Family

[Walsingham]

With Christmas coming up I thought it might be interesting to hear what people tought about and felt about family. I know some of us are also having problems with family members being very sick, but I hope this won't cause problems.

 

Who are your family? Are they nice? Are they getting nicer? Where does family end? Where does it begin? Are parents really sensible people to leave in charge of a child? Woudl life be better if we didn't have families but came out of pods? What are your best memories of your family?

[Hurlshort]

It's my daughter's first Christmas. I'm extremely excited, and I'm enjoying every moment with my little family unit of me, my wife, and my daughter.

 

On a less exciting note, my sister wants to have Christmas Eve at her place, and she lives a couple hours away from the rest of the family. The problem is my Grandma's health is failing, and it's unlikely she can travel that distance without being really uncomfortable. I'm pushing for us to do something at our Grandma's house, but my sister has 5 kids and she's not happy about it.

 

We had the same conflict last year, but it was my Grandpa who's health was failing. He died recently, so that was his last Christmas and he didn't get to be a part of the big family event. Sure, we all visited him on our own, but it's not the same.

[Walsingham]

I must say that as more of my friends get children I start to wonder about the importance of having a family. It's inconvenient and expensive, and constraining, but... I don't know.

[Tale]

Never been much of a family person, to be honest. I know that it's a frown on thing by society, but nothing I can do. I care about my family, and many of them have been helpful, but I can't say I feel close to any of them or have any particular interest in being close to them. Can't stand family gatherings. And of few family members I recall having lost in my youth, I'd say my dogs and cat were the only ones that caused me to grieve. And when my other family members pass on, father, grandparents, aunts and uncles, I won't grieve then, either. A bit for my mother. At my sister's funeral I'll probably crack a smile.

 

Looking forward at family, I don't really see anything there, either. No interest in a wife or kids. And I tell myself that if, by some freak happenstance, I do get married, I don't intend for kids because of financial and population burdens they would present. Not to mention the interference children would have with either mine or my wife's career. And I'll be damned if I give a woman with no aspirations of career a second thought long enough to eventually marry her. But, again that's probably another reason I won't get married, alongside the feeling that any woman I get involved with for more than 3 months should probably undergo an IQ test just so I can avoid spending too much time with an idiot.

 

I must say that as more of my friends get children I start to wonder about the importance of having a family. It's inconvenient and expensive, and constraining, but... I don't know.

 

This might be part of the reason I don't want a family in my future. When I was growing up, every.single.one of my friends ended up starting an uplanned family before the age of 20. And if there's one thing I want, it's to not be like the people I grew up with.

 

 

In short; I'm an **** and I kind of like it.

Edited November 27, 2007 by Tale

[Hurlshort]

I must say that as more of my friends get children I start to wonder about the importance of having a family. It's inconvenient and expensive, and constraining, but... I don't know.

 

It's pretty much impossible to put into words how I feel about my daughter. It's not easy being a parent in the least, and I know the hardest years are yet to come, but it's a complete shift in mentality. I see the world in a very different way now, my priorities are completely re-arranged. It's the most rewarding work ever.

[theslug]

I won't go into the specifics but once I'm old to support myself I'm moving and most likely never looking back. If I've learned anything its that even when you think you know someone you really don't. People always have ulterior motives; one day you are both in love and another you're willing to slit their throat. I'll probably never get married because I don't really see the point other than a financial partnership and tax breaks but I would like to have children. Hell if I'm wealthy enough I'd raise a kid or two on my own. Damn you Silas Marner.

 

Either way, family definitely has benefits like loving grandparents and good parents if you are lucky but family carries way too much baggage for me. I'm messed up enough, the last thing I need is a bunch of dysfunctional weirdos worse off than me trying to drag me into their problems.

 

Edit: Read tale's post. Pretty much in the same boat except I'm not insanely smart, however I do think I'm a lot better than most people because I suppose I do possess some form of common sense at times. Not to mention people generally just piss me off, I'm usually an outsider alienating myself from society. I just can't stand how stupid people are at times.

 

But mainly "In short, I'm a **** and I kind of like it." Totally agree.

Edited November 27, 2007 by theslug

[Azure79]

I come from a pretty big family.

 

My mom has 4 sisters and my dad has 3 brothers and a sister. Each of these brothers and sisters are married and have two children meaning I have a lot of cousins.

