One got away

[Nightshape]

Re-reading the letter it's kind of sad, and was obviously written by me when I was inexpressibly drunk. But hilariously, being me, all the punctuation and spelling is correct.

 

I'm just glad I'm not the only person who gets drunk and writes letters that never get sent.

 

My grammar is bad when I am sober so, ya know, me drinking never helps...

[BicycleOfDeath]

I'm not sure if it's letters, it's more of like typing into a journal or diary ... then I just never save the entry (Thanks OpenOffice!) Maybe I should start saving them.

[Nepenthe]

I'm being so quiet mostly to not jinx anything, but I just noticed that my ex has started wearing really odd clothes during the past six months or so. She used to pull of a kind of college chic really well, now it's gone into shapeless goth.

 

And before somebody says she's pregnant, possible, but this certainly started before at a very early stage.

 

And no, what I'm afraid of jinxing is not related to THE ex.

[Walsingham]

I'm not sure if it's letters, it's more of like typing into a journal or diary ... then I just never save the entry (Thanks OpenOffice!) Maybe I should start saving them.

 

I think a journal is a helpful way of recording personal history. And after all, what's that quote? Something about doomed to repeat?

 

Or was that about beans?

[Gfted1]

As for my convictions, I won't be flexible with them.

 

All Im saying is that you've had 20-something years of being miserable and "elite" and you see how thats worked out for you, perhaps a shift in your philosophy would be more beneficial? To steal Wals idea, Einstein's quote: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

 

Thats not the one that got away, that is proof you're a jerk.

 

Lol, QQ harder. Fatty.

[WDeranged]

I might as well apologise to Lenin's corpse.

 

LMFAO!!!

 

Oh you should send the letter, I can't even bring myself to write mine, its so damn futile.

 

I sent my letter a few months ago to a girl I'd known for six years, that was pretty much the last I heard from her...I didn't even mention my passionate desire to rape her dead mouth

 

Joking aside, It's torn me apart, but you grit your teeth and get on with life, I miss her all the time but as Wals said, Lenin's corpse is a more likely candidate for worthwhile communication.

 

The worst part about love is how weak it makes you once the barriers are down, I'm a pretty resilient guy but certain women appear to have the ability to turn me into a giant, shambolic p*ssy.

Edited February 7, 2011 by WDeranged

[BicycleOfDeath]

As for my convictions, I won't be flexible with them.

 

All Im saying is that you've had 20-something years of being miserable and "elite" and you see how thats worked out for you, perhaps a shift in your philosophy would be more beneficial? To steal Wals idea, Einstein's quote: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

 

Touch

[Walsingham]

Einstein's quote: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

 

That one's always bothered me. Surely that's the definition of a scientific trial? Repeat until data points (n) n>30.

 

Thought: maybe our trouble is that we're working from too small a sample size to make ANY recommendations on what we should have done.

[BicycleOfDeath]

Perhaps all of our trials are with females with the same mindsets? My narcissism told me that I'm not the problem, she is.

[Gfted1]

Einstein's quote: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

 

That one's always bothered me. Surely that's the definition of a scientific trial? Repeat until data points (n) n>30.

 

Im not sure I follow you here. If every time I combine 2 parts hydrogen with 1 part oxygen it produces water, wouldnt expecting the same combination to suddenly create wine be a bit daft?

 

Perhaps all of our trials are with females with the same mindsets? My narcissism told me that I'm not the problem, she is.

 

Heh, thats human nature. The problem is never ourselves, its the rest of the world.

[Walsingham]

The alternative perspective is that it's all our fault. Which I'd call clinical depression, or the next best thing...

 

Speaking of which, I feel much better for having got this all off my chest. It's not the kind of thing you want to talk to every day friends about, because you don't want them running around trying to intervene or fix anything.

[BicycleOfDeath]

My 'friends' are the type that have the response of 'Dude, that sucks.' Or there are the girls that say "You're a great guy. You deserve a lot better. Blah blah blah." Just all of that 'make a person feel better rehash' crap. On a decent note, I've met some very enjoyable pen-pal type ladies on Okcupid.com. At the same time, my ex has been coming intuitively clean and open about her thought processes. I've taken the time to listen to what she has to say and I'm a bit surprised that she cut that dude entirely out of her life (well, right now anyway) including a statement from her cellphone provider of his number being blocked.

 

I was not expecting this what so ever. I'm not asking for advice. Though, I am curious as to other perspectives on the matter.

[Hurlshort]

Just don't take her back Joe. I'm not saying once a cheater, always a cheater, but that trust is broken and is never going to be as strong as it needs to be.

