Romantic drivel

[I want teh kotor 3]

And don't even ge tme started on women and shopping!

 

I've never seen a chick (that doesn't work there) go into the only store I do: Gamestop. Of course, when they see (god forbid) a shoe store, its all a squealing, "ZOMG! SHOES!" rush, even though they already own more shoes than I do games (I traded in around half the other day and got $1250. Epic stinginess.)

Edited September 2, 2008 by I want teh kotor 3

[thepixiesrock]

Hey guys, I was just kidding.

[LadyCrimson]

It's sometimes interesting, as a woman who fits very few of the female stereotypes, to read this forum.

 

Perhaps I'm really a man!

Edited September 3, 2008 by LadyCrimson

[~Di]

It's sometimes interesting, as a woman who fits very few of the female stereotypes, to read this forum.

 

Perhaps I'm really a man!

 

Hush! They think they've got us all figured out. Don't disillusion the poor dears.

[theslug]

It's sometimes interesting, as a woman who fits very few of the female stereotypes, to read this forum.

 

Perhaps I'm really a man!

 

Hush! They think they've got us all figured out. Don't disillusion the poor dears.

I'm going to venture a guess and say most women haven't even got themselves figured out.

[Checkpoint]

I think most guys a have experienced their girlfriends going awol on them over nothing.. of course the girls would argue that it was most definitely not nothing..

 

Have any of you ever tried buying flowers for no apperant reason, only to get the respons "what did you do wrong? " ? .. Only to find that doing the exact same thing 3 months later gives a totally different result like "oooh, you're always so sweet! "..

I actually tried to show my sincere feelings for her after breaking up and realising I didn't want to and everything, by making a neat flower arrangement of twenty red roses and a cute note. She killed that one with complete silence (I'd left it as a surprise and wasn't there when she found it). She called me the same day but didn't say one word about the flowers until I finally asked if she'd even seen them. She was like "Er, I don't know what to say. Thanks?"

 

Based on my experience i think a lot of womanly annoyance stems from them refusing to accept that they DON'T want to settle down and make families. But they feel obliged to chase that objective even if they'd rather chill out or chase careers like the guys can. So youhave them trying to force their bloke into getting more and more 'serious' while at the same time hating being serious.

I think my ex is pretty much like that. She has that dream of children and stuff, but tragically enough she's only built for short passionate relationships. I think she has that "now we're falling apart because I want kids and it feels like you don't" attitude just in order to justify her own passion trip for me. When she's no longer passionate she simply has to tell herself that it wasn't only passion AGAIN.

 

When we break up she's all "this hurts so damn much and I wanted it wo work out soooo bad" and the next week she starts dating someone else (and this is a guy she's known all the time and she's telling me that as if that's supposed to make me feel better!). Then she says that she normally has a longer period of being single between relationships (safe sources say that's all LIES, and besides, she's 23 years old and has had at least 5 different relationships already, so just do the math). She also claims she wasn't even in love with me when we broke up (so why the hell did you still want to be together?) and it only felt good to break up. She also said that she had her mind set on being single, but this new guy is so great that she doesn't see why she shouldn't see him out of principle.

 

Is it only me who thinks that sounds just like someone who puts her head in the sand trying to justify her own actions? If she tells herself she shouldn't stop seeing someone out of principle, doesn't that sound as though she actually has a principle in there that she has to override? She's doing the same thing all over again, and she just has to justify it to herself, never mind contradicting her own words and actions.

 

So yes, in short, she is chasing that objective of children and family, but she's built for passion and she'll do anything to achieve it. Including lying to herself and at least indirectly to the man she's seeing.

[Walsingham]

And don't even ge tme started on women and shopping!

 

I've never seen a chick (that doesn't work there) go into the only store I do: Gamestop. Of course, when they see (god forbid) a shoe store, its all a squealing, "ZOMG! SHOES!" rush, even though they already own more shoes than I do games (I traded in around half the other day and got $1250. Epic stinginess.)

 

A friend of mine once explained this to me, in a way which convinced me of the sense in it.

