Things every self-respecting man over 30 should have...

[Orogun01]

What kind of ****ing nutbag mentions umbrellas, but no towels?

 

What kind of man cares about umbrellas? As my _sister_ is apt to point out: humans ain't made of sugar.

The words of a British woman if I ever heard them.

[Walsingham]

 

What kind of ****ing nutbag mentions umbrellas, but no towels?

 

What kind of man cares about umbrellas? As my _sister_ is apt to point out: humans ain't made of sugar.

The words of a British woman if I ever heard them.

 

 

One who works in the USA.

[Gromnir]

 

Heh, so I saw this and thought I'd throw it over here buzzfeed - Things every self-respecting man over 30 should own, with the varied crowd of folk here I'm both curious and amused at what people think should be added to this list or removed from it.

 

Let alone how many of us have items from this list..

 

 

 

 

You aren’t a kid anymore. So stop acting like one, and start being the grown-azz man you ought to be.

1. A tailored black suit

 

A plain black suit is an essential part of any man’s wardrobe. Tailoring is also important, because an ill-fitting suit makes you look like you’re playing dress-up.

 

 

 

sorry, but we saw picture and first thought were not that it were a nice suit... 'cause it ain't .

 

nope, our first thought were that all men over 30 should get a gym membership, 'cause otherwise they become fatty-slobs, or look like the pasty-faced twit pictured above... with shoulders as narrow as a 5th grade girl. 

 

really.

 

HA! Good Fun!

[Nonek]

One has to agree, that gentlemans skull is enormous.

[Zoraptor]

 

1. A tailored black suit

 

- Two untailored charcoal ones is the limit for me. Almost bought a tailored one in Thailand, but my weight fluctuates regularly by up to 15kg a year so tailoring is pointless.

 

2. Black dress shoes

 

- yeah... kind of. The sort that cost $15.

 

3. Brown dress shoes

 

- yeah, bought them when I was 12. My feet have not changed in size since.

 

4. Stocks

 

- no. I own a share in some stock (sheep) though if that counts

 

5. A tool kit

 

- I own tools, manly tools like chainsaws that I service and sharpen myself. And occasionally dechain and ruin, in a manly way. A tool kit is a bit too try hard, especially one that looks like it hasn't ever been used.

 

6. A nice wallet

 

- Yes, a very nice wallet. Just wish it had more money in it. Maybe I should stop buying extraneous guff

 

7. Cologne, NOT BODY SPRAY

 

- multiple, mainly gifts though. People trying to give me hints, no doubt?

 

8. A watch

 

- no. Well, I own a good one and an actual gold fob watch too, but I don't wear one.

 

9. A proper bed with proper bedding

 

- Yep, inherited though

 

10. A flashlight

 

- Yep

 

11. Duct tape

 

- Yep

 

12. A weekend bag

 

- yep. Gift though.

 

13. Proper glassware

 

- yep. Cheap, but proper

 

14. Grooming kit

 

- no. Oh god no.

 

15. Double-hinged wine key

 

- Classic corkscrew. Keys are for poseurs.

 

16. Multiple towels

 

- Yeah.

 

17. A chef’s knife

 

- Yep. Actually use my boning/ skinning knives for cooking a lot more than the supposed proper knife. Just don't mention their purpose to anyone I'm cooking for.

 

18. A passport

 

- two, because I'm special that way

 

19. A flask

 

- yes. Only filled it once though

 

20. Sewing kit

 

- yes, I even use it

 

21. An umbrella

 

- yes

 

22. Buy an ironing board, and an iron.

 

- yes, inherited from a flat though

 

23. Jumper cables

 

- yes

 

24. Undershirts

 

- yes, Gifts though, never bought any

 

25. Playing cards

 

- multiple

 

26. A lint roller

 

- to my eternal shame, yes. I actually use duct tape (!) to remove lint more though.

 

27. A leatherman

 

- swiss army knife

 

28. Sunglasses

 

- no, wear glasses, look silly wearing two pairs over each other.

