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The funny things thread


LadyCrimson

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vessel of destruction"

This made me have some unkind thoughts about certain exes of mine. :)

 

~~

 

Much of this morning spent trying to untangle my pension plans.

"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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Give it a year and you'll see a new found interest in older men..

 

Alan Rickman (or more accurately, Snape) his fangirls say you're outdated.

 

 

His fansgirls are overweight 40 year olds.. I say they are outdated!! good day sir..

Fortune favors the bald.

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This one is just for Lady Crimson

 

londonguard.jpg

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"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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Heh, now this I find amusing:

 

"Edward and Bella in Twilight meet all 15 criteria set by the National Domestic Violence hotline for being in an abusive relationship."

"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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I'm extremely offendend, dissapointed and entertained at the same time.. That's rednecks for ya..

 

Sorry for the long post here - but this poor fella is hilarious.. LA can be a dangerous place lol

 

av0r6eW_700b_v2.jpg

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Fortune favors the bald.

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What in blazes? Sir Stewart, you are a nut. :lol: (I guess that's his gf's feet, according to the Telegraph).

 

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“Things are as they are. Looking out into the universe at night, we make no comparisons between right and wrong stars, nor between well and badly arranged constellations.” – Alan Watts
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What in blazes? Sir Stewart, you are a nut. :lol: (I guess that's his gf's feet, according to the Telegraph).

 

He's always been really silly.. It's just that his roles are serious.

1020.gif

Fortune favors the bald.

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That PBJ thing cracked me up. That could easily have been me.

"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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Between the lines of Employment Ads:

Advancement Opportunity
-s*** job

Entry Level
-Really a s*** job

No Experience Necessary
-The mother of all s*** jobs

Administrative Assistant
-s*** job with a title

Ground Floor Opportunity
-s*** job with a company that will file bankruptsy within a year

Progressive Company
-Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday

Team Player
-Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities

Upbeat Personalities
-Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug/alcohol rehab benefit within the first year

Word Processing Skills Essential
-There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future

Public Relations Receptionist, Professional Appearance Important
-$20K a year job that requires a $100K a year wardrobe

Pleasant Telephone Manner
-Be the voice of 1-900-SEX-SUCK

Earn Up To $300/Hour
-Be 1-900-SEX-SUCK

Salary Range $24K to $32K
-The Salary is $24K

BA Required, MA Preferred
-Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary

Civil Service
-The job was filled from the inside 6 months ago

Women/Minorities Encouraged
-White males need not waste a stamp

Outstanding Benefits Package
-Health Insurance

Tons of Variety
-We took all the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job

Top Notch Communication Skills
-Telemarketing

Beautiful Offices in Attractive Locale
-Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet

Secretary
-Women only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker

Executive Secretary
-The most powerful person in any company

Dedicated
-You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours per week until we force you into early retirement

Salary Commensurate
-We'll pay you whatever the Hell we feel like

Salary Negotiable
-We'll take the lowest bidder

Competitive Salary
-We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job... Period!

Competitive Starting Salary
-Ten cents above minimum wage

Pleasant Atmosphere
-A staff of pod people

Professional Atmosphere
-Zombie pod people

Fun, Creative Atmosphere
-Pod people from Hell

Dynamic Atmosphere
-Zombie pod people from Hell

Gal Friday
-Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it

Self Starter
-Open to broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this means

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"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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tumblr_mscd022go41rbs1f8o1_500.jpg

 

Personally, I prefer to think of Lady Gaga as an artsy rather than weird... :p

 

Terrifying, more like. I wouldn't touch her with a specially designed NASA probe. Although I have to grudgingly approve of her anti-bullying efforts.

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"It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"."

             -Elwood Blues

 

tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.

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Share on other sites

 

 

Give it a year and you'll see a new found interest in older men..

 

Alan Rickman (or more accurately, Snape) his fangirls say you're outdated.

 

 

His fansgirls are overweight 40 year olds.. I say they are outdated!! good day sir..

 

 

I personally know a whole wave of Alan Rickman fangirls (at least 15) and none of them are over 25, none of them are overweight, and most of them are attractive. I also know that Alan Rickman's wife has had serious trouble with the amount of hatemail she gets from his legion of jealous fangirls. Do not underestimate the power of a dark brooding British accent with black hair. Just look at Loki, or Sherlock. They have the same fangirl "demographic".

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