 

Women's clothing doesn't work in bits like men's clothing. I can have three pairs of shoes - sport, smart, durable. This will let me meet any eventuality. However, a woman's whole dress, bag, hat etc has to be 'unlocked' by the correct pair of shoes. Thus they freak out whenever they see a concentration of shoes, any one of which may unlock whole outfits they had previously been unable to use to devastating effect.

 

Or, to put it another way, imagine that you had found a Grotblast Scale Armour, and a Grotblast Fur Hat, both of which were +1. But if you found and killed a grotblast you would be able to take its skin to be made into Grotblast leggings, and all worn together would grant +9 super kill death avoidance. Every time you saw a grotblast in the distance you'd be like "ZOMG! Grotblast!"

[LadyCrimson]

Is it only me who thinks that sounds just like someone who puts her head in the sand trying to justify her own actions?

She sounds young and unsure of what she wants in a relationship. There's also always the possibility of undiscovered mood disorder issues that complicate her decisions/actions. She could simply be addicted to the "grass is greener" syndrome. Or she may be the devil incarnate.

 

Some people are a lot slower than others to "grow up" re: relationships or even know if they really want one, and this can and does affect their earlier relationships like gangbusters, including immature or inexplicable (to "us", and maybe even to them) behavior, leaving confusion all over the place. This applies to men as well as women. That doesn't make it feel any better, tho, when you're in the middle of it. My sympathies.

 

@ theslug - Neither men or women have some kind of monopoly on being able to "figure themselves out."

[Checkpoint]

Is it only me who thinks that sounds just like someone who puts her head in the sand trying to justify her own actions?

She sounds young and unsure of what she wants in a relationship. There's also always the possibility of undiscovered mood disorder issues that complicate her decisions/actions. She could simply be addicted to the "grass is greener" syndrome. Or she may be the devil incarnate.

 

Some people are a lot slower than others to "grow up" re: relationships or even know if they really want one, and this can and does affect their earlier relationships like gangbusters, including immature or inexplicable (to "us", and maybe even to them) behavior, leaving confusion all over the place. This applies to men as well as women. That doesn't make it feel any better, tho, when you're in the middle of it. My sympathies.

 

@ theslug - Neither men or women have some kind of monopoly on being able to "figure themselves out."

Yes. It's just that she has this attitude that she's on top of everything and completely mature and I'm the insecure guy who can't make my mind up. The difference is that I've come to realise what I did wrong, but since she categorically refuses to think back on things in the past she can't understand what she is doing wrong. Instead it's all about winning an argument and countering every single thing I say. And that leads to the kind of contradictions I describe above.

[thepixiesrock]

At first when you said grass is greener I thought you meant pot. And I was like, "Yeah, drug addiction could probably be part of the problem."

[qt3.14159]

And don't even ge tme started on women and shopping!

 

I've never seen a chick (that doesn't work there) go into the only store I do: Gamestop. Of course, when they see (god forbid) a shoe store, its all a squealing, "ZOMG! SHOES!" rush, even though they already own more shoes than I do games (I traded in around half the other day and got $1250. Epic stinginess.)

 

A friend of mine once explained this to me, in a way which convinced me of the sense in it.

 

Women's clothing doesn't work in bits like men's clothing. I can have three pairs of shoes - sport, smart, durable. This will let me meet any eventuality. However, a woman's whole dress, bag, hat etc has to be 'unlocked' by the correct pair of shoes. Thus they freak out whenever they see a concentration of shoes, any one of which may unlock whole outfits they had previously been unable to use to devastating effect.

 

Or, to put it another way, imagine that you had found a Grotblast Scale Armour, and a Grotblast Fur Hat, both of which were +1. But if you found and killed a grotblast you would be able to take its skin to be made into Grotblast leggings, and all worn together would grant +9 super kill death avoidance. Every time you saw a grotblast in the distance you'd be like "ZOMG! Grotblast!"

