Cop arrests daughter's boyfriend

[Deadly_Nightshade]

It seems to me that the transcript of the recording shows nothing more and nothing less than veiled threats in an attempt to coerce the minor. Personally, and this is just speaking for myself, I think that the actions taken represent a gross breach of ethics (and, frankly, morals - although I though I will admit that those are more subjective). The Cop, especially seeing as he was a "veteran motorcycle officer" according to one news report, should have known better than to do something so horrendously asinine. Sure, ban the kid from your house, lecture your daughter -not that this is the best tactic, we can debate that, but it is your child and that's within your rights-, and ask that the boy's parents do something - but sure as ****ing hell do not decide to jump on your bike and misuse the powers given to you for a personal matter of no great importance to anyone outside of the immediate incident.

 

You can, and likely will seeing your responses, write this off as the opinion of a, quote, "hooligan*", but the fact remains that he abused his authority and was, frankly, not being that great of a parent in my mind (again, like the whole "hooligans" bit, you van write this off as the decrepit, false opinions of a non-parent if you so wish -although I'd like to think that you weren't that bigoted-). Also, on that note, I find it humorous that Di can spout sexist manifestos**, or at least post statements that are equivalent, and then turn around and ask for respectful conversation without addressing this 'slight' issue. While it's my hope that these were written in the heat of the moment, to use a common phrase, it does seem that there is a general trend towards this in your writings (or at least those in this thread).

 

But enough of that, it's fairly obvious that we're not going to see eye-to-eye, or even be willing to consider the other side in some cases -I'll not say who but I think we all know-, and so there's not really any point in continuing this further.

 

 

*Because, obviously, anyone who disagrees with you must be, quote, "a tough, aggressive, violent youth."

 

**In more than one way too. See statements such as these:

 

"It seems that most users of this forum identify more with a sex-hungry boy than the father of a potentially-impregnated 14-year-old girl. Big surpise, given the average age and gender of the board!"

 

"The boy? Bah, he'd just change girlfriends, get a few high fives from his friends, and go on as if nothing had ever happened."

 

"This is not a woman out to ruin some poor bloke's life because he did what guys do, which is have sex as often as possible."

 

 

Addendum:

This is rather blunt and not that tactful, nor should it be based on the content of this topic. It might be better for all concerned to go back to discussing videogames if things are going to be this heated over such a small matter. Be that as it may, I'm going to get some sleep now and so I'll not see any fallout or responses until later. Goodnight forum.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Deadly_Nightshade

[Malcador]

Well, we all agree that an abuse of power took place. The argument here is how serious was the abuse. He used his handcuffs inappropriately, I can concede to that. He was hard on the kid verbally.

 

He didn't rough him up. He didn't take out a gun. He didn't tazer him. He didn't drive him downtown to booking, he didn't press charges, he isn't even the one that filed the report (which makes sense.) He didn't bring other cops in on it, he didn't trump up charges or plant evidence. He didn't confiscate the cell phone, he didn't threaten the parents, he didn't blah blah blah blah. There are a lot of different types of abuse out there.

 

As I said, the use of the cuffs deserves a reprimand. Appearing uniform deserves a reprimand, it was a personal matter. But was he in the wrong to go off on the kid verbally? I'm not convinced of that at all. This wasn't some honor roll kid, it was a kid with a record for assault, a kid the cop had already had a talk with, and a kid who clearly lacks respect for the parents of his girlfriend. The kid WAS stupid, and I have a hard time feeling bad about the fact he was told so.

 

It's not very serious, but a total lack of discipline and abuse of powers is displayed here. Not sure why the kid's character matters (I suppose you're ok with cops acting inappropriately with the "right" kind of people, maybe ?) in appraising the cops actions, rules are rules. A suitable reprimand would indeed be termination. Stunts like this make the police force look foolish, as we have some cop handling personal BS as a policeman - if he wants to yell at the kid, get off duty, change then do it.

 

Is really funny how the daughter is seen as a victim of something here, heh, needing to be "protected" and the boy is some villainous creature in all this. Guy didn't rape his daughter, after all. I guess the cop's rage also comes from the fact he failed in the parenting bit as well.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Malcador

[Hurlshort]

I'm glad you are here Di. Now I can go put my kids to bed while you tell these young hooligans what it is to be a parent. I was starting to feel pretty alone here.

 

Wow, this post was really more in jest. I was tired, I had kids to put to bed, and I was glad that there was finally someone in the thread on my side of the argument. Is hooligan usually a serious insult in your cultures?

 

All pubescent kids are, to some extent, rebellious and disrespectful to authority figures. Does that mean the best solution is to scare them because "they deserve it?" No, that just leads to bad parenting.

