Random Text RPG Battles

[Hurlshort]

*The Lame Police walk in, waving a lame-o-meter around that is ticking wildly*

[thepixiesrock]

*The fake label falls off the lame-o-meter and it turns out to actually be a bomb-o-meter*

 

There's a bomb in the building! And it's in the delivery boy's package! And I don't mean the one he is carrying!

Edited July 26, 2007 by thepixiesrock

[Sega_Shaman]

There's a bomb in the building!

 

Nooooo!!!! Save the booze!

[Laozi]

The city's greatest bomb inspector, Laozi, walks in at just the right moment. His eyes betray a sense of insecurity that originates from the fact that none of his girlfriend's parents ever showed more then the most mild interest in his life, which slowly evolved into something bigger over time. His tweed jacket is literally coming apart at the seems and his breath reeks of cheap cigars and lamb meat from all the gyros he eats. He first notices that the top button of french maid's blouse has come undone, revealing ample cleavage aided by a push up bra. Her heels are atleast a size too big and her wet hands indicate that she has just engaged in what is commonly refered to as a whore's bath inwhich only the armpits and genitals are washed. He then follows her eyes to the delivery boy's package and the job that awaits within.

 

Don't move an inch!

[Sega_Shaman]

Don't move an inch!

 

*Sega_Shaman stops emptying out the cash register and looks around*

[thepixiesrock]

All of a sudden our heroes see a bunch of glass and debris flying through the room, and they hear a loud crashing sound. The type of loud crashing sound that you would hear if a plane crashed, or if a car just drove through a window. Laozi jumps to save the French Maid, and the Delivery Boy throws the box and covers his little men's area. As the dust and debris settle, they come to realize the full monty of what just took place. As the bar patrons look up one by one, the horror of the day comes full circle. They look back at eachother in disbelief, not quite sure if they are seeing what they think they are seeing, and not quite sure that they aren't seeing what they are seeing. Laozi gets up, completely cover in dust. Covered in dust like an American Flag is covered in red and white stripes with a blue rectangle and 50 stars on it. He is so covered by the dirt that it defines him. The American Flag is the stars and stripes, Laozi is the dust. Just as he is about to muster some dusty words from his dusty lips on his dusty face, he stops short, unable to think any dusty thoughts with his not dust brain, that isn't covered in dust. Find out what happened...

 

NEXT TIME ON LOST!

[Laozi]

Lets get this dust to the Lab, asap!!!

[Darth Drabek]

Watching it all from a dimly-lit corner booth was a man named Isaiah. Isaiah was rail-thin, about 5

[thepixiesrock]

As the camera pans over from Isaiah singing, we are shown what it was that had caused the debree and dust and crashing sound. As our heroes work their way through the broken remains of the bar they see that a car had crashed through the window, and what more is that behind the car was a small plane that had crashed. As they inch closer to the wreckage, a young man with long brown hair and dressed in a supermarket clerk uniform tumbles out of the car. As he makes it to his feet, a man with short black hair wearing a suit jumps from the plane and knocks him back down. The man in the suit pulls out what looks to be a badge from his jacket and yells in the man's face who he is now on top of, "Detective Carl Martini, and you've just been martinized, sucka'!"

Edited July 26, 2007 by thepixiesrock

[Sega_Shaman]

*Sega_Shaman dusts off a few dusty bottles, then pockets them. After looking around through the debris, he says to himself,*

"I'm gonna need more pockets..."

[Laozi]

Laozi notes how approachable Sega Shaman seems to be. Her happy go lucky nature is a breath of fresh air compared to the stuffy, intellectual types he was always paying for sex. Her delicate hands began to dance, to dance in way like no hands have danced before. Laozi is reminded of his mother and the sadness she carried with her in her hands, as if those hands had seen something so horrible that they could never live a normal life again. If only there was some way to know where those hands had been, and then Laozi saw that chance in Sega Shaman. Laozi was only half paying attention when another even louder and more jet liner like noise came from the roof top.

Edited July 26, 2007 by Laozi

[thepixiesrock]

After the crash sound, they here a sort of thud sound come from the roof. "You just got martinized again sucka!"

[Sega_Shaman]

*Sega_Shaman notices the approaching loud noise and decides it's time to get out of there. He starts casting Teleport*

*Sega_Shaman dissapears in a puff of smoke, reappearing feet away, halfway formed through the bar counter.*

 

*After looking around, Sega_Shaman makes a witty statement of his predicament:*

 

"....crap...."

[theslug]

The Slug enters this literary catastrophe with a genuine lack of knowledge of what the hell is going on. He notices that laozi is a girl and gets ready to spit his finest game. He's had plenty of women on the internet, but this ones different; she's real. He makes his way slyly towards her when all the sudden a rift in the time space continuum appears and he is instantly transported to a salt refinery. His untimely death is made more tragic in how agonizingly painful it was. Everyone takes a moment of silence in memory of this selfless and more importantly handsome young slug and all the wonderful deeds he has done for the world.

[Sega_Shaman]

*Sega_Shaman looks awkwardly at the rift in the space-time continuim, then after a brief period of silence says,*

"I'm thinking, My bad?"

"Yeah, probably...."

"Where is my lower body?"

[Pidesco]

enters the room and says "WTF?" He pulls out an SMG and starts to shoot randomly.

[Sega_Shaman]

*Sega_Shaman casts Reflega, causeing any bullets to richochet away from him*

*Sega_Shaman's lower body runs out from under the bar counter and begins repeatedly running into a wall.*

*Sega shouts:*

"Hey, get back here!"

 

 

"........crud..."

[Guest The Architect]

The Architect was on his way to Cambodia to find his lost long relative who to his ill knowledge just had a sex change, but when he saw from far above with his binoculars the current catastrophe that the bar guy is randomly shooting in was, he shrugged his shoulders, and with his parachute on, back flipped off his Aussie pimp of the year blimp toward the bar, to begin rebuilding the place, but one of the bullets from

[Sega_Shaman]

*As the Architect fell and began to slip into unconciousness, Sega_Shaman's lower body tripped over his face, knocking off the bird poo, allowing him to breathe. As Sega watched, he wondered if he could get his lower body to wipe that bird crap off his shoes, just through sheer force off will.*

*5 minutes later, no result*

 

"DANGIT!!!!"

[DeathScepter]

DeathScepter, The Dark Ninja Mage, silently laughs at the situation while he patiently await for The Architect to awaken from his sleep.

 

 

Tells His beautiful blonde lady assistant to assist The Architect when he awakes. In the mean while, DS tells the Lady assistant to not to do anything kinky nor disloyal with dear old The Architect.

[Sega_Shaman]

*Sega_Shaman, noticing the newcomer has skills in magic, he waves and asks,*

 

"Can I get some help? I'm a little stuck at the moment."

 

*at which point his lower body runs past DeathScepter.*

[thepixiesrock]

It's a good thing this topic was moved. Now it will get minimum exposure!

[Walsingham]

Walsingham's immaculate monocle is in danger of being occluded by dust! He parries! He fumbles, and for an unknown reason falls out the window.

[thepixiesrock]

For me there is no one but you!

[Kor Qel Droma]

Kor casts 'too lazy to move off of couch' , fails his saving throw and goes back to sleep