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My dad died today


daven

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Not sure why i'm posting here. Well i'm pretty drunk...

Anyone gone through this? He had cancer for around a year, lung and liver. Chemo/radiotherapy didn't really do anything. He wouldn't answer the phone last week so I went to his apartment, had to get the fire service to break down the door and an ambulance take him. Every day his condition got worse, saw his last breath this morning.

It was pretty traumatising. Don't think i've ever felt this way. 58 years old.

nowt

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Deepest condolences daven. That truly sucks. 

"While it is true you learn with age, the down side is what you often learn is what a damn fool you were before"

Thomas Sowell

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Cheers guys. He didn't say how bad it was, claimed the chemo was working and that... but he'd started avoiding his appointments I found out later. The cancer spread to his spine, bone marrow, possibly brain.

Suppose I just need time now. It's over.

nowt

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Sorry man, :(.

A couple years back, my grandpa finally got diagnosed with lung cancer after having suffered coughing fits for years while the VA kept telling him that everything checked out fine. Until he went to a non-VA clinic and they found that he had metastasized lung cancer that was much too advanced to have any realistic chance of making it go into remission. He started chemo pretty soon after in a "prolong life as much as possible" sort of treatment, but his body was just too far gone already and he died within like a month and a half. I saw him in person right before they sent him home for hospice care (i.e. to die, for anyone that doesn't know what this term means exactly - I only mention it because I actually didn't before my own experience here). It was a little shocking to see his physical state - was looking pretty close to an Auschwitz victim at that point, and it was especially bad because he could just ever so barely talk...but I'm still glad that I saw him. Hope you had plenty of chances to see your dad before he went. When these things start going south, there seems like a lot of time to do these things but unless you very conveniently live in the same area, you can easily end up taking more time than a person's got - that was nearly my case, and I think I would've regretted it for the rest of my life if I hadn't seen him.

Edited by Bartimaeus

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Never believe that anti-Semites are completely unaware of the absurdity of their replies. They know that their remarks are frivolous, open to challenge. But they are amusing themselves, for it is their adversary who is obliged to use words responsibly, since he believes in words. They even like to play with discourse for, by giving ridiculous reasons, they discredit the seriousness of their interlocutors. They delight in acting in bad faith, since they seek not to persuade by sound argument but to intimidate and disconcert. If you press them too closely, they will abruptly fall silent, loftily indicating by some phrase that the time for argument is past.

 

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i know the feel. back in university i had found my soulmate, the only girl ever for whom i felt more than just lust. 6 months in our relationship she got hit by a drunk driver at a bus stop.

the only thing you can do is wait it out until you become accustomed to your loved one not being there.

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The words freedom and liberty, are diminishing the true meaning of the abstract concept they try to explain. The true nature of freedom is such, that the human mind is unable to comprehend it, so we make a cage and name it freedom in order to give a tangible meaning to what we dont understand, just as our ancestors made gods like Thor or Zeus to explain thunder.

 

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What? You thought it was a quote from some well known wise guy from the past?

 

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Mother died from cancer few years back, honestly as much as it hurt to lost her, after seeing her suffer for so long it was relief for all of us, including her when she left (on Christmas eve)

I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy that likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side-order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol! I wanna eat bacon, and butter, and buckets of cheese, okay?! I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section! I wanna run naked through the street, with green Jell-O all over my body, reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly may feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiene"

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just for closure I will post one more time here.

Had the funeral today, I wrote the tribute/eulogy. tried to make it light hearted and people laughed a bit and also read a poem at the end. I was shocked at how many people appeared, turns out my dad had a lot of friends. Around 15 family and 35 friends came.

It was quite sad as the last time I saw most of them family members was my Grandmothers funeral. Feels like that is the only time we meet. I should remedy that. I also realised that Funerals are much more honest than Weddings. Everyone is very genuine and upset and honest, Weddings however there is a lot of taling behind backs and bitching.

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nowt

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"Anyone gone through this?" My dad, my mom, and my biological father all died.  Biological father died of cirrhosis when I was ~12.  Dad died about 5 years ago.  Mom died 2 years ago.  I haven't talked to anyone in my family for over a decade at this point, although some of them tried to contact me for a while.  I'm a hard guy, but not a malicious one.

"Had the funeral today, I wrote the tribute/eulogy. tried to make it light hearted and people laughed a bit and also read a poem at the end."  Good for you, daven.  Sometimes levity is our only weapon against despair.  Better to be strong enough to carry others than need to be carried by them.

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The woodwork beckons.

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