Guard Dog

I was just looking at those pics, that is extremely cool!

Hey guys. I got home last night. It’s been a very interesting two weeks or so let me tell you. I started driving north with no particular destination in mind. I followed I-55 north as far as Bloomington IN. I didn’t feel like dealing with Chicago so followed I-39 until Wausau. Then kept going until I ended in up in a little town called Bayfield WI. I got a room in a crappy motel that cost way more than it should have and spent two days there doing nothing. And I do mean NOTHING. I spent the better part of two days sitting on the pier and looking at the lake. I’d never seen Lake Superior before so I can cross that one off my list. After the second day I decided to go home. I turned on my phone and texted my cousin and her husband and told them I was in WI and offered to take them out to dinner. I had not seen either of them in 10 years or more. They live in a little town in the western part of the state. Totally out of the way but what the hell. The next night I met them for dinner and had a great time catching up. They offered to let me stay in their guest house for a few days if I wanted so I accepted. I forgot how much fun they are. Anyway, he is a retired Minnesota state trooper, she is a retired teacher, and they have a business boarding and training horses. Plus a few of their own. Helping them take care of their horses and boarders was thoroughly enjoyable. This led to the best part of the trip… I met someone. They have an equine vet that visits and I got to talking to her and we just clicked. Her name is Gail. She’s a year older than me, divorced with an adult daughter. I asked her out. It went really well. I asked her out again for two days later. That one went well too. Her biggest interests are animals, books, and simplicity in life. That is definitely me. My cousin is all excited about this. She put her “match maker” hat on and you can guess what was doing there. I ended up spending a week with them and had three dates with Gail. It was great. Finally, the time came to go home. Gail and I decided to keep in touch and just see where things go. I live 10 hours and three states away and that won’t change in the near future. Anyway, when I turned my phone back on in Bayfield I got a VM from Stephanie. She finally saw my e-mail I guess. She asked me to please call her. Since I started the exchange I felt obligated and did so while driving to Sparta. We spoke for about 15 minutes and it was awkward but friendly. She asked if we could speak face to face because there was so much she wanted to talk to me about. I agreed and told her I’d meet her for coffee when I got back. I met her this morning. She is working as a supervising RN on the 3rd shift at a big hospital in Memphis. A very nice plum for her. I met her for coffee after work. It’s the first time I’ve seen her or spoken to her since mediation. It was… awkward. She started off right away wanting to apologize again for how things ended. I stopped her and told her it was all in the past. I had forgiven her and she should forgive herself. The remarkable thing is I had. Just then when I saw her I received whatever closure I needed I guess. We spoke for over an hour about Sunny, how we were doing, and happier times. I didn’t get the sense that she is interested in any kind of reconciliation. I tried to subtly imply that was not going to happen. She asked if we could keep in touch and just talk sometimes. I said I’d like that. Maybe some wounds can heal. I put a lot of my stuff in storage before I left. I really had no idea where I was going or how long I’d be gone. Or even if I was coming back at all to be honest. So I’m spending the day putting my house back together. I’m in a much better place now than two weeks ago. It’s hard to believe Sunny’s passing triggered a full on mid-life crisis but I guess that is what it is. Probably not out of the woods but I do feel better. Gail asked me to send her pics of my house and I’m doing it now. I printed and framed a picture of Sunny and put it on the wall next to pics of Bella, Tommy, & Desiree. It’s of her playing in the creek. A happy smile, a happy dog, and a happy memory. The world is going to keep turning… all we can do is go along for the ride. This got really long and rambly again. Sorry about that.

Thank you everyone. You guys are awesome. Going out of town for a little while. Just need to get away.