 

Is it weird that I identify waaaay more with the latter than the former? I generally have two pairs of shoes. In the summer I have a pair of sandals I typically wear (all summer long) and in the winter I get a pair of semi dressy boots. I also have a pair of tennis shoes that I keep on hand for when I need them, but rarely wear them, unless I'm mowing the lawn or something. Oh, and I also have a pair of riding boots (horseback). So I guess that means I have three pairs of shoes at any given time, but rarely wear anything other than my stock winter / summer footwear choice. (BTW, my ex-husband was the one with the shoe fettish in my life... the man had shoes for every outfit... ugh!)

 

AND I go into gamestop all the time.

 

But then, I think I once took the BBC's male / female brain test and scored right in the middle of the male brain scores. My fiance thinks I'm awesome.

 

Women are good at reading body language.

 

 

True.. until 1+ years into your relationship, when their radar for these things gets overloaded once a week. Like when suddenly you've clearly done something wrong, by the way you are reading that newspaper..

 

 

I don't know how it works with most men, but I do know my fiance will tell me nothing is wrong, when it's obvious he just doesn't want to talk about it. BUT, the, "something is really bothering me and I'm trying desperately to ignore it and let it go" vibe is rolling off him so strongly that I cannot relax at all. So I keep bugging him about it and he keeps saying, "nothing!" Which drives me nuts, because it *is* something... eventually he usually gives in and talks about it... Of course, he's someone who really likes to avoid confrontation which while makes for a peaceful relationship on the surface, can lead to other problems in the long run.

[alanschu]

Women (and men) can be crazy, when they stick to their romantic notions.

 

 

I know a woman who has for the most part, been pretty miserable in her marriage for the last three years. She puts sooooo much effort into it, and from my perspective her husband is only reactive in the marriage, not proactive. He'll only put in the effort if she gets on his case about something. It's a bit strange because she and I ended up becoming pretty close, and after about a year, we both realized that we had developed pretty strong affectionate feelings for each other. In confiding with me, she mentioned that she feels her husband is a huge source of stress in her life, and she feels frustrated because he's so non-confrontational to to other people, which makes him frustrated, and he then asserts his independence on her, by passively refusing to do the things she suggests. It's frustrating to see him adamantly stick to his guns about not wanting to go out, but the instant someone else suggests the very same idea, he's usually immediately on board.

 

The thing that was strange for her was that she found it easier to be honest with me (she and I had always had a pretty honest relationship, which she appreciated because she said it made her feel like she was never under any pressure, and that she could always talk with me if something upset her, because she knew I wouldn't overreact and would listen). Whenever she'd try to talk to her husband about the issues with their marriage, he'd always respond back that things would just work themselves out in time.

 

On two separate occasions, she was basically crying on my shoulder because things were so hard, and I think she has just constructed this romantic notion, because he was her first real love, and they did so many firsts together, that it was the storybook style relationship she really wanted. I think she wants it so much, that it doesn't even matter WHO the person is anymore, just that she wants to hold that ideal up. The first time she cried, I asked her why she loved him, and she said "I don't know. I just do. I always have." The second time I asked her (when she cried the second time), with a condition on it. I told her that it's great that she has all these fun memories of how things used to be, but that she couldn't live in the past, and that her life would be less awesome if that's all she had to go on. So I asked her again, why she loves him. This time, she said "Because he loves me. Even if he doesn't show it right now." To be honest, this response seemed a lot like the type of response a battered wife would make.

 

It saddened me to hear her say this. Shortly afterward, I began to realize that her wellbeing had such a high priority in my life. I started to realize that our friendship had really grown into something more. Since we'd always been honest, I mentioned this to her. At first she was playful and laughed at it, but as the discussion went on, I told her that it is hard to see her suffering as a result of her marriage. She then said she could still count on my support, even if things were less than awesome, right? I looked at her and said I didn't think so, which obviously hurt her. In the end I just came out and said to her that I didn't see things changing with her and her husband, and that she'll always be the one that has to put in the effort, and that she'll never be as truly happy as she could be, because he isn't willing to put in the effort. I then went super crazy, and said I think she'd be happier with me.