 

29. A record player

 

- Yes, inherited

30. Football/soccer ball/basketball, etc.

 

- multiple

 

31. A French press

 

- two hand grinders and a decent plunger.

 

32. Good socks

 

- yes

 

33. Good underwear

 

- yes. And some tatty ones

 

34. A cast-iron skillet

 

- this is essential. Proper wok also essential

 

35. Multiple sheet sets

 

- yes, gifts though

 

36. A bar set

 

- No. Well, I do own some asterisktail shakers, inherited from a flat.

 

37. Matching dishes

 

- yes, inherited and a very cheap bought set

 

38. A decent car

 

- DB9, Diablo, E type 15 year old Ford which is a rebadged Mazda 3. I've owned it 10+ years and it has never had a significant problem, which I'd count as yes but no one else would I suspect.

 

39. A solid book collection

 

- yes. Mostly for reading though, so I'm not sure they count

 

40. A decent bottle of booze

 

- Laphroaig, Cointreau, Grand Marnier, Chartreuse, Drambuie, whatever the coffee one is that isn't Kahlua, Pimms, Gin. Few others, most duty free gifts from visitors. I hardly drink at all, except wine with meals.

 

I appreciate this list as it makes me feel mature and successful.

 

Even if probably half the stuff there is stuff I didn't directly acquire myself.

[Gorth]

What kind of man cares about umbrellas?

You shock me... as an Englishman even asking that question???

 

 

Seriously, if I could impress somebody like Diana Rigg, I would walk around with an umbrella on a sunny day

[Nepenthe]

You aren’t a kid anymore. So stop acting like one, and start being the grown-azz man you ought to be.

 

1. A tailored black suit

Nope, and never will. Charcoal and navy, yes, but never will I own a black suit.

 

2. Black dress shoes

 

 

Of course, several, my favourites are from Crockett & Jones.

 

3. Brown dress shoes

 

 

Yep.

 

4. Stocks

 

 

Nope. Grad school. I'm still in the hole.

 

5. A tool kit

 

 

Yeah. I actually might have said originally "no" here, since I don't have power tools.

 

6. A nice wallet

 

 

Yep.

 

7. Cologne, NOT BODY SPRAY

 

 

Yep. Creed. Another expensive habit from lobbying days.

 

8. A watch

 

 

Yeah, quartz, though. Wouldn't get taken seriously among the big boys.

 

9. A proper bed with proper bedding

 

 

Yes.

 

10. A flashlight

 

 

A few.

 

11. Duct tape

 

 

Actually, no.

 

12. A weekend bag

 

 

Yeah, I got suckered into a limited edition doctor's bag type thing in ballistic nylon by Tumi. It's probably an affront to good taste everywhere, but I got it right after having become a doctor and it has great tablet etc. organizing pockets inside. Really good for those smaller Helsinki weekend trips, but if it's longer than two nights I use my patrol backpack instead.

 

13. Proper glassware

 

 

I went "no" here originally, but I do have on the rocks and wine glasses, though from the clunkier side of Finnish design, so I'm probably gonna stay with "no" here. Don't drink wine, limiting factor into how much money I want to put here. Though Glencairns might put me back into the "yes" territory

 

14. Grooming kit

 

 

I think I went with a "no" here, since I don't have a kit, it's a haphazard grouping of items in the cupboard.

 

15. Double-hinged wine key

 

 

No.

 

16. Multiple towels

 

 

Yes.

 

17. A chef’s knife

 

Yes, and full tang, as supposed to. Might be my most recent purchase from this list, only got one when I moved here.

 

18. A passport

 

Of course, use to travel for a living.

 

19. A flask

 

Yeah, from the student days.

 

20. Sewing kit

 

 

No. Really should, but there's very little mending to be done, in general.

 

21. An umbrella

 

I used to live in Helsinki, where the odds are you are going to need sunglasses and rain protection in the same day. Have several.

 

22. Buy an ironing board, and an iron.

 

 

Eh, yes.

 

23. Jumper cables

 

 

Nope. Don't have a car and don't torture people so regularly I'd need to keep these around.

