now reddit follow into the age verification nonsense

have no way to do much online

it is really exhausting how internet keep getting worse in the past few year

Edited July 17Jul 17 by uuuhhii

@uuuhhii just change www.reddit.com to old.reddit.com and it will allow you to skip the verification. Unless they added something new...

38 minutes ago, Sarex said:

@uuuhhii just change www.reddit.com to old.reddit.com and it will allow you to skip the verification. Unless they added something new...

actually struggle to using old reddit about half year ago

have to use regular reddit with ui set to old

not sure if that work

Old thread:

In Estonia for 3 and a half weeks.

Dealing with a whole heap of work, and a bizarrely long running heatwave in the UK. Also, still dealing with the house hunt post dealing with my father's estate. Not sure when I last dropped an update on my life in general here 🧐

So I've been living out of a rented room about 9'x8' with a bed, my desktop PC, a wardrobe, and about two weeks worth of clothing since end of March with alllll of my stuff in the storage unit.

Started the process on purchasing my first home, but the surveyor's report flagged a whole heap of "possible serious" issues, so I've been having to get the various specialists to look at it, confirm what is or isn't an issue and how much it'll cost to sort. So that's been the last 4-6 weeks, and now I'm getting the nudges from the estate agents that the sellers are getting antsy and want me to get my solicitors to start signing paperwork. I'm pushing back with the "No, not until I know it's financially viable for me because I don't have the budget or mental energy to deal with a fixer upper". So we'll see where it all breaks out.

7 minutes ago, ShadySands said:

In Estonia for 3 and a half weeks.

Living dangerously.

Sister went to Riga to attend the Pitbull concert, kept giving her updates on the front. The concert got cancelled and now she is stuck there sightseeing Riga, they said the stage couldn't be secured in time whatever that meant...

@Raithe good luck. When I was looking for a place I looked at dumps with a good layout, figured I would renovate it either way so why pay extra.

I had a really stupid idea and fed a part of my old MSN Messenger history to an LLM. I've been going over 20 year old messages I've exchanged with someone I once loved dearly, while listening to Blackmore's Night's cover of Joan Baez' Diamonds and Rust on repeat. The chat history is excessively personal at times and clocks in at almost a million words. We've basically written a short novel every other month back then.

Not a particularily healthy place to be. Can't sleep. Stupid song is incredibly fitting, she was always really good with words, although that's an understatement. Brilliant, more like. Brilliant in more than one way though: eloquent, highly intelligent and empathetic. And, at times, cruel and manipulative. Turned everything into a joke. Especially the darkest of things.

Given the time and intensity, you start developing your own compressed language and set of references. Like this:

“All the feelings were in the right places. I noticed them. =)”
“And they weren’t.”
“It’s very odd.”

That was almost 19 years ago. I still know why she wrote that, what happened that day, and what exactly she meant. Linguistically, that's incredibly precise, painting the perfect picture with words.

Edited Thursday at 12:16 AM3 days by majestic
edited in a quote that's not entirely problematic

Hour and a half bridge replacement session at the dentist this morning. My jaw still aches. At least the weather is nice.

15 hours ago, Sarex said:

Living dangerously.

I fully expect all of you to avenge me

Summer is almost over. This month has been a lot of training. A couple weeks ago we went to Sacramento and previewed the course for the race. We swam about a mile of the Sacramento river and then did a 58 mile loop on the bike course. The swim was a blast, it was super fast with the current and only took 30 minutes. The river is kinda gross. I'm used to the ocean, so swimming in something that isn't salty is weird and it was pretty warm. There was a lot of logs and debris to avoid, but it might be cleaned up a bit at the actual race.

The bike was super flat. I've never really ridden that flat of a course. I'm surrounded by hills where I live, so you are pretty much climbing every timer you ride. I'm feeling good about race day knowing that I should be able to fly on the bike.

Strava says I've trained 40 hours this month. That seems reasonable. 12 weeks until raceday.

