Jump to content

Cinema and Movie Thread: flickering images


Chairchucker

Recommended Posts

Cryptz (2002) - A chance encounter on the street lures wannabe rappers Tymez Skawir, Fuzzy Down, and Likrish into the vampire underworld. This movie was not nearly as bad as I expected it to be, which may sound like a good thing but was detrimental to my watching enjoyment. It lands squarely in that unfortunate zone where it's not bad enough to be funny bad but it's nowhere near good enough to be actually good. It's watchable but not exactly entertaining. The best thing I can say about it is that it's only 78 minutes long.

  • Haha 2

sky_twister_suzu.gif.bca4b31c6a14735a9a4b5a279a428774.gif
🇺🇸RFK Jr 2024🇺🇸

"Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive." - Bill Hicks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a very special treat that just arrived at my door today:

B7z7T0O.jpeg

This is one of my two most sought after movies to get a hard copy of, the other being Diamond Cobra vs the White Fox (I may have to give in and just watch that on Amazon Prime Video since it's out of print and I'm not about to pay $200 for a used copy). I won't have time to watch it today because football and rasslin' PPV, but I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to watch this train wreck of a movie.

  • Like 2

sky_twister_suzu.gif.bca4b31c6a14735a9a4b5a279a428774.gif
🇺🇸RFK Jr 2024🇺🇸

"Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive." - Bill Hicks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975). Well, that was certainly an experience. This is one of those films that's like...you know, a cult classic that you're supposed to watch, but then you take a glance at it and you're like "well, cult classic or not, I do believe that one is just not going to be for me". But despite my misgivings, this was pretty hilarious...though I did need subtitles because some of the voice recording was not the best. Tim Curry...it's, uh, difficult to believe that his career essentially started with the stage version of this.

Edited by Bartimaeus
Quote

How I have existed fills me with horror. For I have failed in everything - spelling, arithmetic, riding, tennis, golf; dancing, singing, acting; wife, mistress, whore, friend. Even cooking. And I do not excuse myself with the usual escape of 'not trying'. I tried with all my heart.

In my dreams, I am not crippled. In my dreams, I dance.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Suburban Sasquatch (2004)

umm-wait.gif

A magical Sasquatch terrorizes a suburban community in Pennsylvania. It's hard to put into words what a pile of garbage this movie is. Everything is wrong. The very first scene is done in day for night. In fact, a significant portion of this movie is day for night, so much so that when a scene, roughly 2/3 of the way through, was shot in actual night I was genuinely astonished. This film features sub-high school play level acting, dialogue barely north of Breen levels, laughable CGI, a subplot that ends abruptly with no resolution, Halloween store props, mismatched police uniforms where they couldn't be bothered (afford?) belts, a hilariously awful bigfoot costume, and the greatest 3 second growl sound effect that you will hear hundreds of times. Also, the outro theme is *chef kiss* magnifique!

This film needs to be studied and analyzed by scientists, philosophers, and mystics alike in a quest to figure out how something can fail so spectacularly in so many ways simultaneously. It's a crowning achievement of ineptitude.

  • Haha 1

sky_twister_suzu.gif.bca4b31c6a14735a9a4b5a279a428774.gif
🇺🇸RFK Jr 2024🇺🇸

"Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive." - Bill Hicks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like a low budget Uwe Boll production (quality wise at least, his “movies” are usually done with a decent budget, without noticeably improving the viewing experience)

“He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice.” - Albert Einstein
 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, ShadySands said:

That growl still haunts my nightmares.

It's in my brain for the rest of my life. I sometimes find myself unconsciously mimicking that growl. It's simultaneously the most awful and awesome 3 second sound clip. Once you hear it you can't unhear it.

sky_twister_suzu.gif.bca4b31c6a14735a9a4b5a279a428774.gif
🇺🇸RFK Jr 2024🇺🇸

"Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive." - Bill Hicks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have not seen Suburban Sasquatch but I googled videos and saw a clip. The growl sounds like a monotone drunk guy trying to say "raw" or "roll" several times in a row.

