Jokes

[Magena]

I just found this, and thought it was great enough to share..... so even though Christmas is over, it does still fit, because... well, because of the gaming industry.

 

 

The Grinch That Stole OOP

 

 

Every Coder in Codeville liked objects a lot.

"Tested," "Reusable,' that's what was hot.

But the Grinch of Reality sulked in his cave,

Saying, "Hear them all talk of the time that they'll save!"

 

The Grinch hated Coders, and liked them to sweat.

He thought, "I can make them unhappy, I'll bet!"

He read through 12 texts, then looked up with a grin:

"Why, this is as good as original sin!"

 

He read with a chortle, "An object or class,

Is like a black box hiding all that it has.

Its details invisible: All that you know

Is what should go in and what answers will show."

 

He slunk to the West Coast and into a lab,

Where chip engineers were at work at their fab.

He heard their boss saying, "Forget testing tricks:

This one is the same as a 486!"

 

His chance had now come. From their math microcode,

He struck out one line as it went to download.

And the Grinch watched with barely containable glee

As the chips with their bugs shipped across land and sea.

 

And each of those chips went to some happy buyer,

Where some just played games, but most were for hire,

Sending up spacecraft or buying up stocks,

Or predicting the timing of quake aftershocks.

 

Then the bug story broke! And the Grinch was alarmed.

This news came too early! Too few had been harmed!

But the Grinch soon calmed down, as the months marched on by,

And the chip-making people continued to lie.

 

"We fixed it!" they said, and now that was quite funny:

You couldn't get fixed chips for love or for money.

"It's really no problem," they added in chorus.

"The errors are rare. Stop whining, you bore us."

 

So everywhere, Coders were having to ask,

"Just how does this chip do its float-divide task?"

Internals that they had been told to ignore,

Now had to be studied in blood and in gore.

 

The leading bit patterns whose answers were wrong,

And whether the errors were carried along,

All had to be thoroughly well understood

So the Coders could know if their answers were good.

 

And the Grinch went off happy. He knew that they'd learned

That quality output still had to be earned.

Beyond "Merry Christmas," they'd learned something greater:

"If you don't test it now, you'll just debug it later."

[Judge Hades]

Very clever. I like it.

[Meshugger]

Hehe :D

[Krookie]

Knock, Knock.

[LadyCrimson]

lol, good one...creative too.

[Gfted1]

International Rules of Manhood!

 

 

 

 

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

 

It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

1. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

2. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

3. After wrecking your boss' car.

4. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

5. When she is using her teeth.

 

Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

 

Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

 

If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

 

Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complaining is allowed if the temperature is unsuitable.

 

No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

 

On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

 

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

 

You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

 

It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.

 

Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

 

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

 

Friends don't let friends wear Speedos, ever. Issue closed.

 

If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

 

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

 

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

 

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

 

If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

 

Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

 

Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

1. Yeah, Baby, Push it!

2. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

3. Another set and we can hit the showers!

 

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

 

Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

 

The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

 

It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

 

Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

 

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

 

There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics, ever.

[kirottu]

The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I

[Judge Hades]

Oh it doesn't take a genius for this. If your girlfriend or wife has pierced ears, its diamond earrings. If not, but likes jewelly then it is a necklace. If your girlfriend or wife likes to indulge herself in the tub then various bathwater fragrances and lotions would do the trick. If your girlfriend or wife is a PnP gamer, get one of those uber rare gaming books like a mint conition 1st Edition Advance Dungeons and Dragons Player's handbook. It just a matter of being observant.

 

If that fails you just ask one of her friends and she will most definitely tell you, among other things.

Edited January 5, 2006 by Judge Hades

[Krookie]

Oh it doesn't take a genius for this.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Wasn't it you who said you hadn't had a women in 14 years? "

[kirottu]

Now that was a ZINGer if there

Edited January 5, 2006 by kirottu

[Surreptishus]

I think hades may be turning into a woman

[Bokishi]

So, why did the chicken cross the road?

[Surreptishus]

So one night Superman is flying in the city looking out for bad stuff when all of a sudden he spots Wonder Woman totally naked on a rooftop laying down with her legs spread wide. Supes thinks to himself:

 

"I'll have a bit of that!"

 

So with the quickest of super speed he flies down and has his wicked way with Wonder Woman and then flies off again all in the blink of an eye.

 

"WTF was that?!?!" exclaimed Wonder Woman, alarmed at the sudden rush of wind and movement.

 

"Hell if I know, but all of a sudden my ass is killing me!" replied the Invisible Man.

[Judge Hades]

[Judge Hades]

Wasn't it you who said you hadn't had a women in 14 years?  "

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

By choice if you must know.

[Lucius]

So one night Superman is flying in the city looking out for bad stuff when all of a sudden he spots Wonder Woman totally naked on a rooftop laying down with her legs spread wide. Supes thinks to himself:

 

"I'll have a bit of that!"

 

So with the quickest of super speed he flies down and has his wicked way with  Wonder Woman and then flies off again all in the blink of an eye.

 

"WTF was that?!?!" exclaimed Wonder Woman, alarmed at the sudden rush of wind and movement.

 

"Hell if I know, but all of a sudden my ass is killing me!" replied the Invisible Man.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ooooooh and you call us 'poofs'. :D It took me about 5 seconds after reading it to understand what had happened here, but LOOL.

Edited January 5, 2006 by Lucius

[Pidesco]

Wasn't it you who said you hadn't had a women in 14 years?  :-"

 

By choice if you must know.

 

Why??

 

If you don't mind me asking that is.

[Judge Hades]

What can I say except that I am a one woman guy.

Edited January 5, 2006 by Judge Hades

[Pidesco]

What can I say except that I am a one woman guy.

 

I have to say I'm impressed with your dedication. !4 years is a long time.

 

 

 

 

And to stay on topic:

 

Who da man?

 

Yoda, man!

[Commissar]

So a father, a mother, their son, their daughter, and their dog walk into a talent agency...

[Child of Flame]

...and the dad tells the talent agent "I've got this killer family act."...

[kirottu]

Um, let

[Child of Flame]

You know ya wanna.

[Commissar]

...and the talent agent says, "I don't usually handle family acts, they're too tame..."

[Child of Flame]

...and the father says "C'mon man, I've pitched our act to every other agency in this dang town and we can't seem to get a gig. This is our last chance, we don't even have any money to pay the bills at the end of the month!"...