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UK election special

politics trolling alts United Kingdom

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164 replies to this topic

#1
Walsingham

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UK elections soon.

 

 

Quick brief to get everyone up to speed.

 

 

THE BRITISH PUBLIC

Incapable of understanding the concept of balancing income against expenditure. Unwilling to understand everything else.

 

CONSERVATIVES

Well educated forehead, apologetically leading Britain with no specific plan. Certain doom to follow, with reassuring accent.

 

LABOUR

Goggled-eyed student union activist, ready to give Britain whatever it wants, like a pathetic step-parent. certain doom to follow, with reassuring blame attached to fat men in top hats.

 

LIB-DEMS

World's tiredest trouser knees, torn between contempt and hope for the public it is desperately trying to spoon-feed. Like in that film. Will impart prosecco, elderflower, nuances to certain doom if part of coalition.

 

GREENS

Corduroy prophetess(?) of greater doom befalling nation. Billions will die, lakes of blood, drought, plagues of locusts. Manifesto emphasis: saving wetland animals and defying simple mathematics. True emphasis: passive-aggressive shoes.

 

SNP

Socialist nationalist party seeks ethnic re-awakening while blaming foreigners for all problems, during economic trouble. Seeks to unite Europe. Nothing worrying here at all.

 

EDIT:

 

UKIP

Sandworm president of local golf club seeks subsidised drinking privileges, shouting at foreigners. Certain feelings of inferiority, shame, and lust around foreigners; particularly shirtless Russians. Certain use of world map found on cornflakes packet ca. 1935. 


Edited by Walsingham, 01 May 2015 - 11:42 PM.

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#2
Meshugger

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Which party is for strength, courage, truth, honor, freedom, vigor and perseverance?


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#3
Monte Carlo

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None of them. I can't even begin to argue with Wals's excellent summary. Except to say be very afraid of our very own Tartan Hugo Chavez, Nicola Sturgeon.

 

I am going to draw an engorged phallus on my voting slip, and I've voted responsibly in every general election since I was of the age of majority. Right now I'm in an HL Mencken state of mind: Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.


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#4
Agiel

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Quite difficult for us to hear anything about the elections over the media losing its collective s*** over the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.


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#5
BruceVC

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I am interested in the various inevitable coalitions  that are going to happen after the official results as I don't see any single party getting an outright majority that won't require some kind of coalition, like what will the SNP ask for to become kingmakers? 

 

Very exciting either way 



#6
BruceVC

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None of them. I can't even begin to argue with Wals's excellent summary. Except to say be very afraid of our very own Tartan Hugo Chavez, Nicola Sturgeon.

 

I am going to draw an engorged phallus on my voting slip, and I've voted responsibly in every general election since I was of the age of majority. Right now I'm in an HL Mencken state of mind: Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

 

You can't be serious? Are you really  going to spoil your vote ....I never expected such political disobedience from you Monte, very surprised and disappointed  :ermm:  



#7
Monte Carlo

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OK, maybe I wasn't entirely accurate.

 

I'm also going to add an egregiously hairy nut-sack below the proud member.


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#8
Elerond

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 Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

 

You can always vote Pirate Party UK, as it at least sounds that you would do so 

 

 

 

EDIT:  :dancing:


Edited by Elerond, 02 May 2015 - 02:25 AM.


#9
BruceVC

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OK, maybe I wasn't entirely accurate.

 

I'm also going to add an egregiously hairy nut-sack below the proud member.

 

I'm sure you will vote properly  when the time actually comes :)

 

 

 

Also some other UK related good news, Kate has given birth a little girl, nice one  :dancing:

 

http://www.theguardi...-prince-william



#10
Ineth

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I am going to draw an engorged phallus on my voting slip

 

I hope you realize that you'll be committing sexual assault against the (female) election worker.

 

At least according to the definition advocated by modern college feminism... ;)



#11
Nonek

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It's a depressing and worrisome fact that ones voting decision is still so torn at this late hour.



#12
BruceVC

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It's a depressing and worrisome fact that ones voting decision is still so torn at this late hour.

