Romantic drivel

[Hurlshort]

After children, pron replaces sex.

[taks]

it's easier that way. no arguing, no let downs, nearly always a satisfactory result. yup, replaces.

 

oh, in typical mathematical formulations capital letters represent matrices, and matrix multiplication commutes only when the two (or three as in this case) matrices are a) diagonal and b) of the same dimension.

 

taks

[taks]

After children, pron replaces sex.

well, pr0n leads to sex without a partner, most often, hehe.

 

taks

[Gorth]

Just a friendly reminder that those very same young ones frequent these forums and possibly even this very thread

[Dark_Raven]

why women love friend zoneing?

 

Its a nice way for them to say the prospective male didnt make the cut.

LOLZ!

 

We can be friends ok?

[Musopticon?]

My delicate psyche is assaulted by dreadfully lurid mental images!

 

 

Uhm, on relationships, I have managed to find a very compatible partner. Met her just about a year ago at a student party, we were both English Philology freshmen, she didn't mind me being a rude bastard and seemed to be almost too knowledgeable on all the nerdy jokes a crowd of drunken Finnish humanists tends to throw around and was easy on the eye, which is perhaps a rare attribute in all the females that understand why calling football "futaus" is darn funny. So, we shared enough similarities to bother talking. I met her several times during the autumn and early winter, usually at parties or student happenings. She had dug my msn from the depths of the internet and we were beginning to get very familiar.

 

Long story short, roaring Christmas party with the English language club(which is perhaps the smallest of the 5 language student clubs in Tampere uni, funny that), everyone was in high spirits and she all but dragged me home. Next morning was awkward for the 10 seconds it took for me to realize where I was. After that, well, the coffee was pretty darn nice.

 

Funny thing, the lovey-dovey of a steady relationship is not what makes me feel we complement each other. Everyone has that at some point, it's the Relationship Chemistry 101. Rather, we have fought pretty fiercely considering how new the relationship is and I can say with quite the certainty that I respect her more and more with each passing day. It wasn't love at first sight, but rather slowly getting to know each other, working through what made things click for both of us. Getting to look at the uncertainty, hates and fears in your other self. She slowly grew on me, which was something I never expected. Hard to explain, really.

 

If it had been the other way, a rush of excited coupling and blind love, using the other to fill some carnal and empathic need everyone has, I don't think we would have lasted even this far.

 

Uh, so there.

Edited August 29, 2008 by Musopticon?

[qt3.14159]

why women love friend zoneing?

 

Its a nice way for them to say the prospective male didnt make the cut.

 

I'd say it's more of a, "I'm gonna keep you around to stroke my ego and if I get *really* desperate, I'll make you take me to a movie." sorta thing. Otherwise, why stay friends with someone who has a thing for you? If you're not interested at all it just gets irritating.

[Laozi]

Yeah, never be friends with a girl unless she had a boyfriend

[Walsingham]

why women love friend zoneing?

 

Its a nice way for them to say the prospective male didnt make the cut.

 

I'd say it's more of a, "I'm gonna keep you around to stroke my ego and if I get *really* desperate, I'll make you take me to a movie." sorta thing. Otherwise, why stay friends with someone who has a thing for you? If you're not interested at all it just gets irritating.

 

ROFL. That's the most perfect summary ever. It makes great sense, really, when you think about it.

[Checkpoint]

I am at a point in life where love, romance and passion are central issues. Me and my ex-girlfriend broke up about two months ago; it was a mutual decision but on my initiative, and she would have preferred to try to repair it at the time but felt that I had other plans for my future. Six weeks later I had come to the conclusion that I felt like I'd lost a limb and really loved her truly, madly, deeply, but she was completely detached and uninterested, and had started dating someone else. Most of you will now think "REBOUND," but trust me, this girl is different.

 

As it later turned out, she and this new fellow agreed on their first date the week after we broke up, so naturally I feel disintegrated, replaceable and incredibly hurt. But I guess this kind of thing happens and she claims that normally she always has a period of being single before starting something new. However, she started seeing me just as quickly after her previous boyfriend as well and something about the whole situation just started smelling really rotten. A few days passed and I met one of her friends at a small music festival. He also happens to be her ex-boyfriend from a number of years back and knows her really well.