 

My mom is the eldest of her sisters, my father is the eldest of his brothers and sister. I guess that gave them a sense of responsibility because they take care of them and they take care of my parents in return. We are a pretty close knit bunch. My mom's side of the family usually gets together every Sunday to eat and drink and make merry. My father's side meets around once a month and during any Jae Sah (kind of a ancestor worship ceremony in Korea) to eat, drink and make merry.

 

Both sides joke that if I ever bring a girl home, the girl must be able to pass the drinking test. This basically consists of accepting shots of Korean vodka(soju) from every elder person at the table without passing out/throwing up.

 

Its a lot of fun and I miss going to them, especially now that my older cousins are old enough to drink. I'm the oldest cousin of the bunch. Its good to know that you have a group of people to take the good times and bad times with.

[taks]

my family is tiny, and living in st. louis for the most part. i did not get home for turkey day this year, though due to an unfortunate incident, i was home the weekend before turkey day. same goes for xmas. my wife doesn't have enough vacation to take off for the holidays. her family is in upstate NY, so we see them even less often.

 

of course, i talk to my mother 3 times a week, and since mizzou is #1 in the BCS at the moment, my brothers and i are talking constantly. we normally keep in touch every other week otherwise. given recent events, my mother intends to be out to CO much more often in the future (particularly if she retires), but probably not till i graduate in may. my uncle, her brother, even threatened to come with her in may if she drives (he doesn't fly).

 

taks

[taks]

taking care of a child is a very rewarding chore. i can't say i see the world any differently, however, though i do pay attention to certain things a bit more closely (like education matters).

 

taks

[WILL THE ALMIGHTY]

I must say that as more of my friends get children I start to wonder about the importance of having a family. It's inconvenient and expensive, and constraining, but... I don't know.

 

It's pretty much impossible to put into words how I feel about my daughter. It's not easy being a parent in the least, and I know the hardest years are yet to come, but it's a complete shift in mentality. I see the world in a very different way now, my priorities are completely re-arranged. It's the most rewarding work ever.

 

Good for you, seriously. I can imagine what it's like.

 

 

About family... From an older brother perspective (heck, I'm only 15), my life would be pretty boring without my two brothers.

Then again, my life is kidna bland anyway... eh. Oh well.

[Sand]

The only family member I have any sort of contact with is my mother. We talk maybe once or twice a month but beyond that I have no contact with any member of my family which is fine by me.

[Gorth]

Interesting topic...

 

I don't have any "family of my own", as in no wife and no kids (to the best of my knowledge).

 

My parents are a fun couple. My dad spend some years in jail when I was kid, for printing his own american 20 dollar bills. My mom was the one who turned him in, yet today, 30 years later they are still happily married. It has to be love. I never had much to do with uncles, aunts, cousins and so, which means my parents and my brothers are the family I know and care about.

 

My parents tried their hands at being guardians/foster parents for three distant relatives during my teenage years, but it didn't turn out well. Being already damaged goods (growing up in a place, that when later investigated by police, turned out to be no better than a concentration camp for children), they ended up hardened criminals (robbing convenience stores, money transports etc.) and in one case, a heroin addict, introducing me to the less positive sides of society. They sure were handy to have around, beating people up who bothered me though

 

If anything, I learned the possible consequences of not having a loving family when growing up, which makes me somewhat more "forgiving" towards people with tough upbringings and more condemning towards people who doesn't appreciate how privileged they may be.

 

Having absolutely atrocious social skills, I never really got into this feeling comfortable around people thing, so I often feel more relaxed and generally happier when finding secluded places with no people around. As much as I love my brothers and their families, no way could I imagine myself having what it takes to raise a family (some would say, I am a coward).

[Krookie]

I talk to everyone in my family.

[Walsingham]

I also had a rather fragmented family life. Parents moved around quite a bit. Fought quite a bit. Got divorced. Mad as badgers in the bayou. Sent to boarding school. Demanded to stay in boarding school.

 

I suppose teh idea for this occurred to me because on the one hand my grandfather is in hospital, and I feel like he's been a huge part of my life but never really knew. On the other hand I just woke up to the fact that I have a niece, who I grotesquely bad with, but who adores me. She's only five but she seems to think an uncle who pretends to be a pig and lets her hunt him around the house with a nerf gun is the pinnacle of entertainment. I also buy her ice-cream when she is brave.

