Walsingham Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 The recent discovery of my own time-capsule (sealed 2002) has provoked a lot of soul searching, and a flurry of recontacting exes, with a variety of results. I think the biggest theme has to be what one of my friends calls 'serial monogamy', which is pretty fair. I've long been nervous of settling down, and had always thought it was down to not having found the right woman, but I think the truth is harsher but wortwhile: why settle on one woman when new ones are so much fun? I don't mean having lots at once, although that is fun, but the pure adventure of a new relationship, from wooing to understanding, to fighting to break up. Or to put it another way: just because you love the sea doesn't mean you want to be a fish. I was wondering what views on romance the boards has, especially in light of the regular 'romance is lame' conversations we have in C&C games. "It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"." -Elwood Blues tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.
Hurlshort Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 While the adventures of a new relationship are fantastic, I'm extremely happy being married and in it for the long haul with my wife. Here are a few reasons why: 1. In order to get to that new relationship, you need to meet a girl and actually get her to go out with you. That's some stressful stuff, I've never found myself enjoying that part. I imagine as you get older it only gets harder. 2. There is an entire facet of life you are missing when you don't settle down with someone. My wife and I have long term goals together. We have a little girl running circles around us. Together we get to watch her grow up, we get to build a family, and eventually we will get to retire from our jobs and travel around the world together. That's a plan that makes me smile every day. 3. You can have kids without getting married, but it's a tough situation for the children. Bite the bullet and create a decent household for your offspring to develop in. Even if it's not working out with the person romantically, you need to be a part of their life in order to be an effective parent. My in-laws got divorced when their kids were still young, but they still did holidays and family dinners together for the kids. It meant a huge amount to my wife and her brother. 4. I'm married to my best friend. She's fantastic. We fight all the time too, but it doesn't matter because I'm crazy about her and she's crazy about me. The only thing I can see being better in a new relationship would be the sex, because hey, every guy wants to have variety in their sex life. But is sex important enough to give up my best friend? Is it worth the damage I would be doing to my little family? No.
Moatilliatta Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 I believe that the traditional 'old geeser' answer is that you'll grow up sooner or later. I'm personally not much of an adventurer Vis
Walsingham Posted August 17, 2008 Author Posted August 17, 2008 I'm not really trying to make a case for being a bachelor. I just thought it would make an interesting discussion. I totally accept your point about kids, Hurlshot. And it's something which gives me a great deal of pause for thought since I've always found women in their thirties attractive, and of course having kids is a crunch point for them at that age. But then in the broader sense I've been a teacher, and I'm a mentor in my business and in my unit, and in many ways I've got lots of 'kids' I'm raising. I'm a believer in the idea that what you pass on in memes is as important as genes. And I should stress that while sex is a big part of the adventure in romance, re-reading all the old letters and cards showed me how much mental pollenation was going on. I can credit the women in my life for teaching me about everything from the scientific drama of volcanoes, to zen buddhism, to the artistry in a moth's wing. Never mind all teh things you learn about yourself! "It wasn't lies. It was just... bull****"." -Elwood Blues tarna's dead; processing... complete. Disappointed by Universe. RIP Hades/Sand/etc. Here's hoping your next alt has a harp.
Deadly_Nightshade Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Well, I have to say that I agree with Hurlshot about how one should settle down; a friend is much better than a passion when it comes to long-term relationships. "Geez. It's like we lost some sort of bet and ended up saddled with a bunch of terrible new posters on this forum." -Hurlshot
Shryke Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 haven't tried the long term thing well, i kinda did, and it was going really well and it was a girl i'd known pretty much my whole life and knew inside and out - but one car crash later.... when your mind works against you - fight back with substance abuse!
