The Political Cows

 

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour

 

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk

 

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk

 

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you

 

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

 

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by

your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

 

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

 

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.

You still only have two cows.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

 

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive...

 

Classic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=x55yCeBie2s

A guy goes into a café and leaves his Ferrari outside. He goes in, drinks his coffee and when he leaves he sees his car isn't there anymore. He goes back into the café and says: "I'm sure it's one of you who did this. I'm going to count to 5 and if I don't have my car back I'll do what my father did 5 years ago in this very place". Everybody's thinking "****, what did his father do?".

 

So he starts counting "1, 2, 3, 4..." and a guy steps up: "Okay, okay, here's your car. But I have to know, what did your father do 5 years ago?"

 

"He walked home."

 

EDIT:  Oooops! Sorry for the double post. Didn't notice that the thread wasn't updated since I last posted!

Edited March 25, 201312 yr by Astiaks

"Guy who dies first" should've been Sean Bean.

 

 

There are so many vader quotes that would work on so many levels.. like "When I left you I was but a learner, now I am the Master!" for when you bang your ex..

That's when your ex says, "I will deal with this matter personally...".

Edited March 27, 201312 yr by rjshae

Or "You are unwise to lower your defenses!" if you get a drunk girl home..

ah but when you're accosted by a drunk guy, "the harder you grasp, the more will slip through your fingers!"

Or "You are unwise to lower your defenses!" if you get a drunk girl home..

It's not Vader oriented, but here's what instantly came to mind when I read this:

 

"You've left me an opening!"

Gah! I hear that in Disciple's voice

"Let's blow this thing and go home"

So we should launch a Star Wars oriented condom brand is what you guys are saying?..

 

Down you go!

"And now, your highness, we will discuss the location of your hidden rebel base..."

 

Someone else already posted attack of the phantom but I still like it:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_o1eTJhFP9k (his others are funny too, but also have the unfunny "I'm a psychopath with a prostitute in the basement" skits in between.)

 

So we should launch a Star Wars oriented condom brand is what you guys are saying?..

 

“Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?”

 

Ohboyohboyohboy

I don't get it. Cop car I assume, but wtf is the guy in the costume doing in the first place? Heh.

Speed camera, common way of enforcing speed limits. The guy's dressed up as one.

 

But... yeah, okay.