no philosophers, but Terry Prachett sure is funny too...
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist
on coming along and trying to put things in it.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Diggers)
"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Hogfather)
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful
item that weighs less than its operating manual.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)
"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's
warm for the rest of his life."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)
The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined
as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab
behind you honking.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)
"Don't put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again.
That's why they're called revolutions. People die, and nothing changes."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Night Watch)
Nature abhors dimensional abnormalities, and seals them neatly away so that
they don't upset people. Nature, in fact, abhors a lot of things, including
vacuums, ships called the "Marie Celeste", and the chuck keys for electric
drills.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Pyramids)
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that
only the other one snores.
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant)
People's whole lives *do* pass in front of their eyes before they die. The process is called 'living'.
-- (Terry Pratchett, The Last Continent)
And another funny one I heard in a bar last week:
"Take me drunk, I'm home"