 

It should be but they were saying on CNN that  40 % of the UK don't know who they will vote for, so you aren't alone. And there must be valid reason for such uncertainty 



#13
Monte Carlo

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It's a depressing and worrisome fact that ones voting decision is still so torn at this late hour.

 

It should be but they were saying on CNN that  40 % of the UK don't know who they will vote for, so you aren't alone. And there must be valid reason for such uncertainty 

 

 

Yes, they are all merde.


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#14
Darth InSidious

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I'm just getting a loud buzzing noise in my left ear...


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#15
Walsingham

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Like Monte I'm contemptuous of the choices on offer. 

 

Perhaps like Monte I'm tempted to vote for the biggest ****hole because this is emphatically what the British public deserve for even pausing to listen to that sack of hairy oddments, Whosit Brand.



#16
KaineParker

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Like Monte I'm contemptuous of the choices on offer. 
 
Perhaps like Monte I'm tempted to vote for the biggest ****hole because this is emphatically what the British public deserve for even pausing to listen to that sack of hairy oddments, Whosit Brand.


You're voting Labor then?

#17
Rostere

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OK, on to the interesting stuff. What do you guys think of the FPP voting method and its impact on election results and feelings towards the British democracy in general?

 

Proportional voting methods tend to enable a plurality of parties (which makes it easier for everyone to vote for someone they agree with), compared to the current British situation which encourages two big parties - kind of similar to the US system for voting for Congress but not exactly as awful.

 

I would for sure feel hopeless if my voting system was rigged towards a non-proportional voter representation. Even more so if both the leaders of the big parties were twats.

 

Now even though the FPP system is rigged to enable strong governments it looks as if the only possible governments are either minority governments, unholy alliances or include the SNP. I guess the joke is on you, you get the worst of both worlds.



#18
HoonDing

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#19
Walsingham

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OK, on to the interesting stuff. What do you guys think of the FPP voting method and its impact on election results and feelings towards the British democracy in general?

 

Proportional voting methods tend to enable a plurality of parties (which makes it easier for everyone to vote for someone they agree with), compared to the current British situation which encourages two big parties - kind of similar to the US system for voting for Congress but not exactly as awful.

 

I would for sure feel hopeless if my voting system was rigged towards a non-proportional voter representation. Even more so if both the leaders of the big parties were twats.

 

Now even though the FPP system is rigged to enable strong governments it looks as if the only possible governments are either minority governments, unholy alliances or include the SNP. I guess the joke is on you, you get the worst of both worlds.

 

All foreigners, and many Britishers get this totally wrong. The key point is that we don't actually need to vote for parties AT ALL. We vote for a person. Parties are supposed to form when the monarch asks a given person if they can form a government. The government doesn't even technically need to have the majority of MPs.

 

Hence what I'll end up doing is voting for the bugger I like, rather than the party they are in.



#20
Meshugger

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OK, on to the interesting stuff. What do you guys think of the FPP voting method and its impact on election results and feelings towards the British democracy in general?

 

Proportional voting methods tend to enable a plurality of parties (which makes it easier for everyone to vote for someone they agree with), compared to the current British situation which encourages two big parties - kind of similar to the US system for voting for Congress but not exactly as awful.

 

I would for sure feel hopeless if my voting system was rigged towards a non-proportional voter representation. Even more so if both the leaders of the big parties were twats.

 

Now even though the FPP system is rigged to enable strong governments it looks as if the only possible governments are either minority governments, unholy alliances or include the SNP. I guess the joke is on you, you get the worst of both worlds.

 

All foreigners, and many Britishers get this totally wrong. The key point is that we don't actually need to vote for parties AT ALL. We vote for a person. Parties are supposed to form when the monarch asks a given person if they can form a government. The government doesn't even technically need to have the majority of MPs.

 

Hence what I'll end up doing is voting for the bugger I like, rather than the party they are in.

 

 

Sorry, in scando-land such a thing is incomprohensible, as we inhale socialism and exhale solidarity. Can this "person" you speak of have thoughts and form opinions of their own? Well, i never! Either you belong to a group or become shunned by all, that's what i say!


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