Manners

[Walsingham]

I've been struck by manners a couple of times today, and in recent weeks.

 

What set me thinking was the fact that my local takeaways started giving me free stuff when I pop in. i don't pop in regularly, so the only other thing which occurred to me was it must be because I'm polite. I may stagger in sideways on occasion, but I say please and thank you.

 

Today I was on a packed train, and noticed a teenage girl with her feet up on the seat next to her while a good dozen people were standing. Being English no-one said anything, but a scorching amount of glacing and eyebrow adjusting semaphored around the message that this girl was clearly the kind of thing one should hang from a lamp-post upside down. Which got me thinking that this individual who was clearly image conscious was oblivious to the fact that everyone thought she was a Camden flat.*

 

In the same journey the train emptied slightly and I took a seat, but at the next stop many people got on. After a minute or so I noticed, and rising, offered my seat to a lady who was standing. The lady declined, but this provoked an outburst of 'well done's from all and sundry, and 'where are you from? Ah you see, good lad's.

 

Then of course there was the incident with the woman crying for help.

 

I deduce from this three things

 

1. It is immensely satisfying to display good manners. Apart from anything else it gets you free food.

2. Women should sharpen up their manners. Equality means you have to assist those genuinely weaker than you, like th eldery or infirm.

3. If there IS a general decline in good manners it only makes it more sensible to use them.

 

 

Thoughts? Stories?

 

*Rhyming slang. I may have just invented it.

[Deadly_Nightshade]

You should Read Talk to the Hand by Lynne Truss.

[theslug]

Though my opinion is pretty null I'd definitely have to say that manners are in a steep decline but we only have those who came before us and women to blame for that. I've noticed that my good manners have largely only been noticed by parents, a few teachers, and older folks. I remember I waited and held the door open for this elderly woman and she commented that luckily chivalry wasn't dead among the youth. Being my stoic and remarkably quiet self I didn't add anything but inside I knew she was so very wrong. People (women) are just bastards.

Edited March 17, 2008 by theslug

[Azure79]

I find most people I interact with on a daily basis polite. Maybe because I'm older now and deal with older people, but most are cordial and pleasant.

 

Strangely, I have heard stories about impolite women on feminista power trips, but I have yet to actually meet one. Probably because I'm too handsome and they swoon all over me.

 

I've also witnessed people, ususally teenage boys or girls, taking up two or more spaces on a bus or train. Most of the time they are sleeping or otherwise staring blankly at nothing. Frankly I don't think people say anything because its not worth the time and effort. Forgive my callous dismissal on today's youth.

 

But, I've found it preferable to be polite and patient rather than rude and demanding. Not to say that I let people walk over me, but usually its better to let the other person have some breathing room as well. I take the stance that they are just as busy and hectic as I am and hassling them won't accomplish things any faster or better. Most of the time, people will appreciate that.

[Nick_i_am]

'It's so hard to tell Nick off because he's always so polite.'

 

Talking to an old guy in Japan, he started complaining about the youth of Japan and how they were so rude these days. Then said that it must be okay for me because everyone is so polite in Britian.

[Gorth]

I don't know if anybody really appreciates good manners these days, but I still try to practise it to the best of my abilitity in my daily life (I was raised like that, yes, be nice and polite if there is no reason not to be).

 

Sometimes I get a smile in return which makes it worth it, sometimes no response at all.

 

I supposed that, in many ways I actually assess a persons worth partially based on their manners.

 

That being said, I can be a devil too, taking great pleasure in seeking out persons like the brat Walsingham described and tell them to "Move it!", and if they refuse to, I simply sit down. They will either break a leg, get their sports bags flattened, whatever I don't care. I am 190cm and 105kg, moderately muscular, so I got the physical size and the viciousness to backup my no nonsense attittude most of the time. Funny how they suddenly make a seat available in a hurry when they know that bruises are on the way.

[theslug]

Damn Gorth. I had no idea you were such an imposing fellow. I know you clean house here on the forums but you sound scary irl. :'(

 

I would say I definitely judge who I give preferential treatment to in respect to opening doors and what not (always say please and thank you no matter what) but something that angers me greatly is I get a ton of evil eyes from an amazing amount of people and I have no idea why. It's like I'll be walking with my friend and I glance around and catch someone just like eye raping me to death with a crowbar and I'm like wtf and inside my mind I'm thinking of how I'm going to nonchalantly walk towards him/her and before they can even comprehend what pain I will bring them for disrespecting me they get a quick 3 pronged steel finger strike to the throat and as they stumble back and gasp for air its already to late because I punt them straight in uglies. Sigh. If only we lived in a better world.

[Gorth]

I would say I definitely judge who I give preferential treatment to in respect to opening doors and what not (always say please and thank you no matter what) but something that angers me greatly is I get a ton of evil eyes from an amazing amount of people and I have no idea why. It's like I'll be walking with my friend and I glance around and catch someone just like eye raping me to death with a crowbar and I'm like wtf and inside my mind I'm thinking of how I'm going to nonchalantly walk towards him/her and before they can even comprehend what pain I will bring them for disrespecting me they get a quick 3 pronged steel finger strike to the throat and as they stumble back and gasp for air its already to late because I punt them straight in uglies. Sigh. If only we lived in a better world.

Sorry to hear that

 

If you don't mind me asking, what kind of enviroment do you live in? Doesn't sound like a healthy place. I am slightly privileged (lucky?), living in am "attractive" neighbourhood, but I am quite familiar (much more than I would like to remember) with the less than attractive parts of human habitats.

