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Useful German phrases for today: Meine beutelmaus hat verstopfung. -- My wombat is constipated. Herr Wachmeister, wo befindet sich das Kinderporno? -- Officer, where can I find the child pornography? Ein Elfe ist in meinen After eingezogen. -- An elf has moved into my anus. I love you, joescafe.com

I knew it, you all want to see me dead D:

That would be Modoc My computer crashed and cannibalized itself for the third time in a month, so I've got **** for games atm. Time to bust out Guitar Hero 2. And I hate rhythm games.

You know that perfect girl, who's outgoing and worldly and cultured and loves all the same things you do? Who laughs at your jokes and knows all the best thai places in town and goes out of her way to make you feel good about yourself? I just met her. And I met her longtime boyfriend, who is a pretty cool guy. ****. ****ing ****. There is no justice. Last night I dreamt I was in the Twin Towers on 9/11. I'll trade you.

e3 as it was previously no longer exists.

No way would they slaughter the golden goose. But seeing as how completely faceless Master Chief is, it wouldn't be difficult to kill off the character and bring in a new, functionally identical replacement. Perhaps a clone.

So is this like Guy Fawkes day?

If you can get stoned to it, it's Vietnam era. Those are the rules.

How much cash did you net?

That seems to be the easy way Where the **** have you been, eh?

May all your chemical endeavors be as fulfilling as the one I just came down from.

I'm greatly looking forward to the Master Chief pregnancy in Halo 4.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh man, that's rich. You know what Half-Life really needs, is Gordon Freeman doing more backflips, add some one-liners too, and the Combine soldiers need to turn on their alien overlords at the last minute. Let's make those Alien overlords monkeys with hammers. If they made a Danielle Steel novel into a game it would have better narrative than Halo. With better plot twists, too. "Permission to leave the ship, sir." "Why, Master Chief?" "To give the Covenant back their bomb." *pauses to ponder Master Chief's total radness* "Permission Granted." Epic. It's Fire Down Below in space. So why do people love Halo? Three reasons. One, people will consume that which they know is safe. See: Wild Hogs. Two, it's got a rather intuitive and (up until the second game) reasonably balanced competitive multiplayer mode. Three, big, loud and dumb equals awesome in the eyes of the demographic that game companies court. See: Anything Michael Bay has ever done. You didn't happen to see Halo 2 topping all the "best of the year" lists? It [defecated] all over what made Halo 1 reasonably exciting, then took that [scatological result] and sold it as a sequel. Like any company looking to break bank, Bungie looked at Halo's greatest strength, multiplayer, and thought "what we really need is to make it bigger", without realizing that doing so would water down that which made Halo multiplayer fun in the first place. And that's not even touching on the single player aspect of the game. Saturday morning cartoon shows have more respect for their audience than to have the protagonist and antagonist team up to fight a greater threat. Every time somebody says that Halo or, god forbid, Gears of War has a "compelling story", I'm reminded of why "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" is going to make $10 billion dollars at the box office, despite it being a one-trick "gay lol" submovie. I'm reminded of why Dan Brown is the great American novelist. Oh, Halo. One day, they'll realize what a polished [poopy] you are.

Alec Baldwin telling an 11-year old how it is.

Bah they ain't that good... I WILL ****ING CUT YOU. They haven't made anything remotely good on record since the late 70's, but that's not the point. There's a reason they pack houses these days yet all of their records combined haven't broken 500,000 units sold.

Few people know that Sherlock Holmes is the great great grandfather of Macgyver.

The Fallout intro still gives me chills, the way the drone music starts up as the film ends...

How often should Cthulu mythos creatures actually show up in a game, anyway? I was under the impression that all the big creatures (Dagon, Cthulu, etc.) were asleep only to wake up whenever the world was to end. Seemed like in all the books I read (there weren't many, admittedly) it was the minions of the Great Old Ones that did all the killing and the insanifying. A Shoggoth, maybe, but not Cthulu or Yog-Sothoth, or the big guns. Still, it's weird that there's no actual supernatural **** in the game.

If the common reaction of a message board to continued trolling really interests you, I'd love to hear your thoughts on drying paint.

Eh, kinda. The deal only showed that Bethesda believes that buying Fallout is a sound investment, and that they believe they can return that investment, which isn't necessarily indicative of an artistic ambition. But at the very least, it also implies that Bethesda has long-term aspirations regarding the Fallout franchise, which bodes well.

For Reals. The second Toejam & Earl was a real letdown for me, considering the greatness of the first. And what was all that cyborg grandpa **** in Streets of Rage 3?

The term is "robblerobblerobble", not "rabblerabblerabble". REPRESENT. *mkreku - let's make out.

Kid van Pervert is now walking the streets of Bethesdatown.

Was Arcanum anything like Fallout? I'm tempted to play it. Have the CDs here. If you like the free-form roleplaying that went along with Fallout, you'll like it. It's a horrendous game in many aspects, the looks, the ****ty balancing, the end of the game (every Troika game ended badly, really) but the roleplaying is especially robust.

Ah, nothing like the exquisite drama of fanboys waving their **** around.