Eddo36 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 (edited) Just need thoughts. Will go on back cover. Aye or Nay? - The horrific wrath of an ancient curse is unleashed upon an unsuspecting city. As darkness begins to swarm over the living, a police officer desperately fights back against the nightmare. Wounded and hunted down, Officer Brian Reaper faces his darkest night. But as the heart of the evil looms closer, nothing is as it seems. btw for anyone wondering, the story is 18+ so I'm not going to post a link to it here. if you want to read, just send me a PM. Edited January 8, 2009 by Eddo36 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shryke Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 sweet zombie jesus, look who's back! when your mind works against you - fight back with substance abuse! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkreku Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 A bit clich Swedes, go to: Spel2, for the latest game reviews in swedish! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigranes Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Undecided, cause theres not much info there. One presumes that it woudl work in concert with the rest of the cover and the title, though, so might be fine. Let's Play: Icewind Dale Ironman (Complete) Let's Play: Icewind Dale II Ironman (Complete) Let's Play: Divinity II (Complete) Let's Play: Baldur's Gate Trilogy Ironman - BG1 (Complete) Let's Play: Baldur's Gate Trilogy Ironman - BG2 (In Progress) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddo36 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Thanks for the wb and feedbacks. Might add more to it. I'm still working on the front cover. My artist should be giving the pic I told him to draw by tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aram Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Cliche and filled with vague adjectives. It'd be better if it actually gave some idea of the contents. I'm guessing its zombies, so you may as well let the reader know right off the bat that it's going to be zombies, and people shooting zombies. Zombies are an easy thing to sell to zombie fans so you'll definitely want to make it obvious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadly_Nightshade Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I will decline to comment. "Geez. It's like we lost some sort of bet and ended up saddled with a bunch of terrible new posters on this forum." -Hurlshot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hell Kitty Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Why is the story 18+? Is it because Officer Brian Reaper gets his freak on? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark_Raven Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Don't quit your day job. Hades was the life of the party. RIP You'll be missed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddo36 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Nah it's just 18+ because of some F-bombs and one particular scene. And I was trying to make it not sound cliche, though I had intentionally left it vague because I just thought specification would give the story away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strix Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Don't quit your day job. I agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aram Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 If the whole story is "there's zombies" you need to rethink more than the cover. Why are we all being mean to this guy? I can't remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calax Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 It's so vague it could go on the back of almost any book about evil. I donno, Sometime generics work but I think you need to give more info about the crisis, not necessarily what's causing it but more like what the response (for example assuming the city gets placed under quarantine mention that "the police officer searches a city under quarantine for the cause of the nightmare") Victor of the 5 year fan fic competition! Kevin Butler will awesome your face off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trenitay Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I think the same thing as Calax, but other than that it sounds good to me. Hey now, my mother is huge and don't you forget it. The drunk can't even get off the couch to make herself a vodka drenched sandwich. Octopus suck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddo36 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Why are we all being mean to this guy? I can't remember. They're just bitter that Revan turned out to be a guy in canon. And to everyone else, thanks for the feedback. Still waiting for the cover art. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorgon Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 'Wounded and hunted down' suggests past perfect, How can he do anything if he has already been hunted down. 'hunted' is better. Also starting a clause with a capitalized 'But'. How is this. Officer Brian Reaper faces his darkest night, wounded and hunted, but as the heart of the evil looms closer, nothing is as it seems. Na na na na na na ... greg358 from Darksouls 3 PVP is a CHEATER. That is all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aram Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 (edited) How about: Officer Brian "Grim Reaper" Reaper was just one day from retirement. Then zombies attacked. Now the only thing between Reaper and his condo in Miami is an endless army of God Damned Zombies. And the only thing between Reaper and the zombies is a pair of a Berettas and every God Damn Bullet he's got. There's also a hot female sidekick and a God Damned Dog. However, I'd keep the last sentence. "But nothing is as it seems." That really ratchets up the tension. Edited January 8, 2009 by Aram Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eddo36 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 (edited) Thanks, but it's more than just a zombie novel. The zombie part ends when the prologue ends. By the way, my artist gave me a pre-sketch. It's not the final, but the goggles are going to be changed so it doesn't look like Splinter Cell. Edited January 8, 2009 by Eddo36 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meshugger Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 It is hard to give some judgement, based on the info you gave us, but good luck nevertheless. "Some men see things as they are and say why?""I dream things that never were and say why not?"- George Bernard Shaw"Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man."- Friedrich Nietzsche "The amount of energy necessary to refute bull**** is an order of magnitude bigger than to produce it." - Some guy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaftan Barlast Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Since the fanfic itself seems to be complete rubbish, its only fair that your desciption reflects that fact. So its good that its very bad. DISCLAIMER: Do not take what I write seriously unless it is clearly and in no uncertain terms, declared by me to be meant in a serious and non-humoristic manner. If there is no clear indication, asume the post is written in jest. This notification is meant very seriously and its purpouse is to avoid misunderstandings and the consequences thereof. Furthermore; I can not be held accountable for anything I write on these forums since the idea of taking serious responsability for my unserious actions, is an oxymoron in itself. Important: as the following sentence contains many naughty words I warn you not to read it under any circumstances; botty, knickers, wee, erogenous zone, psychiatrist, clitoris, stockings, bosom, poetry reading, dentist, fellatio and the department of agriculture. "I suppose outright stupidity and complete lack of taste could also be considered points of view. " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gorth Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Why are we all being mean to this guy? I can't remember. There will always be a couple of trolls who think it easier to ridicule than to be constructive. Maybe they lack imagination themselves? Can you really start a sentece with "But..." in English? “He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice.” - Albert Einstein Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aram Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 (edited) Can you really start a sentece with "But..." in English? I've seen some very highly regarded authors get away with it. Edited January 8, 2009 by Aram Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walsingham Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Why do I get the feeling this book will have more bottom descriptions than zombies? "It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"." -Elwood Blues tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirottu Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Why do I get the feeling this book will have more bottom descriptions than zombies? I bet after the prologue ends it's going to be full bottom on bottom action. This post is not to be enjoyed, discussed, or referenced on company time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aram Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Why do I get the feeling this book will have more bottom descriptions than zombies? I've seen some very highly regarded authors get away with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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