 

So he told me he hadn't had any contact with her since we broke, nor did he want to, so he didn't know about her finding someone new. But he was very unsurprised and informed me that this is what happens basically every time with her and that if she tells me otherwise she's flat-out lying. And then he ran through my whole relationship with her without actually talking directly about MY relationship, but his own and what he has observed since. It was as though he was reading my thoughts.

 

Basically what happens is that she has this dream of a life-long love and children and all that jazz, and she knows perfectly well that the initial passion will start fading away after about a year. So basically she has this really specific picture in her head of what the relationship is supposed to look like once the passion starts wearing off, and it's basically impossible to live up to all that (and I'm not the most romantic fellow in the world, and this was also my first real relationship so I didn't really know what was required of me) for any guy. Then she tries to repair everything, but rather for her own sake and her own dream of something life-long.

 

Then that doesn't work and the relationship inevitably ends, because at the same she has this attitude and starts manipulating you and make you feel guilty about the whole thing so you start getting really tired of her too. She even admitted to this problem herself, but rather than saying that she needs to work on this, she tells me she wants someone who can handle it! So you break up, and then enters a normal state of shock for both which lasts around a week. Me, I start digesting at that point, while she starts looking forward. Suddenly I'm a lost passion left behind and she very easily falls in love again. Passion fools her, because once it wears off she walks into the same trap due to her complete inability to adapt to her boyfriend while fully expecting him to adapt to her.

 

I don't have time to continue this wonderfully interesting rant right now, but I think I got some of it off my chest.

[alanschu]

Sounds like you dodged a bullet then Checkpoint.

[Checkpoint]

Yes. I still love her, but I realise that time will heal my wounds, and by the time that happens I guess that's exactly what I'll be thinking. Right about now I just can't get over her, though.

[alanschu]

Fair enough. I know what it's like.

[LadyCrimson]

I'm a female, and I believe there's no such thing as "romance". Not in the...to coin a phrase...romanticized media way that many (especially relationship-inexperienced) people seem to think of as "how a relationship should be." This romanticizing of relationships is, imo, one reason why people give up on relationships far too early.

 

I don't mean to say relationships can't be romantic, in that when you look at your spouse you feel all squishy inside because of how wonderful you think they are...that sort of emotional "high" people tend to associate with romance etc. Just that imo relationships don't come about because of "true romance" - "true romance" comes about because of the relationship, if that makes sense. Relationship-romance is not the same as the initial tee-hee magnetism of early attraction/courting.

 

I remember having a discussion once with someone who's marriage was falling apart. He kept focusing on how he bought new cozy living room furniture and was trying to romance his wife/make her feel wanted/loved by creating a "romantic, cozy" environment w/the flowers, candy, candle light dinners, baths, massages, and all that. It wasn't working, and I couldn't seem to get across to him that those things were (in his case at least) not the reasons for the relationship falling apart. He had a defined idea of what romance was and couldn't step outside of that box.

 

No one is going to respond to such surface and supposedly "romantic" overtures if the intellectual/emotional connection isn't established - and the greatest mistake people make is in thinking such connections can be established in 6 months and then you never have to think about it again.

 

People change...interests, jobs, priorities and activities...you have to keep reestablishing the emotional and intellectual connection somehow, as life moves forward, in whatever way that works in your relationship. Course, sometimes it just won't work out, but if you succeed, the "romance" will still be there 50 years later. So I guess what I'm saying is that I believe a long-term relationship does not spell out no-romance, as long as your idea of romance is realistic and not based on fantasy or only physical attraction.

Edited August 30, 2008 by LadyCrimson

[I want teh kotor 3]

I'm too lazy to type out a full response (avoinding the expenditure of ATP is one of my main goals ) , but I'll say that, again, emotions- chemicals= words. You people are blowing this **** way out of proportion.

[Rosbjerg]

Yes. I still love her, but I realise that time will heal my wounds, and by the time that happens I guess that's exactly what I'll be thinking. Right about now I just can't get over her, though.

 

Oh I know the type - I met a girl like that about 6 years ago - and she, like your ex, had just come out of relationship.

 

It's the "in love with being in love" girl. It's just as common as the "I can't commit right now - but I really like hanging out with you" guy.

 

Both suffer from the same fundenmental problem - They are not willing to comprise their given take on love (I'm looking for someone who can handle ALL of me - I just haven't met the right boy/girl yet etc.) because when you get down to it, they are control freaks. If they aren't able to "handle" the situation excatly like they want, they'll feel really vunerable and uncomfortable. You can compare it to comfort-junkies. Place them in a situation they have no control over and they'll freak out.

