The Patriarchy (no girls allowed!)

[Labadal]

 

 

Men, pour virility in here asap. Some gays and females are trying to take over.

Where I work, 80% are women. I hate it when they say hello and ask me how I am doing. I also hate it that some of the bring home baked cookies and the like to work. I especially hate it when they tell me that I can go home early when I am done with my stuff. Today, they sent me home an hour and fifteen minutes early. Who do they think they are? Men can work too, you know?

 

 

Man, I remember when my mom used to cut the crust off my sandwiches for me. It's like she didn't want me to become tough.

 

Don't even let me get started on all the things she bought me, like my first Gameboy. She told me that there was absolutely no chance that she would buy it for me. I got it as a Christmas present the same year. I loved Lego and she bought me so much Lego that I have boxes full of them. She did everything for me. Man, how could she? She turned me into a spoiled brat. She is the reason I play video games and that my demands when it comes to food are high. Even as a grown up, she dares cook great meals for me.

 

She should have thrown me out at the age of 5 and told me that I had to learn to survive on my own.

[babaganoosh13]

In a world where metrosexuals--stylish, well-groomed, and sharply dressed men--have taken the center stage in defining the new masculinity, small pockets of men are starting to emerge, rebelling against the status quo. This new breed of man has rejected a lifestyle of wine tasting, pedicures, and excessive cultural awareness (i.e., any cultural awareness). This newly born response to metrosexuality is gaining momentum like never before, calling back to a day when men proudly wore plaid, ate liver and onions, and smelled like motor oil by choice. This modern man has come to be known simply as: the hetrosexual.

 

Hetrosexual men aren't afraid embrace their masculinity. They eat, drink, and sleep like real men: fully engorged. There's no such thing as a "fashion faux-pas" in the world of hetrosexuality. In fact, even the use of the phrase "faux-pas" draws the ire of the hetrosexual man in the form of beatings and social isolation (preferably both). These are men who refuse to be pigeonholed into the constraints of sexual ambiguity, and gladly welcome every opportunity to crotch-wrestle a hot babe. Hetrosexuals are making it cool to be straight again; straight is the new gay.

 

Think you might be a hetrosexual? Take the following quiz to find out:

 

  1. How much should you tip a hairstylist?  

A) 10%  

B) 15%  

C) 20%  

 

If you answered, you're wrong. Hetrosexuals don't go to hair stylists.

 

  2. Cologne?  

A) Yes  

B) No  

 

The correct answer is B) No. Acceptable fragrances for men are: sweat, grease, rum, or some combination thereof.

 

  3. Which language do you speak?  

A) French  

B) English  

C) Both  

D) Neither  

 

The answer is B) English. French is the language of love, and men don't love anything. At best, there are varying degrees of "like," and even then, men don't like anything that much.

 

  4. When dining at restaurant, you should  

A) Push aside your friends and wrestle over the best seat  

B) Wait until the maitre d' seats you  

C) What's a maitre d'?  

 

The correct answer is A and C. A, because if you don't secure the best spot at the table, you may find yourself in the position of having to engage in small talk with your guest. And C, because of the answer to question 3 above.

If you answered all of the questions correctly, congratulations: you are the winner. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a man (unless you are not), and nobody can take that away from you.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Alphabet-Manliness-Maddox/dp/0806535229

Maybe this whole thing got started when someone working at Barnes & Noble accidentally put a copy of this in the Non-fiction section instead of Humor.

[Labadal]

[Bester]

 

 

 

Men, pour virility in here asap. Some gays and females are trying to take over.

Where I work, 80% are women. I hate it when they say hello and ask me how I am doing. I also hate it that some of the bring home baked cookies and the like to work. I especially hate it when they tell me that I can go home early when I am done with my stuff. Today, they sent me home an hour and fifteen minutes early. Who do they think they are? Men can work too, you know?

 

 

Man, I remember when my mom used to cut the crust off my sandwiches for me. It's like she didn't want me to become tough.

 

Don't even let me get started on all the things she bought me, like my first Gameboy. She told me that there was absolutely no chance that she would buy it for me. I got it as a Christmas present the same year. I loved Lego and she bought me so much Lego that I have boxes full of them. She did everything for me. Man, how could she? She turned me into a spoiled brat. She is the reason I play video games and that my demands when it comes to food are high. Even as a grown up, she dares cook great meals for me.

 

She should have thrown me out at the age of 5 and told me that I had to learn to survive on my own.

 

 

Women are programmed to cater to the needs of their children. For god's sake, we're not discussing your moms here. You've got some gerontophile issues you need to work out. We discuss women, you start discussing moms. Jesus H Christ. Euw.

[Longknife]

The other day a girl called me hot. I'm so sick of being complimented and objectified by women...

[Labadal]

 

 

 

 

Men, pour virility in here asap. Some gays and females are trying to take over.

