

29 minutes ago, Skazz said:

How is Atton like Carth, again?

All of them are whiny because somehow that translates as endearing vulnerability to simulate an intimate relationship with the player.

[Wormerine]

Everyone in Kingmaker. 

[Skazz]

11 minutes ago, melkathi said:

All of them are whiny because somehow that translates as endearing vulnerability to simulate an intimate relationship with the player.

So I'm Carth?

[melkathi]

I also have a strong dislike for Mina Tang.

[melkathi]

Just now, Skazz said:

So I'm Carth?

Does Carth play Majesty?

Does Atton?

Does Kaidan?

Does any RPG companion?

Have you considered that when evaluating them?

[BruceVC]

Nah, no real issues with companions that are significant or long lasting. My party companions always have a purpose and function that matters in my RP journey 

I simply dont chose people in  my party that are annoying and or stupid 

[Hurlshort]

SW:TOR easily had some of the worst NPC's, made much worse by the fact you couldn't just tell them to take a hike. 

In my first BG play through, Jaheira got smashed into many pieces by an Ogre, and I remember thinking...I could reload...but I also could use a break from her nagging. 

[BruceVC]

3 minutes ago, Hurlshot said:

SW:TOR easily had some of the worst NPC's, made much worse by the fact you couldn't just tell them to take a hike. 

In my first BG play through, Jaheira got smashed into many pieces by an Ogre, and I remember thinking...I could reload...but I also could use a break from her nagging. 

Thats not very gender equality friendly Hurlshot....how do you sleep at night ?

 

[Malcador]

It was fun to kill Mission in KOTOR

[Skazz]

1 hour ago, melkathi said:

Does Carth play Majesty?

Does Atton?

Does Kaidan?

Does any RPG companion?

Have you considered that when evaluating them?

Now you sound like my therapist. He doesn't play Majesty either.

21 minutes ago, Hurlshot said:

In my first BG play through, Jaheira got smashed into many pieces by an Ogre, and I remember thinking...I could reload...but I also could use a break from her nagging. 

I'm sure Khalid was eternally grateful.

 

EDGY HOT TAKE EDIT: Also I didn't mind Wilson.

Edited September 28, 2020 by Skazz

[bugarup]

Oi, Seal. That's false advertisin' right there in the title. Like, I expected to see some sort of parade of the hurrest of the durrs, but 'tis just a plain, boring, can-do-it-myself list of "NPC I don't like". Pfffft. Boooring. 'sides, while Kai Leng (ptui!) totally deserves to choke on piss-soaked cornflakes, he is was, fortunately, not a companion.

[PK htiw klaw eriF]

Cass.

[Humanoid]

Ian for trapping me in corners and spraying me in the back with an SMG. Iolo does this too with a triple crossbow but the game runs too fast to really notice it happening.

Personality-wise it's gotta be Miranda and her (skimpy) plot armour.

[213374U]

4 hours ago, melkathi said:

All of them are whiny because somehow that translates as endearing vulnerability to simulate an intimate relationship with the player.

I thought Atton was a darker spin on the archetype. He's already a sleazebag when you first meet him, and that turns out to be a pose to hide the fact that he's a literal sadist and murderer. Might be reading more into the character than was originally written into it though.

[Skarpen]

You can throw in at least half of Baldurs Gate companions rooster here. Between CON 9 Fighter and WIS 13 Cleric you gotta ask what were the devs thinking? Were they just rolling dice once and whatever dropped had to go in?

Nalia and Minsc from BG2. Minsc being just a stupid character and Nalia being the worst clone of Imoen.

Caith Sith from FF7 just really bizarre companion that brought nothing. 

Goris from Fallout 2, oh that pesky robe tossing animation.

Valerie form Pathfinder Kingmaker, this is a botched companion. Tower Shield specialist that barely can hold her shield. 

I've never understood the hate for RE5 AI companion whether it was Sheva or Chris never had a problem with them. Never died on me stupidly or did anything infuriating. And I've beat this game to 100% at least thrice.  

[melkathi]

2 hours ago, 213374U said:

I thought Atton was a darker spin on the archetype. He's already a sleazebag when you first meet him, and that turns out to be a pose to hide the fact that he's a literal sadist and murderer. Might be reading more into the character than was originally written into it though.

 

I think Atton was Obsidian trying to do something with the archetype that wasn't about licking lamp posts in winter (which would come later).

But I feel KotoR tried too hard to be deep and meaningful and ended up on the edge of simple edgyness, with Atton being a good example of that: This is not Carth, it is a dark, gritty adult (Carth).

[LadyCrimson]

Some companions/chrs have annoyed me here and there, sure.  Some I choose not to continue with and/or always avoid on replays (if possible). I don't think I've ever put a whole lot of thought into it tho.  A companion or character either strikes a chord/resonates with me or doesn't, and then I move on. 

That said, Gladio in FFXV is a prime example of chr. personality tropes that do NOT resonate with me. I had a mod once that made him invisible but sadly it couldn't muffle his voice.  Edit: at least in the Eng. script/translation. I heard he came off a little better in other translations.

Edited September 28, 2020 by LadyCrimson

[kanisatha]

Aren't these entirely subjective?

I for one liked the concepts of Rhin, Wilson the Bear, and pretty much all the Kingmaker companions. Not saying their writing was perfect or even great. Only that I liked their concepts and enjoyed having them in my party. OTOH, the companions I have generally disliked across games are the ones written by Avellone.

[Skazz]

Can't we at least agree that Mordin was a great companion?

[Malcador]

5 minutes ago, Skazz said:

Can't we at least agree that Mordin was a great companion?

I am disappointed I could only shoot him once.  Actually, sort of dumb for Shepard to not make sure he's dead, no need to let him even have a chance of dragging himself to the elevator.

[Theonlygarby]

Probably in the minority and his build isn't bad but tekehu from deadfire annoyed me a lot

[Zoraptor]

1 hour ago, melkathi said:

But I feel KotoR tried too hard to be deep and meaningful and ended up on the edge of simple edgyness, with Atton being a good example of that: This is not Carth, it is a dark, gritty adult (Carth).

That end bit was kind of the aim, though I'd say not specifically of Carth; given the overt similarities of it to PST which subverted general fantasy tropes and K2 subverting the most persistent SW tropes overtly. The point isn't that he's a gritty Carth, it's more a commentary on the logical end point of the SW stereotype Carth represents. You get a similar commentary on the biggest trope in terms of The Force too, where by any out-of-universe analysis it's outright capricious.

Atton is way more a take on the 'noble smuggler' trope and case study Han Solo than he is a deconstruction of the Anomen/ Carth/ Sky/ Kaiden Biostereotype- which is so cardboard it hardly needs deconstruction. Specifically, the stereotypical noble smuggler in SW kind of appears conflicted and nuanced, but never actually seems to smuggle anything 'bad' and never seems to do anything genuinely 'bad' either, including those in the EU who stay as smugglers with their own personal militia etc even after the rebels win. Can't say that about Atton, he has the facade of the noble smuggler trope but whereas if you dig below the surface of a Han Solo or Talon Karrde you find a heart of gold beneath Atton Rand lurks an outright psychopath who gloried in the pain of others.

It was pretty obvious Avellone had read a lot of the SWEU because apart from the obvious PST links (Atris/ Trias; Sion/ Ignus; Nihlus/ Vhailor; Kreia/ Ravel) you also had a bunch of subversion of its tropes and Kreia's force philosophy was borrowed more or less wholesale from Vergere's.