What you did today

[WDeranged]

Went to buy a suit today, I was running on four hours empty sleep and the changing rooms smelt of human faeces which is always a sign of quality, on the bright side it didn't take me long to find something, normally it's a freaking nightmare.

 

Currently I'm drinking port and watching Beverly Hills Cop, also trying to decide when would be the right time to leave my mum alone here, my health is suffering a bit because I'm away from my bike and daily routine, I just sit here smoking, drinking and eating

[Gorth]

Two complete years... and I'll basically be 29 before I start a career

 

I see, 29... that's bad. Life is almost over and you've got one foot in the grave already

 

For anecdotal comparison, I started my current career path when I was around 31 (not pursuing a clear "path" before that). Still managed to squeeze a bit of mileage out of life.

[Calax]

Two complete years... and I'll basically be 29 before I start a career

 

I see, 29... that's bad. Life is almost over and you've got one foot in the grave already

 

For anecdotal comparison, I started my current career path when I was around 31 (not pursuing a clear "path" before that). Still managed to squeeze a bit of mileage out of life.

Yeah, but your parents didn't exactly see you as a total failure with no future because you'd been trying this **** for 9 years, and are still single because they wouldn't even let you close the damn door to your room if there was a member of the opposite sex within earshot.

[Gorth]

Yeah, but your parents didn't exactly see you as a total failure with no future because you'd been trying this **** for 9 years, and are still single because they wouldn't even let you close the damn door to your room if there was a member of the opposite sex within earshot.

 

Probably not. Moved out when I was 18 (even though I always got along well with my family) and as for being single, that was indeed by choice rather than necessity. My failures and successes are my own, not imposed by family.

[Calax]

My parents are control freaks. My mom is trying to micro manage my life from 2000 miles away because "we're supporting you" and I had to point out that for right now, I'm supporting myself.

 

And she gave me the "maybe you shouldn't be in college" speech again.

 

And when I mentioned I want to GTFO of America for Europe, she basically said "I don't think you can because you'd have no job, and no support there!"

 

So, she wants me to be basically a "bum" in america with no real future.

 

 

Or, to get more to the root of the problem... I currently have 0 people in my life who have an optimistic view of my future and who are trying to actually help me get back in school and finish my degree.

Edited January 14, 2013 by Calax

[Malcador]

Well, you have yourself. There's always that. She's probably right about Europe though, just upping and moving there is quite a gamble.

[Calax]

Having myself isn't a great thing given my mental state tends to be more up and down than an elevator with flubber on it's bottom. As to Europe? Sure she may be right, but instead of saying "great! It's good you have a goal" it's instantly "Well, when you go you're ****ed son" as she points out the errors.

[Malcador]

Well, hot water heater is dead. Figures everyone BUT me got a warm shower. Still, wondering at why it died without fiddling with anything.

[BruceVC]

Today is my first day back at work after nearly 3 weeks of leave

I am excited and looking forward to it, I went to gym this morning instead of training in the evening. I like the morning session. I may stick to it

[Tigranes]

But what do you want to do, Calax, and what stops you from doing whatever little of or towards that? I know it's a crap situation and there's no denying it, but I can't help but notice that when you tell us about these things, you let your parents speak through you far longer than you spend time giving voice to your own hopes and plans. In the end, your parents can only influence you as far as you allow them to, for good or for bad. It might be better to start saying to us/yourself, your mom keeps trying to micromanage you but you're miles away and they can't, rather than saying how she does keep doing so, if only negatively.

 

Hopefully that doesn't sound too much like an arse in print, since that's not my intent...

[Calax]

But what do you want to do, Calax, and what stops you from doing whatever little of or towards that? I know it's a crap situation and there's no denying it, but I can't help but notice that when you tell us about these things, you let your parents speak through you far longer than you spend time giving voice to your own hopes and plans. In the end, your parents can only influence you as far as you allow them to, for good or for bad. It might be better to start saying to us/yourself, your mom keeps trying to micromanage you but you're miles away and they can't, rather than saying how she does keep doing so, if only negatively.

 

Hopefully that doesn't sound too much like an arse in print, since that's not my intent...

Right now the immediate goal is to get myself a degree and then get to Europe. However I don't even know where to begin with the second part of that, beyond exercising the german citizenship loophole, which will take me a summer of record hunting in Penn. Part of it right now is that I can't cut them out to much because then I lose any financial benefits I get when I'm in school.

 

And to get back into school, I need 6 credits at a 2.25+ gpa... not hard except that I was informed of this to late for the Community college to accept me for this term, so at best I get to try to use my Mcdonalds training for 3 of em. If they're graded... and accepted.

[Rosbjerg]

You know Calax, if you find that people around you are talking down to you, or that you have to justify yourself - try watching this video - it might be because you are taking the wrong role in your interactions. It really helped me to be aware of some issues I had.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKNyFSLJy6o

[Calax]

For the most part the major interaction issue is with the parents. It's hard to change the relationship dynamic when they feel they have the right to force their ways in without being asked because they've been helping pay for school. Basically this really comes out when I call them and instead of anything else I start getting a lecture of exactly what I'm supposed to do. For the most part, those around me are interacted with on an equal basis.