"Akiva Goldsman and Alex Kurtzman run the 21st century version of MK ULTRA." - majestic

"you're a damned filthy lying robot and you deserve to die and burn in hell." - Bartimaeus

"Without individual thinking you can't notice the plot holes." - InsaneCommander

"Just feed off the suffering of gamers." - Malcador

"You are calling my taste crap." -Hurlshort

"thankfully it seems like the creators like Hungary less this time around." - Sarex

"Don't forget the wakame, dumbass" -Keyrock

"Are you trolling or just being inadvertently nonsensical?' -Pidesco

"we have already been forced to admit you are at least human" - uuuhhii

"I refuse to buy from non-woke businesses" - HoonDing

"feral camels are now considered a pest" - Gorth

"Melkathi is known to be an overly critical grumpy person" - Melkathi

"Oddly enough Sanderson was a lot more direct despite being a Mormon" - Zoraptor

"I found it greatly disturbing to scroll through my cartoon's halfing selection of genitalias." - Wormerine

"Am I phrasing in the most negative light for them? Yes, but it's not untrue." - ShadySands

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023). I genuinely had a pretty decent time watching this. Oh sure, there were some lulls and the action scenes were a tad weak/goofy (Harrison Ford is like two thousand years old, give him a break), some of the humor doesn't work as well as it should, and I'm sure if I read detailed analysis of all the things wrong with it, it'd get torn apart, but I actually enjoyed watching it for the vast majority of the runtime. It mostly but not entirely feels like a retread of stuff done better in the first three films, but...you know, as far as completely unnecessary sequels go, if you want more Indiana Jones, it absolutely beats the socks off of Crystal Skull as a complete product. With Crystal Skull, you get such an immediate Star Wars prequels level of a "oh god" gut-punch right from the start, which you you can try to ignore for the first half (maybe even successfully!), but then it practically turns into a cage match against Muhammad Ali as you get into the second half, and that's just not a fight you're going to win: in contrast, this film just feels at least pretty alright to watch, from start to end, and that's nice. Dial of Destiny even has a lot more (and I mean a lot more) restrained and effective use of CGI to boot (yes, even accounting for the opening being approximately 95% CGI): it doesn't outright ruin nearly so many scenes like it did in Crystal Skull (actually, I think the most distracting thing was Indy's de-aged face during the back-in-time opening...that crap is getting better, but it's still not quite there when you put it directly under focus). There's nothing in this that's even within the same plane of existence compared to Crystal Skull's jungle car chase scene. Heck, right off the bat with Crystal Skull, you had the magically magnetically flying gunpowder, and I don't think this film has any one scene even as bad as that one...but, well, enough thinking about Crystal Skull. Also, and this may just be me, but I found the lady and kid way less annoying than...jeeze, didn't I just bloody say enough thinking about Crystal Skull? Sorry, that didn't last long. Okay, they're not nearly as much fun or as memorable as Short Round and Willie, but they're fine, and actually, I think Phoebe Waller-Bridge was even a little bit better than simply fine in her role.

Spoiler

Some people really seemed to have taken issue to her "girl bossing" it up, but honestly, I didn't really consciously notice that with her. Now the CIA agent lady, on the other hand, the film seemed oddly hyperfocused on for a bit there and I was getting a little annoyed with it...and then the film suddenly and very unceremoniously took care of that, so it worked out.

In full disclosure, the fun of Indiana Jones was never particularly about the action scenes for me, so the fact that they're a little weak is not at all the end of the world for me in the face of other things I care about a lot more being pretty decent, but if you're desperately looking to re-live your childhood through Indiana Jones doing his trademark young man swashbuckling stuff, you'll probably come up pretty empty-handed. Maybe Crystal Skull softened me up or something, but I enjoyed it.

e: Red alert, red alert, this is not a drill: @Amentep, @majestic, and I all enjoyed the new Indiana Jones film. Yeah, wrap it up, folks: that should just about seal the world's fate.

e2: Okay, watching the RLM video about this film, yes, it is a giant mess and I can't disagree with anything they say. Lmao. Still.

