What you did today

[JFSOCC]

Do you want honest advice? Or just a shoulder to cry on... I can do either sweetie

thanks, mostly I was just venting, but you're welcome to say what you wish.

also, did you break a 9 year membership lurking streak just to post that?

[JFSOCC]

Can I make the obvious suggestion? It's advice I need to heed, so it's not harsh. But it is adapted for you.

 

1. Fat - do some exercise. It might not make you thin, but you'll feel better.

2. Living with your mom - when I still had a mom I spent dud months kipping at home to save cash. Didn't stop girls getting interested. Typically they had their own places anyway.

3. No job - get a job, or start your own small business. The latter is hard work, but you'll feel really good about it, even if you're earning beans.

4. No education - I'm educated, but I've never much minded if my friends or employees are. Take an interest in something, though. Get expert in that.

4b. Being interested in other people is better (socially) than being interesting in your own right.

 

I would suggest that you falling for this girl/other girls who are unobtainable is as much your subsconscious kicking you up the arse as it is about fancying them.

1. No ****, working on it

2. no ****, working on it, I used to live on my own but then my apartment got flattened for a bigger parking space.

3. With a ruined economy and no formal education, not likely. This country is rather unforgiving if you miss that piece of paper.

4. I may not have an education worth mentioning, but I am wicked smart (no, really), and interested in a ****-ton of things, that's part of my problem. There is this book about ADHD which I think is called "I could be good at anything I wanted, but I refuse to choose" That title alone hit close to home. saying no to interesting things is a something I'm slowly getting better at.

4b. Absolutely, I have no problems there.

[Rosbjerg]

I would suggest that you falling for this girl/other girls who are unobtainable is as much your subsconscious kicking you up the arse as it is about fancying them.

 

Ding ding, we have winner. If it's a recurring problem (more than 3 times in row), this will very likely be the case. JFSOCC, you do seem intelligent - so see through the excuses your ego is throwing in your face and start taking control of your own life - otherwise it's just gonna repeat itself.

 

My best advice- start going out and taking chances, talk to girls - maybe not hitting on, just socializing at first (depending on your level of need). It's scary as hell sure, but only for the first 5-10 times .. then it gets more and more fun and easier and easier. I went from mild social anxiety to one of the most social people I know - the trick is to keep trying.

[Malcador]

Seems like most of the issues you raised are being progressed, so not that bad. As I tell my friend that for some reason seems most obsessed with finding a woman, just have to keep trying and it never hurts to just gain them as friends rather than girlfriends or whatever.

[Walsingham]

If you really are taking action on all those axes, then FFS why are you feeling like such a bum deal? You're not lying down and taking ****. You're getting on and making a plan, and following through.

 

You'd probably find there's at least one or two quieter girls knocking around who'd it turns out quite like you if you took the initiative and noticed them. Seriously.

[PK htiw klaw eriF]

JFSOCC, what do you mean by no formal education? Like no university or none at all.

[BruceVC]

Every time I check this thread I'm like 5 pages behind. You'll forgive me for not reading every reply since I last checked.

 

Anyway, so here's the thing. I'm a little upset with myself. I keep falling in love with people who are utterly unavailable. Either they're out of my league, (most of the time) Lesbian, (you'd be surprised how often that's happened) happy with someone else, (curses!) living abroad, age difference, or I'm stuck in a friendzone. Worst yet is my current crush.

 

I don't want to say I'm love, but damnit, every week I see her, (she's a professional who helps me with my administrative problems, finding a house, structure, and just stuff in general) I get this **** eating grin on my face.

 

I simply can't look at her and not smile. I feel so stupid for it. Here I am, fat, 27 living with his mother, no job, no education, no prospects, and there she is, beautiful, strong, funny, intelligent (yes!) quirky.

We're not exactly similar (how can I fall for a vegetarian, damnit!) but I greatly enjoy talking with her. I can have a normal conversation with her.

But it's practically a perfect storm of unavailability. Happily in a relationship, out of my league (did I mention that?), and I guess I'm kinda/sorta her patient. (though officially I'm a client) and friendzoned.

 

So every week, I convince myself it's just a crush. Look elsewhere.

And every week, I look forward to my appointment, I talk to her, I look at her eyes, and see them look back, and I smile while talking about stuff.

 

Gah.

 

Small steps my friend, its all about small steps. In life there are some things we can change and some things we can't. You can't immediately change the fact you live with your mom as you are unemployed but can start working on your weight as it obviously bothers you.