 

Look, it isn't an insult to say you guys really don't know what you are talking about when it comes to parenting. It is a statement of fact, it would be like me giving my opinion on the menstrual cycle. Sure, I've seen people go through it and I've dealt with the consequences of that time of the month, but I've never physically gone through it.

 

Being a parent is the toughest thing I have ever gone through, and I still have a lifetime of being a parent ahead of me. Last night I was up every 45 minutes taking care of one of my children. A few nights ago I rushed my 3-year old to the emergency room with a temperature of 103.5. Then I went to work the next day. I went to 5 different stores looking for the right medicine for her. There are times when I nurture her, discipline her, teach her, and I am pretty much always exhausted. It is always worth it, but that doesn't make it any less completely exhausting.

 

The reason I am saying all this is a lot of you are extremely fast to judge the guy. You have called him a bad parent and a bad cop. I've tried to meet some of you halfway, conceding that he acted badly as an officer, but the bad parent argument is a lot more complex. There isn't a department handbook that tells you what to do as a parent.

 

We don't really know what type of parent he is. Di and I are telling you as parents that his reaction as a parent was very understandable. Many of you have dismissed that, so I'm not sure why you would be surprised that we are dismissive as well. Heck, I've been called a bad teacher and a bad parent because I said I would protect my child using any means available. It is my belief that 14 is way too young. You can disagree with me, but this is my child, and as long as she is a minor, it is my job to make those calls. If she goes against those, then there will be consequences in my household. Trust me, my consequences will be a lot easier to deal with than a teenage pregnancy.

[Malcador]

It can be dismissed when it's put into the context of him having the reaction when he's a cop. Off duty, out of uniform and not using police hardware - a regular old private citizen then him yelling at a kid would be nothing significant.

 

Calling someone a hooligan is an insult in a lot of places, that and the general tone of condescension as your opponents don't have kids.

[Hurlshort]

I'd like to apologize for the hooligan comment then. It was not meant to be offensive.

[Oner]

I may not have any first hand experience in parenting, but I have a lot in being someone's child.

 

BTW, can it even be called bad parenting if the boy isn't his?

[kirottu]

I'd like to apologize for the hooligan comment then. It was not meant to be offensive.

 

This post made me lose my faith of the internets.

Edited September 29, 2010 by kirottu

[Rosbjerg]

The reason I am saying all this is a lot of you are extremely fast to judge the guy. You have called him a bad parent and a bad cop. I've tried to meet some of you halfway, conceding that he acted badly as an officer, but the bad parent argument is a lot more complex. There isn't a department handbook that tells you what to do as a parent.

 

We don't really know what type of parent he is. Di and I are telling you as parents that his reaction as a parent was very understandable. Many of you have dismissed that, so I'm not sure why you would be surprised that we are dismissive as well. Heck, I've been called a bad teacher and a bad parent because I said I would protect my child using any means available. It is my belief that 14 is way too young. You can disagree with me, but this is my child, and as long as she is a minor, it is my job to make those calls. If she goes against those, then there will be consequences in my household. Trust me, my consequences will be a lot easier to deal with than a teenage pregnancy.

 

I have to agree with you on this - it not really fair to call him a bad parent (as we don't know the girl, the boy, the father or the boys family). And it's certainly not fair calling you a bad father for going above and beyond for your child. I'm pretty sure most of us here would do almost anything to protect someone we love - even so far as being overprotective. While that's not normally not a very good thing, it's not automatically a failure.

 

The argument however is still that professionally you have to leave aspects of your personal reasoning (or lack of) behind you. A police officer can't beat up a paedophile just because he's disgusted by him/her, a teacher can't give a punk bad grades just because he disagrees with her lifestyle. As we put on the mantle of authority we have to be a little larger than ourselves, it comes with the territory. That being said, it's understandable when things like this happen - but we still need to set an example so that people in power realize the seriousness of misusing it - otherwise we open a can of worms that we really don't want to!

[Volourn]

"Look, it isn't an insult to say you guys really don't know what you are talking about when it comes to parenting. It is a statement of fact"

 

Yes, yes it is.. It is an insult and it has absolutely no basis in fact. I guess someone who isn't a poloitician, athlete, actor, game developer, etc., etc. shouldn't be able tom have an opinion or know facts about those.

 

Everybody here has a parent. Mostly everyone here probably has taken care of someone's child showing that an actual parents trusts their judgment (I've watched over family and friends and even strangers' children. Plenty of aprents inclouding the parents of the boy duisagree with what the cop did. Your comment that 'non aprents just don't udnerstand reeks of self defensiveness and ignorance.

 

 

" have to agree with you on this - it not really fair to call him a bad parent "

 

I disagree. He's a piece of crap parent, he's a piece of crap cop, and he's a piece of crap human being.