 

But even more so, it's like bad junkies - who ends up getting addicted to being addicted, they fix ceases to be what they are chasing, it's far beyond that - instead they become addicted to the rush associated with getting the rush. And then the bad cycle hits in. They can't cure they're need for drugs, because that's no longer their only addiction. Just like the "in love with being in love" girl and "I can't commit right now" guy, are more concerned with the whole situation than the actual person they are getting their love-fix from.

[Walsingham]

I'm too lazy to type out a full response (avoinding the expenditure of ATP is one of my main goals ) , but I'll say that, again, emotions- chemicals= words. You people are blowing this **** way out of proportion.

 

 

And I still say this angle is ultimately pointless. The whole expanse of human existence is just protons, electrons etc. Saying so is like telling the same thing to a man whose house is on fire. Except that's a pretty fixed set of chemical reactions, and chemistry might actually help. Which is my point, when something is THIS COMPLEX a chemical problem it transcends mere chemistry. To put it another way, trying to use chemistry as the answer is like telling the average man in the street to drive in realtime, using binary.

 

I agree that Checkpoint sounds as if he dodged a bullet. However, I'm a believer in the notion that if it feels like a situation sucks it probably does on at least some level. I'd suggest you're hacked off because at some stage she has to grow up, and when she does she'll be pretty cool. But you won't be there. The good news, as I finallly worked out a couple of years ago, is that all the things you liked about her... other women have them too. Whether its eyes, a passion for hockey, you name it. And what's best of all is that those other women will have unique new traits to make up for any you miss. Like the ability to mix really good drinks, or DJ, or cure cancer.

 

And now _I_ feel better. I'd almost forgotten that.

[samm]

Thanks Walsingham, now I must not bother with the chemical guy "oh look, nice weather!" "bah, it's just some electrical signals transmitted from this cluster of chemical components that are constituting your eye to the cluster of chemical components that your brain consists of via a cluster of chemicals that are your nerves, that are causing chemicals to be emitted that cause chemicals to cause chemicals to cause the chemicals your mouth consists of to produce sound waves by modifying the air exhaled by contracting your lung which consists of chemicals and whose contraction is caused by chemicals emitted by that cluster of chemicals that is your brain that..."

Anyway. I now don't have to write this conversation to the end, because you did it in a far more efficient way. Thanks again

Edited August 30, 2008 by samm

[Xard]

I'm too lazy to type out a full response (avoinding the expenditure of ATP is one of my main goals ) , but I'll say that, again, emotions- chemicals= words. You people are blowing this **** way out of proportion.

 

I could copy paste my answers earlier on but I prefer this:

 

L0L

[Hurlshort]

I'm too lazy to type out a full response (avoinding the expenditure of ATP is one of my main goals ) , but I'll say that, again, emotions- chemicals= words. You people are blowing this **** way out of proportion.

 

I think I mentioned earlier that anyone with this belief is clearly under 25.

 

Or a virgin.

[Checkpoint]

Yes. I still love her, but I realise that time will heal my wounds, and by the time that happens I guess that's exactly what I'll be thinking. Right about now I just can't get over her, though.

 

Oh I know the type - I met a girl like that about 6 years ago - and she, like your ex, had just come out of relationship.

 

It's the "in love with being in love" girl. It's just as common as the "I can't commit right now - but I really like hanging out with you" guy.

 

Both suffer from the same fundenmental problem - They are not willing to comprise their given take on love (I'm looking for someone who can handle ALL of me - I just haven't met the right boy/girl yet etc.) because when you get down to it, they are control freaks. If they aren't able to "handle" the situation excatly like they want, they'll feel really vunerable and uncomfortable. You can compare it to comfort-junkies. Place them in a situation they have no control over and they'll freak out.

 

But even more so, it's like bad junkies - who ends up getting addicted to being addicted, they fix ceases to be what they are chasing, it's far beyond that - instead they become addicted to the rush associated with getting the rush. And then the bad cycle hits in. They can't cure they're need for drugs, because that's no longer their only addiction. Just like the "in love with being in love" girl and "I can't commit right now" guy, are more concerned with the whole situation than the actual person they are getting their love-fix from.

