The Funny Things Thread.

[Woldan]

 

[Raithe]

1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”

 

2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”

 

3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

 

4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”

 

5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”

 

6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

 

7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

 

8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.

 

9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.

 

10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters a bar.

 

11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”. The monk gives the vendor a 20 bill and then asks for change. The vendor answers: "Change must come from within."

 

12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

 

13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are so many people that the

four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”

 

14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

 

15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.

 

16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting  next to him. Excited, he asks:  “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?”

 

17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.

 

18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it’s

funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”

 

19. A Roman walks into a bar,  holds up two fingers, and says:  “Five beers, please.”

 

20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

 

21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.

 

22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B Mandelbrot.

 

23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

 

24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

 

25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

[kirottu]

I really like the number 6.

[obyknven]

 

 

 

 

 

[Rosbjerg]

Struck in traffic.

[PK htiw klaw eriF]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCXgTq8NyL0

[Serrano]

http://youtu.be/0lq8U2pqmWU

 

Edited February 25, 2014 by Serrano

[Raithe]

Because it had to be done..

 

http://youtu.be/B3YbODo7ieQ

[HoonDing]

http://pt.slideshare.net/paradoxed/sweden-vs-england

[Rosbjerg]

Thanks BroApp!

 

 

 

--

 

 

 

 

[rjshae]

Soon...

 

Edited February 26, 2014 by rjshae

[Woldan]

 

[Amentep]

I like the lady at the right who - rather than being asleep - has a "I'm in Hell" expression.

[mkreku]

Oh hey, this test seems like fun!

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/marietelling/what-european-country-do-you-actually-belong-in

 

...

 

 

Please kill me. Please kill me now. 

[Gorgon]

'Tolerant'

 

really ?, not my first choice of adjective.

[Gfted1]

I couldn't find the link to take the test. I fail at interneting.

[Gorgon]

I got Denmark, which is not so strange since the first question was 'pick the danish royal out of a lineup,' and the rest had very little to do with countries.

[Amentep]

Which European Country Do You Actually Belong In?

1. You got: Malta
   Steve Allen / Shutterstock
   You’re endlessly curious and love nothing more than getting stuck in a good book. You like to take walks in order to figure out what you’re doing in life.

 

 

 

I couldn't find the link to take the test. I fail at interneting.

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/marietelling/what-european-country-do-you-actually-belong-in

Edited February 27, 2014 by Amentep

[Gfted1]

I went to that page a half a dozen times before I realized the questions are just below the heading. I thought those were all different quizzes.

 

Anywho:

 

You got: Monaco

 

You know how to enjoy the good things in life. You’re quite a private person and it takes a while to get to know you. However, you couldn’t be closer to the people you consider friends.

[Amentep]

Hahah, somehow I *knew* you'd get Monaco!

[Raithe]

Hm.

 

You got: Malta

 

You’re endlessly curious and love nothing more than getting stuck in a good book. You like to take walks in order to figure out what you’re doing in life

[Humanoid]

Holland. And likely because bikes, not pot. Description text is more than 50% wrong, eh.

 

You’re incredibly smart and sensible, and as a result you’re totally self-reliant. You’re ambitious, but you’re also modest and never show off what you have.

Edited February 28, 2014 by Humanoid

[Woldan]

Oh hey, this test seems like fun!

 

http://www.buzzfeed.com/marietelling/what-european-country-do-you-actually-belong-in

[/url]

''Bulgaria

You’re pretty easygoing, and as a result you love entertaining. Your ideal evening involves having a large group of friends over for dinner and catching up over a few bottles of wine.''

 

This test oozes sarcasm -  or its just plain broken. I'm not easygoing, I usually hate being around lots of people -especially at dinner- and I don't like alcohol at all.

 

Anyway:

 

[ManifestedISO]

This is really weird, I just made a mess of a German swear word in a PoE thread, and now this test gave me Germany as my country. Kinda scarily accurate:

 

 

You’re incredibly hardworking, efficient, and disciplined. If you promise to get something done, you absolutely will. You can come across as a bit too serious, but deep down you’re great fun.

 

What the hell is Eurovision, anyway, I had to pick two girls kissing, because of course. 

[aluminiumtrioxid]

I also got Germany, for some inexplicable reason, and (surprise surprise) it's kind of the absolute opposite of the lazy bum I am. Although it most certainly got "efficient" right.