 

This boy is not some evil deviant who took advantage of the duaghter and raped her. They were two willing participants. Did they show some poor judgement? Maybe, but the cop was much much worse and is an evil sucmbag who probably has abused his power way more times than this.

 

He's also a CHILD ABUSER. You cna't get much lower than this. He wans't defending his daughter. He was doing this for own selfish reasons. That alone makes him a poor parent. Parenting should NOT be about how the parent feels; it should be about the child.

 

 

"Being a parent is the toughest thing I have ever gone through, and I still have a lifetime of being a parent ahead of me. Last night I was up every 45 minutes taking care of one of my children. A few nights ago I rushed my 3-year old to the emergency room with a temperature of 103.5. Then I went to work the next day. "

 

You think parents are the only people who do this? L0LZ

 

 

"she goes against those, then there will be consequences in my household."

 

Except this wasn't about him disciplining his daughter. this was about him attacking, harrassing, and abusing SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD.

 

Can't you seen how wrong that is? It's not his child not his responsibility or right to discipline him.

 

Cop is a piece of crap evil scumbag who deserves to be spit upon.

[Orogun01]

We don't really know what type of parent he is. Di and I are telling you as parents that his reaction as a parent was very understandable. Many of you have dismissed that, so I'm not sure why you would be surprised that we are dismissive as well. Heck, I've been called a bad teacher and a bad parent because I said I would protect my child using any means available. It is my belief that 14 is way too young. You can disagree with me, but this is my child, and as long as she is a minor, it is my job to make those calls. If she goes against those, then there will be consequences in my household. Trust me, my consequences will be a lot easier to deal with than a teenage pregnancy.

Okay I get what you're saying, we shouldn't judge him from just this event as a bad parent. But he is a bad cop for doing it

 

Unrelated advice: Don't alienate your children because of your views, sometimes you just gotta trust them

[Hurlshort]

"Being a parent is the toughest thing I have ever gone through, and I still have a lifetime of being a parent ahead of me. Last night I was up every 45 minutes taking care of one of my children. A few nights ago I rushed my 3-year old to the emergency room with a temperature of 103.5. Then I went to work the next day. "

 

You think parents are the only people who do this? L0LZ

 

Uh, wot?

 

I find it concerning that you are waking up a bunch of times every night to take care of a couple kids if you are not a parent.

[Calax]

I didn't say anything about the kid's respect towards the girl. I said he was disrespectful to the parents of the girl. Given that the dad states he had talked to the kid previously, it is a fairly obvious conclusion that the parents disapprove of their daughter having sex. I doubt that was a secret to the boy or the girl.

 

It doesn't matter what age you or me or anyone else thinks it is alright to have sex at, it matter what the parents of the girl believe in. She is their child, their ward, living under their house. Both the boy and the girl should respect the parent's wishes, and expect consequences when they don't. I'm really shocked that there is this attitude that this was just some lovestruck naive boy. This whole 'protect the boy from consequences' shtick does nothing for me.

Now, see, here's the silly thing you're going to have to deal with when you get home. Just telling your kid to NOT do something prooobably isn't gonna stop them that much in a situation like this. Unless it is the most sheltered kid in the world.

 

Also, stop projecting onto us what you think we're saying. Nobody has said that "this was just some lovestruck naive boy", but rather that overall his history is irrelevant, and people at that age generally know, but don't care, that they probably won't be making a life with the person they're coupling with. Telling the kid "don't have sex with my daughter" was like telling a wall "don't act as a windbreak".

 

In this case, dear old daddy reacted as if he was dealing with a 18 year old boy, when his daughter was 12. NOT a pair of consenting people who were within a year of one another. He obviously doesn't want to let his daughter grow up and thinks that because he's a cop, he has the authority to move heaven and earth to prevent her from doing stuff he doesn't like (be it by unethical means or just by browbeating the poor girl).

[Volourn]

"Uh, wot?

 

I find it concerning that you are waking up a bunch of times every night to take care of a couple kids if you are not a parent."

 

I find it concerting that you have never heard of the concepts of babysitting, aunts, uncles, etc. What world do you live in where parenting is done in vaccum? L0LZ

[Hurlshort]

"Uh, wot?

 

I find it concerning that you are waking up a bunch of times every night to take care of a couple kids if you are not a parent."

 

I find it concerting that you have never heard of the concepts of babysitting, aunts, uncles, etc. What world do you live in where parenting is done in vaccum? L0LZ

 

Are you really comparing baby sitting to parenting?

[Calax]

"Uh, wot?

 

I find it concerning that you are waking up a bunch of times every night to take care of a couple kids if you are not a parent."

 

I find it concerting that you have never heard of the concepts of babysitting, aunts, uncles, etc. What world do you live in where parenting is done in vaccum? L0LZ

 

Are you really comparing baby sitting to parenting?

