Walsingham

So what do I got to do? Fire, stakes, or holy water?

You swines aren't helping with my Guard problem. As an incentive here is a short poem: Long and thin won't fit right in, And irritates the ladies. Short and thick is just the stick For mass-producing babies. I hope I don't get fired for that. It was told me by a peer of the realm so is both legal and constitutional in the UK. Or something.

Oh lawks. I'd better put the orphans back before anyone gets evidence. Curse you, the international media and the internets!

I'd like to put good money on the fact that we'd not be having this debate about Christianity being non-violent after a couple of hours listening to speeches by both Potestants and Catholic extremists in Northern Ireland. You can't tell me the Rev. Ian Paisley is non-violent.

Forgot I was in public there.

I like the Senator's comment. Of course it's nice for elected politicians to be able to speak their minds on any subject. I recall talking to a parliamentary candidate who confessed he had just had an altercation with a gentleman in the street. The course had been along the lines of. Man: We were promised more jobs Cand.: Well *relieved* I think you'll find that unemployment has fallen by around a million during this government. Man: No it hasn't. Cand.: It really has. No-one is contesting those figures much. That's a lot of people. You can't just make that sort of number up. Man: Well... they're not real jobs, are they? Cand: What do you mean 'not real jobs'? They're as real as any of the other ones. Man: You're lying. Cand: Sir, we'll agree to disagree. You think you're right. I think you're an imbecile.

I just laugh uproariously at the notion that a vegan is so holy in other respects that not eating meat has become top of thier list of sins. I know it's sure as hell way down the list of mine. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Sudanese who require orphanicating...

Precisely, as my wifebeating example said. I personally am more 'hungry neutral'.

Oh come on, guys. If we go hire hookers for this caper then we will be travelling with a party of hookers, rather than stinky old wizards. And hookers can swear abuse like Mort the skull.

In my case particularly so, as it is a neuroses that demands I shuffle around in a duvet.

The other other white meat...

I can't link to it. It's revolting. It's part of a riff between two 1960s comedians, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. Peter Cook comes out with it without warning, and Dudley Moore laughs so hard he falls off his chair.

Finger licking t-shirt.

Has anyone done the Peter Cook gag about the dead pope on this topic?

Only if the pen is very large and sharp, and the sword is very small and blunt.

The who what, now? I will try that. I'd like to append a question: how do I play the Imperial Guard and not get pwned?

Maybe the point was "You can't swear on the Q'uran. You're not violent enough to be a Senator."

Vegetarian at party: "You like eating meat? But meat is murder. Murderer." Superme: "If I'm an unrepentant murderer why are you taunting me? What's your next trick? Juggling razors?"

Listen buddy, if I wanted to speak good german I'd go back 60 years and tell my grandfathers not to bother.

The Wolves in the Walls is a surefire win gift for all arty women.

What were we talking about, again?

No. They had the curious nerve to give me the 'it's you, really. I just have a preternatural dislike of being well-treated." I think it all comes down to Marx' principle. No-one woman wants a boyfriend that would have her as a girlfriend.

A berliner as pastry is only called that when said outside Berlin. Hence he was in fact correct, as Berliners don't call berliners Berliners.

They were more elaborate and complimentary, but that was the general gist.

I say we go with Steve's plan. Let's go hire some hookers and get them to help us rob the joint.