Story concept and battle imagery: 8
Writing, grammatical flow and emotional impact: 4.5
I mean absolutely no offense, but the flow of the sentences/paragraphs feels too staccato and abrupt, which isn't my thing. It's too much sterile description of only the action and not enough of the characters emotional/thought reactions or involvement, if that makes sense, leaving me with little to draw me to the character/s. In terms of flow, if I may make a suggestion: I find reading my stuff out loud, like you're reading a speech for a class, helps me find spots that may feel too jarring.
Of course, that's just my own preferences and opinion - figuring out your own voice is the most important thing. Keep at it and you may have something here.