18 hours ago, ShadySands said:

In Estonia for 3 and a half weeks.

Are you planning to visit the observation deck of the Tallinn TV Tower?

Id probably poo myself up there.

Got a new iron, Rowenta as before, but the newer one is so cheap and light.

8 hours ago, Gfted1 said:

Are you planning to visit the observation deck of the Tallinn TV Tower?

Id probably poo myself up there.

This is honestly the first I've ever heard of it but now I want to do it because I am terrified of heights and like faces my fears head on because I'm an idiot.

Drive, cheap hotel, poor sleep. Hubby in surgery. Maybe couple hours. Sitting in parking lot wondering if Im going yo nap or find a snack.

Hopefully drive home tomorrow.

I hope he has a good outcome.

Yeah, hopefully everything will work out. Fingers crossed.

have internet problem again

at least cable didn't snap this time

really should be able to handle these kind of stuff better after so many incident

still couldn't

Feeling a lot better now. I've realized that I was wrong about so many things, and letting go of 20 year old rage, guilt and resentments is pretty freeing. I'm not okay by any means, and it'll take me a long, long time to properly process ripping the band-aid off of ages old emotional and very deep wounds, but at least it looks like they can begin to heal. Properly, this time. Turns out this wasn't the giant mistake I thought it was, but like so many things, a blessing in disguise.

And to make sure everyone realizes that I'm still me: also turns out that I significantly overestimated the timeframe. 91% of the million words we've exchanged were in two years, and the rest in a handful of larger spurts over less than three months of the third year. So that's basically a shorter novel's worth every month, not every other month. In Gen Z terms: basically the entire length of all the Harry Potter novels combined, written in 27 months - in both of our spare time. Not like you could chat on your phone back then. You had to sit on these things called computers and see if the other person was actually sitting at theirs too. I know, I know, that's wild. Old people things. Except we were young back then, and the internet was a better place. :yes:

So, minor correction on the productivity and time invested. I also suffer from the detrimental effects of insomnia so bad that I barely slept in three days, but that'll go away eventually. :p

Hey, at least you experienced that kind of affection. I would say it's worth it, but then again I'm not qualified.

Has the anti-bot check gotten worse for you folks or is it just me? Feels like it's the worst it's been.

16 minutes ago, Sarex said:

Hey, at least you experienced that kind of affection. I would say it's worth it, but then again I'm not qualified.

It was worth it. So much so that I, with some confidence, can say: without that connection, I would likely not have made as much of my life as I did. It was a transformative experience, the value of which I cannot properly convey in public. Aaaaaaaand a lot of her way with words and English rubbed off on me. It is visible in the posts, but only if you know the contrast to how and what I wrote about before, none of which is still around. All the forums dying was the main reason we switched to using an instant messenger in the first place.

Edited 17 hours ago17 hr by majestic

1 hour ago, majestic said:

It was worth it. So much so that I, with some confidence, can say: without that connection, I would likely not have made as much of my life as I did. It was a transformative experience, the value of which I cannot properly convey in public. Aaaaaaaand a lot of her way with words and English rubbed off on me. It is visible in the posts, but only if you know the contrast to how and what I wrote about before, none of which is still around. All the forums dying was the main reason we switched to using an instant messenger in the first place.

Makes me envious tbh, I never had that connection with anyone, I kind of went in to a relationship just to be in one and looking back that was a mistake. It wasn't fair to the other person and it kind of put me off from being in one after it.

I matured very late mentally, so socially I was always a few years behind my peers and I understood that much latter in life. I always had trouble adapting and never understood when someone was interested in me. Even for that first relationship someone had to spell it out for me and push me towards it.

What I'm trying to say is that I never met that someone who would elicit a change in me and that seems like it would be nice. Then again I am not unhappy in life, but I guess the fear is that later on I would be...