I've been in a pretty dark place the past few days. The morning after Sunny's vet visit I woke up and just knew something was wrong. She never slept in the bed with me. She was allowed but preferred Tommy's orthopedic doggie bed in the living room by the bay window. That was where I found her. She passed away in her sleep. She was my best friend. I'll never forget her. I'm having a really hard time with this one. I know the realities of dogs and she has had health problems all her life. She was an adult when my ex-wife Stephanie and I found her snooping around the campground in Sugarloaf Key down in Florida. We were on our honeymoon. We were supposed to go scuba diving that day. But that morning Sunny befriended Tommy and we fed her. She was so skinny and desperately friendly. We took her to a local vet and had blood work, shots and exam. She was dehydrated and malnourished but otherwise in decent health. He thought she was around four years old but could have been as old as six. An hour later she had a bath, flea treatment, a collar, a name tag, and a whole new life. That was 2014. I never told you guys how my second marriage ended. I'll sum it up in one word: badly. My first marriage was like a bonfire. My fist wife... God I loved her. I would have done anything, said anything, paid any price to get past our problems. But like a bonfire as hot was it was it burned out slowly until there was just nothing left. I haven't spoken to my fist wife in thirteen years. She remarried a little while back. I truly hope she found the happiness she never did with me. But with Stephanie things were different. It felt more real. Not a bonfire but a hearthfire. Warm and sustainable and enduring. So I thought. It didn't burn out. A giant bucket of water was dumped on it. I woke up one morning thinking life was great. By sunset I knew it wasn't and never was. I cut off almost all contact with her. She tried to reach out to me so many times. In the weeks before the divorce I was polite but cold and curt to her. Since then I've said nothing at all and never responded when she tried to reach out to me. She has tried. as late as a year and a half ago. I have always been one to compartmentalize grief. I stack it all in a little room in my mind. Then lock the door and seal it off. Sometimes I anesthetized myself with bourbon to keep this little legion of sorrows from escaping their locked rooms. I told myself to focus all my energies on the positive things in life. My job. My business when I had one. My dogs always. I have none of those things now and I feel lost. Friday night in a moment of extreme weakness I sent Stephanie an e-mail telling her about Sunny. I rationalized it by telling myself Sunny was her dog too for a time and she deserved to know. But, I know I was just looking for someone to talk to. Someone who would understand. That was probably the worst thing I would have done. Five minutes later I never wanted to un-send an e-mail so much in my life. She has not responded which is, undoubtedly, for the best. With Sunny's passing all the little griefs and sorrows have broken out of their little rooms and I'm finding I can't deal with them all at once. I am missing Sunny, Tommy, Bela, Stephanie (not the real person, the person I thought she was), the business I didn't want to sell, even the job I disliked but it gave me something to focus on. I am having trouble falling asleep. Then I have trouble staying asleep. But I also have trouble staying awake. I'm a grown man. I should be DOING something not sitting here in an empty house crying about what can't be changed. The script is written. The ink is dry. But I don't know WHAT to do. Nothing feels right. I have been sorely tempted to just kill the brain cells where all this negativity is stored with whiskey. But I know that would be the wrong thing to do. I finally admitted to myself two years ago that my self control when it comes to booze is not all it could be (to put it mildly) and swore off of it shortly after. My vet's office invited me to a "pet loss support group" that meets there semi-regularly. I don't think that's for me. I don't think speaking to a therapist is something I'd want to do either. I know what's bothering me. And there is nothing anyone can do about it. I wish I could just switch off all emotions. I wish I had the mental discipline not to dwell on how life might have been different. Or the mistakes I've made. The sun came up this morning. It will come up again tomorrow no matter what. The world will keep turning no matter what I end up doing so all a man can do is turn with it. There is a great old quote from Eupridies I've always liked: "This is courage in a man: to bear unflinchingly what heaven sends.” I've found my courage in the past, I'll find it again. This got kind of long and rambling I guess. I almost deleted it twice. I'm sorry I'm letting my inner demons loose here like this but it was a little cathartic to write it all out. And I really don't have anyone else to talk to right now. Hurlshot, Gfted1, LC, I love you guys but more than that I have always been a little envious of your happy marriages and happy families. You guys are all very lucky.

It was. I had messages going back 10 years in there. All cleared out now.

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I think running for president is probably a waste of time and money for the LP. A much smarter strategy would be to concentrate on winning a power base in a particular region. Probably the western states like Idaho, Montana, Wyoming where the LP is an actual player at the state level. Take whatever resources the party has and focus on candidates there for state wide and Congressional offices. Get a handful of congressional candidates into office and you can form a coccus. Now you’re in a position to actually affect change. Such a coccus could be a swing vote between an evenly divided Congress. That brings political clout name recognition for the party etc. I understand why it is necessary to run a presidential candidate. The LP is not a movement it’s a political party. And a party needs a face. I still think it’s a waste of time. And its certainly a waste of resources. philosophically libertarian thought is a hard sell to most people. People want a government that does things. Gives them things. Punishes people they don’t like. A society where the NAP is successfully realized probably can’t exist. Humans cannot just “live and let live”. A Libertarian society is likely as big a pipe dream as a communist economy where there are no shortages and no repression. The theory sounds good on paper but fails in actual application to humans. Besides, I don’t think the libertarian party deserves to have success. This is a highly dysfunctional organization incapable of getting out of its own way. I voted for Jorgensen last year because I found both Trump and Biden to be equally unacceptable for different reasons. But if I had any notion that my one vote might’ve made the difference and made her president I probably would’ve stayed home that day.

Just got out of the vet with Sunny. Her liver numbers are off the charts again. Time to change up the medicine. Probably as a result of that she’s got a blood infection. Starting her on a strong antibiotic for that. Poor girl. No wonder she’s miserable. I hopefully will have her feeling better soon.

I read somewhere that wasps are repelled by citronella. Try rubbing some citronella oil on your feeder and see if that does any good.

