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The Funny Things Thread


Gorth

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It seems that these three Texas ranchers were taking a jet back to Texas from somewhere. Well, being Texans, they were bragging about their spreads.

‘I own the Circle W, fifteen thousand acres up near Brownsville.’

That’s a right spread,’ says the second rancher. ‘Myself, I own the Bar X, thirty thousand acres up in the Panhandle.’

‘That’s a fine spread, pardner. Fine indeed.’

Then he turned to the third man and asked, ‘What about you, pardner? How big is your spread?’

‘It’s only a touch over ten acres,’ the third Texan said.

The other two began to wonder if the fellow had snuck into first class, but they were friendly and didn’t want the man to feel bad, so the first rancher said, ‘Well, a small place can be right nice. What do you call your spread?’

The third rancher smiled a slow Texas smile and said, ‘Downtown Dallas.’

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"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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I saw The Princess Bride in theaters. Which unless, I rented it on VHS, is the last time I watched it.

I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot! ~ Ro-Man

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“Political philosophers have often pointed out that in wartime, the citizen, the male citizen at least, loses one of his most basic rights, his right to life; and this has been true ever since the French Revolution and the invention of conscription, now an almost universally accepted principle. But these same philosophers have rarely noted that the citizen in question simultaneously loses another right, one just as basic and perhaps even more vital for his conception of himself as a civilized human being: the right not to kill.”
 
-Jonathan Littell <<Les Bienveillantes>>
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"The chancellor, the late chancellor, was only partly correct. He was obsolete. But so is the State, the entity he worshipped. Any state, entity, or ideology becomes obsolete when it stockpiles the wrong weapons: when it captures territories, but not minds; when it enslaves millions, but convinces nobody. When it is naked, yet puts on armor and calls it faith, while in the Eyes of God it has no faith at all. Any state, any entity, any ideology that fails to recognize the worth, the dignity, the rights of Man...that state is obsolete."

-Rod Serling

 

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