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UK elections soon. Quick brief to get everyone up to speed. THE BRITISH PUBLIC Incapable of understanding the concept of balancing income against expenditure. Unwilling to understand everything else. CONSERVATIVES Well educated forehead, apologetically leading Britain with no specific plan. Certain doom to follow, with reassuring accent. LABOUR Goggled-eyed student union activist, ready to give Britain whatever it wants, like a pathetic step-parent. certain doom to follow, with reassuring blame attached to fat men in top hats. LIB-DEMS World's tiredest trouser kne