Oh it definitely does. There are a lot of “true believers“ in the LP. But when you see the ones running for national office like the president for example a great many of them like Bob Barr, Gary Johnson, Bill Weld, Michael Badnarik ran in the LP in a quest for political relevance rather that actually winning office. In Barr and Badnaricks case there is no doubt tho motivation was self gratification. Weld wanted name recognition for future campaigns. you do tend to get more true believers in the green and libertarian movements because anybody committed to winning is not going to pick those. Running for office under the LP banner is a quixotic endeavor to say the least. Nevertheless they’re going to get my vote. Not because I believe in them. I don’t. Not because I believe in the libertarian party. I don’t. Not really. Just because all the other alternatives are less appealing edit: I think Jo Jorgensen might be an exception. I don’t think her motive was any type of self gratification. She had reached the pinnacle of her profession and had been a “old hand“ in the party for decades. They had to run someone and she was there.

When it comes to universal basic income we are going to have to get there. As problematic as it is. In the post industrial world we are going to reach a level of technology and automation where there will literally be more people than there are paying jobs for them to do. Personally I think the only way it could possibly be successful is if it is the entirety of one’s income rather than a supplement of it. For example if we were to give everyone across-the-board $1000 a month are the cost of rent in large cities will increase by $1000 a month so fast it will make your head spin. Prices of things which are normally restrained by the mechanics of market would almost immediately go nuts trying to deprive everyone of that thousand dollars for no more goods or services than they were already getting. but we have to get there at some point. I don’t know how it will work and I don’t see any way around it. I haven’t looked that book up yet but I definitely will do that. I am a voracious reader.

Probably more than two. You have to figure most of those 25 are home owners, dual income families with pensions, retirement assets, etc. take you for example. You might not see it in your checking account but I bet if you added up all of your family assets that you have some control over you’re a lot closer to seven figures than you think. but anyway back to the topic I wasn’t actually calling out Yang for any specific policy idea he has. I was more addressing why he wants to be president. Or mayor of New York. Or whatever political office he decides to pursue next. Why did Donald Jay want to be president? He didn’t have any particular ideas of what to do with the office. It was purely self gratification. One could be forgiven for thinking Bernie Sanders is an ideologue and exception to the rule. But he is also everything he says we should hate. these guys are just playing an angle to get elected. Or reach higher office. The ultimate end is not to do anything in particular. It’s simple self gratification. I know that’s what’s driving guys like Donald Trump. I know Gromnir he’s rolling his eyes right now thinking “here he goes again“. The thing is it’s hard not to say “they’re all the same“ when in large part they actually are.

Is there any other kind of politician? People don’t seek political office to solve problems. They do it to continue in political office. It’s a high paying gig with nice perks and low expectations. All you really have to do to be successful at it is be the least repulsive candidate on the ballot for that day. So you hype up minor accomplishments that change nothing and convince everybody, often with the help of complicit media, that everything that’s wrong in their lives as someone else fault. Guys like Yang and Bernie Sanders try to convince everyone they are different. They are not. Bernie Sanders once said that “it is immoral for anyone to be a millionaire“. He is a millionaire. The only person who will ever solve a problem of yours is you.

I’m taking Sunny to the doctor this afternoon. She turned her nose up at food for two days now. Yesterday I got her to eat a little scrambled eggs and hamburger when she didn’t want her usual. Today she wants nothing and is a little lethargic. That worries me so doctor time.

Genocides, famines, Ewan McGregor with a beard, this thread turned into a bummer real quick LOL

Suppose for a moment that all the conspiracy theorist are right. This was either an experimental mutation or even a bio weapon that was released either through Chinese incompetence, malfeasance, or simple bad luck. Without the cooperation of the Chinese government you will never be able to prove it. And for all of the reasons I mentioned and others they will never cooperate. If it was a animal to human jump without actually identifying the animal and patient zero to get some idea of what the mid stage of evolution look like that also cannot be concluded the week proven or disproven. And even if such a thing could be found once again it would rely on the cooperation of the Chinese government since everybody agrees one way or another the virus did originate in China. I don’t see any where we can go with that. That’s why the whole discussion just seems pointless. You’re right it would be really important and beneficial to know. But the one entity that could help discover that truth is highly motivated to prevent that truth from being discovered.

The rains from whatever is left of Hurricane Ada finally got here. So I’m just sitting on the porch playing 70’s rock. I’ve been on a 70’s kick for a little while now

LOL! All bad is relative

This goes back to that quote I love from Thomas Sowell. People don’t want hear analytical explanations that leave them emotionally unsatisfied. They want to be told a story. They want a good guy to cheer for and a bad guy to boo at.

I thought that one was caused by rats?

The only way to PROVE it came from the Wuhan lab (or any other) would be for the Chinese government to give access to its classified work product so existing strains of the virus can be compared to experimental versions that may or may not have been in that lab. Don’t hold your breath on that. If a conclusive link were to be established that would open up the Chinese government to quite a bit of litigation in many countries around the world. The Chinese government owns many assets in many countries around the world that would all be in jeopardy. The whole thing is moot. Does it really matter where it came from? Especially when the odds of finding out the truth are infinitesimally small.