 

Join a gym or start jogging, don't worry about the other things but say to yourself you WILL go jogging at least 4-5 times a week. But you need to make a solemn commitment that you will always exercise. As you start losing weight other things really start improving. Once you are comfortable with your weight your confidence will improve and you can start looking at the other things. But you need to start somewhere and I would suggest your health

[BruceVC]

 

I would suggest that you falling for this girl/other girls who are unobtainable is as much your subsconscious kicking you up the arse as it is about fancying them.

 

Ding ding, we have winner. If it's a recurring problem (more than 3 times in row), this will very likely be the case. JFSOCC, you do seem intelligent - so see through the excuses your ego is throwing in your face and start taking control of your own life - otherwise it's just gonna repeat itself.

 

My best advice- start going out and taking chances, talk to girls - maybe not hitting on, just socializing at first (depending on your level of need). It's scary as hell sure, but only for the first 5-10 times .. then it gets more and more fun and easier and easier. I went from mild social anxiety to one of the most social people I know - the trick is to keep trying.

 

 

That's very true. I found the most important thing about talking to ladies to not be disheartened with rejection or failure. It will happen, I'm not saying you shouldn't care what people think but accept the fact that you won't always get the result you expected

[Rosbjerg]

I find that to be the optimal approach to almost everything in life.

[Amentep]

Either they're out of my league, (most of the time)

The only woman out of your league is the ones you don't try to talk with. Rejection hurts, but for all you know you're her type.

 

Lesbian, (you'd be surprised how often that's happened)

Like in this case. It happens. I've hit on a lesbian before and well it happens. In at least one case I made a friend instead, and that was okay too.

 

happy with someone else, (curses!)

So be happy for them! Good on them. If they could do it, you can too.

 

living abroad,

I have friends who've been happily married who overcame that when they decided being together was what they wanted (and eventually they settled the where to live question).

 

age difference,

Unless we're talking age of consent issues, age shouldn't matter that much if you're emotional and intelligence match up nicely (and if it doesn't work out...well you at least tried).

 

or I'm stuck in a friendzone.

Ask them to set you up then! They may know someone and be able to introduce you.

 

Look here's a recommendation from a old phart...its possible to over think these things. And its also possible to talk yourself out of stuff. Worst regret I had was when I found out a girl I'd liked (but she was out of my league! And I lived at home! And she was dating someone! and we were friends!) confessed she'd always wanted me to ask her out...

 

Confessed a week before her wedding. Oops.

 

I don't want to say I'm love, but damnit, every week I see her, (she's a professional who helps me with my administrative problems, finding a house, structure, and just stuff in general) I get this **** eating grin on my face.

 

I simply can't look at her and not smile. I feel so stupid for it. Here I am, fat, 27 living with his mother, no job, no education, no prospects, and there she is, beautiful, strong, funny, intelligent (yes!) quirky.

We're not exactly similar (how can I fall for a vegetarian, damnit!) but I greatly enjoy talking with her. I can have a normal conversation with her.

But it's practically a perfect storm of unavailability. Happily in a relationship, out of my league (did I mention that?), and I guess I'm kinda/sorta her patient. (though officially I'm a client) and friendzoned.

 

So every week, I convince myself it's just a crush. Look elsewhere.

And every week, I look forward to my appointment, I talk to her, I look at her eyes, and see them look back, and I smile while talking about stuff.

 

Gah.

Okay, so you know her through business - have you ever met her outside of the work relationship? If no - why not try it? Meet her SO. Maybe they can turn you on to someone like her. Or maybe the SO and she'll break up and you'll be there when it happens.

 

The big question to ask yourself is "What is it that I actually want" and setting forth a plan to achieve that. And if it fails or doesn't work out, keep trying.

 

Which appears to have been flogged as advise and I'm probably the worst person to give advise as I'm practically a hermit these days...

Edited September 25, 2013 by Amentep

[Enoch]

Somehow, I have only now discovered that the Hairpin is running an "Ask Baba Yaga" advice column.  And that it is every bit as fantastic as that concept deserves to be.  Example:

 

 

It's disappointing that such universally great content ends up on a site whose focus is on people who aren't me.  (In this case, ladyfolks.) 

[Ravenskya]

 

Do you want honest advice? Or just a shoulder to cry on... I can do either sweetie

thanks, mostly I was just venting, but you're welcome to say what you wish.also, did you break a 9 year membership lurking streak just to post that?

Heh, no I was just wandering by and saw your venting. As a female I could point out a few things that might make it better for you... But most people don't want to do anything to actually make their lives better so, I've stopped just doling out advice. Instead I just offer to listen

[JFSOCC]

JFSOCC, what do you mean by no formal education? Like no university or none at all.

