I disagree with almost all your points. Hurrah for me!
Seriously though, leaving aside your objection to always playing not German (try finding a game where you can play Britain in an FPS), I would suggest you try (EDIT) Brothers in Arms; Road to Hill 30. Three things make this awesome... four things make this an awesome game... FIVE things:
1. The soldiers swear properly.
2. The Germans don't look evil. They look young and aggressive, but not actually evil. It would of course be better if they looked really really tired.
3. Guns suppress the enemy. Which means when bullets are going off around you, or someone pops round a corner and lets off a machine gun, the target's nerves get rattled. He is disinclined to expose himself to fire at long range, and becomes a worse shot at close range. This leads to realistic fire team tactics, with flanking and room clearance. My particular favourite is the way that, when under fire, your best option is to send off a few clips in the most likely direction even if you can't see anyone, and only then run for cover.
4. Accuracy is a function of two things. First you have aiming accuracy, which is represented by your sights wobbling around with your breathing. This becomes more extreme when you get hurt or have been tearing around. This can be mitigated by good mouse control. Then you have natural ballistic error, which is just gravy. Hitting someone at long range is a hell of a lot more satisfying.
5. Difficulty changes the enemy AI more than it does their health. At low levels, as soon as you open fire the enemy scatter to cover and fire stolidly back. At higher levels they become more... proactive. The first time I upped the difficulty I was merrily trolling through a level, and had scampered up to a wall behind which some Germans were sheltering. I let off a magazine of tommy gun fire over their heads to keep their heads down and reached for my tea. You can imagine what happened to the tea when a stielhandgranat lofted over the wall and landed at my feet!
At higher levels the devious bastards will suppress you as you attack, then, if you are exposing anyone try to work up your flank! This is even more unnerving, but very exhilarating.
SIXTH and final grooviness:
6. Controlling friendly forces is done by holding down the right mouse button and pointing at stuff. If you are point at ground then the selected fire team will go there. If you are pointing at the enemy your fire team will try to suppress them. Simple, intuitive, and effective.
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Buy this game. Then help me make a mod for the British at Arnhem.