29 minutes ago, Sarex said:

Makes me envious tbh, I never had that connection with anyone, I kind of went in to a relationship just to be in one and looking back that was a mistake. It wasn't fair to the other person and it kind of put me off from being in one after it.

I matured very late mentally, so socially I was always a few years behind my peers and I understood that much latter in life. I always had trouble adapting and never understood when someone was interested in me. Even for that first relationship someone had to spell it out for me and push me towards it.

What I'm trying to say is that I never met that someone who would elicit a change in me and that seems like it would be nice. Then again I am not unhappy in life, but I guess the fear is that later on I would be...

The first thing you probably need to understand is that we were both broken and damaged at that point in our lives. Now, unless that applies to you too, you probably should not be envious of a connection that was both incredibly loving and nurturing as well as destructive and cruel. I know I said she could be mercurial, but I wasn't above testing our bond either, at times (it is so easy to guilt trip people when you know what strings to pull and which buttons to press). You'd also need the patience of an angel. You know, like me, but that's because I'm awesome. :p

That said, one thing you need to keep in mind is that you cannot force connections. You can also very safely ignore self-help comments like love yourself, otherwise you cannot love. That is utterly poitnless drivel, one can love someone else to the point of sacrificial self-abandonment while thoroughly hating oneself. I am living proof of that, therefore simple logic dictates that it cannot be true. What is true, though, is that self-hate makes it hard to accept love, and being loved the way you are. At worst, it makes you interesting for people with a savior complex who see you as their project to fix. Now, it's not impossible for that to lead to lasting, stable and deep connections, it is a potential minefield to navigate and can end badly if you're not very careful.

The other thing is, well, you do have time, and if you are not unhappy and do not feel any psychological strain, then there's no need to change things, and no need to let society dictate how you should live your life. I'm saying that because I know that culturally, that is still much worse in the Balkans than it is in the western world. I know a couple of people through my wife who actually had their parents set them up with someone to marry and have children with just to fulfill societal and cultural expectations. Honestly? Don't do that. That's terrible. It can work, but more often than not it just leads to affairs and a divorce with kids being hurt, or being miserable all the time for the sake of the children. If you think having a relationship just to try how it is to have one is unfair, imagine how keeping up appearances for decades might be.

Lastly, if you find that you consistently have problems reading people, then you might want to really look for help. There's nothing wrong with getting a psych-eval. I had one forced on me at the age of six. It did not actually do much good in terms of finding a diagnosis (well, but it did prevent the school system from lumping me in with the other retards and downies, zing, now if you can't take that statement and get all offended, then kindly go f*ck yourself - not talking to @Sarex here), but we have come a long way since the late 80ies. You're not guaranteed to find someone else with over two years worth of time to work through your issues, locked into a constant intellectual and emotional back and forth.

5 hours ago, majestic said:

The first thing you probably need to understand is that we were both broken and damaged at that point in our lives. Now, unless that applies to you too, you probably should not be envious of a connection that was both incredibly loving and nurturing as well as destructive and cruel. I know I said she could be mercurial, but I wasn't above testing our bond either, at times (it is so easy to guilt trip people when you know what strings to pull and which buttons to press). You'd also need the patience of an angel. You know, like me, but that's because I'm awesome. :p

That said, one thing you need to keep in mind is that you cannot force connections. You can also very safely ignore self-help comments like love yourself, otherwise you cannot love. That is utterly poitnless drivel, one can love someone else to the point of sacrificial self-abandonment while thoroughly hating oneself. I am living proof of that, therefore simple logic dictates that it cannot be true. What is true, though, is that self-hate makes it hard to accept love, and being loved the way you are. At worst, it makes you interesting for people with a savior complex who see you as their project to fix. Now, it's not impossible for that to lead to lasting, stable and deep connections, it is a potential minefield to navigate and can end badly if you're not very careful.

