Woldan Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 1 I gazed at the dead, and for one dark moment I saw a banquet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raithe Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.” 2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?” 3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog. 4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.” 5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.” 6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!” 7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish. 8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t. 9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg. 10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar. 11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”. The monk gives the vendor a 20 bill and then asks for change. The vendor answers: "Change must come from within." 12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder. 13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.” 14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything. 15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem. 16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?” 17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality. 18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.” 19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.” 20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now. 21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer. 22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot. 23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?” 24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?” 25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. 10 "Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirottu Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 I really like the number 6. This post is not to be enjoyed, discussed, or referenced on company time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obyknven Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosbjerg Posted February 24, 2014 Author Share Posted February 24, 2014 Struck in traffic. 4 Fortune favors the bald. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PK htiw klaw eriF Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCXgTq8NyL0 "Akiva Goldsman and Alex Kurtzman run the 21st century version of MK ULTRA." - majestic "I'm gonna hunt you down so that I can slap you square in the mouth." - Bartimaeus "Without individual thinking you can't notice the plot holes." - InsaneCommander "Just feed off the suffering of gamers." - Malcador "You are calling my taste crap." -Hurlshort "thankfully it seems like the creators like Hungary less this time around." - Sarex "Don't forget the wakame, dumbass" -Keyrock "Are you trolling or just being inadvertently nonsensical?' -Pidesco "we have already been forced to admit you are at least human" - uuuhhii "I refuse to buy from non-woke businesses" - HoonDing "feral camels are now considered a pest" - Gorth "Melkathi is known to be an overly critical grumpy person" - Melkathi "Oddly enough Sanderson was a lot more direct despite being a Mormon" - Zoraptor "I found it greatly disturbing to scroll through my cartoon's halfing selection of genitalias." - Wormerine "Am I phrasing in the most negative light for them? Yes, but it's not untrue." - ShadySands Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serrano Posted February 25, 2014 Share Posted February 25, 2014 (edited) http://youtu.be/0lq8U2pqmWU Edited February 25, 2014 by Serrano Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raithe Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 Because it had to be done.. http://youtu.be/B3YbODo7ieQ "Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoonDing Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 http://pt.slideshare.net/paradoxed/sweden-vs-england The ending of the words is ALMSIVI. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosbjerg Posted February 26, 2014 Author Share Posted February 26, 2014 Thanks BroApp! -- Fortune favors the bald. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjshae Posted February 26, 2014 Share Posted February 26, 2014 (edited) Soon... Edited February 26, 2014 by rjshae "It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woldan Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 4 I gazed at the dead, and for one dark moment I saw a banquet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amentep Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I like the lady at the right who - rather than being asleep - has a "I'm in Hell" expression. 1 I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot! ~ Ro-Man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkreku Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Oh hey, this test seems like fun! http://www.buzzfeed.com/marietelling/what-european-country-do-you-actually-belong-in ... Please kill me. Please kill me now. 1 Swedes, go to: Spel2, for the latest game reviews in swedish! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgon Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 'Tolerant' really ?, not my first choice of adjective. Na na na na na na ... greg358 from Darksouls 3 PVP is a CHEATER. That is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gfted1 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I couldn't find the link to take the test. I fail at interneting. "I'm your biggest fan, Ill follow you until you love me, Papa" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgon Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I got Denmark, which is not so strange since the first question was 'pick the danish royal out of a lineup,' and the rest had very little to do with countries. Na na na na na na ... greg358 from Darksouls 3 PVP is a CHEATER. That is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amentep Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 (edited) Which European Country Do You Actually Belong In? You got: Malta Steve Allen / Shutterstock You’re endlessly curious and love nothing more than getting stuck in a good book. You like to take walks in order to figure out what you’re doing in life. I couldn't find the link to take the test. I fail at interneting. http://www.buzzfeed.com/marietelling/what-european-country-do-you-actually-belong-in Edited February 27, 2014 by Amentep I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot! ~ Ro-Man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gfted1 Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 I went to that page a half a dozen times before I realized the questions are just below the heading. I thought those were all different quizzes. Anywho: You got: Monaco You know how to enjoy the good things in life. You’re quite a private person and it takes a while to get to know you. However, you couldn’t be closer to the people you consider friends. "I'm your biggest fan, Ill follow you until you love me, Papa" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amentep Posted February 27, 2014 Share Posted February 27, 2014 Hahah, somehow I *knew* you'd get Monaco! I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot! ~ Ro-Man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raithe Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Hm. You got: Malta You’re endlessly curious and love nothing more than getting stuck in a good book. You like to take walks in order to figure out what you’re doing in life "Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Humanoid Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 (edited) Holland. And likely because bikes, not pot. Description text is more than 50% wrong, eh. You’re incredibly smart and sensible, and as a result you’re totally self-reliant. You’re ambitious, but you’re also modest and never show off what you have. Edited February 28, 2014 by Humanoid L I E S T R O N GL I V E W R O N G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woldan Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 Oh hey, this test seems like fun! http://www.buzzfeed.com/marietelling/what-european-country-do-you-actually-belong-in [/url] ''Bulgaria You’re pretty easygoing, and as a result you love entertaining. Your ideal evening involves having a large group of friends over for dinner and catching up over a few bottles of wine.'' This test oozes sarcasm - or its just plain broken. I'm not easygoing, I usually hate being around lots of people -especially at dinner- and I don't like alcohol at all. Anyway: I gazed at the dead, and for one dark moment I saw a banquet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManifestedISO Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 This is really weird, I just made a mess of a German swear word in a PoE thread, and now this test gave me Germany as my country. Kinda scarily accurate: You’re incredibly hardworking, efficient, and disciplined. If you promise to get something done, you absolutely will. You can come across as a bit too serious, but deep down you’re great fun. What the hell is Eurovision, anyway, I had to pick two girls kissing, because of course. 2 All Stop. On Screen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aluminiumtrioxid Posted February 28, 2014 Share Posted February 28, 2014 I also got Germany, for some inexplicable reason, and (surprise surprise) it's kind of the absolute opposite of the lazy bum I am. Although it most certainly got "efficient" right. "Lulz is not the highest aspiration of art and mankind, no matter what the Encyclopedia Dramatica says." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts