Was forced today to initiate a first-ever Level One Disaster Emergency Response Protocol (L1 DERP). Parked, got out, opened the rear hatch, point zero seconds later a full, fresh gallon of premium exterior paint committed an unprecedented gravitational error, free-falling from vehicle deck-height, face-planting and popping open without remorse onto a private, sloped, black-asphalt driveway. The only other eyes-on in the area were five dogs and two cats.
Ignoring panic and a bemused Doberman, the on-site operator laid down perfunctory canvas, right-sided the deformed container, brush-scooped the impressively aggressive puddle back into the can, activated pressurized water from a local source, and manually affected a hand-held wire brush to remove on-contact residue. After sixty minutes, no trace remained. An impressive recovery. So much so, no incident report was filed with local authorities who arrived hours later, unaware.