Edited by Bartimaeus
  • Haha 1
  • Gasp! 1
Quote

How I have existed fills me with horror. For I have failed in everything - spelling, arithmetic, riding, tennis, golf; dancing, singing, acting; wife, mistress, whore, friend. Even cooking. And I do not excuse myself with the usual escape of 'not trying'. I tried with all my heart.

In my dreams, I am not crippled. In my dreams, I dance.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, Bartimaeus said:

e2: Okay, watching the RLM video about this film, yes, it is a giant mess and I can't disagree with anything they say. Lmao. Still.

That is a pretty good example of what happens when you enjoy a film vs. when you do not. The mess - if there is any - does not matter as much. The opposite, for me, can be seen in the Half in the Bag about Skyfall, I film I had such a bad time watching that I decided to not bother with going to the cinema for Bond movies until there is a different Bond than Craig, although in hindsight I should probably have done that after Quantum of Solace.

Mike and Jay, on the other hand, like it. Jay even says that the problems of the film can be ignored because it is overall pretty good. Needles to say, it is one of those instances where I disagree with them.

6 hours ago, Bartimaeus said:

e: Red alert, red alert, this is not a drill: @Amentep, @majestic, and I all enjoyed the new Indiana Jones film. Yeah, wrap it up, folks: that should just about seal the world's fate.

@PK htiw klaw eriF and @InsaneCommander, would you care to seal the deal? :p

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

No mind to think. No will to break. No voice to cry suffering.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, majestic said:

@PK htiw klaw eriF and @InsaneCommander, would you care to seal the deal? :p

If it cannot break its egg's shell, a chick will die without being born. We are the chick. The world is our egg. If we don't crack the world's shell, we will die without being born. Smash the world's shell!

....which means I'll give it a shot. When it's free. But if I like it one of us has to start taking people on the Utena car rides. 

  • Confused 1
  • Gasp! 1

"Akiva Goldsman and Alex Kurtzman run the 21st century version of MK ULTRA." - majestic

"you're a damned filthy lying robot and you deserve to die and burn in hell." - Bartimaeus

"Without individual thinking you can't notice the plot holes." - InsaneCommander

"Just feed off the suffering of gamers." - Malcador

"You are calling my taste crap." -Hurlshort

"thankfully it seems like the creators like Hungary less this time around." - Sarex

"Don't forget the wakame, dumbass" -Keyrock

"Are you trolling or just being inadvertently nonsensical?' -Pidesco

"we have already been forced to admit you are at least human" - uuuhhii

"I refuse to buy from non-woke businesses" - HoonDing

"feral camels are now considered a pest" - Gorth

"Melkathi is known to be an overly critical grumpy person" - Melkathi

"Oddly enough Sanderson was a lot more direct despite being a Mormon" - Zoraptor

"I found it greatly disturbing to scroll through my cartoon's halfing selection of genitalias." - Wormerine

"Am I phrasing in the most negative light for them? Yes, but it's not untrue." - ShadySands

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Equalizer 3. I don't know... It's not bad when compared to the sequels maybe even better than the second one, but too much propaganda for my taste in this one.

Indiana Jones has been out for "free" for a couple of weeks now. In my opinion it's ok but nothing special, then again I don't think the originals were all that either. The deaging special effects are still in the uncanny valley territory.

 

"because they filled mommy with enough mythic power to become a demi-god" - KP

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, InsaneCommander said:

Same here. I'll check it when it's available for free.

You could prepare for The End of the World by watching Utena. Before we crack the world's shell. 

No mind to think. No will to break. No voice to cry suffering.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

El Conde (2023).

That was weird. It won't be cracking the shell, I'm afraid.

  • Haha 2
  • Sad 1
Quote

How I have existed fills me with horror. For I have failed in everything - spelling, arithmetic, riding, tennis, golf; dancing, singing, acting; wife, mistress, whore, friend. Even cooking. And I do not excuse myself with the usual escape of 'not trying'. I tried with all my heart.