Deadly_Nightshade Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 well, i kinda did, and it was going really well and it was a girl i'd known pretty much my whole life and knew inside and out - but one car crash later.... ****. Sorry about that. "Geez. It's like we lost some sort of bet and ended up saddled with a bunch of terrible new posters on this forum." -Hurlshot
samm Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Partially in line with what Hurlshot put so nicely, even if it's traditional: I think the best for one's inner peace is a steady and reliable relationship. But there is the twist, children and sex. The first I do not want, the second I do. Surprisingly, that's my girlfriend's opinion too, so I'm lucky and living the best possible life I can imagine. We both know we love each other, and can depend on each other no matter what, to an extent where are able to allow each other a lot of freedom. Citizen of a country with a racist, hypocritical majority
Shryke Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 well, i kinda did, and it was going really well and it was a girl i'd known pretty much my whole life and knew inside and out - but one car crash later.... ****. Sorry about that. why sorry? - it's not like you were driving the car it was over 2 years ago now, which is kinda strange when i stop and think about it sometimes it feels as if it were yesterday, sometimes it just seems real dim and dreamlike - as if i'd read it in a book or something haven't had anything long term since - not romantically anyway when your mind works against you - fight back with substance abuse!
Hurlshort Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Shryke, that's tough to hear. Sometimes my imagination gets away with me when I'm daydreaming and I think about what would happen if something horrible happened to my family. It's terrible, I don't know why I do it, but I think my reaction would be pretty akin to that movie Reign on Me with Adam Sandler. You've got my sympathies. On the less dreary side of things, I absolutely hate couples that can't give each other their own space. Seriously, I have so many friends who have to give up their own personal stuff because of their relationship. That's BS people, get your balls back and man up. My wife and I have our own separate interests and hobbies. We can go to the movies and see separate shows. Sure, it's important to share interests, but I think it's even more important to know how to give personal space and support your spouse in what they enjoy.
Daaave Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 (edited) The longest I've managed to last in a relationship is five weeks. I get bored very easily =/ Don't think I'll be trying the long-term thing for a good while yet either, kind of like always being single and finding new girls. All in good fun and sport it is. Edited August 17, 2008 by Daaave Just because you're a bit thinner than your even fatter mum it doesn't mean you're in excellent physical shape, if you could fit through the door and view the normal people you'd notice that cheeseburger boy. Squid suck.
Bokishi Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 All the cool people I know are still single and swinging it. I guess I will enter a relationship once I find the perfect one, but that's what testing the waters is for Current 3DMark
Shryke Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 Shryke, that's tough to hear. Sometimes my imagination gets away with me when I'm daydreaming and I think about what would happen if something horrible happened to my family. It's terrible, I don't know why I do it, but I think my reaction would be pretty akin to that movie Reign on Me with Adam Sandler. You've got my sympathies. i guess you just don't know until it happens i know i didn't know what to think at first i actually thought about this a bit more i haven't had any long term sexual relationships since, but at the moment i have a rather odd relationship going on with a friend of mine i'm closer to her than any other person in my life currently, and i spend heaps of time with her, but we've both never really felt the need to make things more physical it's been like this for about the past 3 months, and everyone seems to already think of us as a couple when your mind works against you - fight back with substance abuse!
Bokishi Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 i'm closer to her than any other person in my life currently, and i spend heaps of time with her, but we've both never really felt the need to make things more physicalit's been like this for about the past 3 months, and everyone seems to already think of us as a couple eww i know how that feels lol. "omg no she's just my friend" Current 3DMark
Shryke Posted August 17, 2008 Posted August 17, 2008 i'm closer to her than any other person in my life currently, and i spend heaps of time with her, but we've both never really felt the need to make things more physicalit's been like this for about the past 3 months, and everyone seems to already think of us as a couple eww i know how that feels lol. "omg no she's just my friend" well kinda but she's more than that you know it's weird... when your mind works against you - fight back with substance abuse!