[Walsingham]

I can imagine you getting back with her. But I can't fathom if that's good or bad. On reflection I think that sometimes we do things because they feel right 'for us'. It's just that if we scrape off some of the paint we discover that 'for us' is true for a given value of self; where self = moron.

[Guard Dog]

I can imagine you getting back with her. But I can't fathom if that's good or bad. On reflection I think that sometimes we do things because they feel right 'for us'. It's just that if we scrape off some of the paint we discover that 'for us' is true for a given value of self; where self = moron.

So true.

[Orogun01]

@Joe:I've met a lot of on and off couples that have tumultuous relationships throughout the years. I would say that whatever you decide to do, don't regret it latter. No matter what happens, whether you get back together or not you both have valid reasons to. It's hard to have that much history with someone and let it all wash downstream.

What I will advice you it's to make your choice clear, to both yourself and her, in order to avoid any painful misunderstandings or mishaps

[Walsingham]

I hate to say it but I think parents have a lot to answer for. I'm not saying they shouldn't screw us up, because that's inebitable. But I do think they change the flavour. <y folks would argue like wildcats, and it's hardly surprising that I go for women who get furious as caged leopards, and wind up in massive blazing rows.

 

(beat)

 

Although it's true what they say about make up sex.

 

(beat)

 

It's better than no sex. Which is what I've been having since I reformed. As I may have mentioned.

[BicycleOfDeath]

After consideration, we're giving it a round 2. I'm not entirely sure I agree with the reasons besides the fact that she's genuinely hurt by what she did. She was never very ... open about her thoughts and feelings which was an issue and with this it's actually a breathe of fresh air with how expressive she is. With all things considered, she doesn't deserve another chance. I always seem to thrive and succeed at life more when I'm suffering like this, though. I'm a intense pessimist, though when it comes to situations like this I become the most optimistic, pessimistic hopeless romantic. What I mean by that is, I really don't believe it's going to work. Though, if I don't put any effort into it I won't know. I'd rather be miserable for trying than miserable scrapping everything when the proverbial stool hits the fan.

 

The more I think about it, the more I know she's a 'grass is always greener' type of person. We talked about that and she now realizes it. With all of this doubt I have, I did all ready make my decision and now isn't the time for borderline flip-flopping and kcufing with emotions. I cheated once and it's never happened again. I was abusive once and it never happened again. Perhaps this is the wake-up call I need to stop being so angry at everything and shutting myself off from really enjoying life so this doesn't happened again. It's unlikely, but possible.

 

While I'm not usually one for hope, I do believe that the greatest gift we bare is the possibility to change.

 

And if it doesn't work I can go about being a self-loathing narcissist and wonder what the hell I'm doing wrong and get myself into another relationship where this'll happen. Try. Fail. Repeat. Eventually one of these loot drops will be epic. ;-)

[kirottu]

My 'friends' are the type that have the response of 'Dude, that sucks.'

 

You seem to imply there

[BicycleOfDeath]

My 'friends' are the type that have the response of 'Dude, that sucks.'

 

You seem to imply there

[Nepenthe]

"THE ex" either forgot or chose to ignore my birthday. While I don't consider myself the center of the universe, I did have a dozen very boneable chicks remember it, so she has been downgraded from the one that got away into the one I got away from - at least for now.

Edited February 8, 2011 by Nepenthe

[BicycleOfDeath]

And at such a graceful number as well. I'd say drop it two pegs.

[Nepenthe]

And at such a graceful number as well. I'd say drop it two pegs.

That was a lot more than two pegs.

[Malcador]

My 'friends' are the type that have the response of 'Dude, that sucks.'

 

You seem to imply there

[~Di]

Ah, so what I am reading here you made a decision based on what you thought was best at the time, and the road you've gone down turned out to be less awesome than you had figured, so you feel you made the bad choice?

 

I let the girl I love go, well more placed my foot on her butt and pushed her out of the door, because it was the right thing to do, she deserved a chance at a life, career, to be near her family etc... It was just the right thing to do, even if such a sacrifice has left me with a massive empty hole, and an inability to feel a full range of emotions, it doesn't matter, it was the correct thing to do.

 

I cut myself off from her completely, not until after I'd acted like a massive idiot mind. Nothing ever changed for me, I feel exactly the same today, as I did when I first met her, it wouldn't have been fair to stay in touch.

 

Even now, I wouldn't ever bother her, not even to say hello. As bizzare as it may sound, I get by knowing that my absence is the best thing for her.

 

She can be happy without me...

 

Do I think I made a bad choice? No. I could have handled it better, sure, but its all for the best, I'd never have been good enough for her, I was way way out of my league. I'm also an absolutely awful person to be in a relationship with.

 

*hugs*