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The Funny Things Thread.


Rosbjerg

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...not a fan/net creation. (there was a non-singing version first, then State Farm made the remix too)

"Dingle dangle!" :lol:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8t2dwPTnsyA

 

Also:

 

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“Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts
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Haha! That Shatner vid was awesome! Made me go to youtube and listen to some Symphony of Science too. :)

Civilization, in fact, grows more and more maudlin and hysterical; especially under democracy it tends to degenerate into a mere combat of crazes; the whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary. - H.L. Mencken

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Bill Shatner is the best.  These days it's intentional comedy, but he is still the Undisputed Heavyweight Unintentional Comedy Champion of the World:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvQwXOCKNLY

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🇺🇸RFK Jr 2024🇺🇸

"Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive." - Bill Hicks

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Bill Shatner is the best.  These days it's intentional comedy, but he is still the Undisputed Heavyweight Unintentional Comedy Champion of the World:

 

Oh dear... is it bad that I feel ashamed on his behalf? >_<

Edited by Azdeus

Civilization, in fact, grows more and more maudlin and hysterical; especially under democracy it tends to degenerate into a mere combat of crazes; the whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary. - H.L. Mencken

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^^^^^^^

 

That one is an instant classic.

Edited by babaganoosh13

You see, ever since the whole Doritos Locos Tacos thing, Taco Bell thinks they can do whatever they want.

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Oh dear god, I needed this. A proper laugh.

 

Amazon Review - Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme

 

 

5.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS 24 Jan 2012

By Andrew

 

Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

 

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)

5.0 out of 5 stars Oh the shame.... 3 July 2012

By A. Chappell

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.

 

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.

 

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .

 

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.

 

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

 

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect... :)

3.0 out of 5 stars LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION 17 April 2012

By The Cantankerous Tiger

I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.

 

Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.

Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that.

 

However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children.

 

All in all an effective and reasonably priced product - 3 Stars

Edited by Raithe
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"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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I could hardly read the last one for all the tears! Thank you so much for that!! :D

Civilization, in fact, grows more and more maudlin and hysterical; especially under democracy it tends to degenerate into a mere combat of crazes; the whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary. - H.L. Mencken

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Chris Hadfield Ejected From Movie Theatre for Loudly Heckling Gravity

 

What was fantastic about this, is that I first seen that on some real news site, so when I told a lady at work about this who recommended that I go watch it...

 

Well, I'll have egg on my face next week. Well played Yahoo, or Google, or wherever it was that I had first seen it.

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You see, ever since the whole Doritos Locos Tacos thing, Taco Bell thinks they can do whatever they want.

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"Eventually, theatre staff was notified, and the Canadian living legend was loudly removed from the cinema. Witnesses report that he did not go quietly. One patron recalled, “The last thing I heard him yelling was, ‘Have you been to space? Because I’ve been to space!’” 

“But he’s still a hero, I suppose.”

 

1. What a loser.

 

2. Going to space doesn't make you a hero (unless you a reblowing up an asteroid that is about to destroy Earth that is <>).

DWARVES IN PROJECT ETERNITY = VOLOURN HAS PLEDGED $250.

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To boldly go, where 536 people have gone before!

Civilization, in fact, grows more and more maudlin and hysterical; especially under democracy it tends to degenerate into a mere combat of crazes; the whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary. - H.L. Mencken

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