In my dreams, I am not crippled. In my dreams, I dance.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Bartimaeus said:

El Conde (2023).

That was weird. It won't be cracking the shell, I'm afraid.

I can't say I'm surprised, while I don't understand the infamous "Bartimaeus love/hate broken brain", I did not get the feeling that this was something you'd love when I was watching it.

"Akiva Goldsman and Alex Kurtzman run the 21st century version of MK ULTRA." - majestic

"you're a damned filthy lying robot and you deserve to die and burn in hell." - Bartimaeus

"Without individual thinking you can't notice the plot holes." - InsaneCommander

"Just feed off the suffering of gamers." - Malcador

"You are calling my taste crap." -Hurlshort

"thankfully it seems like the creators like Hungary less this time around." - Sarex

"Don't forget the wakame, dumbass" -Keyrock

"Are you trolling or just being inadvertently nonsensical?' -Pidesco

"we have already been forced to admit you are at least human" - uuuhhii

"I refuse to buy from non-woke businesses" - HoonDing

"feral camels are now considered a pest" - Gorth

"Melkathi is known to be an overly critical grumpy person" - Melkathi

"Oddly enough Sanderson was a lot more direct despite being a Mormon" - Zoraptor

"I found it greatly disturbing to scroll through my cartoon's halfing selection of genitalias." - Wormerine

"Am I phrasing in the most negative light for them? Yes, but it's not untrue." - ShadySands

Link to comment
Share on other sites

47 minutes ago, PK htiw klaw eriF said:

I can't say I'm surprised, while I don't understand the infamous "Bartimaeus love/hate broken brain", I did not get the feeling that this was something you'd love when I was watching it.

The premise is interesting, the execution leaves me...wishing it weren't quite so play/theater-like. Scene after scene where characters are sitting, standing, or slowly walking around while pompously pontificating endlessly about various things in a very untrue-to-life fashion seems to always be a bit of a difficult sell for me, no matter who or what it's about, or what it all eventually culminates in. It's just not really my preferred manner of storytelling, no matter how many times I've experienced it. It may be because I never really get a strong and independent impression of the characters, who they are, or what they're trying to accomplish, as they end up feeling like lifeless extensions of the film with no real setup, personality, or agency of their own - instead of the film being an extension of the characters, which is always my preference. I think The Banshees of Inisherin is a good example for comparison, as that's a film with some vague similarities in style and comedy to El Conde, but the moment I think of that film, I'm instantly recalling the three main characters, things they said and did, what they wanted and needed from one another, each one's specific and personal eccentricities, and how they all connected to the themes of the film, whereas...with El Conde, I don't know, it's all very much a muddled mess with characters that I can't really pin down for the most part, and that makes connecting with the film in a broader sense very difficult for me. Boil it down to just not getting much out of the experience, I suppose.

Speaking of Utena, I always thought Utena was at its best when it was just being silly and letting characters organically interact as opposed to getting singlemindedly focused on bolting whatever it was trying to say straight to my forehead. I think El Conde would've benefited from being a little more silly, which you think would've come naturally with the premise, but somehow it didn't manage to get there for me.

Edited by Bartimaeus
  • Gasp! 1
Quote

How I have existed fills me with horror. For I have failed in everything - spelling, arithmetic, riding, tennis, golf; dancing, singing, acting; wife, mistress, whore, friend. Even cooking. And I do not excuse myself with the usual escape of 'not trying'. I tried with all my heart.