[LadyCrimson]

Hey, now ... I've met plenty of blokes who are rude as heck ... ladies too, but it all tends to balance out, for me.

 

I think basic manners - where people acknowledge other folks actions or even just their presence - has been on the decline for years. But doesn't every generation think that? Grandpa's griping about rude young whippersnappers.

 

If people hold open doors or give up seats, I say thanks. I'll wave drivers or walkers to pass first if it seems safe and polite to do so. If I see someone in obvious distress I'd ask what's the matter. And if someone's right behind me I'll hold the door open till they get through to make sure the door doesn't whack them in the face. But I'm not generally over-solicitous about the small things often lumped into the "manners" category as a rule. Neither are most people I encounter, and honestly, 95% of the time it doesn't bother me if they aren't, since I'm not thinking about it either.

 

That gal having her feet up on a seat on crowded bus, that would bother me, tho, because that's not about going an extra mile to dash over and hold open doors for people or whatever - that gal was plain selfish/thoughtless re: a certain social environment need. People who put their feet on the back of a movie-theater chair when someone is sitting in that chair- especially ones that "jiggle" their legs - really bug me, as well.

[Gorth]

It is not something limited to young people though, I've more than once experienced little old ladies (wearing expensive looking imitation clothes) in the supermarket with "manners" that made me want to trip them, take their walking stick away, something, seriously

 

Ok, so one thing is not having manners. I guess what ticks me off is rudeness.

[Kelverin]

I always try to be polite and display proper manners. Please, thank you, lettiing others go first, holding the door open for the ladies (men you are on your own)

 

Now I be an **** in all other area's in my life, but I am a polite ****.

 

Thank you.

[jaguars4ever]

Here in America we have manors so we don't need manners.

[Meshugger]

I live in Finland. Lot's of forest and not a lot people to begin with. And to add to that, people tend to avoid each other, so those kind mannerisms are uncommon where i live. And to add to that, i am about the same physical size as Gorth, so i tend not have problems either.

 

Bad manners here are young people being a bit loud on the bus, but that's pretty much it. They usually shut up when someone gives them the "thousand yard look", which finns tend to be good at. Criminal activity is another issue, though.

 

And face it, the older you get, the more irritating the youth become.

[Guest The Architect]

My manners are pretty ****.

 

It's not thanks, it's cheers.

 

It's not goodbye, it's cya.

 

It's not yes, it's yep.

 

It's not no, it's nah.

 

It's not hi, it's oho {for blokes} and eyy {for sheilas}.

 

It's not you're welcome, it's no worries.

 

It's not excuse me? It's ha? Or huh? Whatever tickles your fancy.

 

It wasn't excuse me miss/sir, it was oi miss, or, oi sir.

 

^ Was more of a thing for being a little tool and showing off by being a little impolite to a teacher we didn't like. It was a little thing a bunch of us had going on, and usually I was the one doing most the being rude for a laugh things. Immature and stupid I know, but that was those days.

 

I'm an Aussie slang using traditionalist. A nice guy, but not that nice, and my level of politeness and standard of mannerism use depends on who I'm talking to. So I do use the more socially acceptable manners, and have done the odd good deed here and there, but my manners aren't as good as they could be.

[Hell Kitty]

Equality means you have to assist those genuinely weaker than you, like th eldery or infirm.

 

But what if they're jerks?

[Guest The Architect]

But what if you're the jerk?

[Gorgon]

My conclusion is that you are getting to that age where everything used to be better, more refined and possessed of greater worth than what is now.

 

Don't worry, it's a perfectly natural progression, like the one from wide eyed idealist, to shriveled up conservative.

Edited March 17, 2008 by Gorgon

[Gorgon]

For the record though, I agree that being polite is a win-win proposition, it feels good, and you may be rewarded.

[LadyCrimson]

Ok, so one thing is not having manners. I guess what ticks me off is rudeness.

And face it, the older you get, the more irritating the youth become.

My conclusion is that you are getting to that age where everything used to be better, more refined and possessed of greater worth than what is now.

All three of those things apply to me. At least on some days.

 

There's definitely a difference between "mannerly" and "rude" to me - when I think of the former, I think of stuff like "Miss Manners", which I couldn't give a hoot about. Purposeful/sullen rudeness, particularly if it's carried out even after people ask for it to be stopped, is what bugs me.

[walkerguy]

It is not something limited to young people though, I've more than once experienced little old ladies (wearing expensive looking imitation clothes) in the supermarket with "manners" that made me want to trip them, take their walking stick away, something, seriously

 

Ok, so one thing is not having manners. I guess what ticks me off is rudeness.

 

I live in the U.S.A. Manners? What are those? Srsly. We are mostly all jerks over here, kind of similar to what T A described minus the Australianism. In response to rascal whippersnappers, old people are becoming increasingly rude and impolite as well!! Also: rudeness=bad manners, they're not that departed from each other Gorth.

[Nick_i_am]

Both times i've been in San Fransisco people were nothing but polite.

[walkerguy]

Ok, not everyone. Say, 1 of 3 is rude (U.S.).

[Sand]

Sometimes I am polite. Sometimes I rip people's heads off.

 

It all depends on the mood I am in and how many drunks I had dealt with previously.

[Walsingham]

I don't think things are just getting worse, Gorgon. Example, I was in the cinema, and these kids were being jerks, talking all the time. I wasn't too fussed because it was Cloverfield and I was feeling motion sick. But then some other kids behind them told them to shut the hell up. So I think it's obviously true that some kids are empowered to be jerks, while others are empowered to be more cool than I was at their age.