 

Yes, I guess she's the "in love with being in love girl," although she has a very specific idea of how life is supposed to be. It's like when you're having sex and you're so passionate that you're thinking "we're gonna do this ten times tonight," even though you know you'll be quite sleepy when you're done with the first time. I think she's like that with love. She's so passionately in love that she desperately wants to be able to continue everything after the passion inevitably dies, but she just can't maintain it.

 

Me, I'm often the "can't commit right now" guy you also described and I guess that was part of the problem for us as well. But I feel as though even if I were a more experienced and passionate boyfriend I still wouldn't have been able to live up to her standards once the passion wore off. One year ago she wanted kids running circles around us, and now everything between us is just barren.

 

I'm too lazy to type out a full response (avoinding the expenditure of ATP is one of my main goals ) , but I'll say that, again, emotions- chemicals= words. You people are blowing this **** way out of proportion.

 

 

And I still say this angle is ultimately pointless. The whole expanse of human existence is just protons, electrons etc. Saying so is like telling the same thing to a man whose house is on fire. Except that's a pretty fixed set of chemical reactions, and chemistry might actually help. Which is my point, when something is THIS COMPLEX a chemical problem it transcends mere chemistry. To put it another way, trying to use chemistry as the answer is like telling the average man in the street to drive in realtime, using binary.

 

I agree that Checkpoint sounds as if he dodged a bullet. However, I'm a believer in the notion that if it feels like a situation sucks it probably does on at least some level. I'd suggest you're hacked off because at some stage she has to grow up, and when she does she'll be pretty cool. But you won't be there. The good news, as I finallly worked out a couple of years ago, is that all the things you liked about her... other women have them too. Whether its eyes, a passion for hockey, you name it. And what's best of all is that those other women will have unique new traits to make up for any you miss. Like the ability to mix really good drinks, or DJ, or cure cancer.

 

And now _I_ feel better. I'd almost forgotten that.

That's precisely what disturbs me the most.

 

Good feedback people!

[Walsingham]

Glad you liked it, boss!

 

Had a couple more toughts on this topic today. The first was that the difference between romance and love is the diffference between hunting something and eating it.

 

My second thought was that love at times can drive us to be far more than we ever would on our own, and perhaps by so doing it not only serves a real purpose, but emphasises what love is. That is, love reveals something in us that we cannot by ourselves, because the people we love are more than just people. Taken together they can be so much more. Love is the radioactive spider in the corner, waiting to bite.

[DeathScepter]

but what is love? is it just chemical or it is emotion or it is the combination thereof?

 

In my opinion, that love bonds the couple as a survial instinct and thus making a family and thus a community to having humanity being contiuned.

[WITHTEETH]

I think of love as a sort of contract, give and take if you will. But the substance of trade could be anything from dominance to romance. Either way it should be about equal give and take to be a successful relationship with the actions as genuine not fake. A big problem is is that like the world, people and their relationship are always in flux, and so many things can throw it out of balance so we have to try very hard to work together and solve the problems. I was in a relationship for 8 years recently, ended a few months ago. I noticed something after we broke up. That cheesy line "You complete me"? well i believe in a relationship thats lasted awhile the couples definition of themselves are co-dependent on each other, without one the other may be lost and need redefining. After breaking up I trully discovered what optimism was though. Its not fake like the glass is half full, but its finding meaning out of a bad situation. I needed redefining/terribly. Changed my priorities, changed my major and I'm a lot healthier, mentally and physically because of the breakup.

 

Love can drive one far, but suffering can drive one even farther. When one is in a dark place alone they begin to question... they are driven to question it because something has to change or else. I've been there before so this time I was accepting of the place. Nietzsche said something about the Greeks that went along these lines i cant remember exactly. some thing like The Greeks are so beautiful they must have suffered so much to become so. So even the bad has something to learn from... Especially from the bad. Through suffering comes wisdom. It was all worth it though.

[samm]

but what is love? is it just chemical or it is emotion or it is the combination thereof?

 

In my opinion, that love bonds the couple as a survial instinct and thus making a family and thus a community to having humanity being contiuned.

The functional approach doesn't work for love imo. For survival of humanity, f*** around would suffice, but love has too many drawbacks to be regarded as nothing but a necessary foundation of community.

Also, if you view it from your "evolutionary", (sorry, but: pseudo-)scientific angle, why would you differentiate between emotion and chemicals?