The other thing is, well, you do have time, and if you are not unhappy and do not feel any psychological strain, then there's no need to change things, and no need to let society dictate how you should live your life. I'm saying that because I know that culturally, that is still much worse in the Balkans than it is in the western world. I know a couple of people through my wife who actually had their parents set them up with someone to marry and have children with just to fulfill societal and cultural expectations. Honestly? Don't do that. That's terrible. It can work, but more often than not it just leads to affairs and a divorce with kids being hurt, or being miserable all the time for the sake of the children. If you think having a relationship just to try how it is to have one is unfair, imagine how keeping up appearances for decades might be.

Lastly, if you find that you consistently have problems reading people, then you might want to really look for help. There's nothing wrong with getting a psych-eval. I had one forced on me at the age of six. It did not actually do much good in terms of finding a diagnosis (well, but it did prevent the school system from lumping me in with the other retards and downies, zing, now if you can't take that statement and get all offended, then kindly go f*ck yourself - not talking to @Sarex here), but we have come a long way since the late 80ies. You're not guaranteed to find someone else with over two years worth of time to work through your issues, locked into a constant intellectual and emotional back and forth.

I've learned to accept myself. Some things I'm good at and some things I'm bad at. The social aspect of life is not my forte, but I never let that stop me. It's just that I kind of find it exhausting. It's always fun when I'm there, but it always hard especially when your brain starts to analyze everything after.

Relationships need work and I do not put in the effort. I always hope to find someone who will either make it feel like it's not work, or at least someone who will make it easy to put in the work.

End of the day I need to start looking, if for nothing else but to see that there is nothing out there for me. I've seen enough bad examples where people make a family just for the sake of it, to not make the same mistake myself.

2 hours ago, Sarex said:

I've learned to accept myself. Some things I'm good at and some things I'm bad at. The social aspect of life is not my forte, but I never let that stop me. It's just that I kind of find it exhausting. It's always fun when I'm there, but it always hard especially when your brain starts to analyze everything after.

It is also hard if you have to analyze people actively, instead of intuitively knowing body language and the subtleties of verbal communication. That takes a lot of effort, really, and it will only get harder with age. You really should examine yourself and answer these questions: is ist actually hard to make the effort to attend social gatherings, is it actually exhausting to be there, or is it really just exhausting to agonize over what has happened and what you have missed?

From that answer, you can begin to deduce a number of things. You aren't very likely to be able to solve the first two just by accepting yourself. That much I can tell you from experience. If it is just the latter, then you really need to follow the advice I gave her a long time ago: feel a little more, think a little less. :)

3 hours ago, Sarex said:

Relationships need work and I do not put in the effort. I always hope to find someone who will either make it feel like it's not work, or at least someone who will make it easy to put in the work.

End of the day I need to start looking, if for nothing else but to see that there is nothing out there for me. I've seen enough bad examples where people make a family just for the sake of it, to not make the same mistake myself.

I'll give you two models to work with here. Or maybe three, depending on your point of view. First is going all nerd-metaphysical and quoting Stargate: If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago.

Second is what she would do, assuming for a moment that she would care enough. She'd say something like: Look for someone if you want someone. Don't look for nobody just so you can congratulate yourself when you find them, doofus. :P and then proceed to bat you over the head with a mallet and kick you when you're down, because you're combining a foregone conclusion with the idea that someone can do all the emotional work for you. Reality doesn't smell of sunshine dust, dear.

Third, well, the more explicit telling: if you already expect to find no one, then you will not. However, you're not going to find anyone that will make putting in the effort not feel like putting in the effort. You can find someone who makes you feel that it is worth putting in the effort, yes? That is not the same as finding someone who makes it easy to put in the effort. If that is actually the block, then you need to identify and remove it - and that is also something you really need to put your back into. Because, in the end, at the moment you simply don't have anyone to hit you over the head with a mallet, or else someone who is patient enough to tell you what you already know, for like, the seventh time.

I realize half of that makes no sense without context. I'm sorry. But not really. :P It's been a wild three days now.

Edited 5 hours ago5 hr by majestic