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The Funny Things Thread.


Rosbjerg

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Things lately have been reminding me of old Royal Canadian Air Farce sketches.

 

 

You see, ever since the whole Doritos Locos Tacos thing, Taco Bell thinks they can do whatever they want.

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1455161_764003866980853_218584918_n.jpg

 

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“Political philosophers have often pointed out that in wartime, the citizen, the male citizen at least, loses one of his most basic rights, his right to life; and this has been true ever since the French Revolution and the invention of conscription, now an almost universally accepted principle. But these same philosophers have rarely noted that the citizen in question simultaneously loses another right, one just as basic and perhaps even more vital for his conception of himself as a civilized human being: the right not to kill.”
 
-Jonathan Littell <<Les Bienveillantes>>
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"The chancellor, the late chancellor, was only partly correct. He was obsolete. But so is the State, the entity he worshipped. Any state, entity, or ideology becomes obsolete when it stockpiles the wrong weapons: when it captures territories, but not minds; when it enslaves millions, but convinces nobody. When it is naked, yet puts on armor and calls it faith, while in the Eyes of God it has no faith at all. Any state, any entity, any ideology that fails to recognize the worth, the dignity, the rights of Man...that state is obsolete."

-Rod Serling

 

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Milestones as the Temperature Drops

(in Degrees Fahrenheit)

 

65

Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night

 

60

Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

 

50

Miami residents turn on the heat

 

45

Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts

 

40

You can see your breath

Californians shiver uncontrollably

Minnesotans go swimming

 

35

Italian cars don't start

 

32

Water freezes

 

30

You plan your vacation to Australia

 

25

Ohio water freezes

Californians weep pitiably

Minnesotans eat ice cream

Canadians go swimming

 

20

Politicians begin to talk about the homeless

New York City water freezes

Miami residents plan vacation further South

 

15

French cars don't start

Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

 

10

You need jumper cables to get the car going

 

5

American cars don't start

 

0

Alaskans put on T-shirts

 

-10

German cars don't start

Eyes freeze shut when you blink

 

-15

You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo

Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects

Miami residents cease to exist

 

-20

Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you

Politicians actually do something about the homeless

Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

Japanese cars don't start

 

-25

Too cold to think

You need jumper cables to get the driver going

 

-30

You plan a two week hot bath

Swedish cars don't start

 

-40

Californians disappear

Minnesotans button top button

Canadians put on sweaters

Your car helps you plan your trip South

 

-50

Congressional hot air freezes

Alaskans close the bathroom window

 

-80

Hell freezes over

Polar bears move South

Green Bay Packer fans order hot cocoa at the game

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"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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Heh.

 

On "Gamer's habits"

 

 


If you walk up to an annoying child in Tesco, punch it in the face, and start to teabag its unconscious body, then you sir are bound for prison. And in prison, you will be very, very unpopular. As such, normal human beings choose to avoid this course of action. However, in Call of Duty, it’s fair game. After all, this child that you probably don’t know just stopped your killstreak, and that really matters in the overall scheme of things, right? Teabag away!

"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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Oh god had to share this gold, from a acquaintance of mine.

 

She was working as a wardrobe girl at a cabaret event, when this 50something transvestite comes in, he's friendly they smalltalk and he hands her his glimmer jacket and a string. Now she pretty confused by the string of course and simply stand there starring at it for a while, until - by pure reflex - she tugs it..

 

This lifts his skirt and reveals that the string is in fact tied around his clean shaven *private area*. They share a tender moment of complete disillusion and confusion. He politely coughs with all the suburban indignation he can muster, straightness his dress, mumbles a few intelligible words, takes back the string and walks away in the most dignified way he could.

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Fortune favors the bald.

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Oh god had to share this gold, from a acquaintance of mine.

 

She was working as a wardrobe girl at a cabaret event, when this 50something transvestite comes in, he's friendly they smalltalk and he hands her his glimmer jacket and a string. Now she pretty confused by the string of course and simply stand there starring at it for a while, until - by pure reflex - she tugs it..

 

This lifts his skirt and reveals that the string is in fact tied around his clean shaven *private area*. They share a tender moment of complete disillusion and confusion. He politely coughs with all the suburban indignation he can muster, straightness his dress, mumbles a few intelligible words, takes back the string and walks away in the most dignified way he could.

 

A sort of herbal teabag?

Edited by Walsingham

"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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Is that funny somehow? It just seems lecherous.

 

Lecherocious.

"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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