[Guest The Architect]

Same, since me and my closest family members, who're my Mum, my Dad, my brother and my Nonno, only keep in touch with the family members we get along with, which is roughly 40 people I think. I've never really met any of the family members who're said to be ****, except for my Dad's parents. I definitely want to have a relationship and I'd love to have kids. Two kids. But then again it depends on what the lady wants. I mean, not all women want to have kids and if you love the person you're with, you should respect their decision.

[Atreides]

My family's good with each other. I'm heading back home after being away for a long time. Sending emails to everyone (we CC so it feels like a conversation) isn't the same, and people change after awhile so I want to get to know them again. It's the same with some of my closer friends like that.

 

Looking forward to spending Christmas with them.

 

After a year or two, I'll reevaluate where things are going and take things from there.

[Guard Dog]

I once thought I would have a traditional family. Wife, kids, take them to see the grandparents from time to time. But the reality was a little different. My wife and I split up a few years ago with no kids. I hated her after that but now that I look back on it the divorce was really like a quiet death at the end of a long illness. You're sad when it happens but you are also glad it's over. I hated her mostly because I blamed her for things she was not totally responsible for. At the time I had a failed marriage, failed business, and failed political career, plus was totally broke. She left because of it but she was not the cause of it. I alienated most of my family in that process but have mended the fences some since. But most holidays I avoid family gatherings, too uncomfortable. So really my dogs are like my family now. I seriously doubt I'll get married again, once was enough. I wonder what life might be like if things had gone differently, especially this time of year. But I don't dwell on it.

 

The one lesson in life that I have learned is that happiness is something you chose to have, or not to have. I chose to be happy and optimistic. Thats why I've never understood why so many people get so down and depressed over family, or homesickness this time of year. Your home is wherever you are. And your family is your friends and the people around you right now, just as much as your parents, spouse, siblings etc.

[Guest The Architect]

I must say that as more of my friends get children I start to wonder about the importance of having a family. It's inconvenient and expensive, and constraining, but... I don't know.

 

Isn't it a symbolic thing or something? The child is supposed to be like a physical representation of the love their parents have for each other, or um... a representation of their horniness or something, depending on how many kids they have.

 

It is an interesting question. Maybe it could be because having parents yourself, and if you're happy to be the son/daughter of your parents, you might be like "Oh man, I so want to be a Dad one day."

 

Know what I mean? That's the way I feel. I just think it'd be cool, interesting albeit probably challenging to be a Dad. Guess it'd keep you going having a young one or young ones around the house as you age. Yeah I don't know, something like that.

 

Anyway, you can call me a crackpot if you like, but I'm a destiny believing person, and I think that if you do happen to find the one, your soul mate or whatever you want to call it, surely you're going to want to have a long term relationship with them.

 

So the point I'm trying to make is, whether you want to have a relationship or not is trivial, unless you deliberately choose to be distant, push away or whatever someone you have strong feelings for, which would be a ridiculously **** thing to do I reckon.

 

Then again you might just be a variety, interested only in sex person and while I'm not against single people wanting to be like that, and perhaps being successful at it, to always be like that?

 

No. It suggests to me you're too heartless, cowardly or insecure to become romantically attached to a person and well... I would be concerned if I were like that. Honestly, I think a big problem in humanity is there's a lack of faith in it.

 

I mean there's 6 billion people on the planet. I'm not disagreeing with those who think there's a lot of rotten people on our planet, but there's a lot of good people too. At least the laws of probability would suggest that anyway.

Edited November 28, 2007 by The Architect

[Guard Dog]

No. It suggests to me you're too heartless, cowardly or insecure to become romantically attached to a person and well... I would be concerned if I were like that.

 

Actually it means they have not met the right person to change their mind about it. Notice the ones here who are coldest about finding love and family are either college students who haven't even begun their careers yet or they are like Tale, young professionals whose careers are rising. It is completely understandable why starting a family would be the last thing on their minds right now. Now look at the ones who have wives and kids, Hurlshot, Taks. Hurlshot is a teacher, and Taks is going to invent a new super efficient semi conductor that will allow the creation microprossesors the size of atoms any day now. They both have succesful careers that are well on track and this is exactly the time to have a family. If someone states something like "I'll never get married" that just tells me they haven't met anyone to change their minds about it....yet.