 

Obviously she didn't choose that option (it was never really a surprise), but in the few days later our friendship was tenuous at best, and things were all scrambly. I pretty much told her I loved her, and she admitted to me that she didn't want to admit it, but she had fallen in love with me too. So for a while I had to digest the notion that she would rather be with someone that is a source of stress for her, frustrates her, and never wants to do any of the things she wants to do in life, instead of someone who, in her own words, she described as "awesome," "amazing," and "fantastic," that gives her the honesty and intimacy she craves, and a willingness to do things in life. I'm a big believer in the idea that it doesn't matter what you're doing, if you're with someone fun, it will be fun. With her, things were fun for us both. We would try new things, and I think we both grew a lot as a person.

 

It's too bad for her she made the choice she did IMO. I don't think it will result in her being very happy in the long run. Maybe not unhappy...just not as happy as she could be. And it's not even with me. I find her husband annoying and irritating, long before she and I ever got close. I think she'd be happier with just about anyone else. But alas.

 

/rant

[Hurlshort]

Sweet, alanschu is like a homewrecker!

[Rosbjerg]

Women are good at reading body language.

True.. until 1+ years into your relationship, when their radar for these things gets overloaded once a week. Like when suddenly you've clearly done something wrong, by the way you are reading that newspaper..

I don't know how it works with most men, but I do know my fiance will tell me nothing is wrong, when it's obvious he just doesn't want to talk about it. BUT, the, "something is really bothering me and I'm trying desperately to ignore it and let it go" vibe is rolling off him so strongly that I cannot relax at all. So I keep bugging him about it and he keeps saying, "nothing!" Which drives me nuts, because it *is* something... eventually he usually gives in and talks about it... Of course, he's someone who really likes to avoid confrontation which while makes for a peaceful relationship on the surface, can lead to other problems in the long run.

 

Oh I hate that.. I made a point out early on, of making my gf understand, that if I ever insited that it was 'nothing' more than 3 times, she should most definitely leave it alone.. because to me it's nothing short of absolute lack of respect to insist that people share things they don't want to share.

[Tigranes]

Or, to put it another way, imagine that you had found a Grotblast Scale Armour, and a Grotblast Fur Hat, both of which were +1. But if you found and killed a grotblast you would be able to take its skin to be made into Grotblast leggings, and all worn together would grant +9 super kill death avoidance. Every time you saw a grotblast in the distance you'd be like "ZOMG! Grotblast!"

 

So women are playing Diablo II. All the time. Man.

 

I 'shop' for a really really long time when I'm shopping for stuff I care about (games, electronics, books, music, uh, stationery...), so I can empathise with "OMG SHOES" even if I have zero fashion sense. It's not a big stretch to understand that for different people (and in general, different genders) understand and use the same thing (clothing) in a different way... the only trouble is how much bloody cash goes down those things.

 

Oh I hate that.. I made a point out early on, of making my gf understand, that if I ever insited that it was 'nothing' more than 3 times, she should most definitely leave it alone.. because to me it's nothing short of absolute lack of respect to insist that people share things they don't want to share.

 

Wish that worked for everyone, but there will be people who take that as a refusal to open up, blah, blah.

[Laozi]

Sweet, alanschu is like a homewrecker!

 

 

Glad someone said it.

[Moatilliatta]

Oh I hate that.. I made a point out early on, of making my gf understand, that if I ever insited that it was 'nothing' more than 3 times, she should most definitely leave it alone.. because to me it's nothing short of absolute lack of respect to insist that people share things they don't want to share.

The problem with that line of though is that they don't do it because of a lack of respect but because they care.

 

I do get what you mean though as I've always kept very strict rules about my own sphere of privacy.

[Hell Kitty]

Ugh, I was in a similar situation as alanschu when I was at university, except I began a relationship with the girl sometime after she broke up with her boyfriend. Except she never broke up with him at all.

[Guest The Architect]

Obviously she didn't choose that option (it was never really a surprise), but in the few days later our friendship was tenuous at best, and things were all scrambly. I pretty much told her I loved her, and she admitted to me that she didn't want to admit it, but she had fallen in love with me too.