Depends on the length of the babysitting... I mean you're basically parenting if you babysit kids while their parents spend a week on vacation.

[Hurlshort]

"Uh, wot?

 

I find it concerning that you are waking up a bunch of times every night to take care of a couple kids if you are not a parent."

 

I find it concerting that you have never heard of the concepts of babysitting, aunts, uncles, etc. What world do you live in where parenting is done in vaccum? L0LZ

 

Are you really comparing baby sitting to parenting?

Depends on the length of the babysitting... I mean you're basically parenting if you babysit kids while their parents spend a week on vacation.

 

I used to substitute teach, sometimes for a week or two at a time. It is a world of difference compared to teaching for an entire school year. Parenting is not a week long gig.

 

Calax, your last few posts have basically been you lecturing me on how to be a parent. What gives?

[Krookie]

Hey Hurlshot, you can me MY parent whenever you want.

[Malcador]

Heh, I missed this. "There isn't a department handbook that tells you what to do as a parent." - There's a very good reason there isn't. You really don't have a lifetime of being a parent ahead of you though, assuming you live past your kids reaching adulthood anyway, then they're on their own feet.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Malcador

[Hurlshort]

Heh, I missed this. "There isn't a department handbook that tells you what to do as a parent." - There's a very good reason there isn't. You really don't have a lifetime of being a parent ahead of you though, assuming you live past your kids reach adulthood anyway, then they're on their own feet.

 

You don't stop being a parent when your children grow up.

 

And thanks Krookie, that made me feel better.

[Malcador]

By then you're in a light advisory role, they're no longer dependent on you to teach them the key things (if you haven't at that point or if it didn't take, well then they're screwed a bit), provide for them, guard them (funny quote by Mohiam in Dune about this.), etc.

[Hurlshort]

By then you're in a light advisory role, they're no longer dependent on you to teach them the key things (if you haven't at that point or if it didn't take, well then they're screwed a bit), provide for them, guard them (funny quote by Mohiam in Dune about this.), etc.

 

And yet you still get to stress and worry about them as much as you did while they were growing up.

[Volourn]

"Calax, your last few posts have basically been you lecturing me on how to be a parent. What gives? "

 

You idea of being a parent is abd. You feel it's okay to abuse someone else's child and consider that to be 'good' parent. Someone being a parent doesn't impress me since it doesn't take a genius to be one. That's why the concept of good and bad parents exist and this piece of crap cop is a bad parent who likes to commit child abuse.

 

 

"Are you really comparing baby sitting to parenting?"

 

Taking care of a child that is soley dependent on you. Yup, sure is.

 

Parenting a grown adult as youn suggest is not hard. You may still worry about them but you really aren't parenting them anymore. They no longer depend on you outside of moral support 9which the cop doesn't know hot to give as he's a horrible parent anyways and a child abuser).

 

I would take someone babsyitting a kid and doing it well as a better parent than a father who sexual abuses his duaghter any day of the week. Or one who abuses other parents' children.

 

Most aprents know full well what this cop did was evil, sick, twisted, and an example of horrible aprenting. He's a chil abuser. No wonder his daughter rebeled against him. What a scumbag he is.

 

P.S. You can be a parent to an adult but if you did your job when they were chidlren, youa re no longer parenting them and definitely shouldn't be taking care of them as they should be taking care of themselves and maybe even their own children.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Volourn

[Malcador]

Maybe when they're 19 or something. By the time they cross 25, no real need to fret over them as much as you would when they were 6. They've finished basic, so to speak, and have joined the ranks of regular folk. But in any case, this is irrelevant. If the cop was PO"d over his daughter sleeping with the guy, obviously he didn't instill that value in her, anyway. He may not be a bad parent in the "whip them with an extension cord" sort (slapping is better), but looking at this, not going to call him a mediocre one.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Malcador

[Krookie]

Parenting a grown adult as youn suggest is not hard. You may still worry about them but you really aren't parenting them anymore. They no longer depend on you outside of moral support 9which the cop doesn't know hot to give as he's a horrible parent anyways and a child abuser).

 

LOL, how can you even make that claim if you haven't been a parent to a grown adult? Maybe your parents just didn't do a well enough job at parenting YOU as a grown adult, but my father's father is always there for advice, and help. Like when he lost his job, or when my sister became ill. My dad wouldn't have coped with those things half as well without his father to lean on.

 

Little known fact: parent's are ALWAYS more experienced than their children and therefore can ALWAYS teach them something new. I'm sure my grandfather will teach my dad all about retirement, and relaxing on beaches, just as he taught him about college, marriage, and loss of a spouse.

Edited September 29, 2010 by Krookie

[Hurlshort]

I better call my mom and let her know she can stop worrying, I've reached the age cut off.