Where I work, 80% are women. I hate it when they say hello and ask me how I am doing. I also hate it that some of the bring home baked cookies and the like to work. I especially hate it when they tell me that I can go home early when I am done with my stuff. Today, they sent me home an hour and fifteen minutes early. Who do they think they are? Men can work too, you know?

 

 

Man, I remember when my mom used to cut the crust off my sandwiches for me. It's like she didn't want me to become tough.

 

Don't even let me get started on all the things she bought me, like my first Gameboy. She told me that there was absolutely no chance that she would buy it for me. I got it as a Christmas present the same year. I loved Lego and she bought me so much Lego that I have boxes full of them. She did everything for me. Man, how could she? She turned me into a spoiled brat. She is the reason I play video games and that my demands when it comes to food are high. Even as a grown up, she dares cook great meals for me.

 

She should have thrown me out at the age of 5 and told me that I had to learn to survive on my own.

 

 

Women are programmed to cater to the needs of their children. For god's sake, we're not discussing your moms here. You've got some gerontophile issues you need to work out. We discuss women, you start discussing moms. Jesus H Christ. Euw.

 

I was out with this girl and everything was going fine, after two hours she lay her hand on my knee while we were at a restaurant. I was about to call the cops for being sexually harassed, but then she gave me this weird look and told me to go home with her. (I even had to pay for the whole tab. Aren't men and women equal?) Paralyzed with fear, I had no other choice but to accept. It was the worst day of my life. She even had the audacity to make me breakfast the morning after.

Edited September 12, 2014 by Labadal

[Malcador]

This thread sure went places.

[Labadal]

This thread sure went places.

Woman detected!

[Hurlshort]

 

Also not digging much of the new member influx.

Sah-ree

 

 

I've never even noticed a post from you before this one, so you weren't really the target.

 

But given your oversensitive reaction, I'm not really going to change my stance.  

[Malcador]

Woman detected!

OMG Misogynerd!

[Fighter]

Woman detected!

 

Assume attack formation!

[Labadal]

I'm on it.

 

But first a war dance

[ManifestedISO]

 

 

Also not digging much of the new member influx.

Sah-ree

 

 

I've never even noticed a post from you before this one, so you weren't really the target.

 

Burn. Very manly, polite burn. 

[Leferd]

http://youtu.be/5VX7gc9HyYE

 

Abuse. Lols.

[Orogun01]

That video is incredibly misogynistic; don't teach girls self defense, teach men not to rape.

[Volourn]

"(it's really worth watching the video in its entirety, at the end of the video there is a priceless moment)"

 

The woman who stood up at the end should be embarassed as she got run over by the guy. Seriously, there wasn't a better person to stand up to that piece of crap?

[Marceror]

The other day a girl called me hot. I'm so sick of being complimented and objectified by women...

Did you have a fever at the time? And was she your mother?

[Marceror]

 

 

Also not digging much of the new member influx.

Sah-ree

 

 

I've never even noticed a post from you before this one, so you weren't really the target.

 

But given your oversensitive reaction, I'm not really going to change my stance.  

 

I don't think I had ever noticed a post of yours before either, so you're in good company there. Regardless, I was attempting the channel the collective spirit of the "new member influx" when I posted that ("new members" being those who joined up since the PoE Kickstarter, I assume). And I wasn't being oversensitive. I was really apologizing, though was trying to use a cute internet voice in hopes that I might ever so slightly endear myself and the many thousands of brethren that I presume to represent. But I guess that didn't quite work out, based on your response.

 

I'll just see myself out then.

[Monte Carlo]

^ This is not manly. Men don't explain. Men don't regret. Dammit.

[BruceVC]

I am avoiding this thread because I won't contribute towards anything that says  women aren't allowed to participate in but an interesting point has been raised.

 

What exactly is the issue with all the new members we are seeing? I don't get it, I am enjoying all the different perspectives. Its makes a refreshing change from our normal views

[Marceror]

I am avoiding this thread because I won't contribute towards anything that says  women aren't allowed to participate in but an interesting point has been raised.

 

What exactly is the issue with all the new members we are seeing? I don't get it, I am enjoying all the different perspectives. Its makes a refreshing change from our normal views

Oh, that's just human nature. People don't like change because... they don't like change.

 

"Back in my day we only had 50 - 60 posts a day around here, and that's how we liked it! Now we're getting more than that in an hour lots o' times. Site's going to hell in a hand basket I tell you," and all that.

Edited September 13, 2014 by Marceror

[Monte Carlo]

I welcome new, manly, men to the forums so they can come in here and play d1ck-slapping secret hand-shakes and find a safe zone from the FemTyranny that is slowly strangling gaming like Polonium-soaked knotweed.

 

Even if they're chicks.

[Monte Carlo]

I am avoiding this thread

 

Thank the Lord.

[Marceror]

so they can come in here and play d1ck-slapping secret hand-shakes

 

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

[Monte Carlo]

That is because your manliness is slipping. Man-up Marceror! You have nothing to fear from d1ck-slapping. It is wholesome and natural. I think.