No, I was disqualified at my highschool exams for not turning in a paper. At that time my ADHD was undiagnosed, so no-one could ever figure out why things weren't working. it's a very long story.

 

Anyway, I want to thank everyone for their advice, some of it makes perfect sense, some of it is stating the obvious, and some of it doesn't quite apply. You guys are all great, thanks for caring.

[JFSOCC]

Heh, no I was just wandering by and saw your venting. As a female I could point out a few things that might make it better for you... But most people don't want to do anything to actually make their lives better so, I've stopped just doling out advice. Instead I just offer to listen

Something the fairer sex understands much better. thank you for listening.

[PK htiw klaw eriF]

Is it possible for you to get an equivalent of a high school diploma by taking a placement test or something?

[JFSOCC]

Is it possible for you to get an equivalent of a high school diploma by taking a placement test or something?

it is, I'm saving up for government exams, which cost about 1100 euro, I will also have to study about 700 euro worth of books, and I'll have to join adult education programs, also costing money.

 

Currently I'm saving about 250 bucks per month, but some months I can't keep that up.

[Walsingham]

 

Is it possible for you to get an equivalent of a high school diploma by taking a placement test or something?

it is, I'm saving up for government exams, which cost about 1100 euro, I will also have to study about 700 euro worth of books, and I'll have to join adult education programs, also costing money.

 

Currently I'm saving about 250 bucks per month, but some months I can't keep that up.

 

 

Mate, I am very genuinely impressed. I don't save that much myself, full stop. I hope you get there.

[PK htiw klaw eriF]

 

Is it possible for you to get an equivalent of a high school diploma by taking a placement test or something?

it is, I'm saving up for government exams, which cost about 1100 euro, I will also have to study about 700 euro worth of books, and I'll have to join adult education programs, also costing money.Currently I'm saving about 250 bucks per month, but some months I can't keep that up.

**** that is a lot of money. Best of luck on all counts(having had a weight problem myself, I definitely sympathize), I hope you don't get sick and have to use that money for medical bills.

[JFSOCC]

 

 

Is it possible for you to get an equivalent of a high school diploma by taking a placement test or something?

it is, I'm saving up for government exams, which cost about 1100 euro, I will also have to study about 700 euro worth of books, and I'll have to join adult education programs, also costing money.Currently I'm saving about 250 bucks per month, but some months I can't keep that up.

 

**** that is a lot of money. Best of luck on all counts(having had a weight problem myself, I definitely sympathize), I hope you don't get sick and have to use that money for medical bills.

 

No, we Dutch have real healthcare.

[BruceVC]

 

 

Is it possible for you to get an equivalent of a high school diploma by taking a placement test or something?

it is, I'm saving up for government exams, which cost about 1100 euro, I will also have to study about 700 euro worth of books, and I'll have to join adult education programs, also costing money.Currently I'm saving about 250 bucks per month, but some months I can't keep that up.

**** that is a lot of money. Best of luck on all counts(having had a weight problem myself, I definitely sympathize), I hope you don't get sick and have to use that money for medical bills.

 

 

@ Kaine

 

It must be an unusual thought that there are countries out there that if you get sick the government health care system can take proper care of you.

 

That's why the USA needs Obamacare

Edited September 25, 2013 by BruceVC

[Gfted1]

*sigh*

 

Obamacare only transfers the cost from those that cant pay to those that are being forced to pay for them. It does not change where you go for medical attention.

 

@JFSOCC: Being that you live in a country that offers free university, could you then get in on that once you complete your HS equivalency exam?

[Gorgon]

Why not just take it out of taxes. The NHS  is a much better system than ours and they pay less taxes so they must be doing something right.  Have an aircraft carrier or three less. It will get you into less trouble as well. 

[Gfted1]

Or maybe 250 million less population?

[JFSOCC]

*sigh*

 

Obamacare only transfers the cost from those that cant pay to those that are being forced to pay for them. It does not change where you go for medical attention.

 

@JFSOCC: Being that you live in a country that offers free university, could you then get in on that once you complete your HS equivalency exam?

I could, and it is my ultimate goal.

 

I got to correct this though, university is not free. You get a low interest loan, if you complete your studies within given time, you don't have to pay it back. (entirely) If you fail to pass in the time given, you have to pay back every penny.

This loan is only available if you can prove that you need it, which admittedly includes most students.

 

Currently our government is trying to get rid of this system, but then, I voted for the opposition.

[Rosbjerg]

Or maybe 250 million less population?

 

That and your system, administration, mindset etc is just not geared to a European model.. No matter how much we wanna pimp it