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Funny Stuff: The Funny Awakens


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Maybe not strictly funny but...

185346840_302501524860989_25933319536915

 

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"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think, I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech, and freedom of choice. I'm the kinda guy that likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs with the side-order of gravy fries?" I want high cholesterol! I wanna eat bacon, and butter, and buckets of cheese, okay?! I wanna smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section! I wanna run naked through the street, with green Jell-O all over my body, reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly may feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiene"

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1 hour ago, Raithe said:

 

I never would have thought it, but she is the best.

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"My hovercraft is full of eels!" - Hungarian tourist
I am Dan Quayle of the Romans.
I want to tattoo a map of the Netherlands on my nether lands.
Heja Sverige!!
Everyone should cuffawkle more.
The wrench is your friend. :bat:

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Wil Wheaton photobombing his wife...

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"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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2a662b49ff0a64240e5f93af92750bf92a9397ec

couldn't decide wether to post this in the gun thread or here 🤔

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Civilization, in fact, grows more and more maudlin and hysterical; especially under democracy it tends to degenerate into a mere combat of crazes; the whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, most of them imaginary. - H.L. Mencken

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Star Trek Voyager Gothic by quasi-normalcy @Tumblr

  •     You've been on this tiny ship in the Delta Quadrant beyond any hope of recrew or resupply for over a year, but you keep seeing ensigns you don't recognise. Everyone tells you that they've always been here.
  •     You go down to Engineering looking for Lt. Carey. B'Elanna tells you that he's just stepped out. He's been "just stepped out" for days.
  •     A shuttle crashes on a desert planet. You speak with Chakotay about the possibility of trading for some new shuttles, but he looks at you funny and says "but we already have a full complement of shuttles".
  •     You run to the shuttlebay and inspect them personally. There is a full complement of shuttles. And none of them even have a scratch.
  •     The next week, a shuttle is torn to pieces in a plasma storm. You're not even surprised when you find intact it in the shuttlebay an hour later.
  •     You stop mentioning shuttles.
  •     The ship has an encounter with some Kazon, but manages to get away. Their ships are primitive and slow and you shouldn't run into them again.
  •     Two weeks later, you meet the same Kazon, now somehow in front of you. You begin to suspect that you're driving in circles.
  •     You go to Engineering looking for Lt. Carey. You haven't seen him in two years. He's "not there right now, but should be back in a minute".
  •     Janeway and Paris travel at Warp 10 and turn into salamanders. You're *sure* that it happened. You *remember* it happening! But no one brings it up. When you ask Tom about it, he doesn't even register the question.
  •     You scream "BUT YOU WERE A SALAMANDER!" into his ear. He doesn't even hear you.
  •     You see another Ensign you don't recognise. You finally just ask the computer for the crew complement of Voyager. You are told that the answer is: 121.
  •     A month later, the Hirogen conquer the ship, spend weeks brainwashing and surgically altering the crew into believing that they are actually characters in holographic simulations, and then hunt them for sport. This culminates in a pitched battle between the crew and the Hirogen in which the ship is utterly wrecked and dozens of people are killed.
  •     Afterwards, you ask the computer for the ship's crew complement. You are told that the answer is: 147.
  •     The next day, you wake up and find Voyager restored to its original state.
  •     You make a discreet inquiry about Lt. Carey. Now everyone acts like he's dead but can't tell you precisely when or how.
  •     The Captain takes you aside one day and specifically instructs you not to mention Ensign Jetal to the Doctor. She says that she knows that this will be difficult, given how close we all were to her (and you in particular), but that for the greater good of the crew, you need to act like Ensign Jetal never existed. You solemnly nod your head and consent, and she gives you a comradely pat on the shoulder and leaves the room.
  •     You have absolutely no idea who Ensign Jetal is.
  •     Voyager absorbs the remaining crew of the USS Equinox. Well at least you'll finally have an explanation for the new crew you see around the ship! You never see any of them ever again.
  •     You've now travelled almost 40,000 light years towards home. You check the star charts; somehow, you're still in the Delta Quadrant. You begin to wonder if the Beta Quadrant even exists.
  •     The Delta Flyer is destroyed by Borg torpedoes. You don't even bother to check the shuttlebay for it, you just instinctively know that it will be back.
  •     A few months later, the Captain gives you the sad news: Lt. Carey is dead.
  •     You finally make it back to the Alpha Quadrant, say your tearful farewells, and receive a handshake and a promotion from Admiral Paris. As one last thought before leaving Voyager forever, you pay a visit to the shuttlebay. You find it utterly empty, except for one lowly crewman with a mop and pail, swabbing the deck. "I...guess that Starfleet must have already cleared out the remaining shuttles?" You say uncertainly, your voice echoing in the cavernous, empty room. The crewman breaks off his mopping and looks at you like you've lost your mind and says: "Voyager never had any shuttles."
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"Cuius testiculos habeas, habeas cardia et cerebellum."

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On 5/20/2021 at 9:05 PM, LittleArmadillo0 said:

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Considering you can barely understand a 2 year old when they talk to you directly, I'm calling bull**** on him understanding his son from the next room over. 😛

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188650004_1513155942360750_3460645770724

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The words freedom and liberty, are diminishing the true meaning of the abstract concept they try to explain. The true nature of freedom is such, that the human mind is unable to comprehend it, so we make a cage and name it freedom in order to give a tangible meaning to what we dont understand, just as our ancestors made gods like Thor or Zeus to explain thunder.

 

-Teknoman2-

What? You thought it was a quote from some well known wise guy from the past?

 

Stupidity leads to willful ignorance - willful ignorance leads to hope - hope leads to sex - and that is how a new generation of fools is born!


We are hardcore role players... When we go to bed with a girl, we roll a D20 to see if we hit the target and a D6 to see how much penetration damage we did.

 

Modern democracy is: the sheep voting for which dog will be the shepherd's right hand.

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May be an image of 1 person and text that says 'This sword was found during the search of a vehicle earlier today in Slade Green. Thankfully it's been taken off the streets. West Lake You're doing God's work mate lost an ancestor to a sword just like that in the 13th century 20h Like Reply 4.5K'

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"The man of virtuous soul commands not, nor obeys. Power, like a desolating pestilence, pollutes whate'er it touches; and obedience, bane of all genius, virtue, freedom, truth, makes slaves of men, and of the human frame a mechanized automaton."

P.B. Shelley

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May be an image of text that says 'This pup couldn't hack it as a drug- sniffing dog, so now, he sniffs out the poop of elusive animals in the name of conservation cnn.it/2TGe3yF @wilLent Matt Buechele @mattbooshell all i read was: cool dog isn't a narc, becomes scientist'

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"The man of virtuous soul commands not, nor obeys. Power, like a desolating pestilence, pollutes whate'er it touches; and obedience, bane of all genius, virtue, freedom, truth, makes slaves of men, and of the human frame a mechanized automaton."

P.B. Shelley

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