 

24. Undershirts

 

 

Nope.

 

25. Playing cards

 

 

Yep.

 

26. A lint roller

 

Yes.

 

27. A leatherman

 

 

No, and I think my dad has my old swiss army knife now. Definitely need to pick one up soon.

 

28. Sunglasses

 

 

They tell me I have a face for wraparounds. I think it's a thinly veiled insult on my massive noggin, but yes, sunglasses, classics, not really.

 

29. A record player

 

 

Yes, Technics Sl1210mk2. I used to have a M3D I sold in a moment of inpecuniarity, picked this one up lightly used and smelling of incense in December. Have tons of classics from my mom (Jimi Hendrix, Blues) and a bunch of never-released-digitally dance records from the early noughties.

 

30. Football/soccer ball/basketball, etc.

 

I think I have an (American) football around, but the backpack and hiking boots do the "etc.", I think.

 

31. A French press

 

Nope, I don't drink coffee, but I keep a one cup Bialetti around for guests. I'm gonna be hosed if I ever have more than one person over.

 

32. Good socks

 

 

Eh, yes.

 

33. Good underwear

 

 

Very much so.

 

34. A cast-iron skillet

 

Nope. Got a real bargain on some "Swiss Diamond" gear when I moved here, those are obviously brilliant for day to day stuff. Prefer simple food, never done anything that would require a cast iron one.

 

35. Multiple sheet sets

 

 

Yeah,

 

36. A bar set

No.

37. Matching dishes

 

Yes, mostly, anyway

 

38. A decent car

 

 

Didn't need one in Helsinki, can't afford one that I would feel comfortable driving in sleet and pitch black on some backroad at the moment. So no.

 

39. A solid book collection

 

I mean, I have a near complete set of Tom Clancies and 3.5 edition D&D books? That's solid, right?

 

40. A decent bottle of booze

 

Yes. For a long time, I didn't drink at all. Around here, that means people are constantly asking you about it in a tone that implies you are a recovering alcoholic. Got tired of it, so now drink scotch. Have a couple of decent single malts and a few really superior ones at home. Still, mostly about a finger's breadth every week or something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I use a watch because it is more discrete than hauling my phone out to check the time. Not to mention I can do it while working with both hands. PLUS I can time things on my watch.

 

Mmh, apart from whole "only jewelry a man should wear" aspect, it's basically the only way to know the time while in court.

 

 

Heh, I managed to get through my last few years of secondary school wearing a waistcoat and pocket watch without getting into any fights..

 

 

Ok, pocket watches are allowed too. And monocles.

[Walsingham]

Things I don't have:

 

- Tailored black suit - Black suits are for vanity only

- Brown dress shoes - Which YOU will wear to the coffee shop. You c***

- A weekend bag - if by weekend bag you mean something made of badly stitched leather, which I rather think is what you mean, you c***.

- Grooming kit. - Good disposable razors and a good multitool perform every function I might require.

- An expensive chefs knife - I have a working chef's knife with a good broad blade that I keep sharp by sharpening it on the underside of crockery.

- An umbrella - The only reason you need an umbrella is to protect a cheap suit from getting wrinkled. You c***

- Jumper cables - "even if you don't own a car?" What about a ****ing livery stables? Or a football stadium?

- A lint roller - So you can feel like mumsy?

- Sunglasses

- A record player

- Football/soccerball/darts etc. - I don't need to gaze at other men in order to do exercise

- A french press - If I'm going to drink **** coffee I'm going to do it from instant

- Good underwear - I walk almost everywhere, meaning all my pants wear out fast

- A bar set - Which will gather dust because no one wants to drink with the kind of c*** who think spa towels are important

- One bottle of decent booze - What's the ****ing point of only one bottle? You lonely pointless c***.

 

 

Things I have but don't give a **** about:

 

- A nice wallet - which I never use

- Cologne - which I rarely use

- Wine key - As emergency backup. Because pulling corks isn't a test of manhood. You c***.

- Spa towels - These are for guests

- Undershirts - Why the **** would they go yellow in the armpits? What the **** are you eating?