 

So for a while I had to digest the notion that she would rather be with someone that is a source of stress for her, frustrates her, and never wants to do any of the things she wants to do in life, instead of someone who, in her own words, she described as "awesome," "amazing," and "fantastic," that gives her the honesty and intimacy she craves, and a willingness to do things in life. I'm a big believer in the idea that it doesn't matter what you're doing, if you're with someone fun, it will be fun. With her, things were fun for us both. We would try new things, and I think we both grew a lot as a person.

 

What the hell? Why didn't she choose you then if she loves you? Did you tell her that she's an idiot? It's like as if women are semi-masochistic, enjoying the stress, frustration and conflict. Having said that I answered my own question.

 

And that's what men mean when they say they can't understand women. Bloody drama queens.

Edited September 4, 2008 by The Architect

[Checkpoint]

Women (and men) can be crazy, when they stick to their romantic notions.

 

 

I know a woman who has for the most part, been pretty miserable in her marriage for the last three years. She puts sooooo much effort into it, and from my perspective her husband is only reactive in the marriage, not proactive. He'll only put in the effort if she gets on his case about something. It's a bit strange because she and I ended up becoming pretty close, and after about a year, we both realized that we had developed pretty strong affectionate feelings for each other. In confiding with me, she mentioned that she feels her husband is a huge source of stress in her life, and she feels frustrated because he's so non-confrontational to to other people, which makes him frustrated, and he then asserts his independence on her, by passively refusing to do the things she suggests. It's frustrating to see him adamantly stick to his guns about not wanting to go out, but the instant someone else suggests the very same idea, he's usually immediately on board.

 

The thing that was strange for her was that she found it easier to be honest with me (she and I had always had a pretty honest relationship, which she appreciated because she said it made her feel like she was never under any pressure, and that she could always talk with me if something upset her, because she knew I wouldn't overreact and would listen). Whenever she'd try to talk to her husband about the issues with their marriage, he'd always respond back that things would just work themselves out in time.

 

On two separate occasions, she was basically crying on my shoulder because things were so hard, and I think she has just constructed this romantic notion, because he was her first real love, and they did so many firsts together, that it was the storybook style relationship she really wanted. I think she wants it so much, that it doesn't even matter WHO the person is anymore, just that she wants to hold that ideal up. The first time she cried, I asked her why she loved him, and she said "I don't know. I just do. I always have." The second time I asked her (when she cried the second time), with a condition on it. I told her that it's great that she has all these fun memories of how things used to be, but that she couldn't live in the past, and that her life would be less awesome if that's all she had to go on. So I asked her again, why she loves him. This time, she said "Because he loves me. Even if he doesn't show it right now." To be honest, this response seemed a lot like the type of response a battered wife would make.

 

It saddened me to hear her say this. Shortly afterward, I began to realize that her wellbeing had such a high priority in my life. I started to realize that our friendship had really grown into something more. Since we'd always been honest, I mentioned this to her. At first she was playful and laughed at it, but as the discussion went on, I told her that it is hard to see her suffering as a result of her marriage. She then said she could still count on my support, even if things were less than awesome, right? I looked at her and said I didn't think so, which obviously hurt her. In the end I just came out and said to her that I didn't see things changing with her and her husband, and that she'll always be the one that has to put in the effort, and that she'll never be as truly happy as she could be, because he isn't willing to put in the effort. I then went super crazy, and said I think she'd be happier with me.

 

Obviously she didn't choose that option (it was never really a surprise), but in the few days later our friendship was tenuous at best, and things were all scrambly. I pretty much told her I loved her, and she admitted to me that she didn't want to admit it, but she had fallen in love with me too. So for a while I had to digest the notion that she would rather be with someone that is a source of stress for her, frustrates her, and never wants to do any of the things she wants to do in life, instead of someone who, in her own words, she described as "awesome," "amazing," and "fantastic," that gives her the honesty and intimacy she craves, and a willingness to do things in life. I'm a big believer in the idea that it doesn't matter what you're doing, if you're with someone fun, it will be fun. With her, things were fun for us both. We would try new things, and I think we both grew a lot as a person.