[astr0creep]

It's pretty much impossible to put into words how I feel about my daughter. It's not easy being a parent in the least, and I know the hardest years are yet to come, but it's a complete shift in mentality. I see the world in a very different way now, my priorities are completely re-arranged. It's the most rewarding work ever.

 

QFT!

 

I used to be like a lot of guys. I didn't want kids, I wanted to stay single forever, enjoying my time drinking, sleeping, watching whatever movies I wanted and playing video games.

 

These feelings changed a bit after I met my wife but were still present in various degrees until the very second my daughter was born 6 months ago almost to the day.

 

Let's just say that having a child is like getting hit in the groin really hard by reality. This is a good thing.

 

How shallow my life was before my daughter. But the second she was born it's like I understood everything. All came into focus and I learned that SHE is what life is about and everything else is just filler.

 

I love you sweetheart!

[Guest The Architect]

Actually it means they have not met the right person to change their mind about it. Notice the ones here who are coldest about finding love and family are either college students who haven't even begun their careers yet or they are like Tale, young professionals whose careers are rising. It is completely understandable why starting a family would be the last thing on their minds right now.

 

Now look at the ones who have wives and kids, Hurlshot, Taks. Hurlshot is a teacher, and Taks is going to invent a new super efficient semi conductor that will allow the creation microprossesors the size of atoms any day now. They both have succesful careers that are well on track and this is exactly the time to have a family. If someone states something like "I'll never get married" that just tells me they haven't met anyone to change their minds about it....yet.

 

I was talking about relationships, not having a family.

 

I'm with Tale and theslug on that. I wouldn't want to be having no kid yet.

 

Also, what you said is what I said too, that whether you want to have a relationship or not is trivial, because if you do meet the right person, you'll want to.

 

I was referring to people who're only interesting in rooting around and never being interested in seeking a relationship as heartless, insecure or cowardly, though of course, those words were too harsh to use in this case, and for that, my bad.

[Gfted1]

It's pretty much impossible to put into words how I feel about my daughter. It's not easy being a parent in the least, and I know the hardest years are yet to come, but it's a complete shift in mentality. I see the world in a very different way now, my priorities are completely re-arranged. It's the most rewarding work ever.

 

QFT!

 

I used to be like a lot of guys. I didn't want kids, I wanted to stay single forever, enjoying my time drinking, sleeping, watching whatever movies I wanted and playing video games.

 

These feelings changed a bit after I met my wife but were still present in various degrees until the very second my daughter was born 6 months ago almost to the day.

 

Let's just say that having a child is like getting hit in the groin really hard by reality. This is a good thing.

 

How shallow my life was before my daughter. But the second she was born it's like I understood everything. All came into focus and I learned that SHE is what life is about and everything else is just filler.

 

I love you sweetheart!

 

+1

 

 

Im the youngest of three and both my siblings still live in Florida. Were close but we dont chit-chat all the time. We talk and catch up once a month or so. Both of my parents are long gone. My father when I was 7 and my mother when I was 17.

 

EDIT: Oh yeah, Im also married and on good terms with all the in-laws, of which there is a buttload. Interestingly, that was the biggest culture shock for me as I was used to not having a lot of "family" around.

Edited November 28, 2007 by Gfted1

[Enoch]

Well, lets see... There were almost 30 people at my parents' house this Thanksgiving, all of whom are related to me in some way (mostly aunts/uncles/cousins) and most of whom I like well enough. The closest of them are my parents and my younger sister (only sibling) who got hitched this past spring. The new brother-in-law is a nice enough guy, but, like most older brothers, I think she could've done better.

 

I'm also engaged to be married next summer, and I get along well with her family. Kids are something we've talked about, but were still a few years away from being ready to take that step.

[kirottu]

I was raised by polar bears. I had to fight against blood thirsty wolves and rabid penguins to get my food. Those who were too weak to survive were sent to Sweden.

 

It has made me the man I am today. A man who craves furry hentai.

[Tale]

I was raised by polar bears. I had to fight against blood thirsty wolves and rabid penguins to get my food. Those who were too weak to survive were sent to Sweden.

 

It has made me the man I am today. A man who craves furry hentai.

Now we see why the rabid penguins must be protected. To prevent such as this from surviving.