[Blarghagh]

1. A tailored black suit
- I used to own a suit. I gained some weight and now it doesn't fit me, and I never wore it in the five years it did fit me. Suits are a waste of money.

2. Black dress shoes
- Dress shoes? I don't wear dresses. Sorry.

3. Brown dress shoes
- Two pairs of fancy shoes? Then what do you wear regularely? Man card is forfeited on the purchase of a third pair of shoes.

4. Stocks
- Are you a moron?

5. A tool kit
- Duh.

6. A nice wallet
- It used to be nice.

7. Cologne, NOT BODY SPRAY
- Got it, never use it.

8. A watch
- Pocketwatch or bust.

9. A proper bed with proper bedding
- Duh.

10. A flashlight
- Duh.

11. Duct tape
- Oh yes. Moving on.

12. A weekend bag

- I've got one satchel. I can put stuff in it. Having anything else other than one satchel means you have a purse collection and you need to hand in your man card.

13. Proper glassware
- Duh.

14. Grooming kit
- You mean a comb and a shaving razor? I hope so, otherwise I'm taking away your man card.

15. Double-hinged wine key
- Because a basic corkscrew isn't enough? I quit drinking several years ago.

16. Multiple towels
- I'm a hoopy frood.

17. A chef’s knife
- Duh.

18. A passport
I have a European I.D. that works everywhere in Europe. Good enough?

19. A flask
- Is this the fifties?

20. Sewing kit
- Girlfriend's got one.

21. An umbrella
- IT'S JUST WATER. Grow a pair!

22. Buy an ironing board, and an iron.
Are you sure this list isn't for women? I do own these though.

23. Jumper cables
- I actually do own this. For... interrogation purposes.

24. Undershirts
- What are you, five? I haven't worn undershirts since I've been able to dress myself.

25. Playing cards
- I've got some packs buried in a closet somewhere.

26. A lint roller
- My girlfriend has cats, only reason to have this ever.

27. A leatherman
- Piss off.

28. Sunglasses
- Duh.

29. A record player
- Hipster bull****. I hook up some speakers to a CD player or my laptop and I'm fine.

30. Football/soccer ball/basketball, etc.
- Children's games does not an outdoor person make. No.

31. A French press
- Coffee is filthy and anyone who relies on it to get through a day is weak.

32. Good socks
- Duh.

33. Good underwear
- Duh. One pair has a giant Batman Logo on the ass.

34. A cast-iron skillet
- Duh.

35. Multiple sheet sets
- Duh.

36. A bar set
- Stopped drinking a couple years ago.

37. Matching dishes

- Duh

38. A decent car
- Can't drive. Get car sick, throw up on the side of the road unless I almost O.D. on Dramamine.

39. A solid book collection
- I've got one. I've read them too. Because I'm not a faker.

40. A decent bottle of booze
- Stopped drinking a few years back.

[Nepenthe]

Geez, you guys are making me feel like a real tool. In my defence, I WAS a metrosexual lobbyist about six months ago.

 

I think I own like 7 or 8 pairs of shoes.

 

So maybe "was" is more like "am"? :D

Edited October 2, 2013 by Nepenthe

[Rosbjerg]

Well if you have these things because the list told you to, then you are.. if you have these things because you want, then it all right.. at least that's what I tell myself.

[Nepenthe]

Well if you have these things because the list told you to, then you are.. if you have these things because you want, then it all right.. at least that's what I tell myself.

 

S'ok, as long as I don't post pictures of food online or tag myself every time I pass near an airport lounge, I'll still consider not having gained my douchebag card, even if I've lost my man one.

[Raithe]

Geez, you guys are making me feel like a real tool. In my defence, I WAS a metrosexual lobbyist about six months ago.

 

I think I own like 7 or 8 pairs of shoes.

 

So maybe "was" is more like "am"? :D

 

Hm, in comparison I have my "everyday walking" shoes - which are actually caterpillar hiking boots.  A pair of formal black shoes. A pair of classic white/black two-tone leather shoes. Plain black trainers that are seriously getting worn... And a pair of snakeskin cowboy boots...