 

It's too bad for her she made the choice she did IMO. I don't think it will result in her being very happy in the long run. Maybe not unhappy...just not as happy as she could be. And it's not even with me. I find her husband annoying and irritating, long before she and I ever got close. I think she'd be happier with just about anyone else. But alas.

 

/rant

In all honesty I've been at least a lite-version of your friend's husband. I mean, I think I've painted a picture of my ex as some sort of monster when in all honesty I was far from the perfect boyfriend either. The thing is that I was very insecure during the actual relationship because it all got so intense so fast and I could never really just stop and breathe and evaluate the situation. Then she quickly got really serious about the future when I still hadn't figured out whether I was comfortable in the relationship or not. It took a breakup for me to release that pressure and then, without having to know what I felt, I realised that I did love her above everything.

 

And again, her problem is that she doesn't take the time to allow herself to digest and make any reflections of the sort. It's just head-on into the next project, so while I've realised a great many things during the time since we broke up, it feels like her head remains firmly stuck in the sand.

[thepixiesrock]

Ugh, I was in a similar situation as alanschu when I was at university, except I began a relationship with the girl sometime after she broke up with her boyfriend. Except she never broke up with him at all.

 

I was in a similar situation too I think. Except I started a relationship with a girl who did break up with her boyfriend but she still loved him, and before they had broken up she wanted to propose to him. After a week of me and her going out, the boyfriend wanted to get back together, so she did. Another week or so passes and she breaks up with him again. She's going out with some other guy now, and needless to say it isn't me. I mean, I deffinetely know I'm a better boyfriend. I'm smart, funny, good looking, honest, thoughtful, cute, sweet, and just about every good quality a person can have really. I think I might be as close to a perfect boyfriend as you can get. At least, that's what I had to tell myself to stop me from crying myself to sleep every night for three weeks.

[Krookie]

I'm dating this girl now. Her old boyfriend was smart, funny, good looking, honest, thoughtful, cute, sweet, and just about every good quality a person can have really. But I'm a total badass. I drive a motorcycle and have a mullet. Chicks dig bikes and mullets.

[thepixiesrock]

She... she did like motorcycles.

 

 

I HATE YOU!

[Guest The Architect]

If only you knew she liked mullets...

 

I like mullets, too; preferably barbecue grilled.

 

Also,

 

I mean, I deffinetely know I'm a better boyfriend. I'm smart, funny, good looking, honest, thoughtful, cute, sweet, and just about every good quality a person can have really. I think I might be as close to a perfect boyfriend as you can get. At least, that's what I had to tell myself to stop me from crying myself to sleep every night for three weeks.

 

Women probably think that you're gay. I mean, a man couldn't possibly possess all those traits and not be gay, right? I'm a victim of the same problem, which is why I'm not into girls anymore...

 

Unless...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unless they're right about me.

Edited September 4, 2008 by The Architect

[qt3.14159]

Oh I hate that.. I made a point out early on, of making my gf understand, that if I ever insited that it was 'nothing' more than 3 times, she should most definitely leave it alone.. because to me it's nothing short of absolute lack of respect to insist that people share things they don't want to share.

 

If he really insists he doesn't want to talk about it, I'll usually let it go. What I really hate is that time frame when I know that something is wrong and he's acting like I'm just being crazy, not actually picking up on whatever vibe he's sending.

 

I'm not crazy damn it.... well, at least not when it comes to picking up emotional states of the people around me.

 

Alanschu -

 

I was that girl for a long time. Looking back on it, I think I stayed in my marriage as long as I did because I had married him against everyone's advice and I really wanted to be right about him. I wanted it to work out a lot because of those romantic notions that made me cling to something that was absolutely nightmarish. It took a long journey to finally admit how bad the relationship really was and I couldn't have gotten there without my own "homewrecker" friend. Though, honestly, I think that he helped me more by just being a good man and providing a contrast to the bastard I was married to.

 

Anyhow, I'll be the first to admit that most women have very screwed up notions when it comes to relationships until they've been through a few and learn to let go of the crappy ones. Usually they become a lot more reasonable somewhere in their mid to late twenties... (at least in my experience).