In my dreams, I am not crippled. In my dreams, I dance.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, Bartimaeus said:

The premise is interesting, the execution leaves me...wishing it weren't quite so play/theater-like. Scene after scene where characters are sitting, standing, or slowly walking around while pompously pontificating endlessly about various things in a very untrue-to-life fashion seems to always be a bit of a difficult sell for me, no matter who or what it's about, or what it all eventually culminates in. It's just not really my preferred manner of storytelling, no matter how many times I've experienced it. It may be because I never really get a strong and independent impression of the characters, who they are, or what they're trying to accomplish, as they end up feeling like lifeless extensions of the film with no real setup, personality, or agency of their own - instead of the film being an extension of the characters, which is always my preference. I think The Banshees of Inisherin is a good example for comparison, as that's a film with some vague similarities in style and comedy to El Conde, but the moment I think of that film, I'm instantly recalling the three main characters, things they said and did, what they wanted and needed from one another, each one's specific and personal eccentricities, and how they all connected to the themes of the film, whereas...with El Conde, I don't know, it's all very much a muddled mess with characters that I can't really pin down for the most part, and that makes connecting with the film in a broader sense very difficult for me. Boil it down to just not getting much out of the experience, I suppose.

Speaking of Utena, I always thought Utena was at its best when it was just being silly and letting characters organically interact as opposed to getting singlemindedly focused on bolting whatever it was trying to say straight to my forehead. I think El Conde would've benefited from being a little more silly, which you think would've come naturally with the premise, but somehow it didn't manage to get there for me.

I loved the play/theater feel it had in some places as opposed to more organic neorealist fare like Sean Baker's recent work (which I love, but for different reasons), it sort of played up the absurdity of the situation and combined with the narration/narrator felt like we were seeing a story within a story.

Spoiler

We can kind of apply this to the characters who outside of Pinochet and Maggie Thatcher, were either of no interest to or subjects of disdain of the narrator. I think of the film as an unreliable narration on the part of Thatcher rather than an accurate depiction of events, and because of that we see little of the characters in their own right and almost entirely as they relate to Pinochet. I think it specifically works here.

I don't think it's really comparable to The Banshees of Inisherin in terms of comedy or style. El Conde is much more explicitly a magical realist satirical horror-comedy with surreal aesthetics meant to separate it from real life while The Banshees of Inisherin keeps it's absurdist tendencies rooted in a historically accurate Ireland with natural compositions of the world. I honestly would not have thought of them in the same sentence if you hadn't mentioned it. I guess our brains are broken in different ways.

And I think El Conde was silly enough, but I'll admit I would prefer more stuff like.....the smoothies to seeing the (middle-aged) kids talk. Like we get it

Spoiler

they want his money and they don't care that their father was a monster, in more than one use of the term. I don't need to see the seductive nun (nuncubus?) gloat over them with it. Show me the vampires swapping smoothie recipes or have weird dance breaks or turn someone into a cow.

 

  • Like 1

"Akiva Goldsman and Alex Kurtzman run the 21st century version of MK ULTRA." - majestic

"you're a damned filthy lying robot and you deserve to die and burn in hell." - Bartimaeus

"Without individual thinking you can't notice the plot holes." - InsaneCommander

"Just feed off the suffering of gamers." - Malcador

"You are calling my taste crap." -Hurlshort

"thankfully it seems like the creators like Hungary less this time around." - Sarex

"Don't forget the wakame, dumbass" -Keyrock

"Are you trolling or just being inadvertently nonsensical?' -Pidesco

"we have already been forced to admit you are at least human" - uuuhhii

"I refuse to buy from non-woke businesses" - HoonDing

"feral camels are now considered a pest" - Gorth

"Melkathi is known to be an overly critical grumpy person" - Melkathi

"Oddly enough Sanderson was a lot more direct despite being a Mormon" - Zoraptor

"I found it greatly disturbing to scroll through my cartoon's halfing selection of genitalias." - Wormerine

"Am I phrasing in the most negative light for them? Yes, but it's not untrue." - ShadySands

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 minutes ago, Amentep said:

 

Who's left from the Von Erichs of that era? I think it's just Kevin at this point. I wonder if Michael "Pure Sexy" Hayes will get a cameo in the movie, given he's the last remaining OG Freebird alive and the Von Erichs vs Freebirds feud was the defining feud of that time in WCCW.

Edited by Keyrock

sky_twister_suzu.gif.bca4b31c6a14735a9a4b5a279a428774.gif
🇺🇸RFK Jr 2024🇺🇸

"Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive." - Bill Hicks

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...