Ask Monte

[Gfted1]

I realise this thread was intended as a joke but I actually could use some advice for something not earth shatteringly important. Does anyone have any tips or mental exercises that would help me focus on something mundane over long stretches of time, say an entire day even while there are distractions going on around me?

 

 

Maybe meditation?

[Orogun01]

I realise this thread was intended as a joke but I actually could use some advice for something not earth shatteringly important. Does anyone have any tips or mental exercises that would help me focus on something mundane over long stretches of time, say an entire day even while there are distractions going on around me?

Waiting for a bus while watching the grass grow. No form of entertainment allowed

[Walsingham]

I realise this thread was intended as a joke but I actually could use some advice for something not earth shatteringly important. Does anyone have any tips or mental exercises that would help me focus on something mundane over long stretches of time, say an entire day even while there are distractions going on around me?

 

Weirdly I got asked this in the pub last week. The answer I gave then was quite extensive, and s basically self-hypnosis. But there is an easier one.

 

When you feel your attention slipping, and assuming you are at a desk rather than performing oral sex, you should

 

1. Look at your desk

2. Fix in your mind an image of where everything is on the desk

3. Gently close your eyes, keeping the image

4. Put out your hand, and touch an object

5. You will find your hand instantly connects

6. Now grasp and move that object

7. Repeat the proces for different objects

8. Return to objects you have already moved

9 Keep your eyes closed throughout

 

 

When you get bored, open your eyes. You will feel incredibly calm and focussed. It's a technique I invented for getting through exams.

[Guest The Architect]

You must think women as candy shop owners, who wont give you candy for free and will call the police if you try to pay for it, but if you appear not to be interested in candy they will tie you down and force feed you until your has crap has changed color to E961.

 

Following up on this insightful advice, you could do it that way, or you could do a trade off - you give them your white chocolate and they'll give you their candy, just make sure it's block sized.

[Serrano]

This thread is going down a dark path isn't it?

 

Thank you everyone for the replies by the way.

Edited July 14, 2010 by Serrano

[Monte Carlo]

Dear Uncle Monty,

I have acquired a kitten. He has been named Binky. He is extremely violent, and keeps trying to kill my feet. Yet I cannot help but be endeared by this violence.

 

The violence is amusing because it cannot harm you. Purchase a Bengal tiger and re-run the exercise. You will realise that video games have de-sensitized you to nothing.

[Serrano]

Dear Uncle Monty,

I have acquired a kitten. He has been named Binky. He is extremely violent, and keeps trying to kill my feet. Yet I cannot help but be endeared by this violence.

 

The violence is amusing because it cannot harm you. Purchase a Bengal tiger and re-run the exercise. You will realise that video games have de-sensitized you to nothing.

 

[Orogun01]

Dear Uncle Monty

 

My two moms have been separated for 4 years, they still talk to each other and now it seems that my mom wants to come back. The only problem is that she doesn't want to break up with her current partner because she feels a guilty and doesn't want to hurt anyone. How could I convince her to come back?

[Darth InSidious]

Dear Uncle Monte,

 

Just who was the gentleman when Adam delved and Eve span, anyway?

 

Yours,

J. Ball

[Kaftan Barlast]

Dear Montgomery,

 

 

How do you flirt with the girl behind the counter at the supermarket without being a douche? We normally dont talk to strangers in Sweden, but I feel it would be proper in this case.

 

 

yours,

K.

 

 

p.s

 

the person who wrote this letter is not the person who wrote the letter

[Nepenthe]

Dear Montgomery,

 

 

How do you flirt with the girl behind the counter at the supermarket without being a douche? We normally dont talk to strangers in Sweden, but I feel it would be proper in this case.

 

 

yours,

K.

 

 

p.s

 

the person who wrote this letter is not the person who wrote the letter

 

Become a regular, after they've seen your face for a while (=are more comfortable with you) try to build attraction by being funny/memorable/slighly ****y, but don't try too hard. If they play along, eventually ask for FB profile or equivalent and take the more overt flirting off-premises. It doesn't have to be magic (certainly not among the aloof Finns), just a little banter on something really basic like the weather, if you can't think of anything more appropriate to the situaiton...

 

The partially sensored word is a synonym for rooster. That filter really needs some tweaking, guys.

 

I hear some people can manage to basically score digits off grocery store girls and bartenders at first sight, but for the rest of us, it calls for a somewhat longer term plan. Has worked for me, on several occasions.

Edited July 16, 2010 by Nepenthe

[Moose]

Be aware that scoring two or less digits is an indication of failure.

[Monte Carlo]

Dear Montgomery,

 

 

How do you flirt with the girl behind the counter at the supermarket without being a douche? We normally dont talk to strangers in Sweden, but I feel it would be proper in this case.

 

 

yours,

K.

