F U N N Y S T U F F

[injurai]

^ that's what happens if you only post stuff into funneh things thread, but don't actually read it.

 

hmmm?

[Raithe]

 

^ that's what happens if you only post stuff into funneh things thread, but don't actually read it.

 

hmmm?

 

 

look two posts above that...

 

 

And for fresh funny stuff:

 

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, “my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him “Father.”

The second Catholic women chirps, “Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, “Your Grace.”

...

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, “Your Eminence.”

The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle “Well…?”

She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2”, hard-bodied male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, “My God”.

[injurai]

Christ

[Malcador]

^ that's what happens if you only post stuff into funneh things thread, but don't actually read it.

Most of it isn't worth reading to be fair

[Raithe]

 

^ that's what happens if you only post stuff into funneh things thread, but don't actually read it.

Most of it isn't worth reading to be fair

 

 

I am hurt that you would say such a thing.

 

 

[Hurlshort]

To be fair, Sharpie may be on moderated status, which means his post pops up on a delay. So injurai is probably innocent.

[majestic]

Having a blast with this chemistry teacher and a few loonies who argue that water isn't actually made up of hydrogen and oxygen but is an element in its own right.

 

 

Best comment I've read so far was that water can't be H2O because it puts out fires.

[Lexx]

To be fair, Sharpie may be on moderated status, which means his post pops up on a delay. So injurai is probably innocent.

 

Then I wouldn't have been able to comment it before.

[Hurlshort]

 

To be fair, Sharpie may be on moderated status, which means his post pops up on a delay. So injurai is probably innocent.

 

Then I wouldn't have been able to comment it before.

 

 

Ah, you're correct. Well then, injurai is guilty. 

[Lexx]

Looks like finally something funny happens in the funny things thread!

[Raithe]

When you're having a look at something on IMDB to track down a half-remembered thing, and in the process realise an actor wrote their own mini-bio with a distinct tongue-in-cheek look at their own life...

 

 

 

 

 

Chris Vance is recognized in Wholefoods on occasion as "that guy" from the FOX series "Mental" and the Emmy nominated FOX series, "Prison Break". Though Vance is probably best known for his lead role as Frank Martin in "Transporter: The Series" which aired on TNT and Netflix in the US.

Vance ended up as Executive Producer on the second season of the show and learnt a great deal about complicated business models for financing television productions. To this day he is unsure if that information is just crowding a part of his brain, or whether it will provide a useful grounding to be drawn upon in future opportunities.

Bit of background... Vance was born unto a very loving Irish family and raised in the UK, way before Brexit. He has three siblings. In his teens he signed youth football contracts with "West Bromwich Albion" and "Bristol Rovers'" donned his skimpy shorts and tromped his way around more muddy pitches in mid-winter than he should have, given his present state of enlightenment.

Vance graduated from the University of Newcastle-Upon-Tyne with an honors degree in Civil Engineering, passing tests that he probably couldn't pass anymore, and yet he is generally more proud of a blurry recollection that he played for an England Students football team somewhere along the way.

Vance embarked on his acting career at age 25, and was breathtakingly awful in his first role, that of "Paris" in a production of "Romeo & Juliet" in Oxford. When he wasn't engaged in delivering lines that one can count on one hand he was firmly committed to moving furniture around the stage for other actors to sit on. Thus was his debut. If he knew then what he does now, he might surely have questioned his efforts, but the draw of storytelling in all its forms draws a deep cut in Vance, thus to this day he still persists...

Next up, chronologically at least, Vance firmly, wholeheartedly and most passionately butchered numerous roles on the London Fringe and in small Reparatory Theatres, grasping experience where it was badly needed. During this time he also launched his own theatre company, writing, directing and producing plays. Fond note: The company was funded, for the most part; by him selling anything and everything that could be considered as personal possessions, in compensation for the dire lack of appropriate bums on the theatre's seats.

Vance's efforts, or solid determination, were rewarded with him landing his first real gig at the Royal National Theatre in a touring version of the play "Closer." After treading the back-stages of Europe and Russia for several months, Vance returned to London for a role in the play "Speer," by David Edgar, once again at the National Theatre, under the ever-treasured guidance of Sir Trevor Nunn.

Good times... but not enough for Vance, who ventured further thus...

He made his British television debut in a show called Kavanagh QC. Such was his bearing on the industry at the time, that Vance was more than enthusiastic when called upon to appear bollock naked for a less than critical on-liner in the story. To clear up any misunderstanding, Vance was keen to work, but not keen to liberate his tackle on a "cold" London set, which he has since learnt through experience, should have been a "closed" set. But no harm done... the leading actress, the grips, the gaffers, camera, lighting, the make-up ladies, and the caterers got more than they bargained for in his humble opinion.

When he wised up about the nudity thing, Vance also made guest appearances in the British television shows "Peak Practice", "The Bill", "Doctors" and "Family Affairs".

At about age 30 Vance moved to Australia and performed in several television series there, including "Stingers", "Blue Heelers" and "The Secret Life of Us". His first series-regular role in TV was Dr. Sean Everleigh in the medical drama/soap "All Saints", in which Vance performed from 2005 to 2007.

Somewhere around then Vance also relished a small role in the feature "Macbeth", directed by the very talented Jeffery Wright.

In 2007 Vance moved to the U.S. when he booked a regular role in the third and forth seasons of the (afore mentioned) hit TV series "Prison Break", for 20th Century Fox in which he played James Whistler within a cast of peers who outdid him entirely.

The following year, Vance landed his first leading role in TV, playing Dr. Jack Gallagher in "Mental", for Fox: And yes, it was filmed in Bogota Columbia, which regrettably did not help improve Vance's proficiency in the Spanish language, but did provide him with enough antibodies to withstand any shooting conditions, in any location, for the remainder of his days.

While in between leading roles, Vance also guest-starred on "Fairly Legal", "Burn Notice", "Dexter", and "Rizzoli and Isles".

In 2011 Vance was approached to play Frank Martin in the television series based on the Transporter films created by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen. Not one to turn down a challenge, especially one filled with fast cars, pretty women and snappy one-liners, Vance embarked on the adventure and brought his own take on the character of Frank to the fast-paced action series.

Vance still has a good few scars to prove it, as he performed all his own fight/stunt scenes during the show: A valiant effort, let it be said, but true humility was to be gained in appreciating the talents of some of the best stunt guys in the world who were employed on the show; their passion, commitment and experience.

Vance finished work on the series early in 2015 and subsequently pursued his passion for writing, while performing modest but fun roles on the shows "Supergirl" and "Hawaii 5-O".

Vance is remarkably and fortunately in love with a beautiful girl who is surely better by half than himself, happily married, and looking forward to future challenges as an actor of humble merit in an exciting, expansive and increasingly inclusive world.

In addition, Vance is in development with a television series of his own creation, with a bunch of very talented people that know more about getting it done than he does...

 

 

 

 

[Gorgon]

[ShadySands]

Seems legit

[LittleArmadillo0]

Sounds like something a manga artist would cook up

[injurai]

When a girl does a sexy thing and there is no camera around and you're no painter. You gotta capture that moment somehow.

[Raithe]

[Volourn]

The one about the male author writing about women... has this person read/watched Fifty Shades... that was written by a woman. Have you seen some of the passages in it. LMAO Don't use sexism to spout nonsense.

[Raithe]

[Agiel]

 

That cat actually kind of reminds me of Gaahl:

 

Edited September 2, 2018 by Agiel

[Raithe]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fGezJ6HfUA

[Raithe]

[Raithe]

[rjshae]

[rjshae]

[injurai]

 

Amen