samm Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Well, this thread's title contains "romantic", and this relationship surely has the potential to be just that. Much more so than all that direct, fast lived stuff. I also happen to catch myself thinking of "what if <insert terrible thing here> happens to her" every now and then. Depending on how deeply involved you were, Shryke, I think it's not understood we're able to still have you here at all. Citizen of a country with a racist, hypocritical majority
Gorth Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Never been in a relationship, never loved anybody (in the romantic literary sense), never believed "love" to be anything more than an instinct to ensure the survival of the species (making me a failure since I don't contribute to it).... There are people I care about and would give my left kidney for and there are people I don't care about (I would sell their left kidney if I could), but the affliction that seems to make your wits seep out through a hole in the bottom of your head and make people deaf, dumb and blind at the same time? Not really. A brain doctor would probably lock me behind bars for good if he/she ever started digging around in my mind “He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice.” - Albert Einstein
theslug Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I'm in the same boat as gorth kind of. Never been in a relationship before (though I would like to for the obvious benefits of sex) but I did for a brief stint really, really, really, really like a girl once in high school but then immediately realized she was a b****. I don't believe in love but I do believe in long term infatuation and contentment which I believe most people confuse with love, which isn't exactly a bad thing but people become blinded by that kind of stuff and make stupid mistakes, which is a bad thing. I'm a pretty big narcissist and elitist prick. To me people are just senseless; consistently making rash decisions and disgracing our species with ridiculous behavior and just generally being stupid. A lot of my frustration is drawn from my mom so I choose to really only see the negatives about women and deem most of them to be petty and dumb, though many times it's perfectly reasonable. There was a time when I questioned the ability for the schizoid to ever experience genuine happiness, at the very least for a prolonged segment of time. I am no closer to finding the answer, however, it has become apparent that contentment is certainly a realizable goal. I find these results to be adequate, if not pleasing. Unfortunately, connection is another subject entirely. When one has sufficiently examined the mind and their emotional constructs, connection can be easily imitated. More data must be gleaned and further collated before a sufficient judgment can be reached.
Bokishi Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Never been in a relationship, never loved anybody (in the romantic literary sense), never believed "love" to be anything more than an instinct to ensure the survival of the species (making me a failure since I don't contribute to it).... There are people I care about and would give my left kidney for and there are people I don't care about (I would sell their left kidney if I could), but the affliction that seems to make your wits seep out through a hole in the bottom of your head and make people deaf, dumb and blind at the same time? Not really. A brain doctor would probably lock me behind bars for good if he/she ever started digging around in my mind Never too late to change bro Current 3DMark
Shryke Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Never been in a relationship before (though I would like to for the obvious benefits of sex) a relationship doesn't always mean sex though and by the same token having sex with someone doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with them either when your mind works against you - fight back with substance abuse!
qt3.14159 Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 As a chick, I'm finding this thread *hilarious*. Anybody here catch that? All I understood was 'very'.
theslug Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Never been in a relationship before (though I would like to for the obvious benefits of sex) a relationship doesn't always mean sex though and by the same token having sex with someone doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with them either Yeah those are called friends...and the other is called being a (man) whore. There was a time when I questioned the ability for the schizoid to ever experience genuine happiness, at the very least for a prolonged segment of time. I am no closer to finding the answer, however, it has become apparent that contentment is certainly a realizable goal. I find these results to be adequate, if not pleasing. Unfortunately, connection is another subject entirely. When one has sufficiently examined the mind and their emotional constructs, connection can be easily imitated. More data must be gleaned and further collated before a sufficient judgment can be reached.
Gorth Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 Never too late to change bro Nah, you know what they say about teaching old dogs new tricks and by the same token having sex with someone doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with them either Exactly As a chick, I'm finding this thread *hilarious*. Cruelty, thy name be woman! “He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice.” - Albert Einstein
Guest The Architect Posted August 18, 2008 Posted August 18, 2008 I've never been in a long term relationship. I'm 18 years old and a pretty good looking guy I must say, but I understand how shallow and pointless vanity is, not only because you're not special because of good genetics, just lucky, but because while there's usually a common agreement on physical beauty, there's always subjectivity, with everybody, not to mention girls aren't into looks as much as guys are, as Bokishi has previously said before. However, I think looks are relevant in the sense of how mature I look. You see, I look 16, at the least, 15, so I'm not "compatible" with the kind of girls I'd want to pursue a relationship with, which is someone who is hot or at least semi attractive, for sexual reasons, obviously; has a sense of humour and a mature, appreciative, spiritual outlook in life, but not necessarily in the religious sense, just in the sense of not being an egotistical, insecure, materialistic bitch. Someone who believes in equality, basically. As a chick, I'm finding this thread *hilarious*. Why what's so funny about it? So what that you're a chick, you think that just because you are you know more about romance than men do? Give me a break.
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