 

 

p.s

 

the person who wrote this letter is not the person who wrote the letter

 

As it happens the young Monty, circa 1987, faced an identical dilemma. A very beautiful girl worked in a store. I sent her flowers with a not-very-cryptic clue as to who I was. Her female co-workers cooed and fussed over the floral tribute. I got a date and went out with her for a couple of very pleasant months.

 

You can have that one for free. It actually works.

[Monte Carlo]

Dear Uncle Monte,

 

Just who was the gentleman when Adam delved and Eve span, anyway?

 

Yours,

J. Ball

 

The answer is = roughly the size of Wales.

[Orogun01]

Dear Monty

 

What about my problem?

[Kaftan Barlast]

I thank you for your very kind advice gentlemen. The finnish plan sounds like it could work, as I go there several times a week. And yes, Moose, I saw what you did there.

 

 

 

As it happens the young Monty, circa 1987, faced an identical dilemma. A very beautiful girl worked in a store. I sent her flowers with a not-very-cryptic clue as to who I was. Her female co-workers cooed and fussed over the floral tribute. I got a date and went out with her for a couple of very pleasant months.

 

You can have that one for free. It actually works.

 

 

Not in Sweden, it doesnt. Sending unsolicited flowers or a gift of any kind to a girl you're not intimately familiar with, is not socially acceptable. Unless you're Alexander Skarsg

[Monte Carlo]

Dear Uncle Monty

 

My two moms have been separated for 4 years, they still talk to each other and now it seems that my mom wants to come back. The only problem is that she doesn't want to break up with her current partner because she feels a guilty and doesn't want to hurt anyone. How could I convince her to come back?

 

This falls outside of my remit of advice-orientated qualifications, Orogun01. Motherly love is a powerful elemental force with which we meddle at great risk.

[Monte Carlo]

I thank you for your very kind advice gentlemen. The finnish plan sounds like it could work, as I go there several times a week. And yes, Moose, I saw what you did there.

 

 

 

As it happens the young Monty, circa 1987, faced an identical dilemma. A very beautiful girl worked in a store. I sent her flowers with a not-very-cryptic clue as to who I was. Her female co-workers cooed and fussed over the floral tribute. I got a date and went out with her for a couple of very pleasant months.

 

You can have that one for free. It actually works.

 

 

Not in Sweden, it doesnt. Sending unsolicited flowers or a gift of any kind to a girl you're not intimately familiar with, is not socially acceptable. Unless you're Alexander Skarsg

[Orogun01]

Dear Uncle Monty

 

My two moms have been separated for 4 years, they still talk to each other and now it seems that my mom wants to come back. The only problem is that she doesn't want to break up with her current partner because she feels a guilty and doesn't want to hurt anyone. How could I convince her to come back?

 

This falls outside of my remit of advice-orientated qualifications, Orogun01. Motherly love is a powerful elemental force with which we meddle at great risk.

Translation, either you don't know or you are afraid to hurt my sensibilities. If it's the latter, don't worry I have a healthy sense of humor and can take a joke.

[Monte Carlo]

I don't know.

[Walsingham]

Kaft, I suggest a variation on something which I did in siimilar circumstances.

 

1. Make a piece of jewellery for the girl.

2. 'Lose' the item in the shop, like under a chiller cabinet relatively near her (do NOT do this when she is on the till, as she won't be able to get involved)

3. Approach her and mention that you've lost the item, and ask for help

4. This is an excellent screen, as if she reacts like a water buffalo staring at a bee then she's not worth worrying about

5. While looking you should have a minute or so to explain how it is a piece of jewellery, and you feel sily for geting so worked up because it's a gift and the receiver doesn't even know they're getting it. Plus it wasn't expensive, it just seemed right etc etc

6. When you 'find' it she will provbably say something about how she hopes the person getting the gift likes it. At which point you give it to her.

 

And win ensues.

[Blarghagh]

Things that take so many steps and depend on reactions by a certain person never work.

[Nightshape]

True, but if it worked... They'd be blown away, or disturbed.

[Kaftan Barlast]

A more Swedish plan would be:

 

 

1. Attend the same bar as the other party

2. Wait until blood alcohol levels in both parties reach a satisfactory level

3. ?

4. Success.

[Nepenthe]

A more Swedish plan would be:

 

 

1. Attend the same bar as the other party

2. Wait until blood alcohol levels in both parties reach a satisfactory level

3. ?

4. Success.

 

Yeah, assuming some pan-nordic similarities in women, the suggested strategies would almos definitely be considered "coming on too strong". And to women coming on too strong = desperation = game over.

 

And the jewelry thing... way too much trouble for somebody who could just be a vicious shrew,

 

Edit: Probably quoting the wrong post, or otherwise not connecting. I'm blaming my personal blood alcohol level.

Edited July 17, 2010 by Nepenthe