 

But my parents can be paranoid nutjobs, and are INCREDIBLY controlling just in general. To the point I couldn't even put a lock on my room growing up, or have a member of the opposite sex in my room with the door closed. This lasted until I was in my mid 20's because of my inability to find a cheap place of my own.

[Gfted1]

Its interesting how one person's hell is another persons normal childhood. Lock on the bedroom door? Door closed with opposite sex in the room? Never had either and neither does my daughter.

[Malcador]

That wouldn't go over with my parents, not that I've tried. All I get is "your room is dusty!", which it commonly is.

[Calax]

Its interesting how one person's hell is another persons normal childhood. Lock on the bedroom door? Door closed with opposite sex in the room? Never had either and neither does my daughter.

Also, had my parents call me when I was 20 and at work at 7 pm because they thought I'd died or something as I wasn't home. Also they've called me when I was just in another room. And understand, all of this wasn't when I was just 12/16 and living as their kid. This was when I was paying them rent for the upstairs room.

 

So, I was an adult male, with no privacy, no ability to even try to have a romantic life, very little in the way of transportation... and all of that carries over to NOW where my parents are trying to tell me I'm a failure without saying "you're a failure".

[Amentep]

Its interesting how one person's hell is another persons normal childhood. Lock on the bedroom door? Door closed with opposite sex in the room? Never had either and neither does my daughter.

 

Neither did I. My parents attitude was the only person who can lock a door in the house was them since they owned it and if you had a guest in the house, you didn't close the door to the room. I can't say that it was unreasonable.

[LadyCrimson]

Its interesting how one person's hell is another persons normal childhood. Lock on the bedroom door? Door closed with opposite sex in the room? Never had either and neither does my daughter.

 

Neither did I. My parents attitude was the only person who can lock a door in the house was them since they owned it and if you had a guest in the house, you didn't close the door to the room. I can't say that it was unreasonable.

Lock on the door in my parents house? Never had one. My mom would just walk into the room without knocking, no apologies. There was a lock on the bathroom door, however. Which I accidentally locked myself into when I was around 5 or something. Lock broke I guess, don't remember. lol

 

My parents weren't as protective as it sounds Calax's are/were however (altho I had a friend whose parents were like that). That would've have driven me nuts. But I was rebellious/a handful as a teen...I broke every rule and they gave up trying to enforce them when I was 16, so my 'freedom' was high at that point.

[Amentep]

Well Calax's parents seem to be going into the "as long as we pay something towards you, we have the right to tell you what to do" territory which is a bit foreign to me (although I know people like that). But I suspect that's really just an excuse for his parents to justify trying to tell him what they want him to do (well meaning or not, its a good way to alienate adult children).

[LadyCrimson]

Oh I get that. My parents were the same way. I "owned" nothing, they did - I could go on and on. They meant well but they had control issues re:debt/guilt. In my case I learned fast to never ask/accept any financial aid from the parents, both from my own experiences and watching my siblings experiences. More stress than it would be worth. Some families are fine/great about such things, some aren't.

 

It's difficult when current/past financial aid is used as some kind of controlling or guilt aspect. Much of the time it's not a malicious or intentional thing either, I think. Calax's parents just may not know of another way to express their fear/concern for a loved one then criticism and if there's any debt, that ends up being tossed into the mix. I can't speak for what might or might not work in Calax's case to alleviate it, but if he hasn't already, perhaps being more firm about his own boundaries ... otherwise one can get stuck in a loop of constant enabling.

[Calax]

Me getting ejected has curtailed their controlling abilities because I'm paying for everything myself.

 

RE:Locks. Look, it's not just the fact that I didn't have a lock, it's the reasoning behind it. "I don't want you to be locked in your room if a fire breaks out!" is not a logical reason. Also the locks on the bathrooms, if used, would just get unlocked via the Ikea key's that we had from the builder. And another part of it is that we lived in a seriously tucked away suburb of California, where the nearest grocery store was about 6 miles, and the only place to hang out was at school. I basically had no social life because of how attached it was to my parents (couldn't go out unless "homework" was done, when I didn't have any they'd accuse me of lying).

 

Understand, they were overprotective of me, but thought I was a habitual liar. To the point they'd send me to school with a 101/102 temperature because "eh, you're not that bad" and "you're over exaggerating the symptoms!"

[LadyCrimson]

CostCo run.

I'm not normally into "protein/nutrition" bars but Cliff bars aren't bad.

 

Also the locks on the bathrooms, if used, would just get unlocked via the Ikea key's that we had from the builder.

If my parent's had done that when I was using the bathroom I'd have gone ballistic. :/

The locks on my parent's bathrooms were there when they bought the house. They were just the type that have a button on the inner side and no keyhole on the outside.

[Hurlshort]

If it makes you feel any better Calax, there was a time where you probably invaded your parents sense of privacy regularly. I haven't taken a dump without a kid coming in to check on me in years.

[ShadySands]

I bought tickets to the Denver Comic Con. I've never been to one but I always wanted to go when I lived in NYC but never got around to it.

[Nepenthe]

If it makes you feel any better Calax, there was a time where you probably invaded your parents sense of privacy regularly. I haven't taken a dump without a kid coming in to check on me in years.

I'm gonna print this out and frame it for future reference.