Bos_hybrid Posted March 18, 2013 Share Posted March 18, 2013 The Political Cows SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive... Classic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoonDing Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=x55yCeBie2s The ending of the words is ALMSIVI. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcador Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 A guy goes into a café and leaves his Ferrari outside. He goes in, drinks his coffee and when he leaves he sees his car isn't there anymore. He goes back into the café and says: "I'm sure it's one of you who did this. I'm going to count to 5 and if I don't have my car back I'll do what my father did 5 years ago in this very place". Everybody's thinking "****, what did his father do?". So he starts counting "1, 2, 3, 4..." and a guy steps up: "Okay, okay, here's your car. But I have to know, what did your father do 5 years ago?" "He walked home." 1 Why has elegance found so little following? Elegance has the disadvantage that hard work is needed to achieve it and a good education to appreciate it. - Edsger Wybe Dijkstra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katphood Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 2 There used to be a signature here, a really cool one...and now it's gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katphood Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) EDIT: Oooops! Sorry for the double post. Didn't notice that the thread wasn't updated since I last posted! Edited March 25, 2013 by Astiaks There used to be a signature here, a really cool one...and now it's gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raithe Posted March 25, 2013 Share Posted March 25, 2013 2 "Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raithe Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 "Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCrimson Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 "Guy who dies first" should've been Sean Bean. 2 “Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosbjerg Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 There are so many vader quotes that would work on so many levels.. like "When I left you I was but a learner, now I am the Master!" for when you bang your ex.. Fortune favors the bald. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjshae Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) That's when your ex says, "I will deal with this matter personally...". Edited March 27, 2013 by rjshae 1 "It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosbjerg Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Or "You are unwise to lower your defenses!" if you get a drunk girl home.. 1 Fortune favors the bald. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSOCC Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 ah but when you're accosted by a drunk guy, "the harder you grasp, the more will slip through your fingers!" Remember: Argue the point, not the person. Remain polite and constructive. Friendly forums have friendly debate. There's no shame in being wrong. If you don't have something to add, don't post for the sake of it. And don't be afraid to post thoughts you are uncertain about, that's what discussion is for.---Pet threads, everyone has them. I love imagining Gods, Monsters, Factions and Weapons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCrimson Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Or "You are unwise to lower your defenses!" if you get a drunk girl home.. It's not Vader oriented, but here's what instantly came to mind when I read this: "You've left me an opening!" “Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSOCC Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Gah! I hear that in Disciple's voice Remember: Argue the point, not the person. Remain polite and constructive. Friendly forums have friendly debate. There's no shame in being wrong. If you don't have something to add, don't post for the sake of it. And don't be afraid to post thoughts you are uncertain about, that's what discussion is for.---Pet threads, everyone has them. I love imagining Gods, Monsters, Factions and Weapons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malcador Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 "Let's blow this thing and go home" 2 Why has elegance found so little following? Elegance has the disadvantage that hard work is needed to achieve it and a good education to appreciate it. - Edsger Wybe Dijkstra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosbjerg Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 So we should launch a Star Wars oriented condom brand is what you guys are saying?.. Down you go! 1 Fortune favors the bald. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amentep Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 "And now, your highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden rebel base..." I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot! ~ Ro-Man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSOCC Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Someone else already posted attack of the phantom but I still like it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o1eTJhFP9k (his others are funny too, but also have the unfunny "I'm a psychopath with a prostitute in the basement" skits in between.) Remember: Argue the point, not the person. Remain polite and constructive. Friendly forums have friendly debate. There's no shame in being wrong. If you don't have something to add, don't post for the sake of it. And don't be afraid to post thoughts you are uncertain about, that's what discussion is for.---Pet threads, everyone has them. I love imagining Gods, Monsters, Factions and Weapons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSOCC Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 1 Remember: Argue the point, not the person. Remain polite and constructive. Friendly forums have friendly debate. There's no shame in being wrong. If you don't have something to add, don't post for the sake of it. And don't be afraid to post thoughts you are uncertain about, that's what discussion is for.---Pet threads, everyone has them. I love imagining Gods, Monsters, Factions and Weapons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjshae Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 So we should launch a Star Wars oriented condom brand is what you guys are saying?.. “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” 2 "It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgoth Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 Ohboyohboyohboy Rain makes everything better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Morgoth Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 2 Rain makes everything better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCrimson Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 I don't get it. Cop car I assume, but wtf is the guy in the costume doing in the first place? Heh. “Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nepenthe Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 Speed camera, common way of enforcing speed limits. The guy's dressed up as one. You're a cheery wee bugger, Nep. Have I ever said that? Reapercussions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjshae Posted March 30, 2013 Share Posted March 30, 2013 But... yeah, okay. 1 "It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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