[Blarghagh]

That last one gave you your man card back.

 

It's a man card that connects to other man cards however.

 

Don't take my man card crap, I'm just matching the tone of the list in the opposite direction. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

[mkreku]

...and an epic collection of artisan p0rn.

 

1 out of 40. Yay!

[TrashMan]

I'm not a self-respecting man.

[Malcador]

- An umbrella - The only reason you need an umbrella is to protect a cheap suit from getting wrinkled. You c***

You've obviously never waited 30 mins for a bus in a downpour or walked a fair distance. Walking around soaked isn't all that fun to be honest - though it was fun to wring all that water out of my khakis that one time. Just as long as it's not those massive golf umbrellas I see people with, it's a handy thing to have.

[Blarghagh]

I've done that. Still prefer it to carrying an umbrella. For the few moments it comes in handy, it's not worth all the time it's just dead weight.

[Malcador]

That's weird that it's such a burden, what kind of umbrella are you using ? I keep mine in my backpack as it adds nothing to the overall weight of the pack and out of it only if there's rain predicted and that prediction seems likely.

[Humanoid]

That's weird that it's such a burden, what kind of umbrella are you using ? I keep mine in my backpack as it adds nothing to the overall weight of the pack and out of it only if there's rain predicted and that prediction seems likely.

Ah, but according to the article, a backpack is a no-no. Cancels out the +1 score from the umbrella in the first place.

 

 

(I don't own an umbrella and use a backpack, so -2 for me)

Edited October 2, 2013 by Humanoid

[Blarghagh]

That's weird that it's such a burden, what kind of umbrella are you using ? I keep mine in my backpack as it adds nothing to the overall weight of the pack and out of it only if there's rain predicted and that prediction seems likely.

 

I generally don't carry many bags unless it's my laptop bag so I keep it in my hands at all time.

[Walsingham]

 

- An umbrella - The only reason you need an umbrella is to protect a cheap suit from getting wrinkled. You c***

You've obviously never waited 30 mins for a bus in a downpour or walked a fair distance. Walking around soaked isn't all that fun to be honest - though it was fun to wring all that water out of my khakis that one time. Just as long as it's not those massive golf umbrellas I see people with, it's a handy thing to have.

 

 

 

I most certainly have!

 

Firstly, if I was about to wait 30 minutes in the rain for a bus I'd take a taxi. This might happen twice a year, so the expense is negligible. Also I enjoy talking to taxi drivers.

 

Secondly, in the event of needing to proceed on foot I would do so with coat neatly folded, sleeves rolled up, shoulders back. You don't notice the rain after about 2 minutes.

 

In theory one might be embarassed about turning up to places soaked through. But I've always found that a cavalier disregard for the problem achieves more than fussing in with a wet umbrella like Mary ****ing Poppins.

[Amentep]

I waited 30 minutes in the rain for a bus in a covered bus stop.

 

Unfortunately there was a puddle formed right in front of the bus stop so that every car splashed a wall of water into the bus stop.

 

Luckily I had my umbrella pointed towards the street and only got partially soaked. I also was standing on the seat and trying to protect the poor woman with me who had no umbrellas.

 

Moral of the Story: I don't miss public transportation where I live.

[Malcador]

Bus shelters are crammed when it rains, generally the city here is just over crowded so it's a nightmare to move around in. Rainy days mean traffic is snarled up, taxis scarce and expensive, etc.

[Enoch]

I will cop to fanciness, in that I do enjoy carrying my umbrella about.  I have one of these.  Not one of those stupidly huge golf umbrellas that invade the personal space of everybody else on the sidewalk. But also not one of those silly ones that fold up into purse-size and fall apart when encountering its first stiff breeze.  A potentially rainy day is an excuse to carry a walking stick around, without looking like the kind of person who carries a walking stick for no good reason. 

 

I also have been known to pretend that it's a sword when nobody's looking. 

 

 

Black suits are for funeral directors. 

Edited October 2, 2013 by Enoch